Punch (67.1874)

July 11, 1874.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

11

DELICATELY PUT.

■Customer. “ I’m afraid I’m getting a little Bald !”

■Operator. “ Well, Sir, I think, Sir, when you attend Public Wuship,
if I was you, I’d Sit in the Gallery.’'

LEICESTER SQUARE—RENOVATE.

Yes, Albert Grant, for Leicester Square
We thank you: every millionnaire
Is not so wise in spending.

Some build large piles with little taste,

Some leave their wealth for heirs to waste,
Till ill-gain finds ill-ending.

In this fair space these statues five,

Should mighty memories revive

For all its gates who enter:

Wisely, the marble fount to crown,
Shakspeare, our Greatest, gazes down,
Jet-circled, in the centre.

Newton, who out-soared Time and Space,
And stood with Nature, face to face,

Her widest Law discerning :

Who with his prism the sunlight cleft,

And from the orbed planets reft
The secret of their turning.

Plympton’s dear Knight, that painter rare,
Whose canvasses breathe Beauty’s air,

Most true when most they flatter :
Hogarth, whose bitter-biting lash
Hath made Sin wince, whose humour’s flash
Brings laughter’s aid to satire.

Hunter, Arch-Surgeon, whose keen eye
Found hid truth in anatomy,_

And set it new a-growing.

Strange, in that little space of square,

Such springs of Art and Science fair
In one short century flowing !

Who follows suit ? Punch wants to know,—
Lifts thy Square (once King’s Place), Soho,
From squalor sad to think on—

Begilds the Square still “ Golden” hight,

And sets the lamps of legal light

High in the Fields of Lincoln ?

perfume out of place.

Q. Why do Ritualist Clergymen burn incense in Church ?
A. To lead people by the nose.

STRICTLY ACCORDING TO PRECEDENT.

The King of the Sandwich Islands having sent an official
notice of his intention to visit the principal countries of Europe this
year, the following arrangements will probably be made to give
His Majesty the usual welcome on his appearance in England.

1. A week before His Majesty’s arrival articles will appear in the
'newspapers tracing the King’s pedigree to the heroes in the Arabian
Nights, and giving glowing and fanciful word-pictures of the
scenery of the Sandwich Islands.

2. The British Fleet will be concentrated at Portsmouth to offer
His Majesty a Royal Salute. Should the King arrive, however, at
some other port, the iron-clads will not be allowed to proceed
thither, so as to avoid any chance of running aground.

3. On his arrival His Majesty will be received by a Mayor and
Corporation, who will read to him an address congratulating him
upon his wisdom in coming to England to learn a lesson in Liberty
(Civil and Religious) and Free Trade. Should the King disembark
at Gravesend, the unused address recently prepared for the Emperor
of Russia, when that Sovereign proposed landing on the shores of
the Thames, will once more be called into requisition.

4. His Majesty, on his arrival in London, will immediately attend
in State a concert given by the Christy Minstrels. The National
Anthem of the Sandwich Islands (composed expressly for this occa-
sion by Mr. Smith, and published, with a portrait of His Majesty,
by Messrs. Brown, Jones, and Robinson) will be played upon the
King’s appearance in the Royal Box. His Majesty will be escorted
to and from St. James’s Hall by two regiments of Life Guards. The
line of route will be decorated with an assortment of flags, all
imagined, more or less, to be the national standard of the Sandwich
Islands.

5. On the morning after His Majesty’s arrival, the King will be
presented with the freedom of the City of London, and thus obtain
'the right to open a shop in the E.C. division of the Metropolis. In
■the course of the afternoon he will be present at a review at Aider-

shot, will pay a visit to Windsor Castle, and will be shown over
Woolwich Arsenal. In the evening His Majesty will be the guest
of a noble Duke, and will sleep in Scotland.

6. On the morning of the following day His Majesty, before
returning to London, will visit a coal-mine, and will inspect a model
farm. In the afternoon he will visit the Royal Aluert Hall, the
Tower of London, the Mint, the Printing Establishment of the
Times newspaper, the British Museum, Kew Gardens, and Newgate.
In the evening he will be present at a Grand Fete held in his honour
at the Crystal Palace, Sydenham. The Royal Arms of the Sandwich
Islands (a slice of ham, rampant, between two pieces of bread and
butter, couchant) will be represented in coloured fires on this
occasion.

7. On the following day His Majesty will leave London for the
Continent, when the evening papers will devote three columns of
their valuable space to a minute description of his departure.

8. A fortnight after His Majesty’s farewell to England, it will be
ascertained by the British Public (through the medium of a corre-
spondence in the daily journals) that the King of the Sandwich
Islands, although a most amiable and accomplished monarch, is a
sovereign of no great political importance in Europe, and the subject
—that is, the Sovereign—will be allowed to drop.

Eligible Investment.

Lorraine.'—To he sold immediately, without reserve, that free-
hold Property, comprising 70 acres, known as Malmaison, with the
chateau and farm-buildings, which are at the present time in the
same state of repair as they were when left by Yon Alvensleben.
The property is situated in a rolling country, admirably adapted
for the action of cavalry and artillery. The chateau (which could
be repaired) is situated six kilometres from St. Privat, and is within
ten minutes’ walk of the valley of Gravelotte, from which place you
have a charming view of Metz. Price—to a German invester, ten
thalers ; to a Frenchman (say) forty francs. A prospect of excellent
shooting in a few years, when the French are ready.