DOI Heft:
August 29, 1874
DOI Seite / Zitierlink:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16939#0102
94
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[August 29, 1874.
IRREVERENT.
Policeman {on the occasion of our “Confirmation”). “Stop! Stop! Go back! You mustn’t come in here! We’re expectin’
o’ the Bishop every Minute ! ”
Cabby {fortissimo). “All right! Why’ve got the old Buffer inside!”
WASHING THE BLACK COUNTRY WHITE.
{See Report of Speeches at the great Sheffield School-Board Meeting,
Tuesday, August 18.)
Strange concert! York’s Archbishop’s, Roebuck’s, Forster’s, and
Mundella’s,
’Mid unwonted hush of engine and hammer, wheel and bellows. _
’Tis Sheffield starting School-Board work—cost, Yorkshire-fashion,
reckoning,
And speaking out in faith the hopes, onward and upward beckoning.
The Sheffield blades were always sharp, ’tis time they took a polish ;
If stress of School-Board ruffianism and rattening can abolish.
If long heads can oust Broad-heads with narrow hearts and notions,
Till Labour welcomes Capital as friend, and not as foe shuns.
If the dawn of love and knowledge once set in should spread and
strengthen,
Till the suns in Sheffield brighten, and the days of Sheffield lengthen,
And darkening clouds that hide her sky, and darkened souls beneath
them,
Feel a lifting and a lightening of the heavy veils that wreath them.
Till the brutes’ Sin and ruffians’ Wrong, which we have let environ
Not Sheffield only, but all parts where Coal takes hands with Iron,
By School-Board sap and siege are won for better minds and manners,
And from their black slag bastions wave the white Christian banners.
Till drunkenness and savage strength that rests in sport as savage,
Their rude reign shall relinquish, with its rioting and ravage ;
And Duty, Thrift, and Order,—for those old wrong teachers, right
ones,—
Combine, with God’s good help, to make England’s Black Countries
Bright ones.
The Latest Thing Out.—The Night-Light.
HOW TO RECEIVE THE ENEMY.
(Being the British Code as revised for the benefit of the invading Tourist.)
1. Wherever the Tourist stops he shall be regarded as if “in an
enemy’s country,” and, “charged” accordingly.
2. During his invasion of any hotel, inn, or coffee room, he shall,
for the time being, have no authority whatever over his own dinner,
which shall consist of two or more black and burnt mutton-chops,
a stale gooseberry tart, two cold potatoes, cheese, long opened
pickles, and a pint of peppery Sherry.
3. For this repast a requisition of fourteen and sixpence shall be
made on him.
4. Under no circumstances shall reprisals be allowed, in the shape
of explosive letters to the Newspapers.
5. At all Railway Buffets he snail be encountered by refreshments
iron-cased (with age).
6. When travelling, he, or at least his luggage shall, if possible,
be shot—out at the wrong station.
7. If he manage to escape to a country house, the whole contents
of his purse shall he mainly carried off by the repeated “ charges ” of
the servants.
8. He shall at length retreat, and reach home a wiser man, but
nothing shall indemnify him for the price of his experience. _
9. He shall sign a secret treaty with himself never to do it again
— till next year.
“ Unseemly Wut.”
The following is extracted from the Bridge of Allan Reporter:—
WANTED.—Two Young GENTLEMEN, of excellent character, to
Light the Lamps of the Burgh. The height of the Candidates will be
a consideration, as the use of a ladder might be dispensed with.—Apply to the
Inspector of Middens.
Can this he a flash of “ wut ” in the Inspector of Middens ? We
should recommend his superiors to look after him.
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[August 29, 1874.
IRREVERENT.
Policeman {on the occasion of our “Confirmation”). “Stop! Stop! Go back! You mustn’t come in here! We’re expectin’
o’ the Bishop every Minute ! ”
Cabby {fortissimo). “All right! Why’ve got the old Buffer inside!”
WASHING THE BLACK COUNTRY WHITE.
{See Report of Speeches at the great Sheffield School-Board Meeting,
Tuesday, August 18.)
Strange concert! York’s Archbishop’s, Roebuck’s, Forster’s, and
Mundella’s,
’Mid unwonted hush of engine and hammer, wheel and bellows. _
’Tis Sheffield starting School-Board work—cost, Yorkshire-fashion,
reckoning,
And speaking out in faith the hopes, onward and upward beckoning.
The Sheffield blades were always sharp, ’tis time they took a polish ;
If stress of School-Board ruffianism and rattening can abolish.
If long heads can oust Broad-heads with narrow hearts and notions,
Till Labour welcomes Capital as friend, and not as foe shuns.
If the dawn of love and knowledge once set in should spread and
strengthen,
Till the suns in Sheffield brighten, and the days of Sheffield lengthen,
And darkening clouds that hide her sky, and darkened souls beneath
them,
Feel a lifting and a lightening of the heavy veils that wreath them.
Till the brutes’ Sin and ruffians’ Wrong, which we have let environ
Not Sheffield only, but all parts where Coal takes hands with Iron,
By School-Board sap and siege are won for better minds and manners,
And from their black slag bastions wave the white Christian banners.
Till drunkenness and savage strength that rests in sport as savage,
Their rude reign shall relinquish, with its rioting and ravage ;
And Duty, Thrift, and Order,—for those old wrong teachers, right
ones,—
Combine, with God’s good help, to make England’s Black Countries
Bright ones.
The Latest Thing Out.—The Night-Light.
HOW TO RECEIVE THE ENEMY.
(Being the British Code as revised for the benefit of the invading Tourist.)
1. Wherever the Tourist stops he shall be regarded as if “in an
enemy’s country,” and, “charged” accordingly.
2. During his invasion of any hotel, inn, or coffee room, he shall,
for the time being, have no authority whatever over his own dinner,
which shall consist of two or more black and burnt mutton-chops,
a stale gooseberry tart, two cold potatoes, cheese, long opened
pickles, and a pint of peppery Sherry.
3. For this repast a requisition of fourteen and sixpence shall be
made on him.
4. Under no circumstances shall reprisals be allowed, in the shape
of explosive letters to the Newspapers.
5. At all Railway Buffets he snail be encountered by refreshments
iron-cased (with age).
6. When travelling, he, or at least his luggage shall, if possible,
be shot—out at the wrong station.
7. If he manage to escape to a country house, the whole contents
of his purse shall he mainly carried off by the repeated “ charges ” of
the servants.
8. He shall at length retreat, and reach home a wiser man, but
nothing shall indemnify him for the price of his experience. _
9. He shall sign a secret treaty with himself never to do it again
— till next year.
“ Unseemly Wut.”
The following is extracted from the Bridge of Allan Reporter:—
WANTED.—Two Young GENTLEMEN, of excellent character, to
Light the Lamps of the Burgh. The height of the Candidates will be
a consideration, as the use of a ladder might be dispensed with.—Apply to the
Inspector of Middens.
Can this he a flash of “ wut ” in the Inspector of Middens ? We
should recommend his superiors to look after him.