DOI issue:
August 16, 1856
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16618#0071
Aug lst 16 j 1856.]
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
63
THE ''RECORD" CANTING AT RANDOM.
We doubt very much whether we can any longer conscientiously cill
the Record our serious contemporary. That doubt is suggested by the
following passage occurring in one of its leading articles :—
" We are taught to expect the bleating of God on the conduct of our affairs, when we
act in accordance with the divine will; and it almost seems as if Lokd Palmubston
acquired new strength irom the moment when he agreed to put down the Sunday
bauds. The attempt to make Government responsible for the loss of Kars was defeated
by a great majority, and the subsequent attempt to censure Lord Clarendon on
account of the American dispute was defeated by a majority still more overwhelming."
We can conceive a person devoid of all veracity and conscience,
writing in a great, hurry to a set of imbecile fanatics, perpetrating such
stuff and nonsense as the above, but we cannot well conceive any other
person euU'y thereof. The writer suggests that Providence rewarded
ijOKD Palmeeston for having " agreed to put down the Sunday bands,"
with two majorities in the House of Commons. Either Lobd Pal-
THE INCONVENIENCE OE GLORY.
" My dear fellow, Punch,
"I wish you would speak to the young ladies, and, indeed,
the old ones too. What 1 am going to say may seem un gall ant; but,
really, they worry me nearly to death. Talk of ball practice !—I think
perhaps I know what that is : but the polka beats it, especially during
such weather as we have lately had—worse than being under the
hottest fire. One is let in to dance with all of them, and the con-
sequent fatigue makes a fellow almost wish himself in the trenches.
I have often been in the jaws of death, but never felt myself in such
imminent danger of being eaten up as I was the other night, when all
the females present gathered round me, and absolutely devoured me
with their eyes. They follow one in the street; and, by Jove, I think
I shall try Kowland's Kalydor to clear my bronzed complexion; and
wear my medal in my waistcoat pocket, that they may not know what I
am, namely, your obedient servant, half killed with kindness, and
merston's Government was, or was not, responsible for the loss of Kars; expecting to' be very soon smothered with affectionate attention,
either Loud Clarendon was, or was not, censurable on the account . ■ .•
of the American dispute. If a just Providence regulates parliamentary1 United Service Club, August, 1856. t! A Crimean Hero."
affairs, Lobd Palmerston and his Government, including Loud
Clarendon, would have been condemned or acquitted by Parliament
according simply to their deserts of condemnation or acquittal. The
Record, however actually represents Providence as having, perhaps,
biassed the judgment of Parliament on the cases in question irre-
spectively of the merits of those cases, but respectively of the conduct
of the party chiefly concerned in them with regard to quite another
affair. It represents Providence as capable of supporting a minister in
the spirit of a political partisan. It intimates that because Lord
Palmerston sided with the Sabbatarians, Providence took the part of
Lord Palmerston, no matter whether Lord Palmerston was in the
right or in the wrong. Can the Record seriously believe that because
some fana'ics would not hesitate to vote black white for the pre-
dominance of their persuasion, a vote so unscrupulous could possibly
be dictated from Heaven ?
Suppose Lord Palmerston had been defeated on the Kars question;
suppose the decision of the House on the American business had gone
against Lokd Clarendon ; and suppose that the suppression of the
Sunday bands was an acS of piety on the part of the Premier. Would
the Record have been surprised at not seeing the pious action receive a
temporal reward: at the two noble Lords undergoing tribulation ? Put,
what is the use of reasoning on first principles with a journalist who,
having to write on serious subjects, treats them with the levity and
thoughtlessness evinced in the foregoing extract? So little did he
think or care what be was writing about, that in surmising Lobd
Palmerston to have received divine support in Parliament for having
consented to the discontinuance of the Sunday bands, he positively
blinked the fact of the noble Lord's accompanying declaration that his
own private conviction of the harmlessness of Sunday music remained
unaltcied.
WINGED WORDS.
The world abounds in strange birds of nearly every description, but
we have heard of nothing to equal the rarce aves described in the
annexed advertisement:—
DET BIRDS.—To be SOLD, TWO beautiful and very rare BIRDS—
-L one speaks French and English. They are exceedingly tame, and cannot be
matched in Europe. Address-."
THE OLD EPISCOPAL STORY.
A paragraph in the Times, headed " Wills," commences with the
following specification:—
" The will of the Right Rev. the Lobd Bishop of Gloucester and Bristol was
sworn under £140,000."
The bishop's will was very properly placed at the head of the list
which includes fourteen others, whereof the nearest in point of figures
to that of the prelate falls short of it by £35,000. The bishop is first
of the opulent testators—the rest are nowhere comparatively. See
what it is to have run a good race. Here is an example of departed
worth for you. To have died worth not much less than £140,000, the
bishop must have had a saving faith, whatever Cardinal Wiseman
may say to the contrary. What is more, he must have acted con-
scientiously up to it. Some bitter dissenters will probably compare
the wealth of the defunct prelate with apostolical poverty. The com-
parison will be not only odious, but old. It occurs to the common
mind every time that a bishop's circumstances are mentioned. Why
We presume that this "eligible opportunity" is offered especially
to "families going abroad," who may be unacquainted with the French j keep repeating it? It has no effect; it never will have any effect.
Lnguage, and who may find the bird alluded to above a serviceable ' The inconsistency at which it points is a truism. We all know that
adjunct to their travelling party in the character of an interpreter
Talking birds have long ceased to be regarded as impossible entities,
but a bird with pretensions to the rank of a linguist is still looked on
as a phenomenon. We think the name of the Professor who instructed
the bird should have been inserted in the advertisement as a sort of
material—or immaterial—guarantee, and if a specimen of the bird's
French before and after six lessons could have been set forth, the
whole would have had an air of thorough consistency.
Thought on the Closing of the Royal Academy Exhibition.
A betlective publican, struck with the very numerous pictures of
some merit, but not much, which adorned the walls of the Royal
Academy this year, remarked that it was a pi'y so large a number of
respectaole painters should " die and make no sign."
A Mutual Want.—" Month after month," says the Art Journal,
' Qay. year afcer year goes by and finds the Nelson monument still
inccmpiete." Nelson wants his lions. Id the late war. hjw the lions
wanted Nelson !
since we all know that we all ignore that, and when we are told of that
we very properly yawn. Bishops will go on to the end of the chapter,
no matter what the chapter says, and it is quite right that they should
go on, preaching self-denial and accumulating wealth, universally
respected in good society. Don't talk of humbug. It has been said
before, over, and over, and over again. It isn't humbug. The wills of
SS. Peter and Paul might have been safely sworn under £140,000;
at least if swearing was customary in the Primitive Church; and if a
bishop of the British religion has accumulated £140,000, is not the fact
in strict accordance with his (last Will and) Testament ?
The New Bishop.
The Bishop of Lincoln, it is said, will be the new Bishop of
London. There is a wicked couplet, a pair of Neapolitan scorpions in
rhyme that says :—
" If the devil has a son,
Surely he's Lobd Palmebston ! "
We do not believe in the paternity of the individual named ; and we
further have to congratulate his Lordship that, unlike his Wickedness
he has not "looked over Lincoln."
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
63
THE ''RECORD" CANTING AT RANDOM.
We doubt very much whether we can any longer conscientiously cill
the Record our serious contemporary. That doubt is suggested by the
following passage occurring in one of its leading articles :—
" We are taught to expect the bleating of God on the conduct of our affairs, when we
act in accordance with the divine will; and it almost seems as if Lokd Palmubston
acquired new strength irom the moment when he agreed to put down the Sunday
bauds. The attempt to make Government responsible for the loss of Kars was defeated
by a great majority, and the subsequent attempt to censure Lord Clarendon on
account of the American dispute was defeated by a majority still more overwhelming."
We can conceive a person devoid of all veracity and conscience,
writing in a great, hurry to a set of imbecile fanatics, perpetrating such
stuff and nonsense as the above, but we cannot well conceive any other
person euU'y thereof. The writer suggests that Providence rewarded
ijOKD Palmeeston for having " agreed to put down the Sunday bands,"
with two majorities in the House of Commons. Either Lobd Pal-
THE INCONVENIENCE OE GLORY.
" My dear fellow, Punch,
"I wish you would speak to the young ladies, and, indeed,
the old ones too. What 1 am going to say may seem un gall ant; but,
really, they worry me nearly to death. Talk of ball practice !—I think
perhaps I know what that is : but the polka beats it, especially during
such weather as we have lately had—worse than being under the
hottest fire. One is let in to dance with all of them, and the con-
sequent fatigue makes a fellow almost wish himself in the trenches.
I have often been in the jaws of death, but never felt myself in such
imminent danger of being eaten up as I was the other night, when all
the females present gathered round me, and absolutely devoured me
with their eyes. They follow one in the street; and, by Jove, I think
I shall try Kowland's Kalydor to clear my bronzed complexion; and
wear my medal in my waistcoat pocket, that they may not know what I
am, namely, your obedient servant, half killed with kindness, and
merston's Government was, or was not, responsible for the loss of Kars; expecting to' be very soon smothered with affectionate attention,
either Loud Clarendon was, or was not, censurable on the account . ■ .•
of the American dispute. If a just Providence regulates parliamentary1 United Service Club, August, 1856. t! A Crimean Hero."
affairs, Lobd Palmerston and his Government, including Loud
Clarendon, would have been condemned or acquitted by Parliament
according simply to their deserts of condemnation or acquittal. The
Record, however actually represents Providence as having, perhaps,
biassed the judgment of Parliament on the cases in question irre-
spectively of the merits of those cases, but respectively of the conduct
of the party chiefly concerned in them with regard to quite another
affair. It represents Providence as capable of supporting a minister in
the spirit of a political partisan. It intimates that because Lord
Palmerston sided with the Sabbatarians, Providence took the part of
Lord Palmerston, no matter whether Lord Palmerston was in the
right or in the wrong. Can the Record seriously believe that because
some fana'ics would not hesitate to vote black white for the pre-
dominance of their persuasion, a vote so unscrupulous could possibly
be dictated from Heaven ?
Suppose Lord Palmerston had been defeated on the Kars question;
suppose the decision of the House on the American business had gone
against Lokd Clarendon ; and suppose that the suppression of the
Sunday bands was an acS of piety on the part of the Premier. Would
the Record have been surprised at not seeing the pious action receive a
temporal reward: at the two noble Lords undergoing tribulation ? Put,
what is the use of reasoning on first principles with a journalist who,
having to write on serious subjects, treats them with the levity and
thoughtlessness evinced in the foregoing extract? So little did he
think or care what be was writing about, that in surmising Lobd
Palmerston to have received divine support in Parliament for having
consented to the discontinuance of the Sunday bands, he positively
blinked the fact of the noble Lord's accompanying declaration that his
own private conviction of the harmlessness of Sunday music remained
unaltcied.
WINGED WORDS.
The world abounds in strange birds of nearly every description, but
we have heard of nothing to equal the rarce aves described in the
annexed advertisement:—
DET BIRDS.—To be SOLD, TWO beautiful and very rare BIRDS—
-L one speaks French and English. They are exceedingly tame, and cannot be
matched in Europe. Address-."
THE OLD EPISCOPAL STORY.
A paragraph in the Times, headed " Wills," commences with the
following specification:—
" The will of the Right Rev. the Lobd Bishop of Gloucester and Bristol was
sworn under £140,000."
The bishop's will was very properly placed at the head of the list
which includes fourteen others, whereof the nearest in point of figures
to that of the prelate falls short of it by £35,000. The bishop is first
of the opulent testators—the rest are nowhere comparatively. See
what it is to have run a good race. Here is an example of departed
worth for you. To have died worth not much less than £140,000, the
bishop must have had a saving faith, whatever Cardinal Wiseman
may say to the contrary. What is more, he must have acted con-
scientiously up to it. Some bitter dissenters will probably compare
the wealth of the defunct prelate with apostolical poverty. The com-
parison will be not only odious, but old. It occurs to the common
mind every time that a bishop's circumstances are mentioned. Why
We presume that this "eligible opportunity" is offered especially
to "families going abroad," who may be unacquainted with the French j keep repeating it? It has no effect; it never will have any effect.
Lnguage, and who may find the bird alluded to above a serviceable ' The inconsistency at which it points is a truism. We all know that
adjunct to their travelling party in the character of an interpreter
Talking birds have long ceased to be regarded as impossible entities,
but a bird with pretensions to the rank of a linguist is still looked on
as a phenomenon. We think the name of the Professor who instructed
the bird should have been inserted in the advertisement as a sort of
material—or immaterial—guarantee, and if a specimen of the bird's
French before and after six lessons could have been set forth, the
whole would have had an air of thorough consistency.
Thought on the Closing of the Royal Academy Exhibition.
A betlective publican, struck with the very numerous pictures of
some merit, but not much, which adorned the walls of the Royal
Academy this year, remarked that it was a pi'y so large a number of
respectaole painters should " die and make no sign."
A Mutual Want.—" Month after month," says the Art Journal,
' Qay. year afcer year goes by and finds the Nelson monument still
inccmpiete." Nelson wants his lions. Id the late war. hjw the lions
wanted Nelson !
since we all know that we all ignore that, and when we are told of that
we very properly yawn. Bishops will go on to the end of the chapter,
no matter what the chapter says, and it is quite right that they should
go on, preaching self-denial and accumulating wealth, universally
respected in good society. Don't talk of humbug. It has been said
before, over, and over, and over again. It isn't humbug. The wills of
SS. Peter and Paul might have been safely sworn under £140,000;
at least if swearing was customary in the Primitive Church; and if a
bishop of the British religion has accumulated £140,000, is not the fact
in strict accordance with his (last Will and) Testament ?
The New Bishop.
The Bishop of Lincoln, it is said, will be the new Bishop of
London. There is a wicked couplet, a pair of Neapolitan scorpions in
rhyme that says :—
" If the devil has a son,
Surely he's Lobd Palmebston ! "
We do not believe in the paternity of the individual named ; and we
further have to congratulate his Lordship that, unlike his Wickedness
he has not "looked over Lincoln."