Punch (45.1863)

117

September 19, 1863.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

a*graceful compliment on entering such a town as Heidelberg at eleven
o’clock p.m. to appear before the authorities in your University night-
cap and gown. The official who sits in his Bureau (you’ll find him in
the top drawer, left-hand side) will ask you if you’re going to sleep
there, to which you can reply by going 1o sleep there and then. English
ladies travelling need not be in the least degree shocked at the mention
of the officer in the drawers of his Bureau. There is no breach of decorum
here, and everything is conducted with due regard to propriety.

German Hotels.—If you are going to stop, and if you are not going
you will, of course, stop, it will be as well to come to some under-
standing with the landlord. If he doesn’t speak English, and you do
not speak German, and neither know Erench, an understanding will be
a difficult matter. There is some legend attached to almost every old
house in Germany, and all the ancient hostelries are full of long storeys.
See that, your bed-room window commands a pretty view, which is
invariably an object with us; if you fail to get such a prospect, that’s
your look out, not ours.

Beds.—“The German bed is only made for one.” This is what
Murray says, and consequently the simple Tourist, acting correctly, as
he imagined, upon this information, has, on arriving at a German town,
immediately ordered a bed to be made for him. This is, we need hardly
point out, an unnecessary expense; as, even after the bed has been
actually made for you, you cannot take it away. This rule does not in
any part of Germany or Prussia apply to a hat or coat, which article,
once made to order, becomes your own property.

Drinks.—You will find that the Germans are far ahead of the English
in the point or pint of beer. We have hop gardens, such as those ol
Cremorne and Highbury. They get a step beyond this and encourage
Beer-gardens. The beer, of which they are most justly proud, is Meyer-
beer The pedestrian journeying along the high roads will encounter a
number of beggars who will address him in canting tones : this is the
worst specimen of the whine of the country. These mendicants, by the
way, are, generally Philosophers and disciples of Kant.

Geography— The celebrated Harz Mountains are not in Germany, as
is the common supposition. These heights are in Scotland ; and, in
proof of this, everyone will recollect the words of the national melody

“My Harz in the Highlands.”

The natives in the eastern districts are known as a race highly suc-
cessful in everything they undertake. In the west, however, the reverse
of this is the case, and from the unhappy results which have attended
ail their efforts at an improved cultivation, the district has long been
known as that, of “ West-failure.”

Manners and Customs.—If five Germans are walking in a row, and
meet a lady with whom only one of the party is acquainted, all the five
take ofF their hats. If you meet five Germans you will raise your hat
five times. The Englishman must take his politeness with him to
the uttermost parts of the earth; he can never, in our opinion, carry it

too far. If you ever
refuse to take your
hat off to German
strangers, you had
better take yourself
off immediately after-
wards. As a stranger
>ou will be expected
to fight all the Ger-
man students, who
may be residing in
t he same town with
yourself: if you do
not conform to this
rule, you will find
every one for whom
you have any regard
turn away from
you; and surely ’tis
better to be cut
by a few students
than by many friends.
At d inner you will be
careful to convey
peas, beans, and
gravy to your mouth
by means of your
knife. The feat re-
meals will have the

dangerous character of a “Sensation” entertainment so popular
now-a-days.

How then on we goes to Cologne. Your luggage, mind, must be
weighed, so send that baggage on its weigh as speedily as possible.

At railway stations every one, except the railway guard, is uncivil,
and though there are plenty of porters, you will find it necessary to

carry your boxes yourself. Take them all at once, as you must never
on any account part with your luggage. Supposing that you are not
well ud in the language, keep on shouting out the name of your ulti-

mate destination- this will attract the guard’s attention, and he will
put you into the proper compartment. Wherever you are going you
will have to change carriages three times at least on the road. Take
this for granted, and change carriages at every station. Show your
passport and railway ticket to everybody, so that there may be no mis-
take. If you can’t smoke, always travel second-class, and you’ll soon
get in the way of it.

Be careful to observe all police regulations. On your arrival at any
place, you, being widely suspected, are narrowly watched. Two police-
men in plain clothes dog your steps day and night. The man who
attends you as a laquais deplace is a Government spy, who, unless you
fee him well, reports everything you say, and plenty that you do not
say, to his employers. If you want to go out for a walk by yourself for
more than two hours, you must procure a “permit” from the police. The
eharge for a walk by yourself is seven-and-sixpence for the first hour,
five shillings for the second, half-a-crown the third and the rest. The
Best would of course naturally come after the third hours’ walk. If you
wish to take an umbrella with you, notice must be given two days
beforehand.

Very good. Now having got your ticket, you’ve taken your seat in
the carriage by the kind permission of the police, and in a few hours
you will be at Cologne.

Important Military Intelligence.

18th Royal Horse Marines.— The Christian names of Cornet Brown
are, John, Richard, William, James, and not Jack, Dick, Biel,
Jim, as he is usually called by his friends, tho’ lie doesn’t like it.

quires some practice, and for some time your