DOI issue:
July 18, 1874
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16939#0033
July 18, 1874.]
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
25
THE COMET-
The crowot was forcing its way into the old theatre. There
were dark, tortuous passages, with unexpected steps ascending or
descending.
Antoneroly knew that the Marry Du Crow would he taken in
his lair.
Gammon stood apart from the crowd, in the Market-place, with
Katgoot.
He said, “ I will put an end to this. Katgoot, you are a renowned
violinist.”
“Iam.”
“ Before now you have played a magnificent solo ? ”
“Yes.”
‘ ‘ And brought down the house ? ”
“ Yes.”
“ Do it now.”
Katgoot drew his how, and was about to begin.
Sergeant Rubadub stepped up.
“ Mr. Gammon, Sir.”
“ Well.”
“ The three Acrobatic Children are in the painting-room over the
theatre. If Katgoot brings down the house they will he hurt.
Acrobats, when they halt, are useless.”
“ And we want them as our great attraction. True.” Gammon
paused. “ If you are sure they are there-”
The Sergeant answered, “ I am.”
“ How do you know ? ”
The Sergeant sang out, “ Because I have been up the scale to see.”
Gammon decided at once.
“ The room is at the top of the theatre.”
“ Yes.”
“ Bring our pair of Giant stilts, used in the last pantomime.”
Katgoot produced them.
“ Good. How who will use them, and fetch down the children ? ”
“ I will,” said Sergeant Rubadub.
(To be continued.')
LAND TRANSFER AND LAW COSTS.
(See Colonel Corbett’s Speech, Times, July 8.)
Good faith, he’s an excellent Tory, the Kernel
Of Shropshire Militia, whose fame is eternal,
And he’s sure to be praised in some Shrewsbury journal.
He says, If there’s land, and you want to absorb it,
You’ve only to move in the millionnaire’s orbit.
“ Money down, and Land Transfer is easy,” quoth Corbett.
It isn’t the landed proprietors’ clamour
To simplify costly Conveyancers’ grammar,
When plunging or raking brings land to the hammer.
The folk who in this modern cry are partakers,
Will never have money to purchase ten acres,—
Mere butchers and bakers and candlestick-makers.
But if in the City you’ve picked up a million,_ _
In a park like a shire you may place your pavilion,
And take high precedence of any civilian ;
Buy up some old castle with memories regal,—
Attorneys will see that the purchase is legal,—
And live like a kite in the nest of an eagle.
Well, there’s certainly something not utterly mal-ap-
-ropos in your theories, Corbett of Salop,
Though your hobby you ride at too rapid a gallop.
But land might change hands with more ease than at present,
Hot only demesnes that are spacious and pleasant,
But snug little corners, fit home for the peasant.
A freehold half-acre of land to each cottage
Would do more than find Hodge in green-stuff for his pottage—
Might help him to eke out his life’s scant allottage.
Give the working man chance to buy land, and he ’ll buy it,
And, a lord of the soil, if a small one, in quiet,
Laugh the spouters to scorn who would rouse him to riot.
But how is the labourer ever to earn his
Bit of land, if huge fees must make numerous journeys'
To the pockets absorbent of artful attorneys ?
Whoso cheapens those journeys deserves a requital,
And ought to be able to register title
To Vendors’ and Purchasers’ thanks past recital!
de Comet is the greatest
star of the season.
The Comet will appear
every evening (the Clerk
of the Weather permit-
ting), but only for a limited
number of nights, in con-
sequence of pressing en-
gagements elsewhere.
The Comet has no con-
nection with Home-Rule,
the Lock-out of the
Labourers, the French
situation, the abolition of
Scotch Patronage, the dis-
appearance of the Lion
from Horthumberla'nd
House, the high price of
provisions, or the Bank
rate of discount. We are
wiser than our forefathers.
The size of the Comet is
not positively known, but
it fills up a pause in the
conversation at dinner
parties, dances, garden
entertainments, &c.
The pace at which the Comet travels is uncertain, but the Comet
Galop will shortly appear.
The Comet can be seen to the best advantage (through a piece of
smoked glass) from the centre of Salisbury Plain, the middle of the
Channel, the summit of the great Pyramid, the brow of Primrose
Hill, and the top of St. Paul’s (apply to the Dean and Chapter any
time between the hours of ten and twelve, p.m.).
The Comet is specially interesting to astronomers, contributors of
scientific articles, night policemen, persons at a loss for conversation,
Sort wine drinkers, children who are allowed to sit up to see the
omet, and young people of both sexes gazing at it from gardens
and balconies while under an engagement to marry.
Ho one knows exactly what comets are—they are not liable to
Income-tax, and dissensions amongst the clergy are unknown
there—and rumours have been prevalent of the intention of Govern-
ment to refer the present one to a Royal Commission.
It is a painful disclosure to have to make, but some people hold
the opinion that Comets may be “ dissipated.” _
As the Comet is a good deal talked about, it is advisable to get up
a little information on the subject. Such terms as orbit, ellipse,
nucleus, nebulosity, and perihelion are not to be used lightly and at
random at every dinner-table and dancing party. If you have any
theory of your own about Comets—that they are enormous fireworks
or gasworks, or merely nebulous masses of imponderable vapour—
advance it with feelings in which pride and modesty struggle for
the mastery, in the interval between the Eton and Harrow Match
and Goodwood. (H.B. Spectrum analysis is a good card.)
Astronomer Royal Punch predicts that the Comet will reappear
when Education is useful,universal, and compulsory ; when there is
some proper system of government for the whole of London ; when
we have decent cabs ; when the Law Courts are completed ; when
cremation is thoroughly established ; and when Ladies have seats in
the House of Lords.
Of course there is a close intimacy between the Comet and the
weather.
The Forsyth Franchise.
When pretty Miss Blanche eyes the Forsyth new franchise,
She ’ll probably say to her sisters, “ Ha! ha!
If seeing’s believing, we ’re freedom achieving :
For we shall have votes now—but not our Mamma! ”
Ambition to win stirs the eager young spinsters,
To maternal authority saying “ Ta-ta! ”
They ’ll take up the Rads’ tone, and find some new Gladstone,
With a measure to quite “ disestablish ” Mamma!
Our Representatives.
A valuable Work has just been published—The Parliamentary
Directory: showing the Professions and Trades the various Members
are connected with. The “ professions ” of Members of Parliament
is a delicate subject to handle ; but it will be instructive to know
how many of our M.P.’s are connected with trades, particularly the
trade in—beer.
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
25
THE COMET-
The crowot was forcing its way into the old theatre. There
were dark, tortuous passages, with unexpected steps ascending or
descending.
Antoneroly knew that the Marry Du Crow would he taken in
his lair.
Gammon stood apart from the crowd, in the Market-place, with
Katgoot.
He said, “ I will put an end to this. Katgoot, you are a renowned
violinist.”
“Iam.”
“ Before now you have played a magnificent solo ? ”
“Yes.”
‘ ‘ And brought down the house ? ”
“ Yes.”
“ Do it now.”
Katgoot drew his how, and was about to begin.
Sergeant Rubadub stepped up.
“ Mr. Gammon, Sir.”
“ Well.”
“ The three Acrobatic Children are in the painting-room over the
theatre. If Katgoot brings down the house they will he hurt.
Acrobats, when they halt, are useless.”
“ And we want them as our great attraction. True.” Gammon
paused. “ If you are sure they are there-”
The Sergeant answered, “ I am.”
“ How do you know ? ”
The Sergeant sang out, “ Because I have been up the scale to see.”
Gammon decided at once.
“ The room is at the top of the theatre.”
“ Yes.”
“ Bring our pair of Giant stilts, used in the last pantomime.”
Katgoot produced them.
“ Good. How who will use them, and fetch down the children ? ”
“ I will,” said Sergeant Rubadub.
(To be continued.')
LAND TRANSFER AND LAW COSTS.
(See Colonel Corbett’s Speech, Times, July 8.)
Good faith, he’s an excellent Tory, the Kernel
Of Shropshire Militia, whose fame is eternal,
And he’s sure to be praised in some Shrewsbury journal.
He says, If there’s land, and you want to absorb it,
You’ve only to move in the millionnaire’s orbit.
“ Money down, and Land Transfer is easy,” quoth Corbett.
It isn’t the landed proprietors’ clamour
To simplify costly Conveyancers’ grammar,
When plunging or raking brings land to the hammer.
The folk who in this modern cry are partakers,
Will never have money to purchase ten acres,—
Mere butchers and bakers and candlestick-makers.
But if in the City you’ve picked up a million,_ _
In a park like a shire you may place your pavilion,
And take high precedence of any civilian ;
Buy up some old castle with memories regal,—
Attorneys will see that the purchase is legal,—
And live like a kite in the nest of an eagle.
Well, there’s certainly something not utterly mal-ap-
-ropos in your theories, Corbett of Salop,
Though your hobby you ride at too rapid a gallop.
But land might change hands with more ease than at present,
Hot only demesnes that are spacious and pleasant,
But snug little corners, fit home for the peasant.
A freehold half-acre of land to each cottage
Would do more than find Hodge in green-stuff for his pottage—
Might help him to eke out his life’s scant allottage.
Give the working man chance to buy land, and he ’ll buy it,
And, a lord of the soil, if a small one, in quiet,
Laugh the spouters to scorn who would rouse him to riot.
But how is the labourer ever to earn his
Bit of land, if huge fees must make numerous journeys'
To the pockets absorbent of artful attorneys ?
Whoso cheapens those journeys deserves a requital,
And ought to be able to register title
To Vendors’ and Purchasers’ thanks past recital!
de Comet is the greatest
star of the season.
The Comet will appear
every evening (the Clerk
of the Weather permit-
ting), but only for a limited
number of nights, in con-
sequence of pressing en-
gagements elsewhere.
The Comet has no con-
nection with Home-Rule,
the Lock-out of the
Labourers, the French
situation, the abolition of
Scotch Patronage, the dis-
appearance of the Lion
from Horthumberla'nd
House, the high price of
provisions, or the Bank
rate of discount. We are
wiser than our forefathers.
The size of the Comet is
not positively known, but
it fills up a pause in the
conversation at dinner
parties, dances, garden
entertainments, &c.
The pace at which the Comet travels is uncertain, but the Comet
Galop will shortly appear.
The Comet can be seen to the best advantage (through a piece of
smoked glass) from the centre of Salisbury Plain, the middle of the
Channel, the summit of the great Pyramid, the brow of Primrose
Hill, and the top of St. Paul’s (apply to the Dean and Chapter any
time between the hours of ten and twelve, p.m.).
The Comet is specially interesting to astronomers, contributors of
scientific articles, night policemen, persons at a loss for conversation,
Sort wine drinkers, children who are allowed to sit up to see the
omet, and young people of both sexes gazing at it from gardens
and balconies while under an engagement to marry.
Ho one knows exactly what comets are—they are not liable to
Income-tax, and dissensions amongst the clergy are unknown
there—and rumours have been prevalent of the intention of Govern-
ment to refer the present one to a Royal Commission.
It is a painful disclosure to have to make, but some people hold
the opinion that Comets may be “ dissipated.” _
As the Comet is a good deal talked about, it is advisable to get up
a little information on the subject. Such terms as orbit, ellipse,
nucleus, nebulosity, and perihelion are not to be used lightly and at
random at every dinner-table and dancing party. If you have any
theory of your own about Comets—that they are enormous fireworks
or gasworks, or merely nebulous masses of imponderable vapour—
advance it with feelings in which pride and modesty struggle for
the mastery, in the interval between the Eton and Harrow Match
and Goodwood. (H.B. Spectrum analysis is a good card.)
Astronomer Royal Punch predicts that the Comet will reappear
when Education is useful,universal, and compulsory ; when there is
some proper system of government for the whole of London ; when
we have decent cabs ; when the Law Courts are completed ; when
cremation is thoroughly established ; and when Ladies have seats in
the House of Lords.
Of course there is a close intimacy between the Comet and the
weather.
The Forsyth Franchise.
When pretty Miss Blanche eyes the Forsyth new franchise,
She ’ll probably say to her sisters, “ Ha! ha!
If seeing’s believing, we ’re freedom achieving :
For we shall have votes now—but not our Mamma! ”
Ambition to win stirs the eager young spinsters,
To maternal authority saying “ Ta-ta! ”
They ’ll take up the Rads’ tone, and find some new Gladstone,
With a measure to quite “ disestablish ” Mamma!
Our Representatives.
A valuable Work has just been published—The Parliamentary
Directory: showing the Professions and Trades the various Members
are connected with. The “ professions ” of Members of Parliament
is a delicate subject to handle ; but it will be instructive to know
how many of our M.P.’s are connected with trades, particularly the
trade in—beer.