Punch (43.1862)

42

[August 2, 1862.

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

PUNCH’S ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

he 21 st July. Monday._ Loud
Chelmsford (motto “ Spes et
Fortum,” it should have been
rich Mr. Hope’s) objected to
part of a Bill which it seems
permits the Board of Trade,
now the possessors of Rams-
gate Harbour, to make railways
through that aristocratic water-
ing place. As usually happens
when lordly or other lawyers
oppose schemes, some selfish
iuterest is at the bottom of the
business, and Lord Stanley
of Alderley (motto “Sans
Changer ”) pointed out that this
opposition was not Ramsgate’s,
but for some ship-owner’s pri-
vate benefit. _ Lord Sans
Changer having made the
law lord take his change out of
that, the Duke of Montrose
(motto “Ne ouhliez”) having
shown that he had not for-
gotten the facts, and Earl
Granville (motto “Frangas
non flectes”) intimating that
he had not the least intention
of bending, the Bill passed.
The only reason Punch can see
for not introducing a new rail
into Ramsgate is, that everybody there is on the rail from morning
to night, railing at the landladies’ charges, cribs, and. cribbings. Note
to Sojourners. When a landlady, with some ostentation, has given you
a Bramah key of the cheffonier, and hoped you will be very careful in
locking up your brandy and so on, draw the article of furniture from the
wall and examine the rear. Some of these depositaries are ingeniously
made to open with a flap at the back. We wouldn’t have peached,
Mrs. Buffins, but you were so rude as well as so exacting, and you
know you stole that champagne. Six hundred and fifty-five Ladies of
Berkshire, signified, via Lord Abingdon (motto “ Virtus Ariete For-
tiori), that they would (circumstances favouring) marry their deceased
Sisters’ Husbands.

The Scotch Salmon Bill passed the Lords, the Earl of Galloway
(motto “ Virescit vulnere virtus ”) having tried to get the Solway taken
out of the measure, we have no idea why. Love swells like the Solway
and ebbs like its tide, as Lochinvar fils, observed, but we do not see
the bearing of the fact upon salmon. The Bill is law, and we hope
Lord Galloway’s Virtue will Flourish all the more for this extremely
slight Wound to his self-importance.

Mr. S. Fitzgerald inquired what measures were being taken for the
protection of English subjects and property at New7 Orleans. A very
proper inquiry, considering that British ladies may be there, and that
General Butler certainly is. The answer was rather mystical, but
assurance was given that the subject is being attended to by the
Government.

We pay £39,747 to Dissenting ministers in Ireland. Mr. Hadfield,
Punch is bound to say, with consistency, moved in Supply that this
vote be refused. Sir Robert Peel’s happy faculty of saying graceful
things again availed him, and he managed to intimate that the gift was
a sort of political boon to the Irish Presbyterians. “ A grant for
bribing them, in fact,” said our plain-spoken Viscount Williams.
“ I did not say that.” “ But that is what you meant,” continued the
downright nobleman. “ You bribe them to be loyal, and this is needless,
i for there is not a disloyal man in the kingdom.” Bravo, our dear
fi°rd, but this comes of conferring hereditary honours on patriots. If
you did not w'ear a glittering coronet, such an utterance would be an
honest honourable testimony from a man of the people. Of course the
vote passed, despite Peel the Putter-of-foot-in-it.
i A capital bit of Lord Dundreary. Everybody knows that Daniel
Maclise has put up a most noble work at Westminster. Opposite to
it is a lancet window, which throws all kinds of intrusive colours upon
the painting. Complaint is made by Lord H. Lennox, and Dun-
dreary Cowper says that a fellah can’t do everything, no fellah can
be expected to do everything, you know, he had ordered a deaf person—
stop no he had ordered a blind person—no, no, a blind person couldn’t
see a picture, you must see that—it wras a blind, not a person, that’s
light, at least he had ordered, a person to put up a blind, and that most
inadequate stop, lie wasn’t inadequate—inadvertent, that was it—that
inadequate person had gone, at least he hadn’t gone, and not put the
thing up.

Lord Palmerston, in reference to Belgrade, said that the authorities
seemed to nave got an unpleasant way of bombarding the townspeople,

but that the Consuls were to intimate that this was rather like adminis-
trative eccentricity.

The Royal Academy then came to grief. Lord Elcho carrying a
motion for a commission to inquire into its goings on. Mr. Cowper
surrendered without a blow, but amiable Lord John Manners, cer-
tainly without intending it, said the cruellest thing. He “ hoped that
the Royal Academy would not be again attacked while there were so
many distinguished foreign artists in London.” Just so—while every-
body feels uncomfortable in mentioning before foreign artists the name
of the Academy, which actually refused M. Meyerbeer a ticket for
the Dinner, and excluded other “ distinguished foreign artists ” in order
to make room for people who had as much business at the board as the
beadles in the hall. A cruelly hard hit, Lord John, and highly calcu-
lated, as your respected motto says, “ Pour y Parvenir,” if that means
to Attain the Object of serving out your proteges.

Lord Pam having “ chaffed ” Mr. Scully upon his exertions in
favour of Cork, and Mr. Solicitor-General having rebuked Mr.
Solicitor Cox for acting as the organ of some Law Stationers, in
opposition to certain Chancery Reforms, there was more Supply. The
Premier told a gay story about a sailor’s wife, and complimented the
young diplomatic service, which Mr. Layard said had long ceased to
deserve the “ cigar and kid-glove ” conventional reproach. But there
is a certain order of Dull Dogs who will no more surrender this bit of
wit than they will cease to describe aldermen as having protuberant
stomachs, will abstain from throwing a light upon the subject, when they
turn on gas, or will desist from calling a thing, “far-fetched,” because
they cannot understand it. Our young friends the diplomatists must
continue to writhe under' such epigrams as those of Mr. White, of
Brighton. Then came a little Fortifications debate, and Lord Pal-
merston informed Mr. Bernal Osborne that he was known to have
a “ mania” on the subject, and that his opinion was valued accordingly.

Tuesday. The Thames Embankment Bill came before the Lords for
Second Reading. The Duke of Buccleuch, (motto, “Amo”) came
amiably out of the controversy, complaining that he had been misrepre-
sented, and that though he certainly saw great practical objections to
the scheme, independently of his natural objection to the disturbance
of his privacy, he Bowed to the decision of the House of Commons.
The Prince’s Bow, and the Beaufort Bow were—and Mr. Punch's Bow
is—among the Marvels—the Buccleuch Bow shall henceforth take its
place among gracefulnesses. Other lords talked, but not over wisely,
and so it sufficeth to say that the important feature in the Bill is now
officially declared safe—safe it of course, in fact, was from the moment
Mr Punch's eagle eye fell on the dispute.

Captain Grant says that he has improved Army Cooking, and the
House, by a majority of one only, supported the Government in its
decision not to give him any more money than reimbursed his experi-
ment expenses. But the monovote has obtained him an official
rehearing. Mr. Milner Gibson does not consider that railway engine-
drivers, who are very highly paid for their skilled labour, and who,
if they work extra hours, do so voluntarily and for extra pay, have
any claim to the attention of Parliament. Mr. Gladstone has the
same idea in reference to the Postmen, whose complaints Sir George
Bowyer brought up. The Chancellor of the Exchequer thinks
that they are very well paid, considering that they are of “ a low class ”
of men, and have nothing in the way of brain-work to do except see
that they. knock at the door indicated on the letter, and moreover, are
better paid than the Policeman, who has every kind of work to do, from
the fighting seven Irishmen at once, to the directing a Mossoo from
Bethnal Green to Belgrave Squarrr.

Mr. Charles Pelham Villiers, President of the Poor Law Board,
then brought in his Bill for relieving the distress in the Manufacturing
Districts. The relief is confined to Lancashire and Yorkshire, and the
plan is to work out the noble old plan of the Elizabethan statesmen.
A parish overweighted by poor rate is to be able to call on the Union,
and an over-weighted Union is to be able to call on other Unions. Mr.
Bouverie, who formerly held the same office, did not think that a case
had been made out for such a Bill. The House of Commons thought
otherwise. The Bill was introduced, and was debated on Thursday night,
and read a Second Time, the Committee being fixed for the following
Monday. It is at present forbidden to England to mediate between
those whose fratricidal strife is the cause of the distress, but at least it
is permitted to her to interpose between starvation and those who have
hitherto bravely borne the hardest form of sorrow.

Wednesday. A small attempt by Mr. Hadfield at an interference
wiR the law of judgments having been pronounced “ most objection-
able ’ by the Attorney-General, and Mr. Hadfield being snuffed
out, it was proposed to go into Committee on the Night Poaching Bill.
A regular row ensued. There is a large majority in favour of some
such measure, but the minority is strong and determined. So the
House went at it hammer and tongs. The same disruption of parties,
to which Mr Punch has before alluded, occurred. Lord Stanley
opposed the Bill as bad, and also impolitic, Mr. Bass, on the other
hand supported it, owning birds as well as beer, and Mr. Newdegate,
a keen sportsman, wished the Bill made more moderate. The scene hi
the House was edifying, and the noise made by some of the antagonists