Punch (56.1869)

May 15, 1869.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

195

TO PARTIES FROM THE COUNTRY, AND OTHERS.

You 'will certainly
have your money’s
■worth if you go to
the HolbornTheatre
and see Money,
which all who are
glad to have the op-
portunity of again
enjoying a play by
one of our Old
Masters in Comedy,
Loud LYTTON,more
commonly known
as Bulwer, must
heartily wish it may
pay the new Lessee,
Mr. Barky Sulli-
van, to have repro-
duced. In Money,
as it may now be

seen on the Hulborn boards, there is good acting, sterling good acting, and the
attention given to it by the House proves that the taste for excellent substantial
English fare, when well served up, is not yet spoilt by indulgence in those more
highly seasoned relishes in which the flavours and spices of French cookery are j
sometimes rather too predominant. The intervals between the acts are judiciously j
short, and the piece is handsomely placed upon the stage. So in your theatrical
programme do not omit to include a Money-box.

You want to see a good Burlesque, and are balancing the pros and cons as to
where you should go ? Do not hesitate. Go and enjoy the new and laughable
prose Burlesque of The Military Billy Taylor (first Cousin to Black-Fyed Susan) at
the Royalty. You will find it anything but prosy ; and must be prepared to come
back with a splitting side-ache.

“ JUST BEFORE THE BATTLE, MOTHER.5

(Authorised Version.)

Just before the Battle, Mother,

Johnny felt unwell;

Wha was ailing Johnny, Mother,

Johnny couldn’t tell.

Johnny ran away, Mother,

Braving captain’s ire,

Johnny can’t abide, Mother,

Hearing cannons fire.

Johnny came to me, Mother,

Wasn’t Johnny right ?

Tea with me was nicer, Mother,

Than a horrid fight.

Let me marry Johnny, Mother,

And we ’ll bless the day,

When just before the Battle, Motner,

Joknny' ran away.

Most Refrigerating.

In the Royal Academy (the new “ Palace of Art ”) there
is a grand landscape by Mr.Mac Wiiirter, entitled “Loch
Coruisk, Isle of Skye.” In the hot summer with which
the weather-seers again threaten us, his will be a most,
refreshing picture to stand before, seeing that it not only
represents the Loch, but also the Cuchulin (Coolin’)
Mountains.

victor Hugo’s new novel.

Id Homme qui rit is addressed to IdHomme qui reads.

CAPTAIN SWORD AND LIEUTENANT PEN.

Great and little Britons are continually grumbling that theirs is the
most expensive Army in the world, but they rarely take the trouble of
inquiring why it is so, and in what manner the cost may be most
sensibly reduced. Soldiers, as a rule, are seldom fond of writing
letters ; yet, according to the Times, it seems that Army correspondence
is one of the chief ways in which we are most wasteful of our military
means :—

“ Military correspondence is absurdly large, ana employs an army of clerks.
The whole system breaks down inevitably during a campaign. Can an}- one
give a valid reason for paying troops nominally a certain sum daily, and then
stopping a regular portion of the money for food and necessaries ? There is
none, unless it be that no other means could be devised for employing so many
clerks. Why not say at once that the soldier is fed, clothed, and paid 6d. or
9d. a-dav besides, as the case may he ? About two-thirds of the paper work
would be saved by such an arrangement.”

Powder, shot, and pipeclay are considerable items in the outlay of
our Army, but these are probably exceeded by paper, pens, and ink.
Captain Sword requires such service from Lieutenant Pen as enhances
very greatly the cost of Private Crossbelt. Even in time of peace an
army of clerks is always kept on active service, and a paper war is
being continually waged. Moreover, says the Times,

“ Many of the clerks in the War Office and other Government departments
are examined competitively, paid highly, and then set to add up rows of figures
and copy letters, work which would be better and far more cheerfully per-
formed by non-commissioned officers at about one-fourth the cost, very often
indeed by copying machines.”

If this be so, competitive examinations for military clerkships should
be limited, for candidates, to mere copying machines. YYhy should
educated gentlemen be invited to compete, when the work is quite
mechanical, and requires no mental skill ? A clerk who has to copy
letters, and to add up rows of figures, need hardly be proficient in
Greek, Hebrew, trigonometry, dynamics, and High Dutch. Such
acquirements are both difficult and costly to attain, and ought not to
be wasted in a service where, it seems, they serve no useful end, and
only put the country to considerable expense.

THE FAL-LAL MONITOR FOR MAY.

Specifying the various “ F’ashions for May,” Le Follet announces
that “ Paniers are still very much worn.” Are they ? Then perhaps
the Parisian world of fashion, impelled by an instinct of self-apprecia-
tion, has taken to going on all-fours. If their much-worn paniers are
carried on their backs, perhaps the creatures may be considered to be
appropriately laden. But, according to recent intelligence from Paris,
there is a league of ladies in course of formation, under the title of
Reactionnaire.s elegantes, against the asinine absurdities of attire with
which they have hitherto submitted to be burdened by dictatorial
dressmakers.

Le Follet also notices a costume of shot foulard, but says nothing cf
shot sea-gull serving for fanchon. It does, however, particularise a
bird’s-uest “ formed of heath, moss, leaves, and miniature wild flowers,
such as blue-bells, daisies, forget-me-nots, and lilies of the valley, in the
midst of which is placed a very small humming-bird, as if in the act of
flying from the nest.” The contempt for physical ^geography exhibited
in this combination of the botany of Northern Europe with tropical
ornithology, is to use the milliners’ own epithet, charming.

Not only are ornithology and botany, but entomology likewise is
tributary to “ Fashions for May.” Le Follet describes a head-dress,
named the “ Diademe Marquise,” which has—

“ At the side a bouquet of white daisies surmounted by a small gold butter-
fly.”

The somewhat whimsical decoration of a butterfly in the diadem is
one which, if bonnets were still in vogue, might be replaced by the still
more significant emblem of “ a bee in the bonnet.”

A Pious Memory in Paris.

On the fifth of last week, according to intelligence from Paris :—

“This day being the anniversary of the death of Nafoleon the First,
religious services were celebrated in the chapel of the Tuileries and at the
H6tel des Invalides.”

Is there no Mosque in Paris ? For aught that seems to be known,
the only persuasion which the Great Philanthropist and Truthteller
ever nrofessed was the Mahometan.

Tardy Irish Tories.

It is announced that a meeting of Conservative Irish Peers and
Members of Parliament, headed by Colonel Taylor, Viscount
Crichton, Lord Claud J. Hamilton, and Lord A. E. Hill-Treyob,
is to be held at the Carlton Club on Saturday next, at 4 p.k., to con-
sider the propriety of immediately forming “ and bringing into working
order” a Conservative Registration Association for Ireland. Will not
this be very nearly like taking steps to shut the stable-door after the
steed has been deinstalled ?

Extraordinary Feats.

In Belgravia, not long since, a builder succeeded in running up a
house, and this feat was succeeded by his running np a dozen others.
Having found his rents, however, rather difficult to get, he now is very
active in running down his tenants.