Punch (67.1874)

July 18, 1874.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

29

DEFENCE NOT DEFIANCE.

Horse Guards (Intelligence Department), 85, Fleet Street, E.C.,

15th July, 1874.

account of the great difficulty ex-
perienced in keeping the ground at
the Volunteer Sham Fight on Whit-
Monday when the Public broke
through the Ranks and disorganised
the Troops, the following Regulations
will be strictly enforced at the Re-
view at Wimbledon on Saturday, the
18th, 1874.

1. Children wishing to take part in
the March Past will fall in, in sixes
and sevens, in Rear of the Infantry.

2. Carriages drawn by two or more
horses will accompany the Field
Artillery. A Fourth (or Cab) Rank
will be formed of Hackney Carriages
in Rear of the Supernumerary Rank
of the Garrison Artillery.

3. Omnibuses will accompany the
Engineers, and will not be permitted
to Halt in the March Past, except
for the purpose of taking up or
setting down Passengers.

4. Equestrians will March Past with the Hussars, and Persons
mounted on Bicycles with the Lancers.

5. Ginger-Beer Carts drawn by Donkeys (others than the Proprie-
tors) will be attached to the Generals’ Staff. Ginger-Beer Carts
drawn by Donkeys (being the Proprietors) will form upon the Right
of the Aides-de-Camp.

6. Skirmishers will have the customary privilege of introducing
Non-Combatant Friends, limited on this occasion to six, and will be
held Responsible that said Non-Combatant Friends are Dressed (at
the Halt) to the Taste and Satisfaction of the General Officer Com-
manding.

7. Umbrellas and Parasols will be kept Closely Furled, except
when Resisting a Charge of Cavalry.

8. In Forming Battalion Square, Hansom Cabs will be Formed
Up in the centre of the Square on the Right Flank of the Junior
Major.

9. At the word “Charge!” Non-Combatants will be ordered to
Fall Out of the Ranks, unless holding Doctors’ Certificates declaring
them fit to take part in the Duty.

10. Dancing to the Music of the Regimental Bands (except when
under the Superintendence of an Officer of Field Rank) will be
Strictly Prohibited.

11. At the Bugle Call, “ Cease Firing! ” Non-Combatants will
desist from opening any Soda-Water or Lemonade Bottles that may
yet remain in their Carts, Pockets, or Carpet-Bags.

12. When practicable. Sergeants of the Brigade of Guards (Blue),
will be attached to Bodies of the Brigade of Guards (Black).

By Order,

Punch, Adj.-General.

ON THE SQUARE.

A Meetdig of the London Statues was held at midnight, a few
evenings since, to consider the recent improvements that have been
made in Leicester Square. Me. Peabody was in the chair, and
amongst those present we observed their Majesties King Chahles
the First, James the Second, George the Second and Thibd,
Geobge and William the Foueth, the Duhes of Cumberland,
Wellington, and Bedfobd, Viscount Nelson, Geneeals Napiee
and Havelock, and Me. Pitt, and Mb. Fox.

The Chairman in opening the proceedings, said that the recent
alterations in Leicester Square had suggested to many of those pre-
sent the possibility of bettering their position. _ He would suggest
an agitation in favour of reform. He (the Chairman) would have
to sit, “ it might be for years and it might be for ever” (to quote the
old song), at the corner of the Royal Exchange, unless something
was done soon. He felt more like a naughty child than a great
Philanthropist in his new attitude. Now in days of yore, Leicester
Square—

Here King Geoege the Third interrupted the Speaker, and said
that he trusted the Chairman would not make any painful allusions
to the late Statue of King Geoege the Flest, who was, in point of
fact, a near relative of his.

The Chairman declared that he had no intention of doing anything
of the sort. The lamented Statue had been broken up, and he would
say peace to its ashes, or rather, to its dust. However, it must be

admitted by the most prejudiced that Leicester Square had been
greatly improved by Babon Gbant, and that it would be well for all
of them if they could secure quarters as cleanly and as comfortable.

# The bust of Me. Hogaeth here put in an appearance as a deputa-
tion from Leicester Square.

King Geoege the Second, who spoke with much excitement, ob-
jected to Me. Hogaeth’s taking any part in the Meeting. They
had only a head before them. If this reason for refusing to hear
him was insufficient, he begged to state further that Mb. Hogaeth
had proved himself to be unworthy of credence by caricaturing the
British Grenadiers.

King Charles the First, amidst some laughter, described Me.
Hogaeth as a man “all head.” On which Me. Hogaeth retorted
“ better all head than no head, like some folk.”

The Duke of Wellington, with the greatest possible respect,
would suggest that His Majesty would be scarcely called a good judge
of heads as he had lost his own. His Grace believed that Me.
Hogaeth would not have laughed at the British Grenadiers had he
(Me. Hogaeth) had the advantage of being present at Waterloo.
He would be most happy to hear what Me. Hogaeth had to say, but
as he was now on his legs, or rather his horse, he could not sufficiently
strongly express his indignation at his present painful position.
Any military man would understand this feeling when he announced
that nearly every day during the summer he had to watch with
calmness and in silence the doings of the Volunteers in Hyde Park.

Viscount Nelson heartily sympathised with His Grace. His
Lordship expressed a strong wish to be removed from Charing Cross
as the only thing that he could see and was wont to amuse him had
been removed. Of course he referred to the Lion on Northumberland
House with whom he had been in the habit of exchanging signals,
during the progress of popular meetings in which his own unfor-
tunate Lions had been so seriously compromised. The stiffness of
tail of the Northumberland House Lion had been a great comfort to
him of late years, in fact he might say his only comfort since iron
had superseded hearts of oak in the sides of ships, but, unfortu-
nately, not in the hearts of public men, in whom as far as he could
judge, there was deuced little of the metal or of the wood either.
He wished to know how much longer he was to be kept mast-
headed. His lofty position had its advantages when the boys
used to contend on the River, but now-a-days even with the best
telescope, he could find no trace of the Eton and Westminster Boat
Race. His Lordship wished to be put up at Margate.

King Geoege the Fourth complained bitterly of the fountains
of Trafalgar Square. On a windy day His Majesty was covered
with spray. He was a child of Nature, and wished to go back to
Brighton. He preferred salt water to Artesian well water, and the
Pavilion to the National Gallery. Still, if he must stay in town,
from what he had heard, Leicester Square seemed to be the very
place for him, as it contained a building with a frontage in his
favourite school of architecture. _ His Majesty begged to ask Me.
Hogaeth if there was room for him.

Me. Hogaeth replied, not at present. The fact of the matter
was that although the Square was excessively nice and airy, the

Elace was disfigured by a statue in the centre. His fellow-lodgers
ad all local claims. Newton was an able man of Science,
Hunter a good Anatomist, and his friend Reynolds knew some-
thing of Painting,—at least, so the critics and people of fashion
fancied—and they all of them had been at some time or another
connected with Leicester Square. Now the Statue in the centre
had never (so far as History tells) set step in the place, and, there-
fore, had no right to monopolise a fountain and the best site in the
garden. The choice of so strange a centre-piece was all the more
extraordinary as there existed a gentleman whose claims to the
highest honours were overwhelmingly powerful, a gentleman who in
person realised his (Me. Hogarth’s) notion of “ the line of beauty,”
and who in mind was the peer of the greatest sages that the world
had ever produced; a gentleman after his (Me. Hogaeth’s) own
heart, and to whom he had bequeathed his favourite dog. He need
scarcely say that he alluded to his dear friend, Mr. Punch.

The cheering at this point was so hearty that a policeman was
attracted to the spot on which the meeting was being held, and the
Statues were forced to resume hurriedly their wonted pedestals.
This interruption is the more to be regretted, as it is understood
that Me. Fox proposed complaining of the state of Bedford Square,
and King William the Fourth proposed moving his own removal
from the City to Charing Cross, on the score that no one stayed in
the East End now-a-days after five o’clock.

Black Jobs in the Wind.

Is it proposed to revive Intra-mural Burying ? We regret to read
that at the luncheon given after Lady Alford had laid the founda-
tion-stone of the church of St. John the Evangelist, Holborn, the
toast of the day was “ Success to the Undertaking.”