Punch (67.1874)

August 15, 1874.]

PUNCH, OK THE LONDON CHAPIYARI.

65

THE LAST OE AN OLD ERIEND.

“ The Sea Serpent has not only been seen, but actually killed,
in the Republican River, near Scandia, in Kansas, United States
The Serpent would probably have escaped, but for the happy
tuought of Mb. A. P. Smith, who arrived on the scene with a
tire-extinguisher, primed with sulphuric acid and other
chemicals. This machine was aimed at the open jaws of the
monster, and a tremendous dose of the mixture was discharged

‘ squarely ’ into his throat. Such was the sad end of an

old and respected friend, who will be much missed when Parlia-
ment has been prorogued.” (See Pall Mall Gazette, July 22.)

At Parliament’s next prorogation,

When Ministers rush to the Sea,

When lawyers begin their vacation,

And Londoners Oceanwards flee,

When the Claimant has lapsed into quiet,

And French “ non ” fights no longer with “ ow,”
When the Carlists have ceased to run riot,

When Archbishops and Bishops agree,

When they’ve settled the Sun’s composition,

When the Transit of Yenus they see,

When Stroud is without a petition,

Returning a blameless M.P.;

When Bismarck no longer is shot at,

When the last has been talked of Fiji,

And when there’s no news to be got at.,—

Ah, then there ’ll be mourning for thee !

No more will the “Dailies ” inform us
Of thy gambols and antics so free,

Nor describe thy proportions enormous,

And length like a Peer’s pedigree.

Ho ! bring me my salts aromatic,

A cigar, and a Soda and B,

Th nus/h a red nose ain’t aristocratic,

And bleared eyes beneath my degree,

Punch mourns for thee, Serpent erratic ;

Farewell! Pequiescas in P.

THE FORCE OF HABIT.

Traveller (suffering from the Heat of Weather, dec.). “ Wesh Bromp'n—Shingl’—
Cold ’th bit o’ Lemon—loo’ Sharp—’r else shan’t kesh my Train!”

A Real Strong Box.—Messrs. Milner have sold
their works to a Limited Company. The shares must
be an eminently “ safe ” investment

GHOSTS AND GEESE.

The “ Second National Annual Conference of Spiritualists ” was
opened last week on Tuesday evening by a soiree at the Beethoven
Rooms, Harley Street. The soiree did not include a seance,
although “two Mediums of considerable power, Messrs. Bastian
and Taylor, who have just arrived from America, were introduced
to the company.” Music, instrumental and vocal, formed part of
the proceedings at the Beethoven Rooms, but no influence of the
spirit that may be supposed to be the genius loci appears to have
inspired any one of the performers with a sonata, or a waltz, even
a song. Those, who assisted at this assembly of Spiritualists, under
auspices associated with Beethoven, might reasonably have ex-
pected that some musical Medium would at least strike up “ Kennst
du das Land ? ” or “ Adelaida.” Though, if we may judge from the
analogy of alleged spiritual communications from deceased men of
literary genius, a musical Medium “controlled” by Beethoven
would be much more likely to sing “ My Pretty Jane,” or to play

Props of Brandy.”

At a second meeting of Spiritualists, held the next evening, in
Lawson’s Rooms, Gower Street, however, some manifestations were
related, wonderful if true. According to the Post:—

“ Mr. Morse said he had been informed that miners had manifestations in
their pit-workings, and that a little boy employed in a coal-mine near
Glasgow was in the habit, when tired, of calling upon a spirit to help him
push his truck, which it generally did. On one occasion the spirit, it was
said, used such violence as to damage the truck considerably.”

The story of this rather capricious “ Kobold ” was capped by
something still more marvellous, of the drudging goblin kind :—

“To the Chairman (Dr. Sexton) the subject of conditions was somewhat
perplexing. In his house it was no uncommon thing for spirits to appear to
the members of his family, to remove articles from one room to another while
all the doors.were locked, to make the beds at night, and to walk up and
down the stairs with tread as heavy as that of an ordinary man.”

Dr. Sexton may be supposed to have—

“ eaten of the insane root
Which takes the reason prisoner ” ?

Perhaps he is in the habit of mixing hyoscyamus with his salad.
This supposition, however, is quite unnecessary to account for the
testimony following:—

“Mr. Rogers remarked that a piece of cloth cut off by a female spirit
from her materialised skirt was found to have been dressed with lime in the
Manchester fashion, and he admitted that this presented a difficulty to
Spiritualists which had not been surmounted.”

Nay, come, this is a story which it is almost possible to believe.
What can be more suitable to a Medium personating a “materialised
spirit ” than a costume which has been dressed wdth “ devil’s dust,’
except one likewise consisting of “ shoddy” ?

DRESS AND UNDRESS.

“ Swimming at the Crystal Palace.—The Crystal Palace Company
have, with a view of encouraging the practice of this art, decided upon hold-
ing an annual swimming entertainment in the lake, when various prizes and
a challenge cup will be contended for. The first of these will take place on
Monday, the 24th inst. Amateurs of any recognised swimming clubs, or any
gentleman wearing University costume, will he entitled to compete.”—Daily
News, August 6.

I enclose an advertisement which has much exercised me.

“University Costume” usually means Cap and Gown. If so,
would not the Mortar Board and Academic Robe be rather an impe-
diment to rapid swimming? Or is “ University Costume ” merely
a Crystal Palace translation of “ bathing drawers.” “ Do tell,” as
the Americans say. Yours, Puzzled.

Summing up the Session.

(From the Conservatives' Primer.)

I ’ll tell you a story of the first Session Tory—
And now my story’s begun :

It began in excuse, and it ends in abuse—

And—now my story ’s done !

Yol. 67

8