DOI issue:
July 15, 1865
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16876#0032
20
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[July 15, 1865,
BANTING IN THE YEOMANRY.
Troop-Sergeant Major. “ It comes to this, Captain, ’a mdn b’ther hev’ a
New Jacket or knock off one o’ mi Meals!”
OUR UNPROTECTED FOOTMEN.
Onerd Mr. Punch,
Sir, I usally am in the abit of a dressink U in
j ryme which my freinds say is quite ekai to 10-nison hor
j Sheekspur, but the subjick now B I me is too serious for
j Potry. I elude Sir to the Dawgs, which they daily grows
! more newmorous, in spite of all the ephorts as is taken
to decrease M. We footmen are igspeshly in terror of
the Brewts, for hour carves is extry plump and no trow-
: sers to proteck them. Has i were standink only yesterday
with Chawles beind our cawridge, Chawles I says to
im Hif a mad dawg were to come I should fall a Copse
immejit! And the wust of stray dorgs is theyre allys
sleeping upon dorsteps, which necessaly increases of our
inconwenience. I used to take a Pride in givink bubble
nox, but when a dorg is on the dorstep my and shakes to
that degree that I scacecan old theNocker, hand if thedorg’s
asleep I nock as gently as i can for phear of Hydry Foby.
Men as ave lean legs can pad their carves with cork or
cotton, which is as good as hancient harmer to M. But
pussons with more phlesh they carnt purtect theirselves
in this way without hinjurin their phiggers. Hi should
make a puffik Danel Lambut of myself hif i was to be
padded. Besides, the eat of it this weather would be
truly hawfil! The ladies bless M ! have their crinnilynes
for to purteck them from mad dawgs, but footmen aint so
fortnit as to go about under petticoat protection. It mite
look a little ludicrous to see us so corstumed, but i ad
far reether be larfed at than ave either of my legs bitten.
With so many dorgs about, it reelly isnt safe to go with
nothink on one’s carves excep a pair of stockings.
Pray then, Mr. Punch, say something for the elp of us
poor unpertected footmen. Hif perlicemen had instruck-
shuns to drownd all the stray dawgs the same as in
Ameriky, what a mussy it would be to us and ow grateful
we should pheel for it. Nineteen dorgs iu 20 doesnt pay
no dorg tax and ort on that account alone to be hextrum-
minated. Certingly at any rate our legs shood be per-
tected with crikket pads or petticoats, or the hospitals will
soon be phull of footmen hydryfobified. Pray then persade
our Guvners to let us all wear crinilyne, at least during
the dorg days. They cood buy it cheap enuff just now
its going out of Phashin. With best respex to Toby, who
is much too wise a dorg to run about this wether, I
subscride myself respeetfly your most obejut Servant,
John Thomus (of Belgravy).
ETHNOLOGISTS AND PHRENOLOGISTS.
At a meeting of the Ethnological Society, the other day, a report of a
Government Commission on certain Indian tribes inhabiting the region
between Vancouver's Island and the Rocky Mountains, having been
read, a discussion took place on the particulars comprised in it, and,
amongst them, on a practice peculiar to a tribe of savages bearing the
suggestive name of Cowitchans, of flattening the heads of their children
by artificial pressure in infancy. In regard to which:—
“Ur. Donovan expressed the opinion that the effect of flattening the heads of
the Indians must have been to diminish their intellectual capacities ; and the
rationale of the practice he conceived to be, that the Indians desired to make their
children as much like animals as possible, and therefore flattened their heads to
prevent the development of the intellectual organs.”
Without believing in the details of phrenology, and only supposing
that the human brains have something to do with the human mind,
most people would be inclined to share Dr. Donovan’s opinion, that
the effect of flattening the heads of the Indian children must have been
that of diminishing their intellectual faculties. But:—
“ Colonel Hawkins, who was one of the Commissioners, when appealed to by
the Chairman on the subject, said they had observed no difference in the intellec-
tual capacities of the Indians with the compressed neads."
This is the sort of answer which any physiologist, let alone phrenolo-
gist, may always expect to get to any question apparently asked with a
view to obtain a confirmation of an opinion, from any such referee as an
officer in the military or civil service who has never studied the subject
it relates to. Such a reply has all the effect of a snub, which, inflicted
on an individual, is always delightful to the majority of those present,
who do not think with him. Dr. Donovan had suggested that the
compression of Indian heads probably impaired Indian intelligence, and
Colonel Hawkins, when invited to say if it did, answered, as many
other gentlemen under similar circumstances would have auswered, that
it had not been observed to do anything of the kind. So far so good.
Not only, however, were tbe Indians with flattened heads no duller
than the rest of their race, but, added the gallant officer:—
“ They were, if anything, rather sharper than others.”
This proves rather too much for the commendable purpose of snub-
bing a physiological inquirer. For that purpose it was enough to sav
that compression of the skull had not been observed to injure the mind.
Credulity is taxed by the statement that the compression of certain
men’s brains rendered them sharper than other men—if anything. Such
anti-phrenology is harder to believe than phrenology.
FOLLOW MY LEADER.
(DIZZY ON DERBY.)
“ If a man comes to me with a dog with a muzzle on, and says, ‘ Take the muzzle
off the poor creature; he is quite harmless: and besides, the muzzle is half rotten,
and affords no great protection,’ I understand him; hut if he says, ‘This is a most
vicious animal, and nothing prevents him pulling you and me to pieces except the
muzzle which is put round his nose, and therefore I want you to take it off,’ I am
inclined to say, ‘ Very much obliged to you, but I had rather keep the muzzle on.
(Lord Derby on Roman Catholic Oaths Bill.)
Follow my leader—ay, so you may bawl,
But how; when my leader, his head iu the air,
And the bit in his teeth, goes full-butt at the wall,
I’ve been trying my ’cutest to prove isn’t there.
When he kicks through the cobwebs, I’ve spun with such pains,
Flings his heels out at Ireland, however we need her,
Tells the priests they are dogs fit for muzzles and chains—
It’s all very well to say, “ Follow my leader ! ”
“ Follow my leader,” though wildly erratic
He gallops away from the Treasury-Beucn,
Trampling down the young fruits of my seeds diplomatic,
Which I’ve toiled so to drill, and to weed, and to trench.
Though he cau’t see an inch iu advance of his nose,
Though my prospects he cross, and my dodges he mull
To our friends show his heels, and his tail to our foes,
“ Follow my leader,” and land ou my skull!
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[July 15, 1865,
BANTING IN THE YEOMANRY.
Troop-Sergeant Major. “ It comes to this, Captain, ’a mdn b’ther hev’ a
New Jacket or knock off one o’ mi Meals!”
OUR UNPROTECTED FOOTMEN.
Onerd Mr. Punch,
Sir, I usally am in the abit of a dressink U in
j ryme which my freinds say is quite ekai to 10-nison hor
j Sheekspur, but the subjick now B I me is too serious for
j Potry. I elude Sir to the Dawgs, which they daily grows
! more newmorous, in spite of all the ephorts as is taken
to decrease M. We footmen are igspeshly in terror of
the Brewts, for hour carves is extry plump and no trow-
: sers to proteck them. Has i were standink only yesterday
with Chawles beind our cawridge, Chawles I says to
im Hif a mad dawg were to come I should fall a Copse
immejit! And the wust of stray dorgs is theyre allys
sleeping upon dorsteps, which necessaly increases of our
inconwenience. I used to take a Pride in givink bubble
nox, but when a dorg is on the dorstep my and shakes to
that degree that I scacecan old theNocker, hand if thedorg’s
asleep I nock as gently as i can for phear of Hydry Foby.
Men as ave lean legs can pad their carves with cork or
cotton, which is as good as hancient harmer to M. But
pussons with more phlesh they carnt purtect theirselves
in this way without hinjurin their phiggers. Hi should
make a puffik Danel Lambut of myself hif i was to be
padded. Besides, the eat of it this weather would be
truly hawfil! The ladies bless M ! have their crinnilynes
for to purteck them from mad dawgs, but footmen aint so
fortnit as to go about under petticoat protection. It mite
look a little ludicrous to see us so corstumed, but i ad
far reether be larfed at than ave either of my legs bitten.
With so many dorgs about, it reelly isnt safe to go with
nothink on one’s carves excep a pair of stockings.
Pray then, Mr. Punch, say something for the elp of us
poor unpertected footmen. Hif perlicemen had instruck-
shuns to drownd all the stray dawgs the same as in
Ameriky, what a mussy it would be to us and ow grateful
we should pheel for it. Nineteen dorgs iu 20 doesnt pay
no dorg tax and ort on that account alone to be hextrum-
minated. Certingly at any rate our legs shood be per-
tected with crikket pads or petticoats, or the hospitals will
soon be phull of footmen hydryfobified. Pray then persade
our Guvners to let us all wear crinilyne, at least during
the dorg days. They cood buy it cheap enuff just now
its going out of Phashin. With best respex to Toby, who
is much too wise a dorg to run about this wether, I
subscride myself respeetfly your most obejut Servant,
John Thomus (of Belgravy).
ETHNOLOGISTS AND PHRENOLOGISTS.
At a meeting of the Ethnological Society, the other day, a report of a
Government Commission on certain Indian tribes inhabiting the region
between Vancouver's Island and the Rocky Mountains, having been
read, a discussion took place on the particulars comprised in it, and,
amongst them, on a practice peculiar to a tribe of savages bearing the
suggestive name of Cowitchans, of flattening the heads of their children
by artificial pressure in infancy. In regard to which:—
“Ur. Donovan expressed the opinion that the effect of flattening the heads of
the Indians must have been to diminish their intellectual capacities ; and the
rationale of the practice he conceived to be, that the Indians desired to make their
children as much like animals as possible, and therefore flattened their heads to
prevent the development of the intellectual organs.”
Without believing in the details of phrenology, and only supposing
that the human brains have something to do with the human mind,
most people would be inclined to share Dr. Donovan’s opinion, that
the effect of flattening the heads of the Indian children must have been
that of diminishing their intellectual faculties. But:—
“ Colonel Hawkins, who was one of the Commissioners, when appealed to by
the Chairman on the subject, said they had observed no difference in the intellec-
tual capacities of the Indians with the compressed neads."
This is the sort of answer which any physiologist, let alone phrenolo-
gist, may always expect to get to any question apparently asked with a
view to obtain a confirmation of an opinion, from any such referee as an
officer in the military or civil service who has never studied the subject
it relates to. Such a reply has all the effect of a snub, which, inflicted
on an individual, is always delightful to the majority of those present,
who do not think with him. Dr. Donovan had suggested that the
compression of Indian heads probably impaired Indian intelligence, and
Colonel Hawkins, when invited to say if it did, answered, as many
other gentlemen under similar circumstances would have auswered, that
it had not been observed to do anything of the kind. So far so good.
Not only, however, were tbe Indians with flattened heads no duller
than the rest of their race, but, added the gallant officer:—
“ They were, if anything, rather sharper than others.”
This proves rather too much for the commendable purpose of snub-
bing a physiological inquirer. For that purpose it was enough to sav
that compression of the skull had not been observed to injure the mind.
Credulity is taxed by the statement that the compression of certain
men’s brains rendered them sharper than other men—if anything. Such
anti-phrenology is harder to believe than phrenology.
FOLLOW MY LEADER.
(DIZZY ON DERBY.)
“ If a man comes to me with a dog with a muzzle on, and says, ‘ Take the muzzle
off the poor creature; he is quite harmless: and besides, the muzzle is half rotten,
and affords no great protection,’ I understand him; hut if he says, ‘This is a most
vicious animal, and nothing prevents him pulling you and me to pieces except the
muzzle which is put round his nose, and therefore I want you to take it off,’ I am
inclined to say, ‘ Very much obliged to you, but I had rather keep the muzzle on.
(Lord Derby on Roman Catholic Oaths Bill.)
Follow my leader—ay, so you may bawl,
But how; when my leader, his head iu the air,
And the bit in his teeth, goes full-butt at the wall,
I’ve been trying my ’cutest to prove isn’t there.
When he kicks through the cobwebs, I’ve spun with such pains,
Flings his heels out at Ireland, however we need her,
Tells the priests they are dogs fit for muzzles and chains—
It’s all very well to say, “ Follow my leader ! ”
“ Follow my leader,” though wildly erratic
He gallops away from the Treasury-Beucn,
Trampling down the young fruits of my seeds diplomatic,
Which I’ve toiled so to drill, and to weed, and to trench.
Though he cau’t see an inch iu advance of his nose,
Though my prospects he cross, and my dodges he mull
To our friends show his heels, and his tail to our foes,
“ Follow my leader,” and land ou my skull!