Punch: Punch (56.1869)

226 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [Mat 29, 1869.

A CASE FOR REFORM.

First Omnivorus {in the cool of the evening, when the public have gone). “ What do you say to a Sandwich ? I dare say there

ARE SOME LEFT.”

Second Omnivorus. “Eh! What, one of their Sandwiches ? Oh, not for me, thanky. You must be Hungry 1! ”

FILIAL APPEAL TO A PAEENT.

Air—“ Cheer, boys, cheer'."


There we behold, with interest undivided,

As viewed alike by publican and peer,

Of all events the greatest one decided

Which all the world can show in all the year.

Do, please, Papa, take me to the Derby!

It is a scene I do so long to see.

Mitte negotium ; fiet nil in TJrbe,

0 Gubernator dilectissime !

Say to expense you entertain objection,

Then we can go by railway, if you like ;

But I confess I have a predilection
Por the good old time-honoured road, and pike.


Oh ! then unpack those things we should say grace on.
Which will have been, through kind paternal care,
Largely purveyed by Fortnum atgue Mason,

Pop goes the cork while we consume the fare !

Hip, hip, hooray, whoever was the winner!

Hip, hip, hooray for such a jolly lunch !

None of us after that will want a dinner,

Hip, hip, hooray for old Papa and Punch !

Stand us a drag; us youths, and certain others;

Seat us, that is, the vehicle outside ;

Drive, if you will, myself, my friends, and brothers,
Or let some expert whip our horses guide.

All round our hats the veil of azure wearing,
(Schooled by my seniors Pve been taught to be ;
And of instruction fruit, I trust, am bearing,)

Dust or no dust, to Epsom Downs tend we.


Then we descend and mingle with the masses,
Where various rogues unwary victims fleece;
Where stroll the Swells among the lower classes :
Thimblerig, gipsies, preachers, and police.

Let those who will at nuts and toys go shying.

If they delight amidst the Cads to roam.

Liuht your cigars, and whilst the day is dying,
Chaffing and chaffed we ’ll jollily go home.

All the way down, at window, wall, or paling,
Females their powers of fascination try,

Which on us chaps prove wholly unavailing—
We know that kind of thing is all my eye.
Fellows, when they are going to the races,

Only at horses ever ought to look.

Let idle boys, time wasting, stare at faces ;

15d rather pay attention to my Book.

’Mid soldiers, statesmen, artists, men of letters,
Taking our stand where best we can, what fun
Seeing example set us by those betters.

Who, all around, are betting odds to one !

Conundrums.

What reason is there to suppose that frost has an intoxicating effect
on flat fish ?

Because in frosty weather we so often see soles and skates “ screwed ”
together.

If a leaden bullet hits a man, what striking metamorphosis takes
place F

The leaden bullet becomes felt.

Why is a list of musical composers like a saucepan F

Because it is incomplete without a Handel.