DOI Heft:
November 18, 1865
DOI Seite / Zitierlink: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16876#0205
November 18, 1865.]
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
193
A MYSTERY.
R. Punch,—Wbat does it
mean? Not the high price
of oysters since their open-
ing day, but this notice in
respectable shops in well-
conducted streets ?—
“ Pinking-, crimping, and goffer-
ing.”
I know that in days gone
by, when men fought duels
with rapiers, and short
swords, and Toledo blades,
and other glittering weapons,
if one ruffian stabbed another
ruffian in the ribs, he was
said to have pinked him, and
pinking is still practised on
the stage when two of the
characters engage in deadly
combat; but I cannot sup-
pose that such bloody scenes
are enacted in shops with
plate glass windows in busy
thoroughfares, with police-
men, most respectable men
in their station, passing every
quarter of an hour. I, there-
fore, fall back on another
supposition, that “ pinking ”
done here is a cautiously
worded notice to ladies who
desire to have artificial stimu-;
lauts applied to their jaded j
complexions in back-parlours, '
and the strictest secresy. If
I am right in this notion, it may give us the clue to the meaning of “ crimping,”
a word which, according to Johnson (see Latham’s edition), denotes an abnormal
condition of the capillary tegument of the female cranium, produced, say, by one
of those “twelve British artists” who lately performed in “a grand soiree of
hairdressing at the Hanover Square Rooms.” But the shops where I see this
puzzling announcement are not hairdressers’ (I believe I ought to say coiffeurs or
perruquiers) shops, nor are they fishmongers’ shops, or I might lament cruelty to
cod; and it is ridiculous to imagine that in these times when we supply the
British sailor with Punch, and wash and comb him every Saturday night, and j
maintain a Naval Reserve (at the Admiralty, I am told, they maintain a good deal
of it when you want information), any “crimping” of sailors—a sort of coup de tar
—can be carried on unknown to “ My Lords ” and the parish authorities. The
bewilderment, therefore, into which I am thrown by “pinking” is only increased
by my difficulties with “ crimpingand the last dread item, “ goffering,” completes
my confusion. I cannot even hazard a guess at the business or mercantile operation
indicated by this weird-like word. Perhaps the haunted-chamber sort of feeling
I experience when I read it inscribed in gilt letters on a maroon ground is due to
the circumstance that when I was a little boy at a place called Oldwark (a long
time ago, Mr. Punch), on six Sunday evenings in the fall of the year the chlrch
bells rang for “ Gopher,” who, we were invariably told during the hour, when it j
was too light to have candles and too dark to do anything but read by the fire,
which we were never allowed to do because of our eyes, was a benighted
wanderer that once lost his way on a foggy night near the town, and being guided
to Oldwark by the sound of its bells, left lands and fields to the parish-ringers for
ever. So “goffering” (I suspect a corruption in spelling) may be something as
harmless as croquet or cowslip-wine, but the association of ideas (by no means a
limited company) constrains me to imagine everything that is vague and mysterious I
in a term compared with which “ King’s Treasuries ” and “ Queen’s Gardens ”
(Bayswater ?) are words of clear and transparent meaning.
If you will print this note of interrogation, perhaps somebody like Mr. Timbs,
who knows everything, may be able to explain the processes of “ crimping, pinking,
and goffering,” and so bring back peace of mind to
Yours perplexedly,
A Subscriber (like Chang) of Long Standing.
Kelly’s Directory.
Sir Pitzroy Kelly, who wishes to turn articled clerks into angels, advises
them “ to remain up an additional two hours of the night, and to throw themselves
into the society of French persons.” In the next column we read of three or four
young fellows being punished for insisting on remaining in the Haymarket at
11 p.m. Sir Fitzroy’s advice does not seem altogether a safe guide.
THE GRINDERS;*
OR, “THE SADDLE ON THE RIGHT HORSE.”
The Sheffield Grinder’s a terrible blade—
Tally-i-ho the Grinder!
He sets his little ones down to the trade—
Tally-i-ho the Grinder!
He turns his baby to grind in the hull
Till his body is stunted, his eyes are dull,
And the brains are dizzy and dazed in his skull—
Tally-i-ho the Grinder!
Social science sits on his case—
Tally-i-ho the Grinder!
And over him pulls a very long face—
Tally-i-ho the Grinder!
It takes him up, and it writes him down,
And pronounces Sheffield a terrible town.
And the Grinder of all its ills the crown—
Tally-i-ho the Grinder!
He shortens his life, and he hastens his death—
Tally-i-ho the Grinder!
Will drink steel-dust in every breath—
Tally-i-ho the Grinder!
Won’t use a fan as he turns his wheel,
Won’t wash his hands ere he eats his meal,
But dies as he lives, as hard as steel—
Tally-i-ho the Grinder!
These Sheffield Grinders of whom we speak—
Tally-i-ho the Grinder!
Are men who earn a pound a week—
Tally-i-ho the Grinder !
But of Sheffield Grinders another sort
Methinks ought to be called in Court,
Ere Social Science can make its report
And tally-i-ho the Grinder!
And that is the Grinding Government Board
Tally-i-ho the Grinder!
Who contracts at a price life can’t afford—
Tally-i-ho the Grinder!
But Competition’s tide runs strong,
And work is slack, and workers throng,
So father and child work late and long—
Tally-i-ho the Grinder!
When we call Sheffield Grinders over the coals—
Tally-i-ho the Grinder!
For their blighted bodies and blinded souls—
Tally-i-ho the Grinder!
When we charge them with wilfully breathing death.
And short’ning their own and their children’s breath,
What is’t the recording angel saith
To our tally-i-ho the Grinder ?
At whose door lies the blacker blame ?—
Tally-i-ho the Grinder!
Where rests the heavier weight of shame ?—
Tally-i-ho the Grinder!
On the famine-price contractor’s head,
Or the workman’s, under-taught and fed,
Who grinds his own bones and his child’s for bread ?—
Tally-i-ho the Grinder!
* Dr. Hall asserts, on the authority of some of the largest Sheffield
manufacturers, that the Government accepts tenders for Sheffield
goods for army use at prices so low that it is impossible to fulfil them
unless children are employed in the works.—(See Dr. Hall's Letter to
the “ Times.'’)
Bonds of Fenian Brotherhood.
It is said that the Fenians in America contemplate
the issue of “ bonds.” Cui bono ? Their captive brethren
in Ireland, whose movements are now limited by certain
stone walls, have surely already had enough of bondage.
WHAT A CITY COMPANY DOES.
It may not be generally known that the duty of the
Spectacle-Makers is to get up the Lord Mayor’s Show.
Glasses round, and then they proceed to business.
A Sensible Fellow.—Our Butler went to the Hairdressers’ soiree, but saw ( The Great
nothing to make him dislike his Mary Ann’s Corkscrew ringlets. ; Chin-chin.
Feature in Chang’s Performance.—
VrOL. 49.
7
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
193
A MYSTERY.
R. Punch,—Wbat does it
mean? Not the high price
of oysters since their open-
ing day, but this notice in
respectable shops in well-
conducted streets ?—
“ Pinking-, crimping, and goffer-
ing.”
I know that in days gone
by, when men fought duels
with rapiers, and short
swords, and Toledo blades,
and other glittering weapons,
if one ruffian stabbed another
ruffian in the ribs, he was
said to have pinked him, and
pinking is still practised on
the stage when two of the
characters engage in deadly
combat; but I cannot sup-
pose that such bloody scenes
are enacted in shops with
plate glass windows in busy
thoroughfares, with police-
men, most respectable men
in their station, passing every
quarter of an hour. I, there-
fore, fall back on another
supposition, that “ pinking ”
done here is a cautiously
worded notice to ladies who
desire to have artificial stimu-;
lauts applied to their jaded j
complexions in back-parlours, '
and the strictest secresy. If
I am right in this notion, it may give us the clue to the meaning of “ crimping,”
a word which, according to Johnson (see Latham’s edition), denotes an abnormal
condition of the capillary tegument of the female cranium, produced, say, by one
of those “twelve British artists” who lately performed in “a grand soiree of
hairdressing at the Hanover Square Rooms.” But the shops where I see this
puzzling announcement are not hairdressers’ (I believe I ought to say coiffeurs or
perruquiers) shops, nor are they fishmongers’ shops, or I might lament cruelty to
cod; and it is ridiculous to imagine that in these times when we supply the
British sailor with Punch, and wash and comb him every Saturday night, and j
maintain a Naval Reserve (at the Admiralty, I am told, they maintain a good deal
of it when you want information), any “crimping” of sailors—a sort of coup de tar
—can be carried on unknown to “ My Lords ” and the parish authorities. The
bewilderment, therefore, into which I am thrown by “pinking” is only increased
by my difficulties with “ crimpingand the last dread item, “ goffering,” completes
my confusion. I cannot even hazard a guess at the business or mercantile operation
indicated by this weird-like word. Perhaps the haunted-chamber sort of feeling
I experience when I read it inscribed in gilt letters on a maroon ground is due to
the circumstance that when I was a little boy at a place called Oldwark (a long
time ago, Mr. Punch), on six Sunday evenings in the fall of the year the chlrch
bells rang for “ Gopher,” who, we were invariably told during the hour, when it j
was too light to have candles and too dark to do anything but read by the fire,
which we were never allowed to do because of our eyes, was a benighted
wanderer that once lost his way on a foggy night near the town, and being guided
to Oldwark by the sound of its bells, left lands and fields to the parish-ringers for
ever. So “goffering” (I suspect a corruption in spelling) may be something as
harmless as croquet or cowslip-wine, but the association of ideas (by no means a
limited company) constrains me to imagine everything that is vague and mysterious I
in a term compared with which “ King’s Treasuries ” and “ Queen’s Gardens ”
(Bayswater ?) are words of clear and transparent meaning.
If you will print this note of interrogation, perhaps somebody like Mr. Timbs,
who knows everything, may be able to explain the processes of “ crimping, pinking,
and goffering,” and so bring back peace of mind to
Yours perplexedly,
A Subscriber (like Chang) of Long Standing.
Kelly’s Directory.
Sir Pitzroy Kelly, who wishes to turn articled clerks into angels, advises
them “ to remain up an additional two hours of the night, and to throw themselves
into the society of French persons.” In the next column we read of three or four
young fellows being punished for insisting on remaining in the Haymarket at
11 p.m. Sir Fitzroy’s advice does not seem altogether a safe guide.
THE GRINDERS;*
OR, “THE SADDLE ON THE RIGHT HORSE.”
The Sheffield Grinder’s a terrible blade—
Tally-i-ho the Grinder!
He sets his little ones down to the trade—
Tally-i-ho the Grinder!
He turns his baby to grind in the hull
Till his body is stunted, his eyes are dull,
And the brains are dizzy and dazed in his skull—
Tally-i-ho the Grinder!
Social science sits on his case—
Tally-i-ho the Grinder!
And over him pulls a very long face—
Tally-i-ho the Grinder!
It takes him up, and it writes him down,
And pronounces Sheffield a terrible town.
And the Grinder of all its ills the crown—
Tally-i-ho the Grinder!
He shortens his life, and he hastens his death—
Tally-i-ho the Grinder!
Will drink steel-dust in every breath—
Tally-i-ho the Grinder!
Won’t use a fan as he turns his wheel,
Won’t wash his hands ere he eats his meal,
But dies as he lives, as hard as steel—
Tally-i-ho the Grinder!
These Sheffield Grinders of whom we speak—
Tally-i-ho the Grinder!
Are men who earn a pound a week—
Tally-i-ho the Grinder !
But of Sheffield Grinders another sort
Methinks ought to be called in Court,
Ere Social Science can make its report
And tally-i-ho the Grinder!
And that is the Grinding Government Board
Tally-i-ho the Grinder!
Who contracts at a price life can’t afford—
Tally-i-ho the Grinder!
But Competition’s tide runs strong,
And work is slack, and workers throng,
So father and child work late and long—
Tally-i-ho the Grinder!
When we call Sheffield Grinders over the coals—
Tally-i-ho the Grinder!
For their blighted bodies and blinded souls—
Tally-i-ho the Grinder!
When we charge them with wilfully breathing death.
And short’ning their own and their children’s breath,
What is’t the recording angel saith
To our tally-i-ho the Grinder ?
At whose door lies the blacker blame ?—
Tally-i-ho the Grinder!
Where rests the heavier weight of shame ?—
Tally-i-ho the Grinder!
On the famine-price contractor’s head,
Or the workman’s, under-taught and fed,
Who grinds his own bones and his child’s for bread ?—
Tally-i-ho the Grinder!
* Dr. Hall asserts, on the authority of some of the largest Sheffield
manufacturers, that the Government accepts tenders for Sheffield
goods for army use at prices so low that it is impossible to fulfil them
unless children are employed in the works.—(See Dr. Hall's Letter to
the “ Times.'’)
Bonds of Fenian Brotherhood.
It is said that the Fenians in America contemplate
the issue of “ bonds.” Cui bono ? Their captive brethren
in Ireland, whose movements are now limited by certain
stone walls, have surely already had enough of bondage.
WHAT A CITY COMPANY DOES.
It may not be generally known that the duty of the
Spectacle-Makers is to get up the Lord Mayor’s Show.
Glasses round, and then they proceed to business.
A Sensible Fellow.—Our Butler went to the Hairdressers’ soiree, but saw ( The Great
nothing to make him dislike his Mary Ann’s Corkscrew ringlets. ; Chin-chin.
Feature in Chang’s Performance.—
VrOL. 49.
7