DOI Heft:
August 23, 1856
DOI Seite / Zitierlink:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16618#0088
80
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
August i&, 1856.
LINES BY A SCOTCHMAN
{On reading that an Act of the Australian Legislature against
the Growth of Thistles received the Royal Assent on the
19th of March).
What this ? Forbid the growth o' Thristle
Auld Scotia's cherished symbol-flower—
The hair upon ma head it bristles,
At sic an awfu' waste o' power !
'Tis idle wark, as time will show,
To root the bonny plant frae ground;
For Nature still gars Thristles grow
Where canny Scots are to be found.
What soil so puir but it can keep
A Thristle green amang its stanes ?
What land so bare a Scot-man deep
Canna pick something aff its banes P
As weel keep bees frae honey-pots,
Keep cats frae cream, or bairns frae tarts,
A3 Thristles and their brither Scots
Frae lands whaur goud is found i' quartz.
s.
THE DIRTY THEATRE.
PEIVATE DRESS REHEARSAL
The stage is, henceforth, to be watered with rose-water.
The Times "gives fair warning" that it will impale all
importers of foul French wares upon its iron pen, even as
cockchafers are impaled—there they shall buzz and die.
Great has been the consternation in the translation marker.
Filchekly, who goes twice a-year to Paris for " effects,"
has been suddenly stopped, and ponds-rs the unpacking of
his carpet-bag. The Corsican Brothers contemplate, it is
said, an immediate sale of their properties; and a white
satin cloud that for so many nights carried Marguerite to
heaven, has been presented to a distinguished critic, who,
in the form of a waistcoat, will turn the "silver lining"
of that cloud upon evening parties. In fact, the Corsican
Brothers, it is said, have henceforth determined to wash
their hands of all that sort of thing. We helieve it will
Of Mr. Tims, ivho prefers the Kilt, as the National Costume of the Gael; but, being informed j take an alarming quantity even of the best Windsor Castle
that, as a " Duinhe-wassel," or Gent, he ought to ivear the " Trews," he adopts both. I soap to wash them perfectly dean.
THE EEY. MR, MOB. THE APEX OF GLORY IN PRANCE.
The town of West Hartlepool has lately been enlivened with an : @ he French scientific world
extraordinary series of performances, arising from a low between the | aV has been in a state of what—
Rev. Mr. Burgess, the incumbent of a church lately erected there, ■ ^_____--3C----'^l,(^^^^-^^^0 to coin a word—we can only
and Mr. Jackson, the gentleman who built the church. We know ~ s' J,, \_^_fZJ0^ describe as cock-a-whoopish-
n«lbiog of the grounds of quarrel in the case ; but when we read that ^^^^^^X C^^^^"8*^*^ ness, at the discovery some-
Mk. Jackson, unable to oust Mb. Bukgess by other means, pioposed Iffl |I| where or other, of a " fossil
to build up the doors of the church—that bricks and mortar were Hlf II ape'" wni°h Das ^ven "se to
actually carted down to the church for the purpose—that Mr. Burgess wl 11 a great variety of very learned
nevertheless declared he'd stay where he was, and appealed to the mob Wi, | If articles in several of the
to assist him in resisting this new form of intra-mural interment— llllI'M Parisian journals. A writer
that the mob took him at his word, filled the sacred edifice, burlesqued j Il^fil m Constitutional, after
the church services, preached comic discourses from the pulpit, smoked Jm f J|\ devoting a full column to the
short pipes on the communion table (all the while, it would seem, J||| j |||p. ape in all its branches, goes
being Me, Burgess's mob, and not Mr. Jackson's)—we know enough ] ^is^ off into a burst of enthusiasm
to conclude that the reverend gentleman is bringing a great scandal on jp| for the honour of his coun-
tlie Cnurch, and that, be Mr. Jackson never so much in the wrong, ^^Is^ tjt' ancl concludes by stating
Mr. Burgess had better pocket his wrongs and leave the place, than — ||r" that all the fossil apes in
stay to be the motive of sucb. desecration, and the source of such tbe world if added together
unseemly strife. . would amount to half-a-dozen. " Of these," exclaims the French
We trust the revere td gentleman is not ambitious of encroaching on patriot, "Greece possesses one, England has two, while .trance
the domain of Billingsgate, and of creating a " Bubgess's Church i toujours privilegee enjoys the advantage of three." We must admit
Sauce " to rival the fish-sauce hitherto known in connection with his , that if the possession of monkeys—fossil or otherwise—is really a
patronymic, privilege, France is especially favoured, and the scientific world of
Paris must find perpetual reason to rejoice.
When "Voltaire described his countrymen as combining the ape
and tbe tiger in their disposition, he was thought to have been
guilty of a sarcasm; but it seems that the French scientific world is
prepared to accept one half at least of the comparison as a compliment
to the national character. We should not have been so uncourteous as
to have attributed moukeyism or apishness to our neighbours and
allies, but sines the quality is claimed as a privilege of the French by
their own savans, we are much too polite to dispute the point wifco
such very learned authorities.
How Women Veil the Truth.
When a woman says of another woman "she has a good figure,"
you may he sure that she is freckled, or that she squints, or that she is
marked with the small-pox But if she simply says, " she is a good
soul," you may be morally certain that she is both ugly and ill-made.
A Household Truth.—A mother-in-law in an establishment is a
rare good servant, but a precious bad mistress,
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
August i&, 1856.
LINES BY A SCOTCHMAN
{On reading that an Act of the Australian Legislature against
the Growth of Thistles received the Royal Assent on the
19th of March).
What this ? Forbid the growth o' Thristle
Auld Scotia's cherished symbol-flower—
The hair upon ma head it bristles,
At sic an awfu' waste o' power !
'Tis idle wark, as time will show,
To root the bonny plant frae ground;
For Nature still gars Thristles grow
Where canny Scots are to be found.
What soil so puir but it can keep
A Thristle green amang its stanes ?
What land so bare a Scot-man deep
Canna pick something aff its banes P
As weel keep bees frae honey-pots,
Keep cats frae cream, or bairns frae tarts,
A3 Thristles and their brither Scots
Frae lands whaur goud is found i' quartz.
s.
THE DIRTY THEATRE.
PEIVATE DRESS REHEARSAL
The stage is, henceforth, to be watered with rose-water.
The Times "gives fair warning" that it will impale all
importers of foul French wares upon its iron pen, even as
cockchafers are impaled—there they shall buzz and die.
Great has been the consternation in the translation marker.
Filchekly, who goes twice a-year to Paris for " effects,"
has been suddenly stopped, and ponds-rs the unpacking of
his carpet-bag. The Corsican Brothers contemplate, it is
said, an immediate sale of their properties; and a white
satin cloud that for so many nights carried Marguerite to
heaven, has been presented to a distinguished critic, who,
in the form of a waistcoat, will turn the "silver lining"
of that cloud upon evening parties. In fact, the Corsican
Brothers, it is said, have henceforth determined to wash
their hands of all that sort of thing. We helieve it will
Of Mr. Tims, ivho prefers the Kilt, as the National Costume of the Gael; but, being informed j take an alarming quantity even of the best Windsor Castle
that, as a " Duinhe-wassel," or Gent, he ought to ivear the " Trews," he adopts both. I soap to wash them perfectly dean.
THE EEY. MR, MOB. THE APEX OF GLORY IN PRANCE.
The town of West Hartlepool has lately been enlivened with an : @ he French scientific world
extraordinary series of performances, arising from a low between the | aV has been in a state of what—
Rev. Mr. Burgess, the incumbent of a church lately erected there, ■ ^_____--3C----'^l,(^^^^-^^^0 to coin a word—we can only
and Mr. Jackson, the gentleman who built the church. We know ~ s' J,, \_^_fZJ0^ describe as cock-a-whoopish-
n«lbiog of the grounds of quarrel in the case ; but when we read that ^^^^^^X C^^^^"8*^*^ ness, at the discovery some-
Mk. Jackson, unable to oust Mb. Bukgess by other means, pioposed Iffl |I| where or other, of a " fossil
to build up the doors of the church—that bricks and mortar were Hlf II ape'" wni°h Das ^ven "se to
actually carted down to the church for the purpose—that Mr. Burgess wl 11 a great variety of very learned
nevertheless declared he'd stay where he was, and appealed to the mob Wi, | If articles in several of the
to assist him in resisting this new form of intra-mural interment— llllI'M Parisian journals. A writer
that the mob took him at his word, filled the sacred edifice, burlesqued j Il^fil m Constitutional, after
the church services, preached comic discourses from the pulpit, smoked Jm f J|\ devoting a full column to the
short pipes on the communion table (all the while, it would seem, J||| j |||p. ape in all its branches, goes
being Me, Burgess's mob, and not Mr. Jackson's)—we know enough ] ^is^ off into a burst of enthusiasm
to conclude that the reverend gentleman is bringing a great scandal on jp| for the honour of his coun-
tlie Cnurch, and that, be Mr. Jackson never so much in the wrong, ^^Is^ tjt' ancl concludes by stating
Mr. Burgess had better pocket his wrongs and leave the place, than — ||r" that all the fossil apes in
stay to be the motive of sucb. desecration, and the source of such tbe world if added together
unseemly strife. . would amount to half-a-dozen. " Of these," exclaims the French
We trust the revere td gentleman is not ambitious of encroaching on patriot, "Greece possesses one, England has two, while .trance
the domain of Billingsgate, and of creating a " Bubgess's Church i toujours privilegee enjoys the advantage of three." We must admit
Sauce " to rival the fish-sauce hitherto known in connection with his , that if the possession of monkeys—fossil or otherwise—is really a
patronymic, privilege, France is especially favoured, and the scientific world of
Paris must find perpetual reason to rejoice.
When "Voltaire described his countrymen as combining the ape
and tbe tiger in their disposition, he was thought to have been
guilty of a sarcasm; but it seems that the French scientific world is
prepared to accept one half at least of the comparison as a compliment
to the national character. We should not have been so uncourteous as
to have attributed moukeyism or apishness to our neighbours and
allies, but sines the quality is claimed as a privilege of the French by
their own savans, we are much too polite to dispute the point wifco
such very learned authorities.
How Women Veil the Truth.
When a woman says of another woman "she has a good figure,"
you may he sure that she is freckled, or that she squints, or that she is
marked with the small-pox But if she simply says, " she is a good
soul," you may be morally certain that she is both ugly and ill-made.
A Household Truth.—A mother-in-law in an establishment is a
rare good servant, but a precious bad mistress,