Punch (31.1856)

32

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

and Mr. Hadpield for once did good service by moving the insertion
of the well-known clause for saving Hampstead Heath from the brick-
layers. Some lawyers followed their instinct and took the unjust side,
but in vain, and Mr. Punch burst into an old Os'ord ditty when he
heard the result of the division: 84 to 42.

' Tingle, tingle, tingle, went the Speaker's bell at nine,
Dinner called many members home,
But none of 'em ran

WHY THE CRAVENS LOST THEIR SUPPER.

When people advertise their proceedings, it is reasonable to suppose
that they do so in order to attract notice and to get themselves talked
about, and a benevolent disposition will endeavour, as far as is con-
sistent with propriety, to promote the wishes of person i thus putting
themselves forward. Mr. Punch recently observed in the papers an
" Advertisement," stating that at the entertainment given by the
Till tTey'd"smashed the plan Marquess or Westminster to the Queen, some people called Craven,

Of the fierce and artful Tom." were absent. There were three or four of them, Mr. Punch forgets

exactly how many, males and females, who it seems did not go, and the
fact was deemed of so much importance that it was notified in the
daily journals.

Now the Marquess gave a splendid party, and its profuse hospi-
talities are still talked about. The Cravess no doubt lost a good
thing. But why was the fact advertised to the world? Who are the
Cravens, that the world should be called upon to take notice that on a
particular evening they did not get a dance and some nipper ? If there
is a party in Great Gorans Street, or Einsbury Circus, and Mrs.
Bobbles, Mr. Frederick. Bobbles, and Miss Malvina Bobbles are
prevented from attending, because the younger children have the
measles, or Malvina's godfather is laid up with tbe mumps, the
distressing circumstance is not set forth in print for the discomposure
of mankind. And what, to mankind in general, are the Cravens more
than tbe Bobbleses ? If the Cravens lost a pleasant party. Lord
Westminster saved their suppers-, and the affair, thus balanced, might
have been silently left to take its place in the infinite chain of
causation.

But, Mr. Punch does not like lightly io accuse people of impertinently
intruding themselves on the world, and he would gladly find some
reasou why we were bothered about the Cravens, and their missing
the party at Lord Westminster's. Now it just occurs to Mr. Punch
that the name of a person called Craven came up the other day in
connection with a case of abominable cruelty to a poor horse. Next,
unless Mr. Punch mistakes, Lord Westminster is, much to his
credit, at the head of the humane Society which deals with such cases,
and which succeeded in inflicting a punishment (trumpery, indeed,
except for the f xposure) in this Craven case. Now, if the Craven of
the horse case be one of the Cravens who did not go to the party, the
matter is more comprehensible. Is it possible that, a very illustrious
Lady indeed had read in Her Punch, and elsewhere, something about
that case ? Is it conceivable that Her ideas upon the subject were
signified to Her intended hostess ? Is it imaginable that an intimation
was conveyed to Craven of the horse-case that his presence was not
essential to the success of the fete ? That his relations took sulk, and
stayed away too ? That this produced the announcement in the
papers ?

If so, although the exact wisdom of calling attention to a case which
shed3 no particular lustre over the name of Craven, may be ques-
tionable, there was a reason for the announcement, and the Cravens
are removed from the category that would comprise the Bobbleses,
did they advertise that they were absent from the Great Coram Street
party. And this important inference Mr. Punch (who would assuredly
not have adverted to the subject but for the challenge given by the

THE BRITISH PUBLIC IN THE PIG-MAKKET.

What an inveterate propensity have nearly all companies, as well as
individuals, whose business it is to accommodate the public, to incom-
mode the public instead of accommodating it, and that by subjecting it
to inconvenience of the most offensive charae'et ! What brutal inat-
tention is recorded in the following paragraph—the conclusion of an
account of the late Review at Woolwich, in the Times;—

" The railway arrangements oa this occasion were o.xecrable. Nothing could be
worse. The trains travelled at a snail's pace, and the exit from the station at Woolwich,
through which many hundreds of people had to pass, was a very small door, which,
being only half opened, afforded an aperture about a foot wide. Great was the dis-
satisfaction of the vast crowd, which, to the ruin of their clothes and tbe no small
injury of their ribs, had to squeeze their way through this narrow passage; but the

officer's reply to all remonstrances was, that if the door were fully opened, no one man -t ■ '

could collect the tickets. That is very possible, but surely the obvious remedy was to \ advertisement) is happy to make manifest, tor the aeiectation or a
have employed two collectors." j universe, trembling with eagerness to know everything that is done by

_ There is something in such usage of the public as this which is the Cbavens- _ _

literally beastly. To pen them up in a drove, and let them squeeze

their way out through a small aperture one at a time, was to treat CONCEIVABLE COLLISIONS.

T.Dem exactly like pigs or sheep; creatures about which the only con-
cern was to count them off, with the mere view of making market of Could the Pope get at Mazzini, or Mazzini at the Pope,
them by the cheapest method. It is not the particular railway in, What would be the Patriot's prospect—what would be the Pontiff's
question that is alone chargeable with this disgusting incivility, which, hope ?

moreover, is not peculiar to railways. The same blackguardly spirit is 1 Could King Bomba catch Lord Lyndhurst, or his lordship Bomba
observable in the rude and inconvenient arrangements for admission,1 reach,

and for what is called accommodation, which disgrace most, of our How do you think they would behave themselves towards the other,
theatres and other places of entertainment. What is remarkable is, each P

that the miserable savings effected by the sordid economy which is at „ , TT , ,, „ ,, , j r x t

the bottom of the churlish and hoggish contempt of public comfort, Had Hapsburg hold of Kossuth, or had Kossuth hold ol

displayed by managers and such like people, amount to a profit as w njhim' , , , . «. i- o

beggarly as the feeling which suggests that niggardly, mean, barbarous, t °™lnot either ■ cliaD(ie 5f comfort, probably, be lather slim f
and insolent neglect. Whereas the opposite style of cor,duct~an Wtae Czar were to catch Schamyl, or if Schamyl caught the Czar,
attentive and hospitable policy—is highly profitable: the handsome, Would not either use the other m a way from pleasant iar

bratSy a? IAra&£tLnt ca\exPect S ^ disc?-mfort tand I If Napoleon could catch Henry, how would Henry Bourbon fare ?

Sedes a^ Wf™ ™™seAd™0^™7 Or if Henry caught Napoleon, him would Bourbon Henry spate ?

^^te&To^8 ^^LASTt^ Ilf K-ClicqootPW, could seize, what doom would Mr. Punch
stars, and divested of their garters, are let in, so many at a time,
through bars and gates, like cattle, to the presence of the Sovereign?

OTRAYED, AN ELEPHANT.—Last week, an Elephant strayed from
™,• f °? ?T narde?-S' Re«ent's Park. The wanderer was last seen near the
precincts of a lady s Crinoline. If the gentlewoman can put her hand upon the animal,
bo that it may be restored to the Secretary, she will be thankfully rewarded.

await i

Or if Punch could nab King Clicquot, what would be King Clicquot's
fate ?

one eor a bore.

What made them smash the Appeals Bill ? Must Punch tell it ?
Natural distaste for aught that's called A. Pellatt.