Punch: Punch (40.1861)

206

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [May 18, 1861,



1

MONKEYAN'A.

Am I satyr or man f
Pray tell me who can,

And settle my place in the scale,

A man in ape’s shape,

An anthropoid ape,

Or monkey deprived of his tail?

The Vestiges taught,

That all came from naught
By “development,” so called, “progressive ;55>
That insects and worms
Assume higher forms
By modification excessive.

Then Darwin set forth.

In a book of much worth,

The importance of “Nature’s selection;’5
How the struggle for life
Is a laudable strife,

And results in “ specific distinction.”

Let pigeons and doves
Select their own loves,

And grant them a million of ages.

Then doubtless you’ll find
They ’ve altered their kind,

And changed into prophets and sages„

Leonard Horner relates,

That Biblical dates
The age of the world cannot trace;

That Bible tradition.

By Nile’s deposition,

Is put to the right about face.

Then there’s Pengelly
Who next will tell ye
That he and his colleagues of late
Find celts and shaped stones
Mixed up with cave bones
Of contemporaneous date.

Then Prestwick, he pelts
With hammers and celts
All who do not believe his relation.
That the tools he exhumes
Prom gravelly tombs
Date before the Mosaic creation.

Then Huxley and Owen,

With rivalry glowing,

With pen and ink rush to the scratch;

’Tis Brain versus Brain,

Till one of them’s slain ;

By Jove! it will be a good match \

Says Owen, you can see
The brain of Chimpanzee
Is always exceedingly small,

With the hindermost “horn”

Of extremity shorn,

And no “Hippocampus” at all.

The Professor then tells ’em,

That man’s “ cerebellum,”

From a vertical point you can’t see;

That each “convolution”

Contains a solution.

Of “ Archencephalic” degree

Then apes have no nose.

And thumbs for great toes,

And a pelvis both narrow and slight;

They can’t stand upright,

Unless to show fight.

With “ Du Chaillu,” that chivalrous knight l

Next Huxley replies.

That Owen he lies.

And garbles his Latin quotation ;

That his facts are not new,

His mistakes not a few,

Detrimental to his reputation.

“ To twice slay the slain,”

By dint of the Brain,

(Thus Huxley concludes his review)

Ts but labour in vain,

Unproductive of gaiu,

And so I shall bid you “ Adieu! ”

Zoological Gardens, May, 1861. Gorilla.

PUNCH’S ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

Monday, May 6. The Lords had a discussion about the Canal of the
Future, that is to say, the impossible trench which M. Lessees pre- |
tends to think he can cut through the Isthmus of Suez. The Govern- j
ment opinion upon the subject is, that if the Canal could be made, we j
ought not, for political reasons, to allow it, but that inasmuch as the
Canal cannot be cut, the subject may, and the wise course is to let the
speculators ruin themselves and diddle the Pacha. This seems straight-
forward and benevolent enough.

Mr. Speaker Denison, who had had a relapse into indisposition,
re-appeared, and made his apologies for having been ill. The House
cheered him so loudly that he began to think he had done a clever
thing, rather than not, in catching the rheumatism. Mr. Punch hopes
to behold the brave Speaker “astir in his saddle” (as Mr. Disraeli’s
song goes) in due season, and to see him, like a true Whig, following
Fox and avoiding pit.

Lord John Russell made an important reply to an important
question from Mr. Gregory. The American Difficulty is beginning
to create English difficulties. The North is calling on President
Lincoln to blockade the ports of the South, and the South is sending j
out Privateers to intercept the commerce of the North. Lord John j.
announced that England can recognise no blockade except a real one,
and that she is prepared to regard the South as sufficiently consolidated
to entitle her to be treated as a Belligerent, not as a mere rebel, and
therefore her right to issue letters of marque must be acknowledged.
This is a very prosaic paragraph, but Mr. Punch “reserves to himself”
the right to be grave, gay, lively, and severe exactly when it pleases
him.

Our Daughter Alice is to have £30,000 down, and £6,000 a year.
Lord Palmerston remarking, very properly, that she is not our
Eldest Daughter, and may not require the same allowance as the
future Queen oe Prussia, but that it is not for the honour of
England that her Princesses should go out as paupers. Quite the
reverse, and what is more, Mr. Punch insists that all the money be
settled on his amiable young friend Alice, so that she may draw her
own cheques, and not have to ask her husband for money every time
she wants to buy pins or postage stamps, or a little present to send
over to her dear Mr. Punch.

Then was the Paper Resolution moved by Mr. Gladstone. Lord
Robert Cecil opposed it, and hoped the Lords would reject the Bill
to be based on it; Mr. Leyeson Gower approved it, and paraded the