DOI Heft:
October 31, 1874
DOI Seite / Zitierlink: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16939#0184
October 31, 1874.]
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
177
THE NEXT WAR!
mpassionately, the Members of
the Brussels Congress have at
length published, their report.
In this important document it is
decreed that fortified places alone
are to he besieged, that buildings
consecrated to Religion, Art, and
Charity must he spared, if they
bear a flag or any other visible
sign denoting the purposes to
■which they are devoted ; and that
Newspaper Correspondents are
not to be treated as spies if they
possess a certificate from a com-
petent authority proving their
quality. Moreover, ruses de guerre
are, in future, to he considered
lawful. Under these circum-
stances, the following correspond-
ence will probably pass between
the Generals of the two contend-
ing armies before more active
operations are undertaken in the
next great European campaign:—
From Field-Marshal Gear Von Plunder, commanding the
Allied Armies of the New European Confederation, to Major-
General Sir Brownjones Robinson, G.C.B., fyc., Sfc., in
command of the British Army.
Major-General, Head Quarters, Broadstairs.
I have the honour to inform you that, finding Margate
(according to the Regulations laid down by the Brussels Congress)
to he a fortified place (the fort is, I understand, on the West Cliff),
I have reduced that town to subjection.
Following out the decrees of the Congress, I have spared from the
inconveniences necessarily attendant upon a bombardment all the
Churches, the Hall-by-the-Sea—a building evidently erected in the
interests of Art,—and several rooms containing a placard hearing an
announcement that therein could he obtained “ a really good dinner
at one o’clock,”—an announcement that proved to me that the
apartments^n question were devoted to charitable purposes.
I send this letter by one of the most gallant Colonels I have under
my command, as a small mark of my esteem and consideration.
I have the honour to be, Major-General,
Your humble obedient Servant,
(Signed) Field-Marshal Graf Yon Plunder.
Fi'on Major-General Sir Brownjones Robinson, G.C.B., #c., fyc.,
to Field-Marshal Graf Yon Plunder, 8fc., fyc.
fexu, Head Quarters, Bamsgate.
I have the honour to inform you that, ruses de guerre
having been sanctioned by the Brussels Congress, I have arrested
the bearer of your last communication to me. As you describe him
as the most gallant of the Colonels that you have under your com-
mand, I have furnished him with apartments in my own house.
You will be pleased to learn that he already seems to be a great
favourite with my wife and daughters. While he remains with us,
you may. rest assured that he will be treated with every courtesy
and consideration.
I have the honour to be, Sir,
Your most obedient humble Servant,
(Signed) Brownjones Robinson, Major-General.
From Field-Marshal Graf von Plunder, fyc., fyc., to Major-
General Sir Brownjones Robinson, G.C.B., fyc., fc.
Major-General, Head Quarters, Broadstairs.
You are perfectly right— 7-uses de guerre are permitted by
the decrees of the Brussels Congress. I was not altogether unpre-
pared for the step you have taken. As you have made my mes-
senger an honorary member of your household, however, I am
compelled by the feelings of a gentleman, a husband and a father
to inform you that your present guest is a dangerous lunatic.
I have the honour to inform you that since writing to you I have
arrested several Special Correspondents to English newspapers.
One of these persons (the Representative of the Pimlico Pump),
holding a certificate signed by a Member of the London School-
Board, has (under the clauses of the Brussels Congress dealing with
Correspondents holding certificates from competent authorities
proving their quality) been confined in a pleasantly-furnished cell.
The remaining Correspondents have been treated as spies.
1 have the honour to be, Major-General,
Your most humble obedient Servant,
(Signed) Field-Marshal Graf von Plunder.
From Major-General Sir Brownjones Robinson, G.C.B., fyc., fyc.t
to Field-Marshal Graf von Plunder, fyc., fyc.
Sir, Head Quarters, Ramsgate.
I have the honour (under the clauses of the Brussels Con-
gress permitting ruses de guerre) to send back your messenger—
“ the dangerous lunatic ” referred to in your last communication.
Trusting that you will accept this little act of courtesy in the
spirit in which it is tendered,
I have the honour to be, Sir,
Your most obedient humble Servant,
(Signed) Brownjones Robinson, Major-General.
From Field-Marshal Graf von Plunder, fyc., fyc., to Major-
General Sir Brownjones Robinson, G.C.B., 8fc., fyc.
Major-General, Head Quarters, Broadstairs.
The “ dangerous lunatic,” to whom you make allusion in
your last communication, happens to be the Chief of my Staff, and
the best officer I have under my command.
The legalisation of ruses de guerre by the Brussels Congress per-
mitted me to give him a false character when I had the honour of
discussing his supposed peculiarities with your Excellency.
I have much pleasure in announcing to you that I have found the
information he has obtained during his short visit to your house-
hold of the greatest possible service. It appears that your army is
in every way inferior to those under my command. From a con-
versation that your late prisoner held with your wife, it seems that
my armies contain just twelve times as many men as those mustered
together in your weak battalions.
Let me recommend you to surrender.
I have the honour to be, Major-General,
Your most humble obedient Servant,
(Signed) Field-Marshal Graf von Plunder.
From Major-General Sir Brownjones Robinson, G.C.B., #c., #c.,
to Field-Marshal Graf Yon Plunder, fyc., &fc.
Sir, Head Quarters, Ramsgate.
I have the honour to inform you that you cannot altogether
rely upon the report furnished by the Chief of your Staff. The
information confided to my wife, being utterly untrustworthy and
false, was imparted to her as a secret by me, so that the intelligence
might be speedily published. It seems, from your last letter, to
have reached the quarter for which it was originally intended.
In reply to your advice to me to surrender, I have the honour to
request you to come on. I trust soon to meet you hand to hand at
the head of my army.
I have the honour to be, Sir,
Your most humble obedient Servant,
(Signed) Brownjones Robinson, Major-General.
EXPLANATORY NOTES.
According to the report of a late meeting of the Middlesex
Magistrates, Mr. W. H. Wyatt, Chairman of the Yisiting Justices
of the House of Correction, Coldbath Fields, had the following
notice of motion on the paper :—
“ That the Visiting Justices be authorised to purchase a harmonium for the
Roman Catholic religious services performed at the prison, at a cost not
exceeding £15, and to employ a fit person to play it at a remuneration of 6s.
a week, to be paid out of the petty cash.”
The Court, it seems, had not the power, let alone the will, to
entertain this proposal. But was it not a most reasonable one ?
Permit Mass ; allow Mass music. The only question ought to be
whether a £15 harmonium, and a 6s. a week instrumentalist, would
be equal to it. Music—sacred music especially—has charms which
might prove peculiarly efficacious in a House of Correction. What
wonders might not Mozart’s Masses, for example, work on brute
natures ? And certainly music must be granted to be particularly
requisite for Mass when Mass is sung in a language “notunder-
standed of the people.”
Priestcraft and Pumpery.
Sir Wilfrid Lawson, the other day, addressing his constituents
at-Carlisle, very truly remarked that:—
“ He could conceive no state of things more inimical to freedom, and mis-
chievous to the country, than to allow priests of any persuasion to be above
the law of the land.”
Even the tyranny of a majority over a minority would not be
more inimical to freedom, and mischievous to the country, than a
dominant priesthood. But it would be no less inimical to freedom,
and little if at all less mischievous to the country. If the United
Kingdom Alliance could succeed in carrying their Permissive Pro-
hibitory Bill, they would set up a tyranny in every parish of which
they might happen to outnumber the reasonable inhabitants.
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
177
THE NEXT WAR!
mpassionately, the Members of
the Brussels Congress have at
length published, their report.
In this important document it is
decreed that fortified places alone
are to he besieged, that buildings
consecrated to Religion, Art, and
Charity must he spared, if they
bear a flag or any other visible
sign denoting the purposes to
■which they are devoted ; and that
Newspaper Correspondents are
not to be treated as spies if they
possess a certificate from a com-
petent authority proving their
quality. Moreover, ruses de guerre
are, in future, to he considered
lawful. Under these circum-
stances, the following correspond-
ence will probably pass between
the Generals of the two contend-
ing armies before more active
operations are undertaken in the
next great European campaign:—
From Field-Marshal Gear Von Plunder, commanding the
Allied Armies of the New European Confederation, to Major-
General Sir Brownjones Robinson, G.C.B., fyc., Sfc., in
command of the British Army.
Major-General, Head Quarters, Broadstairs.
I have the honour to inform you that, finding Margate
(according to the Regulations laid down by the Brussels Congress)
to he a fortified place (the fort is, I understand, on the West Cliff),
I have reduced that town to subjection.
Following out the decrees of the Congress, I have spared from the
inconveniences necessarily attendant upon a bombardment all the
Churches, the Hall-by-the-Sea—a building evidently erected in the
interests of Art,—and several rooms containing a placard hearing an
announcement that therein could he obtained “ a really good dinner
at one o’clock,”—an announcement that proved to me that the
apartments^n question were devoted to charitable purposes.
I send this letter by one of the most gallant Colonels I have under
my command, as a small mark of my esteem and consideration.
I have the honour to be, Major-General,
Your humble obedient Servant,
(Signed) Field-Marshal Graf Yon Plunder.
Fi'on Major-General Sir Brownjones Robinson, G.C.B., #c., fyc.,
to Field-Marshal Graf Yon Plunder, 8fc., fyc.
fexu, Head Quarters, Bamsgate.
I have the honour to inform you that, ruses de guerre
having been sanctioned by the Brussels Congress, I have arrested
the bearer of your last communication to me. As you describe him
as the most gallant of the Colonels that you have under your com-
mand, I have furnished him with apartments in my own house.
You will be pleased to learn that he already seems to be a great
favourite with my wife and daughters. While he remains with us,
you may. rest assured that he will be treated with every courtesy
and consideration.
I have the honour to be, Sir,
Your most obedient humble Servant,
(Signed) Brownjones Robinson, Major-General.
From Field-Marshal Graf von Plunder, fyc., fyc., to Major-
General Sir Brownjones Robinson, G.C.B., fyc., fc.
Major-General, Head Quarters, Broadstairs.
You are perfectly right— 7-uses de guerre are permitted by
the decrees of the Brussels Congress. I was not altogether unpre-
pared for the step you have taken. As you have made my mes-
senger an honorary member of your household, however, I am
compelled by the feelings of a gentleman, a husband and a father
to inform you that your present guest is a dangerous lunatic.
I have the honour to inform you that since writing to you I have
arrested several Special Correspondents to English newspapers.
One of these persons (the Representative of the Pimlico Pump),
holding a certificate signed by a Member of the London School-
Board, has (under the clauses of the Brussels Congress dealing with
Correspondents holding certificates from competent authorities
proving their quality) been confined in a pleasantly-furnished cell.
The remaining Correspondents have been treated as spies.
1 have the honour to be, Major-General,
Your most humble obedient Servant,
(Signed) Field-Marshal Graf von Plunder.
From Major-General Sir Brownjones Robinson, G.C.B., fyc., fyc.t
to Field-Marshal Graf von Plunder, fyc., fyc.
Sir, Head Quarters, Ramsgate.
I have the honour (under the clauses of the Brussels Con-
gress permitting ruses de guerre) to send back your messenger—
“ the dangerous lunatic ” referred to in your last communication.
Trusting that you will accept this little act of courtesy in the
spirit in which it is tendered,
I have the honour to be, Sir,
Your most obedient humble Servant,
(Signed) Brownjones Robinson, Major-General.
From Field-Marshal Graf von Plunder, fyc., fyc., to Major-
General Sir Brownjones Robinson, G.C.B., 8fc., fyc.
Major-General, Head Quarters, Broadstairs.
The “ dangerous lunatic,” to whom you make allusion in
your last communication, happens to be the Chief of my Staff, and
the best officer I have under my command.
The legalisation of ruses de guerre by the Brussels Congress per-
mitted me to give him a false character when I had the honour of
discussing his supposed peculiarities with your Excellency.
I have much pleasure in announcing to you that I have found the
information he has obtained during his short visit to your house-
hold of the greatest possible service. It appears that your army is
in every way inferior to those under my command. From a con-
versation that your late prisoner held with your wife, it seems that
my armies contain just twelve times as many men as those mustered
together in your weak battalions.
Let me recommend you to surrender.
I have the honour to be, Major-General,
Your most humble obedient Servant,
(Signed) Field-Marshal Graf von Plunder.
From Major-General Sir Brownjones Robinson, G.C.B., #c., #c.,
to Field-Marshal Graf Yon Plunder, fyc., &fc.
Sir, Head Quarters, Ramsgate.
I have the honour to inform you that you cannot altogether
rely upon the report furnished by the Chief of your Staff. The
information confided to my wife, being utterly untrustworthy and
false, was imparted to her as a secret by me, so that the intelligence
might be speedily published. It seems, from your last letter, to
have reached the quarter for which it was originally intended.
In reply to your advice to me to surrender, I have the honour to
request you to come on. I trust soon to meet you hand to hand at
the head of my army.
I have the honour to be, Sir,
Your most humble obedient Servant,
(Signed) Brownjones Robinson, Major-General.
EXPLANATORY NOTES.
According to the report of a late meeting of the Middlesex
Magistrates, Mr. W. H. Wyatt, Chairman of the Yisiting Justices
of the House of Correction, Coldbath Fields, had the following
notice of motion on the paper :—
“ That the Visiting Justices be authorised to purchase a harmonium for the
Roman Catholic religious services performed at the prison, at a cost not
exceeding £15, and to employ a fit person to play it at a remuneration of 6s.
a week, to be paid out of the petty cash.”
The Court, it seems, had not the power, let alone the will, to
entertain this proposal. But was it not a most reasonable one ?
Permit Mass ; allow Mass music. The only question ought to be
whether a £15 harmonium, and a 6s. a week instrumentalist, would
be equal to it. Music—sacred music especially—has charms which
might prove peculiarly efficacious in a House of Correction. What
wonders might not Mozart’s Masses, for example, work on brute
natures ? And certainly music must be granted to be particularly
requisite for Mass when Mass is sung in a language “notunder-
standed of the people.”
Priestcraft and Pumpery.
Sir Wilfrid Lawson, the other day, addressing his constituents
at-Carlisle, very truly remarked that:—
“ He could conceive no state of things more inimical to freedom, and mis-
chievous to the country, than to allow priests of any persuasion to be above
the law of the land.”
Even the tyranny of a majority over a minority would not be
more inimical to freedom, and mischievous to the country, than a
dominant priesthood. But it would be no less inimical to freedom,
and little if at all less mischievous to the country. If the United
Kingdom Alliance could succeed in carrying their Permissive Pro-
hibitory Bill, they would set up a tyranny in every parish of which
they might happen to outnumber the reasonable inhabitants.