DOI issue:
April 11, 1857
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16619#0158
150
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[April 11, 1857.
WHOLESOME FEAST.
DOMESTIC ECONOMY OE TIME.
Many ladies who studiously practise domestic economy
in the kitchen, the parlour, and the drawing-room, are apt
to neglect that matter in the boudoir. They altogether
lose sight of the value of time whenever they get before
the looking-glass, where their vision is engrossed by a
more_ agreeable object, and their minds are absorbed in
pleasing reflection. To be sure, this is not always the
case; and a bad cold in the head; a toothache accom-
panied with swelled cheeks; erysipelas of the face; inflamed
eyes, and other the like causes, will usually shorten the
length of the time consumed under ordinary circumstances
in that situation. Commonly, however, a more than suf-
ficient number of precious moments is expended by ladies,
otherwise frugal, in front of the mirror, fully to warrant
the extraction of the following paragraph from Notes and
Qtceries:—
"Spare Moments: a Hint to Husbands.—As all bonnets take, it
is admitted, five minutes to put on, and as in practice it is found that
mostoftheru require considerably more than that time, 'husbands
in waiting' will do well to follow the example of the Chancellor
d'As-UESfiEATr, who, finding that his wife had always kept him waiting
a quarter of an hour after the dinner-bell had rung, resolved to devote
the time to writing a book on jurisprudence, and putting the project
•into execution, in course of time produced a work in four quarto
volumes."
It is not everybody who can write a book, or, if he could,
is capable of composing his thoughts sufficiently for that
purpose, under the irritating condition of having to wait
during the indefinite period which a lady, when requiring
; it to put on her bonnet in, calls five minutes. But there
j is a way wherein most men might employ that tedious
interval with pleasure to themselves, and in such a manner
as apparently, and in the end, actually, to shorten it. The
expedient is that of smoking a cigar, or still better, a pipe.
The sedative fumes of the tobacco will beguile the tiresome
! hour, or space of time that would, but for them, be, or
| seem to be, an hour; will calm the wearied husband's
! impatience; and will, in most instances, bring the lady
down-stairs as soon as, when employed out-of-doors, for a
| floricultural purpose, they bring down the lady-birds from
under the leaves of the roses.
To Remove Ink-Stains.
Jessie. " And so, Walter, you have Little Parties at your School, eh?" I
Walter. "Ah! don't we, just !—Last Half there was Charley Bogle, and The speediest method is to publish a book at your own
George Twister, and Me—we joined, you know—and had Two Pounds of expense. You will hate the sight of ink so, that it is
Sausages, cold, and a Plum Cake, and a Barrel of Oysters, and Two Bottles | extremely doubtful whether you will ever stain your fingers
of Currant Wine!—Oh, my eye! wasn't it Jolly, neither f with it again.
A PARLIAMENT AND NO TALK!
he New York Tri-
bune records the
i'ollowing fact:—
" A Novel Meeting.
■—In accordance with
a previous arrange-
ment, the employes of
the American Tele-
graph Company's lines
between Boston and
Calais, Mo., held a
meeting by Telegraph
on Tuesday evening,
the 3rd instant, at
eight o'clock, after the
business of the line was
concluded for the day.
Thirty -three offices
were represented, run
feeling.
Now, why couldn't our Parliamentary proceedings be conducted in
an equally silent manner ? Do you think Cobden would unwind his
many miles of Manchesfer yarns without an audience ? Do you fancy
SrooNEK would go on raving for hours, when there was not a soul
present to hear him rave ? And is it likely that Gladstone even.
eloquence could possibly bring round was a dial ? Now, an Electric
Parliament would remedy all the evils that verbiage at present inflicts
on the patience of the nation. A Member of Parliament would be
able to attend to his legislative duties without stirring from his
country seat. The entire business of St. Stephen's might be con-
ducted in a Telegraph Office. The whole Parliamentary staff, with
its numerous bundles of Rods and Sticks, might be effectively
cut down into a Speaker. That worthy functionary would sit in the
middle of his office, like a forewoman in a milliner's work-room,
watching the different needles plying assiduously around him.
When the work was done, he would collect the stuff, and report the
result. The threads of the various arguments would run into his
hands, and it would be for him to sort them. His decisions would
be final, and justly so, as he would always have the debates at his
fingers' ends. The Prime Minister, or Pbince Albert, might look
in every quarter of an hour to see that the Speaker had not fallen
asleep.
Under our improved plan, one great benefit would unquestionably be
r, gained. There would be no noise ! All zoological exhibitions would be
7on& mfes8^ ^Several i effectually closed. Your parliamentary cocks, donkeys, and laughing
speeches were deb-1 hyaenas would be peremptorily shut up, like their wooden prototypes in
vered, and resolutions a boy's Noah's-Ark. Really we see no obstacle in the way of an
beerft sessfoii for 'an -^eet™ Parliament. It would, to a great extent, cure the absurd mania
ho™ m theS1°meeting f°r talking, and moreover, we do not think the speeches then would be
adjourned in great half so wire-drawn as they are now. Besides, every little Demosthenes,
"larmony and kindly who at present is not reported, or else snubbed under the obscure cog-
nomen of an " Hon. Member," would have the satisfaction of knowing
that his speech had gone to the length at all events of one line, and, if
he were at some distant post, it might run perhaps to the extent of
four or five lines, according to the number of wires on the different
telegraphs; whilst your Dkummonds and your Osboknes, as they
indulged in their electric facetiae, might flatter themselves with the
with all his love of talking, would talk incessantly, when all that his \ belief that they were fairly convulsing the poles with laughter.
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[April 11, 1857.
WHOLESOME FEAST.
DOMESTIC ECONOMY OE TIME.
Many ladies who studiously practise domestic economy
in the kitchen, the parlour, and the drawing-room, are apt
to neglect that matter in the boudoir. They altogether
lose sight of the value of time whenever they get before
the looking-glass, where their vision is engrossed by a
more_ agreeable object, and their minds are absorbed in
pleasing reflection. To be sure, this is not always the
case; and a bad cold in the head; a toothache accom-
panied with swelled cheeks; erysipelas of the face; inflamed
eyes, and other the like causes, will usually shorten the
length of the time consumed under ordinary circumstances
in that situation. Commonly, however, a more than suf-
ficient number of precious moments is expended by ladies,
otherwise frugal, in front of the mirror, fully to warrant
the extraction of the following paragraph from Notes and
Qtceries:—
"Spare Moments: a Hint to Husbands.—As all bonnets take, it
is admitted, five minutes to put on, and as in practice it is found that
mostoftheru require considerably more than that time, 'husbands
in waiting' will do well to follow the example of the Chancellor
d'As-UESfiEATr, who, finding that his wife had always kept him waiting
a quarter of an hour after the dinner-bell had rung, resolved to devote
the time to writing a book on jurisprudence, and putting the project
•into execution, in course of time produced a work in four quarto
volumes."
It is not everybody who can write a book, or, if he could,
is capable of composing his thoughts sufficiently for that
purpose, under the irritating condition of having to wait
during the indefinite period which a lady, when requiring
; it to put on her bonnet in, calls five minutes. But there
j is a way wherein most men might employ that tedious
interval with pleasure to themselves, and in such a manner
as apparently, and in the end, actually, to shorten it. The
expedient is that of smoking a cigar, or still better, a pipe.
The sedative fumes of the tobacco will beguile the tiresome
! hour, or space of time that would, but for them, be, or
| seem to be, an hour; will calm the wearied husband's
! impatience; and will, in most instances, bring the lady
down-stairs as soon as, when employed out-of-doors, for a
| floricultural purpose, they bring down the lady-birds from
under the leaves of the roses.
To Remove Ink-Stains.
Jessie. " And so, Walter, you have Little Parties at your School, eh?" I
Walter. "Ah! don't we, just !—Last Half there was Charley Bogle, and The speediest method is to publish a book at your own
George Twister, and Me—we joined, you know—and had Two Pounds of expense. You will hate the sight of ink so, that it is
Sausages, cold, and a Plum Cake, and a Barrel of Oysters, and Two Bottles | extremely doubtful whether you will ever stain your fingers
of Currant Wine!—Oh, my eye! wasn't it Jolly, neither f with it again.
A PARLIAMENT AND NO TALK!
he New York Tri-
bune records the
i'ollowing fact:—
" A Novel Meeting.
■—In accordance with
a previous arrange-
ment, the employes of
the American Tele-
graph Company's lines
between Boston and
Calais, Mo., held a
meeting by Telegraph
on Tuesday evening,
the 3rd instant, at
eight o'clock, after the
business of the line was
concluded for the day.
Thirty -three offices
were represented, run
feeling.
Now, why couldn't our Parliamentary proceedings be conducted in
an equally silent manner ? Do you think Cobden would unwind his
many miles of Manchesfer yarns without an audience ? Do you fancy
SrooNEK would go on raving for hours, when there was not a soul
present to hear him rave ? And is it likely that Gladstone even.
eloquence could possibly bring round was a dial ? Now, an Electric
Parliament would remedy all the evils that verbiage at present inflicts
on the patience of the nation. A Member of Parliament would be
able to attend to his legislative duties without stirring from his
country seat. The entire business of St. Stephen's might be con-
ducted in a Telegraph Office. The whole Parliamentary staff, with
its numerous bundles of Rods and Sticks, might be effectively
cut down into a Speaker. That worthy functionary would sit in the
middle of his office, like a forewoman in a milliner's work-room,
watching the different needles plying assiduously around him.
When the work was done, he would collect the stuff, and report the
result. The threads of the various arguments would run into his
hands, and it would be for him to sort them. His decisions would
be final, and justly so, as he would always have the debates at his
fingers' ends. The Prime Minister, or Pbince Albert, might look
in every quarter of an hour to see that the Speaker had not fallen
asleep.
Under our improved plan, one great benefit would unquestionably be
r, gained. There would be no noise ! All zoological exhibitions would be
7on& mfes8^ ^Several i effectually closed. Your parliamentary cocks, donkeys, and laughing
speeches were deb-1 hyaenas would be peremptorily shut up, like their wooden prototypes in
vered, and resolutions a boy's Noah's-Ark. Really we see no obstacle in the way of an
beerft sessfoii for 'an -^eet™ Parliament. It would, to a great extent, cure the absurd mania
ho™ m theS1°meeting f°r talking, and moreover, we do not think the speeches then would be
adjourned in great half so wire-drawn as they are now. Besides, every little Demosthenes,
"larmony and kindly who at present is not reported, or else snubbed under the obscure cog-
nomen of an " Hon. Member," would have the satisfaction of knowing
that his speech had gone to the length at all events of one line, and, if
he were at some distant post, it might run perhaps to the extent of
four or five lines, according to the number of wires on the different
telegraphs; whilst your Dkummonds and your Osboknes, as they
indulged in their electric facetiae, might flatter themselves with the
with all his love of talking, would talk incessantly, when all that his \ belief that they were fairly convulsing the poles with laughter.