DOI issue:
August 15, 1863
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16872#0075
64
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[August 15, 1863.
ORATORY-ANCIENT AND MODERN.
It is singular how words change their signification.
Oratory in ancient times implied a remarkable display of
intellectual power. To convince and persuade, not children,
but men, was its proper function. Now it labours and
often with success to convince a sickly girl that it is for
her spiritual welfare to part with all her property for a
Veil, and achieves a signal triumph when it has per-
suaded a stupid boy to run away from, and dishonour, his
father.
Oratory, by a recent perversion, is a fine word suggestive
of a low thing—kidnapping. Sweet names, however, cannot
make that which is vile respectable, any more than an
unsound ship can be rendered sea-worthy by a fresh coat
of paint. Suppose an area-sneak were to repudiate his
appellation of Thief and style himself a Kleptomaniac?
Would it be competent for him when so ennobled to carry
things with a high hand—to attach spoons and other uncon-
sidered trifles at his own discretion ? We opine not. Why
then should the recognised professor of kidnapping be
allowed to walk at large with a smirk beneath his Roman
nose and a leer on either side of it? In common justice
those who pick and choose their juvenile victims should be
required for two or three months to pick a given quantity
of oakum, and people who will not pursue a straight-forward
course should be compelled to take reformatory steps in
the county House of Correction.
A Case of Real Charity.
In the Daily Telegraph we learn from its Paris Corre-
spondent that—
“ The first detachment of Mexican prisoners has arrived at Evreux
from Brest. On their entrance into the city the Mexican visitors
seemed rather doubtful as to what would be their reception, but
they were soon convinced of the hospitality and good feeling of the
French. They were taken to the Golden Stag, where Punch was
offered to them, ‘ at which,’ to use the words of Le Courrier de
L'Eure, they showed themselves deeply touched.”
Deeply touched! Yes, we should think so. We know
when we have been imprisoned in a dull place like Evreux,
nothing has cheered us half so much as getting hold of
Punch. •
THE SYBARITE CLUB.
Mr. Punch announces that a number of gentlemen who have dis-
covered that there are a great many disagreeable things in this not
altogether disagreeable world, have formed themselves into an asso-
ciation which will probably take the above title. The Sybarite Club
is in course of formation, but as its details require a good deal of
attention, and as it is against the nature of the members to bore them-
selves more than they can help, it will probably not open until about
Christmas, when it will be constituted in time to save them from the
active boredom of that so-called festive period.
The Principle of the Club is the Avoidance of Anything that is
Disagreeable.
Its Members must all be persons in easy circumstances, not that the
Club sets any inordinate value on money (which is useful only as the
means of preventing one’s being bothered) but because if poor men
come in, they may at some time or other ask for assistance, which it
would be a bore to grant or deny.
Every luxury which civilisation has made a necessary will be sup-
plied to the Members, but they will not have the trouble of directing or
governing in any way. A highly paid staff of officials will be held
responsible for all arrangements under a Manager who likes trouble.
He will be the Medium between the Members and their servants, and
he will be invested with absolute power. To avoid the possibility of
discomfort, the first complaint, just or unjust, will involve the instant
dismissal of the alleged culprit.
The existing Newspapers will not be taken in. They contain much
that one wants to read, but it is so mixed with other matters as to
make a journal a bore. A Sybarite Newspaper, which will probably be
called The Halcyon, will then fore be edited for the Club. It will
contain everything that is interesting, or sensational, inasmuch as one’s
own happiness is promoted by contrast with the discomforts of others.
But all sentimentality, all appeals to one’s patriotism, charity, morality,
indignation, and the like will be excluded, and the aim of the editor will
be to extract amusement from any subject upon which he may comment.
No advertisements will be permitted to appear in the journal, except such
as may offer additions to the comfort or enjoyment of the Members.
No person with a Purpose, or a Mission, or a Conviction of any
kind (if he permits it to be known) will be eligible. The Club has no
vulgar objection to the clergy, but as they are, or ought to be, some-
what a restraint upon conversation, it has been thought best to exclude
them. The Army and Navy may come in, but not Volunteers, until
they have learned to abstain from any demonstrative interest in their
work. No Author, Actor, Member of Parliament, Betting Man, or
other person who must talk shop, will be admitted under any circum-
stances. As a rule the Having Done Anything that People Talk About
will be a ground of exclusion, as persons who have performed that feat
are usually a nuisance.
Letters will not be received at the Club. Most letters are bores.
But the Secretary will take directions from any Member who may
wish a departure from the rule in his own case, as sometimes it is a
bore not to get a particular letter, and a greater bore, if it goes to one’s
private residence.
The Site of the Club has received much consideration, and the
Manager is in treaty for a noble house standing in its own grounds, in
the centre of London. It is charmingly isolated, and the approaches
are, fortunately, through streets of a high class, so that the sight of
poverty, squalor, dirty industry, or anything else that is unpleasant, will
be avoided. Porters, who have been Detectives, will effectually prevent
visits from unwelcome persons of any kind. To complete the comfort
of the Members, the Secretary, if furnished with a list of Poor Relations,
or other people whose communications are a bore, will arrange for the
private payment of any stipends to such persons, or will communicate
with the police upon the subject.
It is thought that by a comprehensive and well-considered effort to
avoid seeing, hearing, reading, or doing anything that is disagreeable,
the Club may secure to itself as much freedom from Boredom as is
compatible with mundane existence, and this is as near an approach to
happiness as can reasonably be expected.
Gentlemen desirous of joining the Club can send their names and
qualifications to the Secretary, under cover to Mr. Punch.
Classical.—It is a fact not mentioned in Lempriere, that in ancient
times “ ploughing the ocean ” produced Ce-crops.
“ UUIS SEPARABLE”—ON BOARD A P. & 0. STEAMER.
Tl’oe Company does not provide Superfluous Accommodation.
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[August 15, 1863.
ORATORY-ANCIENT AND MODERN.
It is singular how words change their signification.
Oratory in ancient times implied a remarkable display of
intellectual power. To convince and persuade, not children,
but men, was its proper function. Now it labours and
often with success to convince a sickly girl that it is for
her spiritual welfare to part with all her property for a
Veil, and achieves a signal triumph when it has per-
suaded a stupid boy to run away from, and dishonour, his
father.
Oratory, by a recent perversion, is a fine word suggestive
of a low thing—kidnapping. Sweet names, however, cannot
make that which is vile respectable, any more than an
unsound ship can be rendered sea-worthy by a fresh coat
of paint. Suppose an area-sneak were to repudiate his
appellation of Thief and style himself a Kleptomaniac?
Would it be competent for him when so ennobled to carry
things with a high hand—to attach spoons and other uncon-
sidered trifles at his own discretion ? We opine not. Why
then should the recognised professor of kidnapping be
allowed to walk at large with a smirk beneath his Roman
nose and a leer on either side of it? In common justice
those who pick and choose their juvenile victims should be
required for two or three months to pick a given quantity
of oakum, and people who will not pursue a straight-forward
course should be compelled to take reformatory steps in
the county House of Correction.
A Case of Real Charity.
In the Daily Telegraph we learn from its Paris Corre-
spondent that—
“ The first detachment of Mexican prisoners has arrived at Evreux
from Brest. On their entrance into the city the Mexican visitors
seemed rather doubtful as to what would be their reception, but
they were soon convinced of the hospitality and good feeling of the
French. They were taken to the Golden Stag, where Punch was
offered to them, ‘ at which,’ to use the words of Le Courrier de
L'Eure, they showed themselves deeply touched.”
Deeply touched! Yes, we should think so. We know
when we have been imprisoned in a dull place like Evreux,
nothing has cheered us half so much as getting hold of
Punch. •
THE SYBARITE CLUB.
Mr. Punch announces that a number of gentlemen who have dis-
covered that there are a great many disagreeable things in this not
altogether disagreeable world, have formed themselves into an asso-
ciation which will probably take the above title. The Sybarite Club
is in course of formation, but as its details require a good deal of
attention, and as it is against the nature of the members to bore them-
selves more than they can help, it will probably not open until about
Christmas, when it will be constituted in time to save them from the
active boredom of that so-called festive period.
The Principle of the Club is the Avoidance of Anything that is
Disagreeable.
Its Members must all be persons in easy circumstances, not that the
Club sets any inordinate value on money (which is useful only as the
means of preventing one’s being bothered) but because if poor men
come in, they may at some time or other ask for assistance, which it
would be a bore to grant or deny.
Every luxury which civilisation has made a necessary will be sup-
plied to the Members, but they will not have the trouble of directing or
governing in any way. A highly paid staff of officials will be held
responsible for all arrangements under a Manager who likes trouble.
He will be the Medium between the Members and their servants, and
he will be invested with absolute power. To avoid the possibility of
discomfort, the first complaint, just or unjust, will involve the instant
dismissal of the alleged culprit.
The existing Newspapers will not be taken in. They contain much
that one wants to read, but it is so mixed with other matters as to
make a journal a bore. A Sybarite Newspaper, which will probably be
called The Halcyon, will then fore be edited for the Club. It will
contain everything that is interesting, or sensational, inasmuch as one’s
own happiness is promoted by contrast with the discomforts of others.
But all sentimentality, all appeals to one’s patriotism, charity, morality,
indignation, and the like will be excluded, and the aim of the editor will
be to extract amusement from any subject upon which he may comment.
No advertisements will be permitted to appear in the journal, except such
as may offer additions to the comfort or enjoyment of the Members.
No person with a Purpose, or a Mission, or a Conviction of any
kind (if he permits it to be known) will be eligible. The Club has no
vulgar objection to the clergy, but as they are, or ought to be, some-
what a restraint upon conversation, it has been thought best to exclude
them. The Army and Navy may come in, but not Volunteers, until
they have learned to abstain from any demonstrative interest in their
work. No Author, Actor, Member of Parliament, Betting Man, or
other person who must talk shop, will be admitted under any circum-
stances. As a rule the Having Done Anything that People Talk About
will be a ground of exclusion, as persons who have performed that feat
are usually a nuisance.
Letters will not be received at the Club. Most letters are bores.
But the Secretary will take directions from any Member who may
wish a departure from the rule in his own case, as sometimes it is a
bore not to get a particular letter, and a greater bore, if it goes to one’s
private residence.
The Site of the Club has received much consideration, and the
Manager is in treaty for a noble house standing in its own grounds, in
the centre of London. It is charmingly isolated, and the approaches
are, fortunately, through streets of a high class, so that the sight of
poverty, squalor, dirty industry, or anything else that is unpleasant, will
be avoided. Porters, who have been Detectives, will effectually prevent
visits from unwelcome persons of any kind. To complete the comfort
of the Members, the Secretary, if furnished with a list of Poor Relations,
or other people whose communications are a bore, will arrange for the
private payment of any stipends to such persons, or will communicate
with the police upon the subject.
It is thought that by a comprehensive and well-considered effort to
avoid seeing, hearing, reading, or doing anything that is disagreeable,
the Club may secure to itself as much freedom from Boredom as is
compatible with mundane existence, and this is as near an approach to
happiness as can reasonably be expected.
Gentlemen desirous of joining the Club can send their names and
qualifications to the Secretary, under cover to Mr. Punch.
Classical.—It is a fact not mentioned in Lempriere, that in ancient
times “ ploughing the ocean ” produced Ce-crops.
“ UUIS SEPARABLE”—ON BOARD A P. & 0. STEAMER.
Tl’oe Company does not provide Superfluous Accommodation.