DOI issue:
August 11, 1866
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16878#0076
68 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [Adgdst 11, 1866.
HAPPY THOUGHTS.
Happy Thoughts.—I have now hit upon a very happy thought.” Being
in need of quiet, in order to commence my great work on “ Typical
Developments,” I have found a charming retreat on the banks of the
Thames, somewhere about Twickenham, or Teddington, or Richmond,
or Kingston, anc. all that part. Capital fishing here. In punts with
a man and worms : average sport, one tittlebat in ten hours.
First Happy Bay. Charming; perfect quiet. See a man in punt fish-
ing. Asked him how long he had been there F He says, “ Three hours.”
Caught anything ? “Nothing.” He is quite cheerful. Dull of happy
thoughts, and commenced my “ Typical Developments.” In the evening
caught an earwig ; not a bit frightened of him. The pincers m an earwig's
tail don't Lite.
To bed early. Leave the man fishing; his man with the bait asleep.
Been there all day? “Yes.” Caught anything? “Nothing.” Quite
contented.
Second Happy Bay. Up early. Same man in punt, still fisning ; new
man with bait. Ask him how long he has been there ? “ All night.”
Caught anything ? “Nothing.” Not at all irritable.* * * Killed two
earwigs in my bath. Sat in my parlour to write.
Before me is my little lawn : at the foot of the lawn runs the river.
9 a.m. I commence my “Typical Developments,” and note the fact,
keeping by me this journal of observation in case anything turns up.
Something has turned up : an earwig. Distracting for a moment, but
now defunct. All is peace. I walk down the lawn. Caught anything ?
“ Nothing.” His voice is, I fancy, getting weaker. I am meditating,
and my soul is rising to sublime heights.* * * * A Barge is passing
slowly, towed by horses against a strong stream, while the happy
bargeman trudges cheerily along; and other happy bargemen, with
their wives and children loll lazily on deck. (The fishing punt has
suddenly disappeared.) Ah! how easily may we float against the stream
of life, if we are towed! How sweet it is to-a Barge has stuck
on the shallows.
Scientific Note.—How distinctly water conveys sound. I can hear
every wora that happy bargeman on the opposite shore says, as if I
were at his elbow. He is using language of a fearful description to
his horses. The other bargeman has luted himself up (he was on his
back kicking his legs in the air on deck) to remonstrate. His remon-
strances are couched in still stronger language, and include the man
and the beasts. Woman (his wife I should say) interferes with a view
to peacemaking. Her soothing words are more forcible than those of
the two men, and include them both with the beasts. The children
have also joined in, and are abusing the bargeman (their father, as I
gather) on shore. My gardener tells me they ’ll probably stick here
till the tide turns. I ask him if it often happens ? He tells me “ Oh !
it’s a great place for barges.” My sister and two ladies in the drawing-
room (also lacing the lawn) have closed their windows. “ Typical
Developments ” shall have a chapter on the “ Ideal Bargeman.” To
write is impossible at present. A request has been forwarded to me
from the drawing-room to the effect that I would step in and kill an
earwig or two. I stepped in and killed five. Ladies in hysterics.
The punt has reappeared: he only put in for more bait. Caught any-
thing? “Nothing.” Had a bite. “ Once, I think.” He is calm, but
not in any way triumphant.
Evening. Tide turned. Barge gone. They swore till the last
moment. Prom my lawn I attempted to reason with them. I called
them “ my good men,” and tried to cajole them. Their immediate
reply was of an evasive character. I again attempted to reason with
them. Out of their next reply I distinguished only one word which
was not positively an oath. Even as it stood, apart from its context,
it wasn’t a nice word, and my negociations came to an end. Went
back to my parlour and killed earwigs.
Night.—Man in punt still fishing. He informs me that he doesn’t
think this a very good place for sport. Caught anything ? “ Nothing.”
He is going somewhere else. I find that I can write at night. No
noise. I discover for the first time that I’ve got a neighbour who
looks at the Moon and Jupiter every night through a large telescope.
He asks me would I like to step in and see Jupiter ? * * * * 1 have
stepped in and seen Jupiter (who gave us some difficulty in getting
himself into a focus) until my head aches. No writing to-night.
During my absence five moths, attracted by the gas-light, and at least
a hundred small green flies, have perished miserably on my MS. paper
and books. * * * Screams from the ladies’ bed-room. Off. * * * *
Maid servant up !! ! Lights !! “ Would I mind stepping in and killing
an earwig.” Bed. I open my window, and gaze on the placid stream.
Why, there’s a punt; and a man in it: fishing. He lias returned.
Caught anything r “Nothing.” Goodnight. “Goodnight.”
u Third Happy Bay,—~Eive earwigs in bath, drowned. Line day for
“ Typical Developments.” Man and punt gone; at least I don’t see
them. Commenced Chapter 1st. * * * Dear me! Music on the
water. A large barge with a pleasure party. They ’re dancing the
Lancers. The gardener says, in reply to my question about the fre-
quent recurrence of these merry-makings, “ Oh yes, it’s a great place
for pleasure parties and moosic. They comes up in summer about
three or four at a time; all a playin’ of different toons. Quite gay
like. The Maria Jane brings up parties every day with a band.” The
Maria Jane is the name of the pleasure barge. Bah! I will overcome
this . nervousness. I will abstract myself from passing barges and
music, and concentrate myself upon—tiddledy tiddledy rum ti turn—
that’s the bowing figure in the Lancers—hang the bowing figure !—
Let me concentrate myself upon—with a tiddledy tiddledy rum ti turn.
It’s difficult to remember the Lancers. The barge has passed. Now
for “ Typical Developments.”—“ W ould I step in and kill an earwig
in the work-box.” * * * A steamer! I didn’t know steamers were
allowed here. “ Oh yes,” the gardener says, “it’s a great place for
steamers. They brings up school children for feasts.” They do with
a vengeance; the children are shouting and holloaing, their masters
and mistresses are issuing orders for landing : thank goodness on the
opposite bank. They’ve got a band, too. “No,” the gardener explains,
“ it’s not their band I hear, that belongs to the Benefit Societies’ Club
as has just come up in the other steamer behind.” The other steamer!
They’re dancing the Lancers, too. lmust concentrate myself; let me
see, where was I ? “ Typical Developments. Chap. 1.” Tiddledy tid-
dledy rum ti turn, with my tiddledy tiddledy rum turn turn and my
tiddledy tiddledy, that’s the bowing figure, now they ’re bowing—and
finish, yes, tiddledy tiddledy rum ti turn. The Jjancers is rather fun
* * Good heavens ! I find myself unconsciously practising steps and
doing a figure. I must concentrate myself.
Afternoon.—Barges and swearing. Pleasure boat with band, and
party dancing Lancers, for the fourth time. Return of all the boats,
steamers and barges; they stop opposite, out of a mistaken compli-
mentary feeling on their part, and play (for a change) the Lancers,
Tiddledy tiddledy rum ti turn. Becoming a little wild, I dance by
myself on the lawn. The maid comes out. “ Would I step in and kill
an earwig ? ” With pleasure—bowing figure—and my tiddledy iddledy
rum ti turn.
Night.—The turmoil has all passed. I walk down the lawn and
gaze on the calmly flowing river. Is it possible ? There is the pmit
and the man, fishing. He’d been a little higher up. Caught anything ?
“Nothing.” Gardener informs me that people often come out for a
week’s fishing. I suppose he’s come out for a week’s fishing. Neighbour
over the hedge asks me, “ Would I like to have a look at Jupiter ? ”
I say I won’t trouble him. He says no trouble, just get the focus,
and there yon are. He does get the focus, and, consequently, there I
am. I leave my “ Typical Developments, Chap. 1.” * * * Looking-
through the telescope makes one’s head ache. We did have some
brandy-and-water. Shan’t stop up so late again. Cocks begin to
crow here at midnight. It’s quite light at midnight. I can’t concen-
trate myself like the man in the punt. Caught anything ? “Nothing.”
Good night. “ Good night.”
Fourth and Fifth Happy Bays.—“ Typical Developments, Chap. 1.”
Man in punt disappeared. Lancers, tiddledy iddledy rum ti turn from
II a.m. tnl 2 p.m. School feasts 2 till 5. Earwigs to be killed every j
other half hour. Cheering from Odd Eellows and Mutual Benevolent
Societies.. Barges at all hours and strong language. Eestive people
on opposite shore howling and fighting up till past midnight. Gardener
says, “_Oh! yes, it’s a great place for all that sort of tiling.” Dis-
turbed in the evening by Jupiter, Saturn and the Moon, which have
always got something remarkable the matter with them.
Happy Thought.—1 have found a more charming “ Retreat ” on the
banks of the Thames, i.e to retreat altogether. Have heard of an old
Eeudal Castle to be let. Shall go there. Moat and remo> e, put that into
“ Typical Developments, Chap. 1.” We have packed up everything.
I open my note book of memoranda to see if I’ve left anything behind
I walk down the lawn to see if I’ve left anything behind there. Yes !
there he is. The man in the punt, still fishing. He says he’s been a
little lower down. Any sport? “None.” Caught anything here?
“ Nothing.” Good bye. “ Good bye.” And sol go away and leave
him behind.
We Defy Omens.
Certainly we do. Nevertheless it is true that Thirteen Members
of the Government sat down to dinner at the Lord Mayor’s table.
Another remarkable thing occurred. A Minister, not asked to speak,
suddenly jumped up, and in a fervour of graceful enthusiasm, proposed
a lady’s health. Nothing could be more proper, especially as the health
wras that of the admirable Lady Mayoress. But who was this im-
passioned reveller ? Don’t take it from us, look at the reports. It
was—Lord Stanley ! Has the electric cable turned the Gulf Stream
among the icebergs ?
FRESH CAUGHT.
What fish is like the beautiful girl who draws your beer for you at
the roadside inn ? The Bar-belle.
What fish did Oliver Cromwell object to in Parliament? The
Barbel. How do you know this historically ? Because he said, “ Take
away that barbel.”
HAPPY THOUGHTS.
Happy Thoughts.—I have now hit upon a very happy thought.” Being
in need of quiet, in order to commence my great work on “ Typical
Developments,” I have found a charming retreat on the banks of the
Thames, somewhere about Twickenham, or Teddington, or Richmond,
or Kingston, anc. all that part. Capital fishing here. In punts with
a man and worms : average sport, one tittlebat in ten hours.
First Happy Bay. Charming; perfect quiet. See a man in punt fish-
ing. Asked him how long he had been there F He says, “ Three hours.”
Caught anything ? “Nothing.” He is quite cheerful. Dull of happy
thoughts, and commenced my “ Typical Developments.” In the evening
caught an earwig ; not a bit frightened of him. The pincers m an earwig's
tail don't Lite.
To bed early. Leave the man fishing; his man with the bait asleep.
Been there all day? “Yes.” Caught anything? “Nothing.” Quite
contented.
Second Happy Bay. Up early. Same man in punt, still fisning ; new
man with bait. Ask him how long he has been there ? “ All night.”
Caught anything ? “Nothing.” Not at all irritable.* * * Killed two
earwigs in my bath. Sat in my parlour to write.
Before me is my little lawn : at the foot of the lawn runs the river.
9 a.m. I commence my “Typical Developments,” and note the fact,
keeping by me this journal of observation in case anything turns up.
Something has turned up : an earwig. Distracting for a moment, but
now defunct. All is peace. I walk down the lawn. Caught anything ?
“ Nothing.” His voice is, I fancy, getting weaker. I am meditating,
and my soul is rising to sublime heights.* * * * A Barge is passing
slowly, towed by horses against a strong stream, while the happy
bargeman trudges cheerily along; and other happy bargemen, with
their wives and children loll lazily on deck. (The fishing punt has
suddenly disappeared.) Ah! how easily may we float against the stream
of life, if we are towed! How sweet it is to-a Barge has stuck
on the shallows.
Scientific Note.—How distinctly water conveys sound. I can hear
every wora that happy bargeman on the opposite shore says, as if I
were at his elbow. He is using language of a fearful description to
his horses. The other bargeman has luted himself up (he was on his
back kicking his legs in the air on deck) to remonstrate. His remon-
strances are couched in still stronger language, and include the man
and the beasts. Woman (his wife I should say) interferes with a view
to peacemaking. Her soothing words are more forcible than those of
the two men, and include them both with the beasts. The children
have also joined in, and are abusing the bargeman (their father, as I
gather) on shore. My gardener tells me they ’ll probably stick here
till the tide turns. I ask him if it often happens ? He tells me “ Oh !
it’s a great place for barges.” My sister and two ladies in the drawing-
room (also lacing the lawn) have closed their windows. “ Typical
Developments ” shall have a chapter on the “ Ideal Bargeman.” To
write is impossible at present. A request has been forwarded to me
from the drawing-room to the effect that I would step in and kill an
earwig or two. I stepped in and killed five. Ladies in hysterics.
The punt has reappeared: he only put in for more bait. Caught any-
thing? “Nothing.” Had a bite. “ Once, I think.” He is calm, but
not in any way triumphant.
Evening. Tide turned. Barge gone. They swore till the last
moment. Prom my lawn I attempted to reason with them. I called
them “ my good men,” and tried to cajole them. Their immediate
reply was of an evasive character. I again attempted to reason with
them. Out of their next reply I distinguished only one word which
was not positively an oath. Even as it stood, apart from its context,
it wasn’t a nice word, and my negociations came to an end. Went
back to my parlour and killed earwigs.
Night.—Man in punt still fishing. He informs me that he doesn’t
think this a very good place for sport. Caught anything ? “ Nothing.”
He is going somewhere else. I find that I can write at night. No
noise. I discover for the first time that I’ve got a neighbour who
looks at the Moon and Jupiter every night through a large telescope.
He asks me would I like to step in and see Jupiter ? * * * * 1 have
stepped in and seen Jupiter (who gave us some difficulty in getting
himself into a focus) until my head aches. No writing to-night.
During my absence five moths, attracted by the gas-light, and at least
a hundred small green flies, have perished miserably on my MS. paper
and books. * * * Screams from the ladies’ bed-room. Off. * * * *
Maid servant up !! ! Lights !! “ Would I mind stepping in and killing
an earwig.” Bed. I open my window, and gaze on the placid stream.
Why, there’s a punt; and a man in it: fishing. He lias returned.
Caught anything r “Nothing.” Goodnight. “Goodnight.”
u Third Happy Bay,—~Eive earwigs in bath, drowned. Line day for
“ Typical Developments.” Man and punt gone; at least I don’t see
them. Commenced Chapter 1st. * * * Dear me! Music on the
water. A large barge with a pleasure party. They ’re dancing the
Lancers. The gardener says, in reply to my question about the fre-
quent recurrence of these merry-makings, “ Oh yes, it’s a great place
for pleasure parties and moosic. They comes up in summer about
three or four at a time; all a playin’ of different toons. Quite gay
like. The Maria Jane brings up parties every day with a band.” The
Maria Jane is the name of the pleasure barge. Bah! I will overcome
this . nervousness. I will abstract myself from passing barges and
music, and concentrate myself upon—tiddledy tiddledy rum ti turn—
that’s the bowing figure in the Lancers—hang the bowing figure !—
Let me concentrate myself upon—with a tiddledy tiddledy rum ti turn.
It’s difficult to remember the Lancers. The barge has passed. Now
for “ Typical Developments.”—“ W ould I step in and kill an earwig
in the work-box.” * * * A steamer! I didn’t know steamers were
allowed here. “ Oh yes,” the gardener says, “it’s a great place for
steamers. They brings up school children for feasts.” They do with
a vengeance; the children are shouting and holloaing, their masters
and mistresses are issuing orders for landing : thank goodness on the
opposite bank. They’ve got a band, too. “No,” the gardener explains,
“ it’s not their band I hear, that belongs to the Benefit Societies’ Club
as has just come up in the other steamer behind.” The other steamer!
They’re dancing the Lancers, too. lmust concentrate myself; let me
see, where was I ? “ Typical Developments. Chap. 1.” Tiddledy tid-
dledy rum ti turn, with my tiddledy tiddledy rum turn turn and my
tiddledy tiddledy, that’s the bowing figure, now they ’re bowing—and
finish, yes, tiddledy tiddledy rum ti turn. The Jjancers is rather fun
* * Good heavens ! I find myself unconsciously practising steps and
doing a figure. I must concentrate myself.
Afternoon.—Barges and swearing. Pleasure boat with band, and
party dancing Lancers, for the fourth time. Return of all the boats,
steamers and barges; they stop opposite, out of a mistaken compli-
mentary feeling on their part, and play (for a change) the Lancers,
Tiddledy tiddledy rum ti turn. Becoming a little wild, I dance by
myself on the lawn. The maid comes out. “ Would I step in and kill
an earwig ? ” With pleasure—bowing figure—and my tiddledy iddledy
rum ti turn.
Night.—The turmoil has all passed. I walk down the lawn and
gaze on the calmly flowing river. Is it possible ? There is the pmit
and the man, fishing. He’d been a little higher up. Caught anything ?
“Nothing.” Gardener informs me that people often come out for a
week’s fishing. I suppose he’s come out for a week’s fishing. Neighbour
over the hedge asks me, “ Would I like to have a look at Jupiter ? ”
I say I won’t trouble him. He says no trouble, just get the focus,
and there yon are. He does get the focus, and, consequently, there I
am. I leave my “ Typical Developments, Chap. 1.” * * * Looking-
through the telescope makes one’s head ache. We did have some
brandy-and-water. Shan’t stop up so late again. Cocks begin to
crow here at midnight. It’s quite light at midnight. I can’t concen-
trate myself like the man in the punt. Caught anything ? “Nothing.”
Good night. “ Good night.”
Fourth and Fifth Happy Bays.—“ Typical Developments, Chap. 1.”
Man in punt disappeared. Lancers, tiddledy iddledy rum ti turn from
II a.m. tnl 2 p.m. School feasts 2 till 5. Earwigs to be killed every j
other half hour. Cheering from Odd Eellows and Mutual Benevolent
Societies.. Barges at all hours and strong language. Eestive people
on opposite shore howling and fighting up till past midnight. Gardener
says, “_Oh! yes, it’s a great place for all that sort of tiling.” Dis-
turbed in the evening by Jupiter, Saturn and the Moon, which have
always got something remarkable the matter with them.
Happy Thought.—1 have found a more charming “ Retreat ” on the
banks of the Thames, i.e to retreat altogether. Have heard of an old
Eeudal Castle to be let. Shall go there. Moat and remo> e, put that into
“ Typical Developments, Chap. 1.” We have packed up everything.
I open my note book of memoranda to see if I’ve left anything behind
I walk down the lawn to see if I’ve left anything behind there. Yes !
there he is. The man in the punt, still fishing. He says he’s been a
little lower down. Any sport? “None.” Caught anything here?
“ Nothing.” Good bye. “ Good bye.” And sol go away and leave
him behind.
We Defy Omens.
Certainly we do. Nevertheless it is true that Thirteen Members
of the Government sat down to dinner at the Lord Mayor’s table.
Another remarkable thing occurred. A Minister, not asked to speak,
suddenly jumped up, and in a fervour of graceful enthusiasm, proposed
a lady’s health. Nothing could be more proper, especially as the health
wras that of the admirable Lady Mayoress. But who was this im-
passioned reveller ? Don’t take it from us, look at the reports. It
was—Lord Stanley ! Has the electric cable turned the Gulf Stream
among the icebergs ?
FRESH CAUGHT.
What fish is like the beautiful girl who draws your beer for you at
the roadside inn ? The Bar-belle.
What fish did Oliver Cromwell object to in Parliament? The
Barbel. How do you know this historically ? Because he said, “ Take
away that barbel.”