DOI issue:
December 23, 1865
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16876#0256
244 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [December 16, 1865.
VERY RUDE!
Dumpy French Officer. “ Eh ! Vos Volunteers dey do not make demzelves ver’ Fierce! Are you op dem ?’’
Long Britisher. “Were once ; bct I and my Friend here had to Leave because they Raised the Standard!”
THE INVASION OF SCOTLAND.
It may not be known that Scotland—or certain Scots—are just now
in awful alarm. An Invasion is apprehended—in fact, it has begun.
And England is the invader. We do not allude to the Tourists, who
are wickedly said to supply Scotland with the means of holding on
during the nine months when she is unapproachable by civilised persons—
this new Panic is no jesting matter. That it may be comprehended in
all its terrors, we submit the following extract from the ably-written
Glasgow paper, the Morning Journal.
A patriotic Scot, who signs himself “Shomer” (Gaelic for the Latin
word anser), says—we deduct Scriptural phrases, as the English do not
like profanity—
“ I think the enemy has lately been coming in to Sabbath-loving Scotland like a
flood. I believe [sundry theological] effects will be produced by this Sabbath inva-
sion from England and this Sabbath controversy in Scotland. When our country
used to be invaded by Englishmen in freebooting and warlike times, Scotchmen
united their forces and marched to the Border to drive back the foe. Glad are we
that now that a worse invasion is being made, the i-allying cry is being raised, and
the faithful and valiant sons of Caledonia are going forth to the battle. Let us
unite our forces, and war for truth, righteousness, and peace, and victory shall
surely be ours.— Shomer.’’
Bravo, Shomer ! Well cackled, Anser ! You know what preserved
the Capitol iu old days. In Eugland we save our goose for Sunday; in
Scotland, Sunday is saved by the goose. But— entre nous—-that is, Mr.
Punch and the Editor of the M. J.—we did not expect to find that
journal turned, even temporarily, into a goose-pen.
Hint to Examiners.
We know several high-spirited girls who would like to present them-
selves at the Local University Examination for Ladies, did they not
object to be dictated to. Two of them (sisters) have been so eager
over their logic that Mamma, always suspicious of the military, grew
alarmed at the constant mention of “ The Major, the Major,” and
insisted on the premis(s)es being examined.
“ GROCER” HUMBUG.
Yes, Correspondent, thanks. We certainly will gibbet this bit of
cant, but we will as certainly refrain from giving its author the benefit
of the unequalled advertisement for which so many traps are set. The
following—but with different locality and name—appears in a London
newspaper:—
nANTYVELL TEA MART.—R. CHADBAND, Tea Dealer and Grocer,
U1 30, Cantwell Place, N.W , bas entered the above business, that he may gra-
tuitously serve the cause 0f ****** in which he has been eugaged five years in the
surrounding neighbourhood.
The stars supply the place of a sacred name about to be specially
honoured at the coming festival. The pious tea-dealer uses it as a bait.
We abstain from even reprinting it. The rest we leave to our readers.
Mr. Chadband proposes to “ take orders ” in a double sense, and
“serve” at once the Cause and the Customer. Yerily, Chadband,
we would nail thine ear to thy counter, but that we should thereby
assist thy trade, even thy traffic, beloved, but consider thine ear per-
forated, yea, with a large nail and rusty.
Homoeopathy on its Trial.
A Society; with the Duke op Marlborough at the head of it, has
been formed for trying the effect of homoeopathy in the treatment of
murrain. If an infinitesimal dose of arsenic is found capable of curing
a large ox, we shall be agreeably surprised. In that case, perhaps
further investigation will discover that the millionth of a grain of salt
will cure a round of beef.
OYV TO ESCAPE INCOME-TAX.—Sell off everything you have,
and invest the entire proceeds in buying a lot of Punch's Almanacks, which you
may distribute among the world at large. Then go and live abroad, and don’t
return to England, excepting for one day or so in every December, just to purchase
Punch’s Almanack for the ensuing year. Thus you may escape your liabiHty to
Income-Tax and all the other taxes to which British flesh is heir.
VERY RUDE!
Dumpy French Officer. “ Eh ! Vos Volunteers dey do not make demzelves ver’ Fierce! Are you op dem ?’’
Long Britisher. “Were once ; bct I and my Friend here had to Leave because they Raised the Standard!”
THE INVASION OF SCOTLAND.
It may not be known that Scotland—or certain Scots—are just now
in awful alarm. An Invasion is apprehended—in fact, it has begun.
And England is the invader. We do not allude to the Tourists, who
are wickedly said to supply Scotland with the means of holding on
during the nine months when she is unapproachable by civilised persons—
this new Panic is no jesting matter. That it may be comprehended in
all its terrors, we submit the following extract from the ably-written
Glasgow paper, the Morning Journal.
A patriotic Scot, who signs himself “Shomer” (Gaelic for the Latin
word anser), says—we deduct Scriptural phrases, as the English do not
like profanity—
“ I think the enemy has lately been coming in to Sabbath-loving Scotland like a
flood. I believe [sundry theological] effects will be produced by this Sabbath inva-
sion from England and this Sabbath controversy in Scotland. When our country
used to be invaded by Englishmen in freebooting and warlike times, Scotchmen
united their forces and marched to the Border to drive back the foe. Glad are we
that now that a worse invasion is being made, the i-allying cry is being raised, and
the faithful and valiant sons of Caledonia are going forth to the battle. Let us
unite our forces, and war for truth, righteousness, and peace, and victory shall
surely be ours.— Shomer.’’
Bravo, Shomer ! Well cackled, Anser ! You know what preserved
the Capitol iu old days. In Eugland we save our goose for Sunday; in
Scotland, Sunday is saved by the goose. But— entre nous—-that is, Mr.
Punch and the Editor of the M. J.—we did not expect to find that
journal turned, even temporarily, into a goose-pen.
Hint to Examiners.
We know several high-spirited girls who would like to present them-
selves at the Local University Examination for Ladies, did they not
object to be dictated to. Two of them (sisters) have been so eager
over their logic that Mamma, always suspicious of the military, grew
alarmed at the constant mention of “ The Major, the Major,” and
insisted on the premis(s)es being examined.
“ GROCER” HUMBUG.
Yes, Correspondent, thanks. We certainly will gibbet this bit of
cant, but we will as certainly refrain from giving its author the benefit
of the unequalled advertisement for which so many traps are set. The
following—but with different locality and name—appears in a London
newspaper:—
nANTYVELL TEA MART.—R. CHADBAND, Tea Dealer and Grocer,
U1 30, Cantwell Place, N.W , bas entered the above business, that he may gra-
tuitously serve the cause 0f ****** in which he has been eugaged five years in the
surrounding neighbourhood.
The stars supply the place of a sacred name about to be specially
honoured at the coming festival. The pious tea-dealer uses it as a bait.
We abstain from even reprinting it. The rest we leave to our readers.
Mr. Chadband proposes to “ take orders ” in a double sense, and
“serve” at once the Cause and the Customer. Yerily, Chadband,
we would nail thine ear to thy counter, but that we should thereby
assist thy trade, even thy traffic, beloved, but consider thine ear per-
forated, yea, with a large nail and rusty.
Homoeopathy on its Trial.
A Society; with the Duke op Marlborough at the head of it, has
been formed for trying the effect of homoeopathy in the treatment of
murrain. If an infinitesimal dose of arsenic is found capable of curing
a large ox, we shall be agreeably surprised. In that case, perhaps
further investigation will discover that the millionth of a grain of salt
will cure a round of beef.
OYV TO ESCAPE INCOME-TAX.—Sell off everything you have,
and invest the entire proceeds in buying a lot of Punch's Almanacks, which you
may distribute among the world at large. Then go and live abroad, and don’t
return to England, excepting for one day or so in every December, just to purchase
Punch’s Almanack for the ensuing year. Thus you may escape your liabiHty to
Income-Tax and all the other taxes to which British flesh is heir.