DOI Heft:
February 20, 1869
DOI Seite / Zitierlink: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16883#0071
February 20, 1869.]
65
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
AN INSULTED BIRD.
he Poet of Paradise Lost and II
Pensieroso, my dear Mr. Punch,
says of the nightingale :—
“ Sweet hird, that shunnest the
noise of folly,
Most musical, most melan-
choly ! ”
Addicted as I am to soaring,
I hope I do not fly too high m
saying that Milton might have
sung nearly the same about
me. Nearly, observe, not quite.
Although I say it that shouldn’t,
I am most musical, but alto-
gether the reverse of most
melancholy; on the contrary,
universally accounted most
merry. Hence, my name has
come to be abused in a shame-
ful manner; of which I now
complain to you. It is made
to signify a sort of merry-
making which is about the
most despicable and brutal
foolery that I look down upon
from the sky. You saw in the Pall Mall Gazette, the other day, that
two young snobs were committed for tearing down the fittings of a first-
class carriage, and throwing the footwarmer out of window. They
pleaded that this damage was only done for a purpose to which they
gave my name. I object to such a vile misapplication of it. Drunken
idiots usually make the same excuse for wrenching off door-knockers
and bell-handles. Even in common discourse it is customary to use
my name as a synonym of the word, equally vulgar and disgusting with
the outbreak which it signifies, called a “ spree ” by Champagne _ Charlie
and the gents. I do protest against the misnomer of terming a silly mis-
chievous frolic, of which the character is always essentially low.
Heaven's Gate, Dunstable. A Lark.
SCOUNDRELISM ON THE SEA.
Perhaps no plummet that shall be cast will ever find the bottom of
human baseness and wickedness. We have sometimes thought that
we had nearly sounded them, as in the case of the first Napoleon, or the i
last hag sent to penal servitude for stripping children of their clothes. '
But up crops a new case, which seems to demand a heavier lead and a j
longer line than do either of the criminals we have mentioned. At!
first we know not whether to thank Mr. James Greenwood, or not,
for making the revelation, so disgusting is the cold brutality he
records ; but, on reflection, we thank him for having added another to
his good deeds. What think you, brothers and sisters, who lie sately
listening to the furious tempests, and who find some comfort, when
you are pitying the sailors, in the thought that they are furnished with
life-buoys, that may hold them up in the fight with the black waves,—
what think you, we say, of this ?
‘‘"Writing to me,” says Mr. Greenwood, in last Friday’s Star, “con-
cerning loss of life at sea, Mr. Dixon, a well-known life-belt and buoy maker
of Sunderland, informed me that he had grave suspicions of the quality of the ;
life-buoys manufactured in London, and supplied to the Jew slop shops. He
himself had met with life-buoys composed of the basest materials, and sent me
some bits of common rush as a sample of the interior of one he had dissected.
He further apprised me of the fact that to such an extent had this fraud been
perpetrated, that a very large number of seamen would have nothing to do
with life-buoys, declaring that they would rather go down and have done
with it, than hang in the jaws of death for a few hours, with the certainty of
drowning after all, becoming more apparent as the treacherous support gradu-
ally soddened, and sank under their weight.”
There, just read that quietly. _ ease for tall language. The
simple words are pretty nearly endugn, ^ iu think ? You have
taken in the fact. The men struggling in the waters,—thinking of
firesides and children,—and feeling the article from the Jew’s slop
shop giving way under their cold hands. Let us go on, then.
Mr. Greenwood, naturally, did not care to receive this story without
inquiry. He is no Gusher, eager to gush before a tale can be contra-
dicted. On the contrary, a hard-headed, practical gentleman. He went
to Shadwell, and found a belt and buoy maker. The man was frank
enough:—
“ He informed me that the buoys which are all stamped ‘warranted cork-
wood,’ are nothing of the kind; ‘not one in a dozen.’ ‘ You couldn't do it
for the money,’ said my informant; ‘ the Jews that such as we work for won't
give more than three-and-six or four shillings each for ’em, and how much
cork can you afford to stuff into ’em for that, I’d like to know ? ’ . . . He
appeared to think that it did not matter what the canvas covers were stuffed
with so long as they were well sewn and painted. I further inquired as to
where the precious goods of his manufacture might be bought, and he replied
shortly, ‘ Anywhere.’ And it seemed that this was perfectly true.”
He told Mr. Greenwood what was put into the articles—rushes,
shavings. But this will be shown better in Mr. Greenwood’s own
account:—
“ The neighbourhoods of Shadwell, Ratcliff, and Poplar were visited, and at
each place at a seaman’s slop-shop a ‘good life buoy’ was inquired for and
bought. One was branded ‘ warranted corkwood,’ one ‘ all cork,’ and the third
simply bore the word ‘ warranted.’ They ranged in price from six shillings to
seven-and-sixpence. They were all three carried home, and dissected with the
following results:—
“ Ho. 1 (‘ warranted corkwood ’), when its flimsy yellow skin was slit, was
discovered to consist bodily of straw', sparely covered with cork shavings for
the satisfaction, it is presumed, of any cautious mariner who might feel dis-
posed to risk a like slit in his purchase so as to make sure of its quality before
he paid for it.
“No. 2 (‘ warranted’) wras stuffed with rushes.
“Ho. 3 (‘ all cork ’) cork chips and rushes, about twenty per cent, of the
former and eighty of the latter.
“ To test the buoyant capability of the three detected impostors they were
placed in water, a weight of ten pounds being attached to each. This was the
result:—■
“ 1 "Warranted corkwood : ’ sank in an hour.
“ ‘ Warranted : ’ stood the test for nearly two hours, and then succumbed.
“ ‘ All cork,’ floated for four hours, and then sank from view.”
We really do not see that we can do better than leave the case as
thus succinctly stated. We thought that no form of rascality could
surprise us much; but this revelation has more nearly produced
astonishment than any atrocity of which we have read for years. Yet
why be astonished ? For, “ buthiness is buthiness,” as the Jew slop-
shop keeper would say; and “business Ts business,” as his Christian
rival would remark. But, but—would it not be pleasant to fling a gang
of the vendors of these accursed things into the sea off Brighton pier
on a blowy day, and pitch them a choice assortment of their own
buoys and belts to save them ? We doubt whether a purer pleasure
could be suggested to us, unless we could hand them to the unfriendly
Maories about dinner time. We may not have either happiness ; but
we may call upon all our contemporaries to do their best to spread the
knowledge that such are among the devilish tricks of trade; and we
may among us save a good many poor fellows from the deep. Can’t
the Sailors’ Home, among other channels, send about the facts ?
And if Jack inquires into the matter, and, breaking open a buoy at a
slop shop, finds straw or shavings, we hope that he will not be so hard
as to pull the Jew’s nose off—that is, not quite off.
CUTTING IT FINE.
The Controller of Her Majesty’s Stationery Office has issued a
Circular to the public offices, urging greater economy in the consump-
tion of quill pens, which, judging from Mr. Greg’s cutting remarks,
appear to be very wastefully used between ten and four. As this is a
question of pounds, shillings, and pens, the nation having to stump up
a large sum every year for the supply of these quills, the Controller is
no doubt right in making a pounce upon what seems a decided abuse.
But, perhaps, a still more necessary reform would be effected, if the
consumption of another article in constant use in Government offices
could be lessened—Red Tape.
Nice Police News from Wigan.
The other day at Wigan a publican and collier were tried for brutally
assaulting a policeman •who had called at the house of the former after
midnight. He knocked him down, kicked him, and, says the local
report, “ tried to hold him over a fire—a performance in which they
succeeded for a short time.” The publican was fined ten pounds: the
accomplice half. Policemen are evidently not very highly valued at
Wigan. There is a touch of professional originality in the collier’s
putting the policeman on the coals. Possibly they had been bitten by
the Pantomimes in which the guardians of the peace are generally
roasted.
A Box of Smoke.
A sea-captain has been fined, at Liverpool, for smuggling over
tobacco in a missionary box. As such things are about the size of
cigar-boxes, the poor man’s offence could not have been very large.
Why didn’t he plead that the tobacco was some pious and anonymous
contribution to the society to which the box belonged ? If “ Yigilans ”
and other Argus-eyed writers say truth, many missionary contributions
are dissipated in much less sensible ways than the smoking them.
Elegant Extracts.—In a Dentist’s Window.
65
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
AN INSULTED BIRD.
he Poet of Paradise Lost and II
Pensieroso, my dear Mr. Punch,
says of the nightingale :—
“ Sweet hird, that shunnest the
noise of folly,
Most musical, most melan-
choly ! ”
Addicted as I am to soaring,
I hope I do not fly too high m
saying that Milton might have
sung nearly the same about
me. Nearly, observe, not quite.
Although I say it that shouldn’t,
I am most musical, but alto-
gether the reverse of most
melancholy; on the contrary,
universally accounted most
merry. Hence, my name has
come to be abused in a shame-
ful manner; of which I now
complain to you. It is made
to signify a sort of merry-
making which is about the
most despicable and brutal
foolery that I look down upon
from the sky. You saw in the Pall Mall Gazette, the other day, that
two young snobs were committed for tearing down the fittings of a first-
class carriage, and throwing the footwarmer out of window. They
pleaded that this damage was only done for a purpose to which they
gave my name. I object to such a vile misapplication of it. Drunken
idiots usually make the same excuse for wrenching off door-knockers
and bell-handles. Even in common discourse it is customary to use
my name as a synonym of the word, equally vulgar and disgusting with
the outbreak which it signifies, called a “ spree ” by Champagne _ Charlie
and the gents. I do protest against the misnomer of terming a silly mis-
chievous frolic, of which the character is always essentially low.
Heaven's Gate, Dunstable. A Lark.
SCOUNDRELISM ON THE SEA.
Perhaps no plummet that shall be cast will ever find the bottom of
human baseness and wickedness. We have sometimes thought that
we had nearly sounded them, as in the case of the first Napoleon, or the i
last hag sent to penal servitude for stripping children of their clothes. '
But up crops a new case, which seems to demand a heavier lead and a j
longer line than do either of the criminals we have mentioned. At!
first we know not whether to thank Mr. James Greenwood, or not,
for making the revelation, so disgusting is the cold brutality he
records ; but, on reflection, we thank him for having added another to
his good deeds. What think you, brothers and sisters, who lie sately
listening to the furious tempests, and who find some comfort, when
you are pitying the sailors, in the thought that they are furnished with
life-buoys, that may hold them up in the fight with the black waves,—
what think you, we say, of this ?
‘‘"Writing to me,” says Mr. Greenwood, in last Friday’s Star, “con-
cerning loss of life at sea, Mr. Dixon, a well-known life-belt and buoy maker
of Sunderland, informed me that he had grave suspicions of the quality of the ;
life-buoys manufactured in London, and supplied to the Jew slop shops. He
himself had met with life-buoys composed of the basest materials, and sent me
some bits of common rush as a sample of the interior of one he had dissected.
He further apprised me of the fact that to such an extent had this fraud been
perpetrated, that a very large number of seamen would have nothing to do
with life-buoys, declaring that they would rather go down and have done
with it, than hang in the jaws of death for a few hours, with the certainty of
drowning after all, becoming more apparent as the treacherous support gradu-
ally soddened, and sank under their weight.”
There, just read that quietly. _ ease for tall language. The
simple words are pretty nearly endugn, ^ iu think ? You have
taken in the fact. The men struggling in the waters,—thinking of
firesides and children,—and feeling the article from the Jew’s slop
shop giving way under their cold hands. Let us go on, then.
Mr. Greenwood, naturally, did not care to receive this story without
inquiry. He is no Gusher, eager to gush before a tale can be contra-
dicted. On the contrary, a hard-headed, practical gentleman. He went
to Shadwell, and found a belt and buoy maker. The man was frank
enough:—
“ He informed me that the buoys which are all stamped ‘warranted cork-
wood,’ are nothing of the kind; ‘not one in a dozen.’ ‘ You couldn't do it
for the money,’ said my informant; ‘ the Jews that such as we work for won't
give more than three-and-six or four shillings each for ’em, and how much
cork can you afford to stuff into ’em for that, I’d like to know ? ’ . . . He
appeared to think that it did not matter what the canvas covers were stuffed
with so long as they were well sewn and painted. I further inquired as to
where the precious goods of his manufacture might be bought, and he replied
shortly, ‘ Anywhere.’ And it seemed that this was perfectly true.”
He told Mr. Greenwood what was put into the articles—rushes,
shavings. But this will be shown better in Mr. Greenwood’s own
account:—
“ The neighbourhoods of Shadwell, Ratcliff, and Poplar were visited, and at
each place at a seaman’s slop-shop a ‘good life buoy’ was inquired for and
bought. One was branded ‘ warranted corkwood,’ one ‘ all cork,’ and the third
simply bore the word ‘ warranted.’ They ranged in price from six shillings to
seven-and-sixpence. They were all three carried home, and dissected with the
following results:—
“ Ho. 1 (‘ warranted corkwood ’), when its flimsy yellow skin was slit, was
discovered to consist bodily of straw', sparely covered with cork shavings for
the satisfaction, it is presumed, of any cautious mariner who might feel dis-
posed to risk a like slit in his purchase so as to make sure of its quality before
he paid for it.
“No. 2 (‘ warranted’) wras stuffed with rushes.
“Ho. 3 (‘ all cork ’) cork chips and rushes, about twenty per cent, of the
former and eighty of the latter.
“ To test the buoyant capability of the three detected impostors they were
placed in water, a weight of ten pounds being attached to each. This was the
result:—■
“ 1 "Warranted corkwood : ’ sank in an hour.
“ ‘ Warranted : ’ stood the test for nearly two hours, and then succumbed.
“ ‘ All cork,’ floated for four hours, and then sank from view.”
We really do not see that we can do better than leave the case as
thus succinctly stated. We thought that no form of rascality could
surprise us much; but this revelation has more nearly produced
astonishment than any atrocity of which we have read for years. Yet
why be astonished ? For, “ buthiness is buthiness,” as the Jew slop-
shop keeper would say; and “business Ts business,” as his Christian
rival would remark. But, but—would it not be pleasant to fling a gang
of the vendors of these accursed things into the sea off Brighton pier
on a blowy day, and pitch them a choice assortment of their own
buoys and belts to save them ? We doubt whether a purer pleasure
could be suggested to us, unless we could hand them to the unfriendly
Maories about dinner time. We may not have either happiness ; but
we may call upon all our contemporaries to do their best to spread the
knowledge that such are among the devilish tricks of trade; and we
may among us save a good many poor fellows from the deep. Can’t
the Sailors’ Home, among other channels, send about the facts ?
And if Jack inquires into the matter, and, breaking open a buoy at a
slop shop, finds straw or shavings, we hope that he will not be so hard
as to pull the Jew’s nose off—that is, not quite off.
CUTTING IT FINE.
The Controller of Her Majesty’s Stationery Office has issued a
Circular to the public offices, urging greater economy in the consump-
tion of quill pens, which, judging from Mr. Greg’s cutting remarks,
appear to be very wastefully used between ten and four. As this is a
question of pounds, shillings, and pens, the nation having to stump up
a large sum every year for the supply of these quills, the Controller is
no doubt right in making a pounce upon what seems a decided abuse.
But, perhaps, a still more necessary reform would be effected, if the
consumption of another article in constant use in Government offices
could be lessened—Red Tape.
Nice Police News from Wigan.
The other day at Wigan a publican and collier were tried for brutally
assaulting a policeman •who had called at the house of the former after
midnight. He knocked him down, kicked him, and, says the local
report, “ tried to hold him over a fire—a performance in which they
succeeded for a short time.” The publican was fined ten pounds: the
accomplice half. Policemen are evidently not very highly valued at
Wigan. There is a touch of professional originality in the collier’s
putting the policeman on the coals. Possibly they had been bitten by
the Pantomimes in which the guardians of the peace are generally
roasted.
A Box of Smoke.
A sea-captain has been fined, at Liverpool, for smuggling over
tobacco in a missionary box. As such things are about the size of
cigar-boxes, the poor man’s offence could not have been very large.
Why didn’t he plead that the tobacco was some pious and anonymous
contribution to the society to which the box belonged ? If “ Yigilans ”
and other Argus-eyed writers say truth, many missionary contributions
are dissipated in much less sensible ways than the smoking them.
Elegant Extracts.—In a Dentist’s Window.