DOI Heft:
July 22, 1865
DOI Seite / Zitierlink: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16876#0035
23
A GENTLEMAN OF INFLUENCE
WISHES TO KNOW WHETHER THERE IS AN ACT OF PARLIAMENT TO PROTECT HIM FROM THIS SORT OF INTIMIDATION.
MESSAGES FROM THE GREAT EASTERN.
It is hardly necessary for Mr. Punch to say that although the
Directors of the Great 'Eastern declined to admit the 376 representa-
tives of the British press, who demanded permission to go out with the
wire, and rations during the voyage, His Representative was instantly
received with all honour, and that the intelligent person in question has
a delightful cabin, and champagne ad libitum. We have arranged to
receive Messages until the work shall be completed ; and, to our delight,
our Correspondent has already begun to transmit them.
“ Great Eastern, July II.
“Don’t like beginning to send on a Friday, but who’s afraid? The
ship is all that can be desired, the officers are most polite and affable,
the sailors are truly manly, the electricians are brilliant sparks, and the
correspondents are awfully jolly. From the admirable prog on board, I
prognosticate success.”
{c . “ Saturday.
“ Wished to test the steadiness of the ship under exceptional cir-
cumstances. Drank twice as much sparkling Moselle as usual, and
more. Any other ship would have gone round and round with me.
This noble vessel did not, which is in part attributable to the build, part
to the brand.”
“ Sunday.
“ We are making excellent progress, but you must send me another
map. I knew we were going to Yalentia, but thought it was in Spain,
where the raisins come from. Find we have changed our route for
Yalentia in Ireland. I do not like this change of spots, which is a vac-
cinating policy, but must submit. Send me an Irish Handbook. Church
to-day. Sermon sent through the Wire. Electrifying discourse.”
“ Monday.
“ Goat got, loose and ran full butt against the compass. A wit
remarked, ! Goat and compasses.’ Milking time being fixed, another
wit remarked, ‘Off Cowes.’ Pigs made a great grunting; supposed
they saw a sow-wester. Took great pains to understand the nature of
the telegraph, and it was kindly explained to me by a literary gentle-
man with a slight Irish accent. He told me that sea-water being
electric, as was shown by the phosphorus at night, all that was needed i
to generate messages was gutta-percha heated by galvanism, for which
reason the Batteries at Yalentia and Newfoundland were selected as
points. This is beautifully simple. All goes well, except my watch,
which fell into a tar tub.”
“ Tuesday.
“Nothing to describe. Going very steadily. Asked Irish gentleman
how many knots an hour, and he explained to me that knots were not,
as I had supposed, lumps in a rope, but ‘negative terms,’ and should
be spelt ‘nots.’ He said that they were converted into positive terms,
and calculated by an astronomical process which a non-professional
person could not understand, but it was done (I think) by a sexton
taking an observation at a quadroon.”
“ Wednesday.
“ The Moselle is better than the Champagne, though that is good.
No persons have been sick, except some youthful smokers. The wire
is in perfect order, and insulated, as is natural, coming from an island.
A pig was brought near the galvanic machine, and the ring in his nose
was touched. In one second he was converted into the finest pork-
chops and sausages I ever ate. I find out new things every day.
Captain Anderson is not the Wizard of the North, as I had supposed.
There is a great artist on board, and you may imagine the jokes about
casting loose the Painter, and ‘ Westward Ho ! ’ I should add, that
my messages are taken from me by a young officer, of a very merry dis-
position, and he undertakes that they shall be telegraphed, as I do not
care to go among the machinery. I shall continue to send. I hope
that the Elections are going satisfactorily. Do you know that elec-
tricity is derived from the Greek, electron, amber ? which reminds me
to ask whether Lord Amberley has got in.”
A Vulgar Error
That “ The Returning Officer” must always be a Colonel, or at the
least a Captain, on leave of absence from a foreign station.
Musical Law — “ Bar’s Rest.” Long Vacation.
A GENTLEMAN OF INFLUENCE
WISHES TO KNOW WHETHER THERE IS AN ACT OF PARLIAMENT TO PROTECT HIM FROM THIS SORT OF INTIMIDATION.
MESSAGES FROM THE GREAT EASTERN.
It is hardly necessary for Mr. Punch to say that although the
Directors of the Great 'Eastern declined to admit the 376 representa-
tives of the British press, who demanded permission to go out with the
wire, and rations during the voyage, His Representative was instantly
received with all honour, and that the intelligent person in question has
a delightful cabin, and champagne ad libitum. We have arranged to
receive Messages until the work shall be completed ; and, to our delight,
our Correspondent has already begun to transmit them.
“ Great Eastern, July II.
“Don’t like beginning to send on a Friday, but who’s afraid? The
ship is all that can be desired, the officers are most polite and affable,
the sailors are truly manly, the electricians are brilliant sparks, and the
correspondents are awfully jolly. From the admirable prog on board, I
prognosticate success.”
{c . “ Saturday.
“ Wished to test the steadiness of the ship under exceptional cir-
cumstances. Drank twice as much sparkling Moselle as usual, and
more. Any other ship would have gone round and round with me.
This noble vessel did not, which is in part attributable to the build, part
to the brand.”
“ Sunday.
“ We are making excellent progress, but you must send me another
map. I knew we were going to Yalentia, but thought it was in Spain,
where the raisins come from. Find we have changed our route for
Yalentia in Ireland. I do not like this change of spots, which is a vac-
cinating policy, but must submit. Send me an Irish Handbook. Church
to-day. Sermon sent through the Wire. Electrifying discourse.”
“ Monday.
“ Goat got, loose and ran full butt against the compass. A wit
remarked, ! Goat and compasses.’ Milking time being fixed, another
wit remarked, ‘Off Cowes.’ Pigs made a great grunting; supposed
they saw a sow-wester. Took great pains to understand the nature of
the telegraph, and it was kindly explained to me by a literary gentle-
man with a slight Irish accent. He told me that sea-water being
electric, as was shown by the phosphorus at night, all that was needed i
to generate messages was gutta-percha heated by galvanism, for which
reason the Batteries at Yalentia and Newfoundland were selected as
points. This is beautifully simple. All goes well, except my watch,
which fell into a tar tub.”
“ Tuesday.
“Nothing to describe. Going very steadily. Asked Irish gentleman
how many knots an hour, and he explained to me that knots were not,
as I had supposed, lumps in a rope, but ‘negative terms,’ and should
be spelt ‘nots.’ He said that they were converted into positive terms,
and calculated by an astronomical process which a non-professional
person could not understand, but it was done (I think) by a sexton
taking an observation at a quadroon.”
“ Wednesday.
“ The Moselle is better than the Champagne, though that is good.
No persons have been sick, except some youthful smokers. The wire
is in perfect order, and insulated, as is natural, coming from an island.
A pig was brought near the galvanic machine, and the ring in his nose
was touched. In one second he was converted into the finest pork-
chops and sausages I ever ate. I find out new things every day.
Captain Anderson is not the Wizard of the North, as I had supposed.
There is a great artist on board, and you may imagine the jokes about
casting loose the Painter, and ‘ Westward Ho ! ’ I should add, that
my messages are taken from me by a young officer, of a very merry dis-
position, and he undertakes that they shall be telegraphed, as I do not
care to go among the machinery. I shall continue to send. I hope
that the Elections are going satisfactorily. Do you know that elec-
tricity is derived from the Greek, electron, amber ? which reminds me
to ask whether Lord Amberley has got in.”
A Vulgar Error
That “ The Returning Officer” must always be a Colonel, or at the
least a Captain, on leave of absence from a foreign station.
Musical Law — “ Bar’s Rest.” Long Vacation.