Punch (56.1869)

June 19. 1809] PUNCH, OK THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 249

EMBARRASSING.

Nervous Spinster {to wary Old Bachelori. “ Oil, Mr. Marigold, ] 'm so
Frightened ! May 1 take hold of yodr Hand while we 're going
THROUGH THIS TUNNEL?”

MEAT AND DRINK.

Enthusiasts, who would have us to
A bstain from beer and wine,

And every spirit, how do you
Propose that, we should dine ?

At dinner men not only bite.

They also need to sup:

Champagne and Claret were it right
To banish from the Cup ?

And when the month contains an R.,

With oysters, which are in,

The lips from Chablis to debar
Would it not be a sin ?

Breathes there the man who could forswear
Burgundy or Bordeaux

When at his woodcock ? If so, where
Does he expect to go ?

With whitebait give iced punch, if not, ^
Give whitebait not to me ;

And oh, without that same punch, what
Would even turtle be F

With every dish a liquor goes,

By every wise man’s use,

And even every schoolboy knows
What Lai in is for Goose.

What Goose is English for is clear
To all men but an ass;

Him who maligns sound wholesome beer,
And bans the generous glass.

Our Irish. Selves.

It may have occurred to some statesmen that the best
way to settle the Irish difficulty would be that of making
poor old Ireland new. To this end emigration from Ireland
might be promoted on the one hand and immigration there-
into from England stimulated on the other. But the
worst of it is, that all people as soon as they come to be
born in Ireland become Irish, and if Englishmen, more
Irish than the Irish themselves.

SOCIAL SPORTING INTELLIGENCE.

At this awakening season of the year the serious world starts into
activity as well as the sporting. Whilst the latter has been pursuing
its summum honurn on the Downs and the Lawn, the former has had its
whack at Exeter Hall. Different people have different opinions ; some
like t he Turf and others the Platform : every man to his liking, as the
noble lord said when he backed his horse. A considerable muster of
the votaries of philanthropy, mostly of the “ upper ten,” was held on
Tuesday week last, at the house of Sir Percy Burrell, Bart.,
Berkeley Square, in Lady Burrell’s drawing-room, under the presi-
dency of the Earl of Shaftesbury, and the title of the “ Ladies
Sanitary Association.” This affair of the Shaftesbury lot is not in anywise
a humbug, but really altogether a good thing and no mistake about it.
Object, “to extend and popularise the knowledge of the laws of health
by means of libraries, lectures, tracts, clothing and coal clubs, and
■other similar agencies.”

Though mainly composed ofladies, it does not scorn the assistance
of the sterner sex ; some of whom were present at its late reunion, and
held forth. They included Mr. Chadwick, and, moreover, several
distinguished sons of iEsculapius. Among the medical speakers one
was Dr. Earre, who, you may be sure, would never lend his name to
bosh, and another was Dr. Druitt, whose judicious treatise on light
wines is a material guarantee that he could not possibly countenance
any species of sbamabraham.

The report of this fair Association of Good Sanitarians, read by Mrs.
Butler, one of its Hon. Secs., disclosed a goodly series of bona fide
transactions. H.R.H. the Crown Princess of Prussia had become one
of their Lady Patronesses. They had printed five hundred copies of
x-he Home Almanac in the present year; the same number of essays on
small-pox and vaccination ; likewise one hundred copies of the Society’s
10th Annual Report, and had reprinted some thousands of tracts, which,
their contents consisting of useful knowledge and common sense, have
probably not been physically ulilised for spills, or otherwise, by their
receivers. The Association had sent 13,243 children, last season, to

play in the Parks—cost £21 13?. Id., as Sam Pepys says. The Com-
mittee of Destitute Children’s Dinner Society (in co-operation with it)
had opened 37 dining-rooms up to September, 1868, in the poorest
districts of London, made grants to the amount of £884, and sold
substantial dinners to 83,119 children, at Id. per head; thus feeding,
without pauperising, the hungry.

Some fifty of the ragged, if not the naked, had been also clothed by
the Association. “ The clothing consisted of fifty calico shirts, twenty-
one red flannel shirts with Garibaldi tops and long sleeves, twenty-one
linsey skirts, twenty-nine blue serge dresses, and fifty white straw hats
trimmed with blue ribbon.” I quote these details for the edification of
your lovely readers. The London Dressmakers’ Company, connected
with the Association, was thriving—had shot brandies into divers
towns. The Association had in view a project for establishing nur-
series for motherless young children, to serve as schools for nurses,
and for mothers of all classes. Balance-sheet for 1868 receipts,
£511 2s. 10c?.; expenditure, £404 2?. Id.; surplus, £107 0.?. 9d. Ibis
Association has much to show for little money, precisely the reverse of
Societies for the Conversion of the Cannibals, and the Jews, wdiich bave
many more missionaries to produce than converts, and in the opinion
of your humble servant, when its fair constituents send round the
fanchon, they should get it back filled with bank-notes, and would
deserve to, even if the receptacle for subscriptions were a coalscuttle
bonnet. The horse no doubt is not only a noble, but a worshipful
animal, and some of the nobility and gentry, who have more money
than they know what to do with, may like to relieve themselves thereof
by playing at ducks and drakes with it on the Turf, whilst others,
like the Members of the Ladies’ Sanitary Association, prefer to expend
their superfluous tin on the pastime of practical beneficence, which
must at least be admitted to be quite as amusing, if not as rational, lor
those who like it, as the other. For a contrast between those two sorts
of diversions, the Ascot Week affords a seasonable opportunity to

Larkspur.

A Hint to the Lords.—Second Readings are best.