Punch (49.1865)

• SNOBS AT THE SEASIDE.

MESSAGES FROM THE GREAT EASTERN.

From our Special Correspondent.

“ hyndhurst Square, Peclcham.

“ I have again embraced my aged Grandmother. I committed her
to your charge in the event of aught happening to me, and now, with
thanks, I relieve you of that care. I am sure that Punch would have been
more than a Grandson to her, but I rejoice that I am still able to fulfil the
duties of that individual. Oh, Sir, I have gone through much for you.

“ I need not tell you that we have put the cable at the bottom of the
sea, or as near thereto as circumstances would permit, and that we have
stuck an exceedingly elegant flag on a buoy over the place where we
last couldn’t fish it up. It is possible that those who go out on the
next expedition (I respectfully, and by anticipation, decline the engage-
ment you are meditating for me) may find that flag, and if the buoy
remains fastened to the cable, and the cable can be pulled up and is not
damaged, and a new end can be put to it, and the fresh piece be laid to
Newfoundland, we shall have an Atlantic telegraph. But I shall be
satisfied with perusing the story, and the telegrams, when they come.
In poetic language—

“ Down, venturous feelings ! I have learned to check ’em.

And sit contented in my room at Peckham.”

“ I am not yet, Sir, in a state of mind to narrate the incidents of the
voyage, from the time at which my despatches broke off. I believe
that a person of more iron nerve has written the Diary of the Tele-
graph. I do not envy the unnatural self-possession which, while the
seas are roaring, the breezes blowing, and the elements in confusion, can
calmly note down each circumstance. Nihil humanum a me alienum
puto, and I consider it only respectful to common humanity to be
frightened, sick, sulky, irritated, and nervous, upon proper occasion.
However, if the Pen of the Telegraph is a steel pen, so much the
better for readers. Mine is a goose-quill, and avows that my flesh has
been gooseflesh.

“ I became once more excessively ill, just after my last despatch, and
remained in that condition, and in my cabin, until we made Crook-
haven, wherever that may be. I hear it was called so from the crooks
of the shepherds who used to sit upon the rocks, and feed their flocks,

as mentioned in the pretty poem. But my friends the Irish gentlemen
and the merry young officer brought me constant news of what was
taking place. I heard with my own ears, at 4 in the morning of the
24th, the gun go off which was fired at the great sea serpent, who had
several times risen in all his terrors and stared hideously at those who
wandering near his secret bower molested his ancient solitary reign.
I was duly informed of our successes, and heard the shouts when all
was found right, and we had let go the equinoxial line which entangled
us. The enormous oyster shells brought up by the cable from a
depth of ninety miles were laid upon my bed, and I have sent them to
be polished and inscribed. I will offer one to each of your intelligent
young men. I have also two or three of the messages from shore, which
had become crystallised and electrotyped, and looked like copper nails, and
which were expressly picked off the cable for me by the kind young officer.
I heard the Catholic sailors, in their loyal ardour to aid, performing the
religious rite called Holy Stoning, and I honoured their zeal, if my own
enlightenment forbad me to believe in its efficacy. I was duly informed
of all else that went on: how carefully the cable was painted with white
lead to poison the sharks; how the attendant Sphynx, that was ordered
to sound, sounded so loud that clouds were brought on, as in a can-
nonade ; how the log was found to have been made of wrong wood, and
sank below the level of the horizon; how the Captain had to remon-
strate with the officer who took some Observations ill, though not so
intended ; how some one had played on the bow-drum until the parch-
ment had grown quite crinkled and limp; and how the bights would
not bite, and it was thought that we should have to vary our course,
and borrow the Bight of Benin. The same kind friend brought me the
dynanometer to look at, and though it seemed to me to resemble
only a sailor’s huge watch, such as I have seen for sale in Houndsditch
for thirty shillings, it was gratifying to behold such a triumph of mecha-
nism. I have, in short, done all that I could, under disadvantageous
circumstances, to obtain the best information for you. I have my own
conviction as to the cause of the failure. I may be wrong, but I believe
that I am right. I deliberately consider that the disaster is entirely
due to the wilful carelessness of those who had charge of the library of
the Great Pastern. The most important duty of all was to be perfectly
informed as to the sufficiency of the Tests, and yet you will hardly
credit it, there was not on board one single copy of the Test and Cor-
poration Act! Need I add more! ”

Vol. 49.

3—2