Punch: Punch (56.1869)

Jdne 12, 1869.1

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.


A SONG TO THE RIGHT TUNE.

Mu. Rupert Kettle, of Wolverhampton, who has
already settled by his arbitration so many quarrels about
wages between masters and men in the Northern Coun-
ties, has just effected another arrangement of the same
kind among the Cotton-spinners of Oldham.

Ail our readers will remember the opening of a famous
domestic quarrel in one of Dickens’s Christmas Stories :
“ Kettle begun it.”

Let us hope that henceforth all stories of trade-quarrels
in the North will run “ Kettle ended it,” and that, en-
couraged by the success of this voluntary Conciliation
Court, masters and men, instead of striking, will strike up
the popular chorus, “ Polly, put the Kettle on.” _ Punch
begs leave to offer them a version of the song for such
occasions.

Better put the Kettle on,

Better put the Kettle on,

Better put the Kettle on,

And let’s agree!

There ’s some love striking
Till clemmed they lie :

There’s some love ratt’ning,

And blowing sky-high.

But we 'll put the Kettle on.

We will put the Kettle on,

We will put the Kettle on,

And friends we T1 be !

If meu, let’s remember
A master’s a man;

That if all will be masters,

There’s nobody can.

So let’s put the Kettle on, &c.

If masters, remember,

In playing our parts,

You cannot have hands,

But you have heads and hearts ;

And let’s put the Kettle on, &c.

Old Gentleman (who has not hurried over his Dinner, and lues just got his Bill).
“Waiter, what’s this? I’m Charged here Twopence for Stationery.
You KNOW I ’VE HAD NONE-”

Irish Waiter. “ Faix ! yer Honour, I don’t know. Y’ave been Sittin’

HERE A LONG T-H-IME, ANYHOW ! ! ”

iESCULAPIAN GAMES.

The Medical Students have naturally enough fallen in with the fashion which
has become prevalent among the schools in general, of contending in bodily exer-
cises. On Wednesday last week those of St. Bartholomew’s Hospital held their
third annual athletic meeting at the Beaufort House Grounds, Walham Green, in
the presence of a large number of the sumptuous classes.

The list of tb.3 sports of the sinewy and surgical competitors included “ Throwing
the Cricket Ball,” “Putting the Weight,” “Throwing the Hammer,” a “Hurdle
Race,” a “High Jump,” and a “ Consolation Race.” Instead of throwing the
Cricket Ball, one seems to fancy that the feat really performed was that of throwing
the Cranium; that the Weight put was a measure of that Heavy which, put down
the oesophagus, serves to relieve the dryness of anatomical studies; that the
hammer thrown was the Malleus, a little bone which it would be hard to fling a
long way; that the Hurdle Race was managed with frame-works composed of
tibice, fibula, radii, ulncs, and ribs ; that the High Jump was a leap over the skeleton
of the Irish Giant in Lincoln’s-inn Fields, and that the Consolation Race concluded
with a composing draught of beer.

No doubt the study of the muscles must tend to give a peculiar alacrity and
expertness in this exercise. The Hospitals ought at least to equal the Universities
in muscular proficiency. Barf.holomew’s ami Guy’s should institute an annual
boat-race. There is nothing like athletic sports to test endurance and pluck—
the only pluck to be named in connection with medical students.

The Nobility and the Noble Animal.

Another nobleman, and a Duke, is done up by the Turf. His Grace has
failed for upwards of £95,000. A man in the way of being ruined used to be said
to be going to the dogs. In the same way, when a Peer or any other person of
property goes on the Turf it had better become customary to say that he it going
to the horses.

“A Liberal Whip.”—A Jockey’s?

Let’s all do our duties,

Not talk of our rights ;

And we’ll soon find our interests
Are one—against fights.

And we ’ll put the Kettle on, &c.

If men thought of masters,

And masters of men,

They’d agree in compounding
Nine quarrels in ten,

And put Rupert Kettle on, &c.

The head needs the hand,

As the hand needs the tool:

To set either ’gaiust other’s,

The thought of a fool.

So let’s put the Kettle on, &c.

And the thought of the fool
Of the knave is the sin,

When either cheats other.

And thinks so to win.

So let’s put the Kettle on,

So let’s put the Kettle on.

So let’s put the Kettle on,

And friends let’s be!

Seamanship and Sporting.

A Masterly letter on “The Turf” appeared the other
day in the Times, occupying about a column and a third
of the leading journal. It was signed H. J. Rous, Admiral.
“ I have been on the Turf upwards of fifty years,” says
Admiral Rous therein. Truly the gallant Admiral may
be regarded as the Patriarch of the Turf There are
Admirals of the Red, the White, and the Blue. Should
not Admiral Rous be constituted Admiral of the Grey, or
the Bay, or the Brown, or the Chestnut ? There are even
those who dare to whisper that the distinguished naval
Officer who presides over the Jockey Club deserves to be
appointed, not without a proper increase of pay, Com-
mander of the Horse Marines.