Punch (49.1865)

November 25, 1865.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

205

NOVELTY IN GLASS.

Belinda, about to Arrange her Bonnet at what she supposes to be the
New Looking-Glasses (“ and a very Graceful and Considerate Idea, too,
ON THE part OF THE RAILWAY ! ”), SPEEDILY DISCOVERS HER MISTAKE, AS SHE IS
CONFRONTED BY THE FACE OF AN IMPERTINENT YOUNG MaN IN THE NEXT

Compartment.

CASTING “ THE RIVALS/’

Scene—A Cabinet Particulier in the First Lord's Official Residence in

Downing Street.

Present—Lord Russell, Lord Clarendon, The Lord Chancellor,
Duke of Somerset, Duke of Argyll, Earl Granville, Lord
Stanley of Alderley, Sir George Grey, Sir Charles Wood,
Mr. Cardwell, Mr. Villiers, Mr. Milner Gibson.

Lord Russell. Well, gentlemen, as it is decided that we are to have a
series of private performances between this and February, suppose we
settle what we are to produce, and cast the characters.

Gladstone. First we ought to determine the style of piece. I vote for
the classical drama.

Villiers. Oh, hang that. . . . I go in for sensation.

Gladstone. Ah! 1 thought you had had enough of that on your
Union-rating Bill last Session.

. Lord Russell. No; I protest against anything sensational. Let’s re-
sist that—at least, until we get new blood into the company—which
I don’t think desirable, I must confess-

Lord Stanley of A. (aside to Villiers.) Unless it was an infusion of the
proper Amberley tinge.

Lord Russell. I own 1 should prefer going back to the old repertoire.

Milner Gibson. What d’ye think of The School of Reform? Glad-
stone could play Tyke wonderfully, and Cardwell is just the man for
Zekiel Homespun.

Lord Stanley of A. No—no—Argyll has a hereditary right to the
Country-boys. Only read his addresses to his tenantry.

Villiers (sotto voce.) I’d rather not.

Milner Gibson. What do you say to Still Waters Run Deep ? It’s
a very easy piece to cast. It inculcates an excellent moral—for all
heads of departments. I ’ll play Mildmay myself. He’s a Lancashire
lad, and they’d take it as a compliment at Oldham.

A VOICE

FROM THE EARLY CLOSING DRINKING FOUNTAIN.

Returning from the Alpine Club
With thoughts on peak and mountain,

My course unusual chanced to rub
Against a Drinking Fountain;

And pausing at its marble bed.

And visage scarce teetotal,

“ Your health, Old Flick,” 1 mutely said,

And quaff’d the antidotal.

When turning round with quickened tread,
Refresh’d beyond all mention;

A voice came from the fountain head,

And startled my attention.

“ Stay, stay thy footsteps, Stranger, who
Canst lend thine ear to sorrow;

My time is short, my words are few,—

I must shut up to-morrow.

“ The current of my life must sink
To other scenes and channels •

For mortals take to warmer drink,

With warmer hose and flannels.

“ I cannot say my race is run,

’Twould but provoke a quibble;

For all that I have ever done
Has only been to dribble.

“ My founders when they aimed abuse
Against the poor man’s porter.

Took care he should not have the use
Of too much wholesome water;

“ But selfishly their backs they turned
Upon their own invention,

And dashed the meed they would have earned
By niggardly retention.

“ My patrons of the pot and jug.

Reviled my sculptured features,

And said, ‘ I’d got a temp’rance mug
With nothing in’t,’—the creatures.

“ I could not let my stream die out—
Uneased my troubled waters;

So please to put my case about
In most effective quarters.”

Farl Granville. Either Clarendon or the Chancellor would be the
very thing for Potter; Gladstone would do Rawksley—he’s in the
financial line, you know.

Lord Russell. No—no. I’m afraid the play’s too new. Depend
upon it there’s nothing like falling back on the old stock-pieces. We
want something as nearly as possible contemporary with the British
Constitution, as it was finally settled by the efforts of the Opposition
under Fox. Suppose we say The Rivals.

Sir George Grey (modestly.) Alight not the title be considered
personal ?

Gladstone (calmly.) I can’t conceive why. Nobody can say / have any
rival in the company.

Duke of Somerset. 1

Duke of Argyll. > Or I.

Sir C. Wood. J

Villiers. One at a time, my Lords and Gentlemen.

All. The Rivals !—The Rivals !

Lord Russell. You see it’s Sheridan’s—in other words, it has a
statesman—a Whig statesman of course—for its author. It is vener-
able for its antiquity; the business is traditional, and—though that’s
not of so much consequence, perhaps—it is witty, and includes plenty of
characters.

Sir C. Wood. Do get on, Johnny, that’s a good fellow. . . If we
spend so much time in choosing the piece, we shall never get the parts
cast. . . Push along—do-

Gladstone. Ad/3e t)> Bif3\iov—Take the book—as Aristophanes has
it. Who comes first ?

Lord Russell. Sir Anthony Absolute-

Lord Granville. Ah! the old gentleman who will have his own
way-

Lord Russell. I shall keep that for myself.

Gladstone. I beg your pardon, I thought I was engaged for the
leading business.

Lord Russell. Pardon me, the leading business in your own House.