DOI Heft:
August 2, 1856
DOI Seite / Zitierlink:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16618#0051
August 2, 1853.]
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
43
portrait o-p an officer from tjhlju skat of itah,
CIVIL SERVICE EXAMINATION.
{Continued.)
" Mr. Froissart Jones, grateful to Mr. Punch for his enlightened
patronage, prefers confiding the rest of his Examination Papers to Mr.
Punch's caie, to running the risk of their being purloined or suppressed
by sending them direct to the Commissioners.
" Rhododendron Lodge, July 26."
" Faris vaut bien une messe," was the high-minded reply of William
Rufus to his parasitical courtiers, who sought to persuade the monarch
that the waters of Heme Bay would recede from the beach at the royal
bidding.
Dr. Isaac Watts, the discoverer cf the propelling power of steam,
and author of Pamela, The Busy Bee, and the Rehearsal, was hanged
for a forgery committed on Si a William Davfnant. Madame de
Querouailles, Duchess of Portsmouth, to whom the reverend delin-
quent officiated as almoner, vainly interceded, with Edward the
Sixth for the criminal's pardon. The aged monarch was inexorable.
When his fate was certain and there was no hop?, left, the satirical
nonconformist revenged himself by scrawling these lines on the wall of
his prison:
" Here lies our mutton-eating king,
Whose word no man relies on;
He never said a foolish thing,
He never did a wise one."
Geobge the Second, enraged at the obstinate sesistance of the
low-born burghers of Calais, swore, on capturing the town, to put the
whole of the inhabitants to the sword, but Pair Rosamond obtained
their pardon by claiming it as her only boon for sucking the poison out
of the wound inflicted on the infuriated by Bertram) de
Gourdon. This incident is forcibly described in Ben Jonson's
tragedy of Twelfth Night.
Wat Tyler, Lord Mayor of London, is renowned in history for
slaying Jack. Cade_ at the fight of Tewkesbury. Queen Elizabeth,
to evince her gratitude, conferred on him the following honourable
augmentation of his arms. On a saltire vert, engrailed or, two mullets
wavy, surmounted by a chevron proper, bearing in its beak a garter
with the device " Primus in Pndis"
Alexander the Great bore his defeat at Plat sea with the magna-
nimity of a hero, but when he saw his old friend and fellow-soldier,
Bbutus, pursuing him with a drawn sword, he dropped his own
weapon, bared his breast to the murderer, and with a look and accent
of bitter but pathetic reproach, addressed the traitor in the sorrowful
words " Carpe diem" and fell pierced with wounds at the foot of ]
Pompey's statue.
When George the Third heard of the acquittal of the Seven
Bishops, he sent for Judge Jeffrets, and asked him in a voice of
thunder how he dared let the insolent prelates escape. "Sire,"
answered the benevolent and high-minded Lord Chancellor, "If
your Majesty will but— " " If me no ifs, Sir Knave " shouted the
tyrant, " By St. Paul, I will'not dine till I see thy fool's head lopped
from thy shoulders." A block was in the garden of the Palace, the
pious judge was obliged to lay down his head, and with one blow from
a cook's cleaver, it was severed from his body. To avoid the recur-
rence of such arbitrary acts, the undaunted Commons of England
passed the law of Mortmain, which has since acted as a salutary cbeck
on abuses of Kingly power.
When Frederick the Great wa% on his death-bed, the whole
kingdom resounded with the sob of his sorrowing subjects. To the last
he spoke words of counsel and comfort to his weeping courtiers. Some
of his last sayings are well worthy of recoid. " When I am dead (Lie
told his son, Prince Eugene,) "you will find the name of Calais
engraven on my heart." Then to the Princess Amelia he said,
" Child, when they have cat off my head, they will want to make thee
Queen; but thou must never take the Crown while thy brothers,
Charles and James, are alive." To William Widbebforce, who
was nearly beside himself with grief, he gave his jewelled George,
whispering at the same time, "Remember;" and finally, he desired
that his stepson, the Earl of Warwick, should be sent for, "that ha
might see how a Christian could die."
Samuel Johnson, the great Lexicographe"- and author of Home's
Douglas, was a gallant soldier as well as a kindly critic. In the Bridge-
water Gallery there is a spirited portrait of him by Holbein, dressed
in the Highland garb, with his drawn pibroch in his hand leading on
the clan M'Chattan to the decisive charge at Camperdown.
Perhaps the neatest and wittiest repartee ever spoken was contained i
in the reply given by an old feudal Baron who had refused to follow
Edward the Fifth in one of his expeditions against France. "By 'r i
Lady, Sir Knight (swore the King) thou shalt either go or hang."—
" And by'r Lady, Sir King, (retorted the witty warrior) I will neither |
go nor hang." |
It may be a not uninteresting study for some of our young Candidates
to turn into French or Latin verse the following canzonet by Fit zb all,
THE CHILD OF SONG,
W^hen sky-blue doves roam forth at night
To seek unhallowed prey,
Thro' Coromandel's groves so white
With adamantine spray ;
When Cleopatba's sea-green teeth
Disclose a deed of woe,
And Db. Johnson wears a wreath
Of cypress and the sloe ;
When V'ondicherry turns his gaze
(Hesperian youth !) to high Parnassus ;
And Lindley Murray, crowm d with bay?,
Rides pick-a-back on two jackasses;
Then, fond deceiver, let thy swain
Twine oyster-shells in thy dim tresses,
And die without one pang of pain,
Smotheied in beds of wrater-cresses ;
And shed one tear upon his grave,
And sighing say to all beholders,
" Here lies a youth both coy ai>d brave,
Who loved cod's head and eke its shoulders."
And let his corpse to earth be borne
By Mr. Muntz, Descartes, and Dante,
Schiller, Longfellow, Lord Cremokke,
Washington Irving and Fayanti.
HOMOEOPATHIC GLOBULES. (Fourth Dose.)
Annuitants live the longest. No doubt Old Paer had an annuity ?
The Monthly Nurse's motto is:—Mois et Toi.
"Wine " Doctored " is only medicine in disguise.
The Health, that is preserved in a medicine bottle, generally turn? out " pickles,"
The right, by which a Physician claims the guinea instead of a sovereign, is pro
bably a " prescriptive " right ?
Unhappy house, where the Doctor is hand-and-glove with the kno?ker!
That Physician dies an old man, who lives upon his remedies and yet takes none.
A Title to an honourable physician is " the guinea-stamp " to his reputation.
A Doctor knows the human body as a cabman knows a town—he Is well acquainted
with all the great thoroughfares and small turnings, he is intimate with all tSe prin-
cipal edifices, but lie cannot tell you what is going on inside any one of them.
The Soot and the Pictures,
The only argument for removing the National Gallery to Kensington,
is the necessity of taking the pictures out of the smoke ; which would
be a very good argument if there were not plenty of smoke at Ken-
sington Gore. Would not the better plan be to ,et the pictures
remain where they are, and, by enforcing the consumption of smoke
take the smoke away from the pictures ?
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
43
portrait o-p an officer from tjhlju skat of itah,
CIVIL SERVICE EXAMINATION.
{Continued.)
" Mr. Froissart Jones, grateful to Mr. Punch for his enlightened
patronage, prefers confiding the rest of his Examination Papers to Mr.
Punch's caie, to running the risk of their being purloined or suppressed
by sending them direct to the Commissioners.
" Rhododendron Lodge, July 26."
" Faris vaut bien une messe," was the high-minded reply of William
Rufus to his parasitical courtiers, who sought to persuade the monarch
that the waters of Heme Bay would recede from the beach at the royal
bidding.
Dr. Isaac Watts, the discoverer cf the propelling power of steam,
and author of Pamela, The Busy Bee, and the Rehearsal, was hanged
for a forgery committed on Si a William Davfnant. Madame de
Querouailles, Duchess of Portsmouth, to whom the reverend delin-
quent officiated as almoner, vainly interceded, with Edward the
Sixth for the criminal's pardon. The aged monarch was inexorable.
When his fate was certain and there was no hop?, left, the satirical
nonconformist revenged himself by scrawling these lines on the wall of
his prison:
" Here lies our mutton-eating king,
Whose word no man relies on;
He never said a foolish thing,
He never did a wise one."
Geobge the Second, enraged at the obstinate sesistance of the
low-born burghers of Calais, swore, on capturing the town, to put the
whole of the inhabitants to the sword, but Pair Rosamond obtained
their pardon by claiming it as her only boon for sucking the poison out
of the wound inflicted on the infuriated by Bertram) de
Gourdon. This incident is forcibly described in Ben Jonson's
tragedy of Twelfth Night.
Wat Tyler, Lord Mayor of London, is renowned in history for
slaying Jack. Cade_ at the fight of Tewkesbury. Queen Elizabeth,
to evince her gratitude, conferred on him the following honourable
augmentation of his arms. On a saltire vert, engrailed or, two mullets
wavy, surmounted by a chevron proper, bearing in its beak a garter
with the device " Primus in Pndis"
Alexander the Great bore his defeat at Plat sea with the magna-
nimity of a hero, but when he saw his old friend and fellow-soldier,
Bbutus, pursuing him with a drawn sword, he dropped his own
weapon, bared his breast to the murderer, and with a look and accent
of bitter but pathetic reproach, addressed the traitor in the sorrowful
words " Carpe diem" and fell pierced with wounds at the foot of ]
Pompey's statue.
When George the Third heard of the acquittal of the Seven
Bishops, he sent for Judge Jeffrets, and asked him in a voice of
thunder how he dared let the insolent prelates escape. "Sire,"
answered the benevolent and high-minded Lord Chancellor, "If
your Majesty will but— " " If me no ifs, Sir Knave " shouted the
tyrant, " By St. Paul, I will'not dine till I see thy fool's head lopped
from thy shoulders." A block was in the garden of the Palace, the
pious judge was obliged to lay down his head, and with one blow from
a cook's cleaver, it was severed from his body. To avoid the recur-
rence of such arbitrary acts, the undaunted Commons of England
passed the law of Mortmain, which has since acted as a salutary cbeck
on abuses of Kingly power.
When Frederick the Great wa% on his death-bed, the whole
kingdom resounded with the sob of his sorrowing subjects. To the last
he spoke words of counsel and comfort to his weeping courtiers. Some
of his last sayings are well worthy of recoid. " When I am dead (Lie
told his son, Prince Eugene,) "you will find the name of Calais
engraven on my heart." Then to the Princess Amelia he said,
" Child, when they have cat off my head, they will want to make thee
Queen; but thou must never take the Crown while thy brothers,
Charles and James, are alive." To William Widbebforce, who
was nearly beside himself with grief, he gave his jewelled George,
whispering at the same time, "Remember;" and finally, he desired
that his stepson, the Earl of Warwick, should be sent for, "that ha
might see how a Christian could die."
Samuel Johnson, the great Lexicographe"- and author of Home's
Douglas, was a gallant soldier as well as a kindly critic. In the Bridge-
water Gallery there is a spirited portrait of him by Holbein, dressed
in the Highland garb, with his drawn pibroch in his hand leading on
the clan M'Chattan to the decisive charge at Camperdown.
Perhaps the neatest and wittiest repartee ever spoken was contained i
in the reply given by an old feudal Baron who had refused to follow
Edward the Fifth in one of his expeditions against France. "By 'r i
Lady, Sir Knight (swore the King) thou shalt either go or hang."—
" And by'r Lady, Sir King, (retorted the witty warrior) I will neither |
go nor hang." |
It may be a not uninteresting study for some of our young Candidates
to turn into French or Latin verse the following canzonet by Fit zb all,
THE CHILD OF SONG,
W^hen sky-blue doves roam forth at night
To seek unhallowed prey,
Thro' Coromandel's groves so white
With adamantine spray ;
When Cleopatba's sea-green teeth
Disclose a deed of woe,
And Db. Johnson wears a wreath
Of cypress and the sloe ;
When V'ondicherry turns his gaze
(Hesperian youth !) to high Parnassus ;
And Lindley Murray, crowm d with bay?,
Rides pick-a-back on two jackasses;
Then, fond deceiver, let thy swain
Twine oyster-shells in thy dim tresses,
And die without one pang of pain,
Smotheied in beds of wrater-cresses ;
And shed one tear upon his grave,
And sighing say to all beholders,
" Here lies a youth both coy ai>d brave,
Who loved cod's head and eke its shoulders."
And let his corpse to earth be borne
By Mr. Muntz, Descartes, and Dante,
Schiller, Longfellow, Lord Cremokke,
Washington Irving and Fayanti.
HOMOEOPATHIC GLOBULES. (Fourth Dose.)
Annuitants live the longest. No doubt Old Paer had an annuity ?
The Monthly Nurse's motto is:—Mois et Toi.
"Wine " Doctored " is only medicine in disguise.
The Health, that is preserved in a medicine bottle, generally turn? out " pickles,"
The right, by which a Physician claims the guinea instead of a sovereign, is pro
bably a " prescriptive " right ?
Unhappy house, where the Doctor is hand-and-glove with the kno?ker!
That Physician dies an old man, who lives upon his remedies and yet takes none.
A Title to an honourable physician is " the guinea-stamp " to his reputation.
A Doctor knows the human body as a cabman knows a town—he Is well acquainted
with all the great thoroughfares and small turnings, he is intimate with all tSe prin-
cipal edifices, but lie cannot tell you what is going on inside any one of them.
The Soot and the Pictures,
The only argument for removing the National Gallery to Kensington,
is the necessity of taking the pictures out of the smoke ; which would
be a very good argument if there were not plenty of smoke at Ken-
sington Gore. Would not the better plan be to ,et the pictures
remain where they are, and, by enforcing the consumption of smoke
take the smoke away from the pictures ?