DOI Heft:
August 18, 1866
DOI Seite / Zitierlink:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16878#0079
August 18, 18> 6.]
71
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
THE QUEEN OE THE SEA.
Let us shout for the Land of the Brave ;
Let us roar for the Isle of the Tree !
Ne’er shall one foreign foe,
With the tip of his toe,
Touch Britannia, the Queen of the Sea.
Rule Britannia the Queen of the Sea.
Reign Britannia, the Queen of the Sea.
She did always, of yore,
And she shall, evermore.
Reign Britannia, the Queen of the Sea.
Wooden walls were our bulwarks of old,
But of iron they now are to be;
When our sea-walls we’ve got,
Which at present we’ve not;
But Britannia’s the Queen of the Sea.
Rule Britannia, &c.
Other nations have navies of steel;
Iron-clads we have got two or three.
Never mind. Who ’s afraid
A descent can be made
On Britannia the Queen of the Sea ?
Rule Britannia, &c.
Though our souls are with business engrossed,
Yet ten times seven millions have we
In experiments spent;
Goodness knows how it went:
But Britannia’s the Queen of the Sea.
Rule Britannia, &c.
Railway Members, and Members for Trade,
Legislation for England decree:
Parliamentary snobs,
Have connived at gross jobs :
Still Britannia’s the Queen of the Sea.
Rule Britannia, &c.
Let us hope with all maritime Powers,
That we still shall contrive to agree,
Whilst creating a fleet,
Pit their navies to meet:
Por Britannia, the Queen of the Sea.
Rule Britannia, &c.
WHO WRITES THE TIME-BOOKS ?
Dear Punch,
You know everybody ; pray do you know the author of the
railway time-tables and time-books ? Because, if so, I wish you would
just tell him, with my most respectful compliments, that I wish he
would be earlier in sending in his “copy” for those interesting works.
Trains usually are changed upon the first day of the month, and the
time-books as a rule are never ready to be published till the morning
of that day. To be of service, then, they clearly should be issued a
week earlier, so that one may lay one’s plans beforehand for one’s
journeys, and be saved from the annoyance of arriving at a station
just in time to be too late.
I travel a good deal, and have spoilt a splendid temper through the
trains which I have missed by not having a time-book, there being
none procurable until the day on which the times are altered for the
trains. The mysteries of a time-book are not easy to unravel, and on
this account alone, if for no other reason, the time-books should be
issued considerably before their information is required. Just touch
up the talented author who employs his time in writing them, and bid
him be in time in telling us the times, and thus save from countless
miseries your tormented, Vagabundus.
Animal Instinct.
The Sea-Bear has whispered to his friend and Keeper that the grief
he feels at the death of the Sea-Cow on its passage to England and
the Zoological Gardens (which the Seal broke to him), is not unbear-
able. The creature is supposed to have been alarmed for the popu-
larity he now enjoys—to have felt it was fishy.
interesting to smokers.
A Novel is announced, called Brought to Light. It may be very
good. And we know many that are certainly as fit to be made Spills.
A SAND-PIPERS’ WHISTLE.
In its largest _ type, as indeed, befits the terrible occasion, Mr.
Bright’s orcan inserts the following frightful announcement from
a Correspondent, Dr. Sandpiper, of Kars :—
“ I firmly believe that under the present Government the lives of such men a>
Mr. Bright and Mr. Beales are unsafe, and I am confirmed in this belief by sundry
observations I hear in society.”
Unhappily, we are enabled to confirm the terrors of the writer. We
had been disposed to give a contemptuous toleration to the existing
Cabinet, which is but temporary, because we think, with the late Duke
oe Wellington, that it is generally the duty of a good citizen to
support the Queen’s Government de facto. But we now denounce
that Government, and swear to do our utmost for its overthrow. It
seeks the lives of Beales and Bright. We are in possession of facts.
Lord Derby has sworn by St. Joan (a family oath, referring to his
ancestress, Joan of Aldithly) that he will eat no pheasant of 1866 until
he has received the head of Beales at Knowsley, carriage paid, and no
fee to porter. We need not say what this means, when uttered in the
hearing of remorseless sycophants. Several attacks have already been
made upon Mr. Beales, and though he has been hitherto providen-
tially unharmed in consequence of the thickness of his skull, who shall
say that this will always be proof against the ruffianism of the blood-
thirsty scions of aristocracy ? Thomas a Beckett fell in the Canter-
bury Cathedral, and Beales may be destined to a like fate in the
Canterbury Hall. JJltor ex Ossibus, as Mr. Gladstone says, may
arise, but even if Bones should jump down from among the other
Ethiopians, and revenge Beales in the most sanguinary manner, what
atonement is this to a bereaved nation ? But Bright is not destined
to succumb to the private vengeance of the haughty Lord of Derby.
An impeachment, with a packed majority in the Houses, is to send
Bright to the block.
“ The House impeach him, Coningsby harangues.”
Yes, the malice of Mr. Disraeli is at length to be satiated. His
imaginative eye already sees the end, the shouted verdict, the awful
sentence, the dreadful array on Tower Hill. He hears the toll of St.
Peter ad Yincula. He beholds Wilberporce vainly trying to induce
the faithful Quaker to give some sign of attachment to the Church of
England, if it be only to bless a beadle. He sees Wiialley, in his
Protestant mask, preparing the axe for the deadly enemy of all
Jesuitism. He marks Odger weeping, Rodgers in convulsions,
Bubb bellowing for a rescue, and Gill trembling lest his own dark
doom be near. Then, with a face calm as young Alroy's when led to
the stake, the Oriental Minis'er turns to the savage Cairns, and bids
him, at the peril of his own life, be sure that the forms of law are duly
observed. But the hatred of the tyrants may yet be baffled. We tell
them to their cruel faces that their prey may foil them yet. It can do
no harm, now, to reveal, that Beales may pass at any moment through
Temple Bar in the disguise of an organ-grinder, and no minion of
Mayne shall detect the patriot; or that Mr. Bright fishes peacefully
in a secret salmon-stream while Disraeli rages and thirsts for his
blood. Yet the warning is well given, Humphrey of Kars, Corre-
spondent of the Star. Well whistled, Humphrey Sandpiper, and the
observations we hear in society, touching thee, would well reward thee
for thy noble patriotism.
THE EPITAPH OE THE SESSION.
AUGUST 10, 1S66.
Here lies the Session that has ended,
Whereof “ the least said soonest mended.”
It talked a deal about Reform,
And lashed itself into a storm,
That nigh wrecked Gladstone’s reputation,
Lifted Lowe high, and bored the nation :
Beales and his roughs brought ’bout our ears.
And moved a Walpole’s pious tears.
Turned out the measures and the men
That now we are calling for again:
And gave us men, who can’t pass measures,
Nor serve our profits or our pleasures.
Six hundred M.P.’s six months’ skill
It used and hardly passed a Bill.
Sic tramit, to the Banks of Styx,
Session no-Session, Sixty-six!
Tell us, in a Word,
When the Park rascals come—what they ought to get and wno
ought to deal with them ?
Nox—knocks—Knox.
71
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
THE QUEEN OE THE SEA.
Let us shout for the Land of the Brave ;
Let us roar for the Isle of the Tree !
Ne’er shall one foreign foe,
With the tip of his toe,
Touch Britannia, the Queen of the Sea.
Rule Britannia the Queen of the Sea.
Reign Britannia, the Queen of the Sea.
She did always, of yore,
And she shall, evermore.
Reign Britannia, the Queen of the Sea.
Wooden walls were our bulwarks of old,
But of iron they now are to be;
When our sea-walls we’ve got,
Which at present we’ve not;
But Britannia’s the Queen of the Sea.
Rule Britannia, &c.
Other nations have navies of steel;
Iron-clads we have got two or three.
Never mind. Who ’s afraid
A descent can be made
On Britannia the Queen of the Sea ?
Rule Britannia, &c.
Though our souls are with business engrossed,
Yet ten times seven millions have we
In experiments spent;
Goodness knows how it went:
But Britannia’s the Queen of the Sea.
Rule Britannia, &c.
Railway Members, and Members for Trade,
Legislation for England decree:
Parliamentary snobs,
Have connived at gross jobs :
Still Britannia’s the Queen of the Sea.
Rule Britannia, &c.
Let us hope with all maritime Powers,
That we still shall contrive to agree,
Whilst creating a fleet,
Pit their navies to meet:
Por Britannia, the Queen of the Sea.
Rule Britannia, &c.
WHO WRITES THE TIME-BOOKS ?
Dear Punch,
You know everybody ; pray do you know the author of the
railway time-tables and time-books ? Because, if so, I wish you would
just tell him, with my most respectful compliments, that I wish he
would be earlier in sending in his “copy” for those interesting works.
Trains usually are changed upon the first day of the month, and the
time-books as a rule are never ready to be published till the morning
of that day. To be of service, then, they clearly should be issued a
week earlier, so that one may lay one’s plans beforehand for one’s
journeys, and be saved from the annoyance of arriving at a station
just in time to be too late.
I travel a good deal, and have spoilt a splendid temper through the
trains which I have missed by not having a time-book, there being
none procurable until the day on which the times are altered for the
trains. The mysteries of a time-book are not easy to unravel, and on
this account alone, if for no other reason, the time-books should be
issued considerably before their information is required. Just touch
up the talented author who employs his time in writing them, and bid
him be in time in telling us the times, and thus save from countless
miseries your tormented, Vagabundus.
Animal Instinct.
The Sea-Bear has whispered to his friend and Keeper that the grief
he feels at the death of the Sea-Cow on its passage to England and
the Zoological Gardens (which the Seal broke to him), is not unbear-
able. The creature is supposed to have been alarmed for the popu-
larity he now enjoys—to have felt it was fishy.
interesting to smokers.
A Novel is announced, called Brought to Light. It may be very
good. And we know many that are certainly as fit to be made Spills.
A SAND-PIPERS’ WHISTLE.
In its largest _ type, as indeed, befits the terrible occasion, Mr.
Bright’s orcan inserts the following frightful announcement from
a Correspondent, Dr. Sandpiper, of Kars :—
“ I firmly believe that under the present Government the lives of such men a>
Mr. Bright and Mr. Beales are unsafe, and I am confirmed in this belief by sundry
observations I hear in society.”
Unhappily, we are enabled to confirm the terrors of the writer. We
had been disposed to give a contemptuous toleration to the existing
Cabinet, which is but temporary, because we think, with the late Duke
oe Wellington, that it is generally the duty of a good citizen to
support the Queen’s Government de facto. But we now denounce
that Government, and swear to do our utmost for its overthrow. It
seeks the lives of Beales and Bright. We are in possession of facts.
Lord Derby has sworn by St. Joan (a family oath, referring to his
ancestress, Joan of Aldithly) that he will eat no pheasant of 1866 until
he has received the head of Beales at Knowsley, carriage paid, and no
fee to porter. We need not say what this means, when uttered in the
hearing of remorseless sycophants. Several attacks have already been
made upon Mr. Beales, and though he has been hitherto providen-
tially unharmed in consequence of the thickness of his skull, who shall
say that this will always be proof against the ruffianism of the blood-
thirsty scions of aristocracy ? Thomas a Beckett fell in the Canter-
bury Cathedral, and Beales may be destined to a like fate in the
Canterbury Hall. JJltor ex Ossibus, as Mr. Gladstone says, may
arise, but even if Bones should jump down from among the other
Ethiopians, and revenge Beales in the most sanguinary manner, what
atonement is this to a bereaved nation ? But Bright is not destined
to succumb to the private vengeance of the haughty Lord of Derby.
An impeachment, with a packed majority in the Houses, is to send
Bright to the block.
“ The House impeach him, Coningsby harangues.”
Yes, the malice of Mr. Disraeli is at length to be satiated. His
imaginative eye already sees the end, the shouted verdict, the awful
sentence, the dreadful array on Tower Hill. He hears the toll of St.
Peter ad Yincula. He beholds Wilberporce vainly trying to induce
the faithful Quaker to give some sign of attachment to the Church of
England, if it be only to bless a beadle. He sees Wiialley, in his
Protestant mask, preparing the axe for the deadly enemy of all
Jesuitism. He marks Odger weeping, Rodgers in convulsions,
Bubb bellowing for a rescue, and Gill trembling lest his own dark
doom be near. Then, with a face calm as young Alroy's when led to
the stake, the Oriental Minis'er turns to the savage Cairns, and bids
him, at the peril of his own life, be sure that the forms of law are duly
observed. But the hatred of the tyrants may yet be baffled. We tell
them to their cruel faces that their prey may foil them yet. It can do
no harm, now, to reveal, that Beales may pass at any moment through
Temple Bar in the disguise of an organ-grinder, and no minion of
Mayne shall detect the patriot; or that Mr. Bright fishes peacefully
in a secret salmon-stream while Disraeli rages and thirsts for his
blood. Yet the warning is well given, Humphrey of Kars, Corre-
spondent of the Star. Well whistled, Humphrey Sandpiper, and the
observations we hear in society, touching thee, would well reward thee
for thy noble patriotism.
THE EPITAPH OE THE SESSION.
AUGUST 10, 1S66.
Here lies the Session that has ended,
Whereof “ the least said soonest mended.”
It talked a deal about Reform,
And lashed itself into a storm,
That nigh wrecked Gladstone’s reputation,
Lifted Lowe high, and bored the nation :
Beales and his roughs brought ’bout our ears.
And moved a Walpole’s pious tears.
Turned out the measures and the men
That now we are calling for again:
And gave us men, who can’t pass measures,
Nor serve our profits or our pleasures.
Six hundred M.P.’s six months’ skill
It used and hardly passed a Bill.
Sic tramit, to the Banks of Styx,
Session no-Session, Sixty-six!
Tell us, in a Word,
When the Park rascals come—what they ought to get and wno
ought to deal with them ?
Nox—knocks—Knox.