Punch (67.1874)

October 17, 1874.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

155

CONSTELLATIONS AND COIFFURES.

ID in ether’s loftiest height,

Science has revealed strange
things.

Starry clusters, forms of light,
Nebulse like wreaths and
rings.

Hairy comets, he that pries
Through the helping lens
may view.

Does it show him in the skies
Telescopic chignons too ?

Structures like the complex
pile

Which our Loves at present
wear ?

Dressed in the prevailing
style,

Fancy Berenice’s hair!

\

SOCIAL SCIENCE.

The Social Science Congress has been a great success, and would have been a greater still,
at least so some people think (whose names are here subjoined), had permission been accorded
them to read before the Meeting the interesting papers which we proceed to numerate.

1. In the Section of Domestic Economy, a Paper by Mrs. Skynflynt on the Science of
Light Suppers as applied to evening parties: showing how a hundred guests may he socially

received,” for considerably less than a sixth part of the expense which is sure to be
incurred by a dinner for a dozen.

2. In the same Section, a Paper by Lady Downie Byrd on the Science of Made Dishes,
with remarks on the advantage of the system of rechauffe, and the facilities for adulterating
sweetbreads with sheep’s brains.

3. In the Section of Finance, a Paper by Mr. Harduppe upon Bills and how to Do them;
with practical suggestions on the Science of Kite-flying, as practised in Society.

4. In the Educational Department, a Paper upon Beading in Bed, by the Honourable Miss
Lazie Bohnns.

5. In the Marital Law Section of the Jurisprudence Department, a Paper on Home Rule,
by Mrs. Curbman Gee ym a re.

6. Among the extra matters, a Paper by
Captain Cadger on the Science of Fishing,
as pursued in good society; namely (a),
Fishing for Compliments, (b) Fishing for
Invitations, (c) Fishing for Flats, when one
wants to make a book.

7. In the Section of Dress, a Paper by
Miss Splffey on the Bonnet, its Decline and
Fall, and evidence evincing its comparative
longevity.

8. In the same Section, a Paper by Miss
Fuzztwig on Hairpins and their Diffi-
culties.

9. In the Dining-Out Section of the Social
Department, a Paper upon Turtle Soup, by
Major Guttleton, F.R.G.S. (Fellow of
the Regular Gormandising Society), and a
Paper upon Precedence by Lady Horty
Snorter ; showing in what sequence guests
of title ought to follow one another to the
table, and what exceptions may he made in
favour of untitled, but in some way or
other distinguished, fellow visitors.

10. In the Matrimonial Department, a
Paper by Miss Sheepseye on the Science of
Flirtation, as applied to Country Curates ;
and a Paper by Lord Mainchance on the
Science of Selection, as applied to wedding
presents.

11. In the Culinary Department, a Paper
on Cold Mutton, by Mr. Dodgeley Shir-
KiTT? with instructions how to Cut it—
by dining at one’s Club, and some excellent
recipes for good excuses for so doing.

12. In the Young Ladies’ Section of the
Sanitary Department, a Paper by Dr.
Dosem on Tight Lacing, and its probable
advantage to the Family Physician.

13. In the Woman’s Wrongs Depart-
ment, a Paper upon Latchkeys, by the
President, Mrs. Bouncer, and a proposal
to enact a Permissive Bill respecting them.

14. In the Miscellaneous Department, a
Paper upon Morning Calls, and how to do
without them, by Mr. Smiley Simper ; a
Paper upon Heir-hunting, regarded in the
light of a fashionable Science, with some
few hints to Mayfair huntresses, by the
Honourable Lady Staledown ; and a
Paper upon Mothers-in-law, their duties
and their perquisites, by Miss Paulina
Pryor.

THE VOICE AND THE PIQUE.

(.Amended Edition, by the P-L-.)

The Voice and the Pique !

It was once a beautiful Voice
From a girl with roseate cheek,

Who made my heart rejoice.

But the Voice—or the girl—ah, which?

Against me took a Pique,

Because I was not so rich
As she thought—and the Voice grew
a squeak.

Hast thou no voice, 0 Pique ?

Thou hast, uncommonly shrill:

And I know that a Maiden Meek
May grow to a Wife with a Will.

Ah, misery comes, and miscarriage,

To all who wear fleshly fetters :

She’s made a Capital Marriage—

I mourn in Capital Letters.

A Sanitary Question.

Mrs. Malaprop wishes to know if the
Typhoon at Hong Kong is supposed to have
been caused by bad drainage. Also whether
that Typhoon was worse than the Typhoon of
Japan. She says she has been lea to make
these inquiries by some unanimous letters.