DOI issue:
October 27, 1866
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16878#0179
October 27, 1866.]
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
171
I
liar, “Because,” as he informs me, “ the Sympebsons’ carriage hasn’t
been out this evening, in consequence of their not going to the ball.”
3'30. Everyone announces the impossibility of going to bed again.
The coachman can’t make out why the dog didn’t bark. With the
groom he searched the grounds. Everyone goes about searching
everywhere, and coming upon each other suddenly round sharp
corners; frightening one another, as if it was a game. Eraser pops
out of his room every other five minutes on some false alarm, to ask
me “ If I heard anything, then F ” or to say, nervously, “ Who’s
there ? ” when the answer generally is, “ It’s only me, Sir,” from the
butler or the footman, who appear to be running away from Eraser,
or catching each other, like blindman’s buff. An al fresco game of the
same kind is being played in the grounds by the groom, the coachman,
and the policeman. The prevailing idea among the females is, that
there is a man in the store-cupboard: the strictest search will not
convince them to the contrary.
The butler spends the remainder of the night on the plate-chest, with
a poker in his hand. The footman sits at the top of the servants’
stairs, and alarms the entire household, for a second time, by felling
asleep, and tumbling down half-a-dozen steps. He spends the re-
mainder of his night in brown paper, vinegar, and groans; but
heroically at his post, at the bottom of the stairs where he fell, with a
poker. Everyone seems to have got a poker.
Happy Thought.—Shan’t say anything about inattention of police, or
they ’ll find I was at my window. Oh, Eridoline. Bed—sleep.
LOLLiUS IN DIEPPE.
La Plage.
ear Sir,—1 am sure that you
will be glad to hear from me,
at least I hope so. I am cer-
tain that I feel very kindly
towards you, and belief in the
good feeling of others is the
way to create it. Do not think
again of the outrageous and
unkind letter you sent, hinting
that I had been away more
than twice as long as I had
promised to be. I have quite
forgiven it, and have shown
you that I would take no
notice of a friend’s temporary
forgetfulness of propriety.
Bather than add to your self-
reproaches, I _ would stay here
another fortnight.
Eor it is very pleasant.
The season has long been
over. All the Parisian idiots
and idiotesses, who used to
change their dresses three times a day, have departed, and there are
'lew visitors here except some pleasant Englishmen, who do not dress
three times a day, but in revenge wash at least once, to the astonish-
ment of the servants, accustomed to French habits. Do not you set
this down as a bit of old-fashioned Anglican prejudice. I am very
fond of the Frenchman. I like his readiness to be amused, for ever
so long, with the slightest trifle. I like the solemn and earnest care
which he bestows on his pretty gloves. I like his courteousness of
manner, when nothing has annoyed him. But he does not wash.
Send out a commission to inquire into the subject—those light-hearted
Commissioners on Election Corruption would be just the men, as the
French love small and weak jokes. Their report would be in the lan-
guage used by Miss Edgeworth’s bear, who put his head in at the
barber’s window and cried “ No Soap ! ”
Everybody knows Dieppe, of course, and therefore, though I for one
have never been here before, I scorn to describe it, as otherwise I
could do elegantly, for I am known to have much graphic power.
There are some good hotels. I am at that of Les Bains, to which I
resorted because, although my Parisian accent is perfect, it is not
appreciated at Dieppe, which is a provincial town. I therefore prefer
to converse with an English host. But I think that the French waiter
(he is called a gargon in French) partly understands me, with the aid
of my pantomime, when I ask for the mustard. The hotel is very
comfortable and the charges are reasonable, and if you see any reason
why I should not say this in favour of Mr. Morgan, you may excise
the paragraph, and put in some stupid joke about Fata Morgana.
It was near here that Henry the Fourth, of France, fought the
battle of Ivory. The memory of the victory is still preserved, for there
is no town so celebrated for its ivory work. Wishing for a relic, which
should be a representative type of the French mind, I have bought an
ivory mousetrap to catch flies in.
I fear that there may be one or two persons in Paris who are not
strictly honest. My reason for saying this is, that a lady whom I have
met, purchased in that metropolis, for the sum of fifty francs, a kitten
which was warranted to be a Persian, and certain to have a splendid
tail. The vendor thought that the lady was going at once to perfidious
Albion. But she stayed here for three months, instead, and the kitten
has grown into a hideous common cat, with a tail like a radish. 1
would willingly believe that the seller was deceived, but'the Parisians are
perfectly well acquainted with cats, as they use them so much in the
light of rabbits. Alexandre Dumas admits this, and he always speaks
the truth.
It is pleasing to see the doctrine of Equality carried out so well as it
is in France. Woman is regarded not only as equal to man, but as
equal to man’s work. I was smoking for an hour on the east cliff, near
the coastguard’s station, and watching the women toiling on the beach
below. It was work to which, in our unenlightened country, we
should put only the strongest sort of navvy. Each woman had to take
a long walk with a basket on her back. She came to a heap of stones.
She filled the basket till she could hardly lift it to her back, but she
did. Then she toiled back again, up a steep hill of shingle, up a plank
at a severe gradient,.and along a quay, until she came to the place for
unloading. She emptied the basket, and instantly set out to repeat
the journey. It was awful work. When I had looked at it for some
time, my own back began to ache, and I moved away, as one should
never distress oneself. The sight did not distress a lot of stalwart men
who sat smoking their pipes near the toiling creatures. 1 regret that
my own weakness of nature unfitted me for longer observation of these
proofs of the civilisation of the French.
The superior classes, however, are exquisitely refined. Just before
the Parisians departed, I had an illustration of this. Two French gen-
tlemen, staying at the hotel, used, I observed, to engage every morning
in earnest conversation, and by their gestures I saw that they were
discussing some process, perhaps of chemistry. After four or five
days, each produced a small paper, in which was a powder, and they
eagerly compared then.’ powders, with a profusion of debate. Being
myself, as you know, one of the most intelligent attendants at the
lectures in Albemarle Street, I was interested, and I got a friend, who
knew the gentlemen, to inquire what the philosophical investigation
referred to, in order that I might report to Dr. Faraday. My friend
informed me that the philosophers could not agree as to which powder
made a man’s complexion look the prettier, after shaving.
The amusements of the refined classes in France are also of a high
order of elegance and intellectuality. I hoped that the Diva Theresa
would come here, for I anticipated a great treat from the singing of a
lady who is so great a favourite at Court, and with the salons. She
will not come, however, but I have received a copy of one of her latest
songs. It is sung in the character of a provincial wet-nurse, who has
a lucrative engagement in Paris, but who laments her home. I regret
that the differences of English and French taste are so marked that if
I should translate for you any verse in this Court song, and you should
print it, no subsequent number of your publication would ever enter
an English household. Something else certainly divides the French
and English besides the sea.
I shall remain here a little longer, chiefly in order to convince you
that I have entirely forgotten your unkindness. This country, as you
are aware, is Catholic, but Protestants are tolerated, and I am happy
to say that my countrymen here show great respect for the Sunday, tor
on that day they always wear hats instead of wide-awakes. There are
excellent English clergymen here. It was not always so, for a horse-
raciug friend remarked at the table d'hote, touching a minister who was
here some years ago, “ He could not preach an ounce.”
Dear Sir, if the weather keeps flue I shall stay here, because it is so
pleasant; and if it gets bad, I shall not leave here, because I cannot
bear a rough sea. But I shall be very happy to hear from you—letters
go round by Paris, perhaps Marseilles and Algiers—therefore my
return and reply are somewhat uncertain.
Ever your devoted,
Lollius Urbicus.
THE LI BEET Y OF FATHEBLAND.
After all, the aggrandisement of Prussia is the extension ol a con-
stitutional monarchy—is it not ? The States recently annexed to the
Prussian Kingdom will all share in the enjoyment of that political and
personal freedom which is the common blessing of King William’s
subjects. As witness the subjoined telegram from Copenhagen :—
“ Baron Scheel-Plessen, the Piussian governor of Schleswig, has prohibited the
raising of subscriptions by the Danish inhabitants for the purchase of a wedding
gift for the Princess Dagmar.”
“Freedom, freedom, hey-day freedom!” the King of Prussia’s
new Danish subjects may exclaim with Caliban. Perhaps there is as
little love lost between the Danes of Schleswig and their prosperous
master as there was between Caliban and Prospero.
Why ought a policeman to be well acquainted with the Holy Land?
Because he spends a great portion of his life in some area {Samaria.)
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
171
I
liar, “Because,” as he informs me, “ the Sympebsons’ carriage hasn’t
been out this evening, in consequence of their not going to the ball.”
3'30. Everyone announces the impossibility of going to bed again.
The coachman can’t make out why the dog didn’t bark. With the
groom he searched the grounds. Everyone goes about searching
everywhere, and coming upon each other suddenly round sharp
corners; frightening one another, as if it was a game. Eraser pops
out of his room every other five minutes on some false alarm, to ask
me “ If I heard anything, then F ” or to say, nervously, “ Who’s
there ? ” when the answer generally is, “ It’s only me, Sir,” from the
butler or the footman, who appear to be running away from Eraser,
or catching each other, like blindman’s buff. An al fresco game of the
same kind is being played in the grounds by the groom, the coachman,
and the policeman. The prevailing idea among the females is, that
there is a man in the store-cupboard: the strictest search will not
convince them to the contrary.
The butler spends the remainder of the night on the plate-chest, with
a poker in his hand. The footman sits at the top of the servants’
stairs, and alarms the entire household, for a second time, by felling
asleep, and tumbling down half-a-dozen steps. He spends the re-
mainder of his night in brown paper, vinegar, and groans; but
heroically at his post, at the bottom of the stairs where he fell, with a
poker. Everyone seems to have got a poker.
Happy Thought.—Shan’t say anything about inattention of police, or
they ’ll find I was at my window. Oh, Eridoline. Bed—sleep.
LOLLiUS IN DIEPPE.
La Plage.
ear Sir,—1 am sure that you
will be glad to hear from me,
at least I hope so. I am cer-
tain that I feel very kindly
towards you, and belief in the
good feeling of others is the
way to create it. Do not think
again of the outrageous and
unkind letter you sent, hinting
that I had been away more
than twice as long as I had
promised to be. I have quite
forgiven it, and have shown
you that I would take no
notice of a friend’s temporary
forgetfulness of propriety.
Bather than add to your self-
reproaches, I _ would stay here
another fortnight.
Eor it is very pleasant.
The season has long been
over. All the Parisian idiots
and idiotesses, who used to
change their dresses three times a day, have departed, and there are
'lew visitors here except some pleasant Englishmen, who do not dress
three times a day, but in revenge wash at least once, to the astonish-
ment of the servants, accustomed to French habits. Do not you set
this down as a bit of old-fashioned Anglican prejudice. I am very
fond of the Frenchman. I like his readiness to be amused, for ever
so long, with the slightest trifle. I like the solemn and earnest care
which he bestows on his pretty gloves. I like his courteousness of
manner, when nothing has annoyed him. But he does not wash.
Send out a commission to inquire into the subject—those light-hearted
Commissioners on Election Corruption would be just the men, as the
French love small and weak jokes. Their report would be in the lan-
guage used by Miss Edgeworth’s bear, who put his head in at the
barber’s window and cried “ No Soap ! ”
Everybody knows Dieppe, of course, and therefore, though I for one
have never been here before, I scorn to describe it, as otherwise I
could do elegantly, for I am known to have much graphic power.
There are some good hotels. I am at that of Les Bains, to which I
resorted because, although my Parisian accent is perfect, it is not
appreciated at Dieppe, which is a provincial town. I therefore prefer
to converse with an English host. But I think that the French waiter
(he is called a gargon in French) partly understands me, with the aid
of my pantomime, when I ask for the mustard. The hotel is very
comfortable and the charges are reasonable, and if you see any reason
why I should not say this in favour of Mr. Morgan, you may excise
the paragraph, and put in some stupid joke about Fata Morgana.
It was near here that Henry the Fourth, of France, fought the
battle of Ivory. The memory of the victory is still preserved, for there
is no town so celebrated for its ivory work. Wishing for a relic, which
should be a representative type of the French mind, I have bought an
ivory mousetrap to catch flies in.
I fear that there may be one or two persons in Paris who are not
strictly honest. My reason for saying this is, that a lady whom I have
met, purchased in that metropolis, for the sum of fifty francs, a kitten
which was warranted to be a Persian, and certain to have a splendid
tail. The vendor thought that the lady was going at once to perfidious
Albion. But she stayed here for three months, instead, and the kitten
has grown into a hideous common cat, with a tail like a radish. 1
would willingly believe that the seller was deceived, but'the Parisians are
perfectly well acquainted with cats, as they use them so much in the
light of rabbits. Alexandre Dumas admits this, and he always speaks
the truth.
It is pleasing to see the doctrine of Equality carried out so well as it
is in France. Woman is regarded not only as equal to man, but as
equal to man’s work. I was smoking for an hour on the east cliff, near
the coastguard’s station, and watching the women toiling on the beach
below. It was work to which, in our unenlightened country, we
should put only the strongest sort of navvy. Each woman had to take
a long walk with a basket on her back. She came to a heap of stones.
She filled the basket till she could hardly lift it to her back, but she
did. Then she toiled back again, up a steep hill of shingle, up a plank
at a severe gradient,.and along a quay, until she came to the place for
unloading. She emptied the basket, and instantly set out to repeat
the journey. It was awful work. When I had looked at it for some
time, my own back began to ache, and I moved away, as one should
never distress oneself. The sight did not distress a lot of stalwart men
who sat smoking their pipes near the toiling creatures. 1 regret that
my own weakness of nature unfitted me for longer observation of these
proofs of the civilisation of the French.
The superior classes, however, are exquisitely refined. Just before
the Parisians departed, I had an illustration of this. Two French gen-
tlemen, staying at the hotel, used, I observed, to engage every morning
in earnest conversation, and by their gestures I saw that they were
discussing some process, perhaps of chemistry. After four or five
days, each produced a small paper, in which was a powder, and they
eagerly compared then.’ powders, with a profusion of debate. Being
myself, as you know, one of the most intelligent attendants at the
lectures in Albemarle Street, I was interested, and I got a friend, who
knew the gentlemen, to inquire what the philosophical investigation
referred to, in order that I might report to Dr. Faraday. My friend
informed me that the philosophers could not agree as to which powder
made a man’s complexion look the prettier, after shaving.
The amusements of the refined classes in France are also of a high
order of elegance and intellectuality. I hoped that the Diva Theresa
would come here, for I anticipated a great treat from the singing of a
lady who is so great a favourite at Court, and with the salons. She
will not come, however, but I have received a copy of one of her latest
songs. It is sung in the character of a provincial wet-nurse, who has
a lucrative engagement in Paris, but who laments her home. I regret
that the differences of English and French taste are so marked that if
I should translate for you any verse in this Court song, and you should
print it, no subsequent number of your publication would ever enter
an English household. Something else certainly divides the French
and English besides the sea.
I shall remain here a little longer, chiefly in order to convince you
that I have entirely forgotten your unkindness. This country, as you
are aware, is Catholic, but Protestants are tolerated, and I am happy
to say that my countrymen here show great respect for the Sunday, tor
on that day they always wear hats instead of wide-awakes. There are
excellent English clergymen here. It was not always so, for a horse-
raciug friend remarked at the table d'hote, touching a minister who was
here some years ago, “ He could not preach an ounce.”
Dear Sir, if the weather keeps flue I shall stay here, because it is so
pleasant; and if it gets bad, I shall not leave here, because I cannot
bear a rough sea. But I shall be very happy to hear from you—letters
go round by Paris, perhaps Marseilles and Algiers—therefore my
return and reply are somewhat uncertain.
Ever your devoted,
Lollius Urbicus.
THE LI BEET Y OF FATHEBLAND.
After all, the aggrandisement of Prussia is the extension ol a con-
stitutional monarchy—is it not ? The States recently annexed to the
Prussian Kingdom will all share in the enjoyment of that political and
personal freedom which is the common blessing of King William’s
subjects. As witness the subjoined telegram from Copenhagen :—
“ Baron Scheel-Plessen, the Piussian governor of Schleswig, has prohibited the
raising of subscriptions by the Danish inhabitants for the purchase of a wedding
gift for the Princess Dagmar.”
“Freedom, freedom, hey-day freedom!” the King of Prussia’s
new Danish subjects may exclaim with Caliban. Perhaps there is as
little love lost between the Danes of Schleswig and their prosperous
master as there was between Caliban and Prospero.
Why ought a policeman to be well acquainted with the Holy Land?
Because he spends a great portion of his life in some area {Samaria.)