Punch (31.1856)

N-ovemseu 22, 1856.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

207

A STUNNING NOTION. TO THEATRICAL MANAGERS.

New fact in psychology has been Gentlemen,—Being desiious of obtaining the post of moneymaker

discovered by some City trades
man. It ought at once to be made
known to the governors of all our
prisons, to the benevolent pro-
moters of reformatories, and to all
engaged in the repression of crime
It is, that noise produces a bene-
ficial action upon a criminal in
proportion to the turpitude of hi3
offence. It seems that certain

haps the advertisers have some
smaller ones which they did not
think it necessary to mention, but
which still might be useful in
domestic life. They might have
added that one at 30s. would cure
^^0i^^t^^m a fraudulent banker, one at 20s.

would convert a p.lagiaristic writer,
one at 10s. would prevent a dow-
ager from cheating at cards, while
still cheaper ones would be effi-
cacious for keeping the policeman
from your cold meat, the penny
journalist from your paragraphs,
and the landlady from your tea-
caddy. Are there pretty Malthu-
sian gongs that could be used in
a ballroom to prevent young ladies
from stealing hearts ? The subject ought to be followed up. What if
the Gong is the destined reformer of the world? We have known
maDy reformers quite as noisy and. as empty. We |shall go in for
Gong.

at any respectable theatre (a purely West-end establishment would be
preferred), I am desirous of laying before you my claims to the appoint-
ment of tnat very responsible situation. In the first plac, the amount,
of salary (being, of course, permitted to appoint my own check-4 aker)
is of no consequence. Employment of the mind, rather than any remu-
neration of the pocket, is my sole object. This fact (should I be
honoured with your confidence) will be made duly apparent by the
external respectability which it will be my endeavour to associate with
my duties. Aware that in this outside world, appearances are every-
thing, it will be my wish to illustrate the humble function of money-
tremendous Chinese Gongs have taker at either box, pit, or gallery door (unaffectedly, box would
been imported, of which the ven-! be preferred), witb all the resources that are the happy privilege of
dors say, ! mundane indeperdence.

" One for 40*., will effectually frighten> Thus, I shall be driven to the theatre in my own brougham ; witb, it
a thief; one for 60s will appal a burglar; may be, the summer change of my own cab. For a tolerably keen in-
mues round5'W 17 sight into the prejudices of commercial life has convinced me that sub-

j ordinates who, in appearance, can in all things top their principals, are
This^is really a discovery. Per-1 the persons especially desirable for places of delicate trust and dearest

responsibility. That profound knowledge of human nature that ordi-
narily distinguishes the members of direction, boards, committees, &c,
will, 1 trust, vindicate itself even in the theatrical bosom by making
selection of a man like myself, who, witb a soul elevated entirely above
the consideration of mere lucre, seeks only for a post that will give to
his mental faculties a constant and no less pleasant employment.

I am aware that the ordinary remuneration of play-house money-
taker (at houses where orders do not preponderate) ranges from two
shillings to two-and-sixpence per night. I shall be happy to close at the
lower figure : my object being simply to enlarge my moral and intel-
lectual capacity by a close and various consideration of my fellow-
creatures. As I have, moreover, a peculiar manner of taking money,—-
salary is, of course, the less object.

My habits are temperate. 1 shall never exceed or,e bottle of cham-
pagne a-night, and pledge myself to take sucb refection only between
a lull of the money.

If necessary, 1 shall be happy to give a reference to two or three
bankers, with no end of attorneys. Address, No. 1, Sham Square,

Ikey Ds Tips.

AN AMBASSADRESS IN THE NURSERY.

P.S. I must covenant for holiday-nights on the Derby and Ascot.

A LESSON FOR LA.DIES.

. c • j i it. iv p ii tt ■ T i i m • i -ii "While the Lord Mayor elect and some fiiends were inspecting the preparations

ALL triend3 to the alliance Of the Um n Jack and tricolor, Will, for ,he Guildhall feast, the Lady Mayoress unhesitatingly declared, wiih reference
rejoice with US to read the following intelligence, which the Illustrated , to the Turtle, that' she did not like the nasiy stuff I"r—Daily News.

News receives from its own Paris Correspondent

" We are informed that the Pbincb Impertal has already done what he could to
■testify his sentiments" as to the Alliance, by displaying a marked preference for the
society and caresses of an English nursemaid over his three French governesses and
•two Nurses."

Now that, as the Moniteur has gravely admonished us, the pens of
our anonymous scribblers for the press are fast cancelling the bond of
French and English Union, and turning all our " friendly relations "
into those of cat and dog again, it is gratifying to learn that there exists
at the Tuileries a counteracting influence, by which the work of
these disunionists may, we trust, be nullified. Whatever "odious
calumnies" may be sniffed out in our Newspapers against his Pa's
government, we think we may with confidence regard the Prince
Imperial as not likely to be prejudiced—at any rate at present—by
them: and while we have his voice, or rather crow, in our favour, we
may rely on it that any attempt that maybe made to break off the
Alliance, as v, exists in the Imperial nursery, will be loudly resis'ed.
Our only apprehension is, lest the " three Frencn governesses and two
nurses" who have had their noses disjointed by our countrywoman,
may cabal to get her turned out of office; in the which case England
would be losing an ambassadress, who although not officially recog-
nised in Downing Street, is yet exercising an undoubted influence upon
a portion of the French Court that we could not otherwise expect to

Know you the Lady who doesn't like turtle,

And had the fine courage to speak out her mind;
Though Aldermen round her stood scowling like Thurtell,

And even her Chaplain lisped, "Rather unkyind."
L">ng life to the woman who dared to declare if,

Be her gay Lady-Mayoralty matked by good luck :
Her robe fit divinely—her health last to wear it—

We don't share her taste, but we honour her pluck.

The good City Queen sets a lesson to ladies

Who haven't got minds, or have minds they don't know :
Who don't care if wine come3 from China or Cadiz,

And simper alike over venison and veau !
We like a companion who knowa what she's eating,

(What chance for your tastes, if she 's none of ber own ?)
So hip, hip, hurrah, for November that's sea'.ieg

A Sovereign like this on ths Mansion House throne.

Eossini's Last!

Here is another extract from the continental journals, that puts the

bia% and as regards "society," is more "caressed" and popular than j fool's-cap on all ihe previous stupid extracts :—•"Rossini, talking oi

periiaps even is Lord Cowley himself. the Operas Casse-Voix, said, 'Look at Verdi ! His Operas are known

___ to crack voices as easily as a scjuirrel cracks nuts. One season of his

. T)„ „___, T~ ,„ ' ... ' _ f repertoire will take the edge off the finest voice in the world—his music

A Paragraph for the Morning Post. ^ into it like rusi ^ yQU wiU see witll Gwsr> jf she sings mucb

We hope we are not guilty of any breach of confidence, if we take upon ourselves I in VERDl's music, that her voice even will become quite VERDI-

the liberty of infosmiog our readers that the (lite of the fashionable world will be
startled nest season by the appearance of a new debutante, who is likely to set all
London ringing with her praises. This fair debutante is a Belle of the very highest
quality, such the upper circles of Belgravia have not once in a thousand years the
pleasure of being chirrned with. What is more astonishing, the haul ton of this new
Belle will not fee less etourdissant to aristocratic ears than the purity of her extraction.
—Horning Post.

We make Jenkins a p'esent of the abofe paragraph, when it writes
its notice of " Big Ben."

Grisi !

french polish on b.ussia leather.

The Emperor of the Moniteur, in addressing the new Russian en-^-,
was pleased to compliment his Imperial master on "knowing how fc>>
impose silence on sivd reminiscences." Odd, that everything Ku=sia
does must be an Imposition.