DOI issue:
September 12, 1874
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16939#0115
September 12, 1874.]
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
107
Again : “To the tourist who likes to settle for his month where
he can find, though not the excitements of artificial existence, yet a
little social comfort”—not much, you’ll observe—“combined with
every facility for sea-bathing. * * * Liverpool beckons him (the
tourist) to its social wonders ”—(who, or what, is a social wonder ?
However, there seem to he a lot of them in Liverpool, according to
this guide-book)—“ Snowdon beckons him (the tourist again) to its
awful solitudes ”—crowds are making the ascent every day during
the season, and dirty little hoys offering to “ take y’up top o’ Snow-
don, Sir, for one-and-eightpence ”—by the way, a good service
would be done by taking a few of these young rascals up to one of
these “ awful solitudes,” and then and there punching their heads—
“ the sea beckons him to its glad voyaging ”—which depends upon
what sort of a sailor the tourist may be; but, after all, it only
“beckons him,” so he needn’t go unless he likes. Should the
talented writer correct a new edition, I would suggest that it should
he “ the sea ” which “ beckons to its awful solitudes”—for “ awful
solitudes ” would he a beautiful description of the bathing-
machines.
Talking of the .cliffs of Penmaenmawr, the guide-book says:
“ The sea-eagle till lately made them its favourite abode.” The
sea-eagle has probably by this time found it more profitable to let it
out in lodgings. Perhaps Mr. Gladstone has taken it.
Of one mode of ascending to the Penmaenmawr quarries—“ The
empty trucks returning up the mountain may afford the tourist, if
he have a good head, a swinging and giddy seat ”—hut he doesn’t
go up sitting on his head—“ which may serve, on this or some later
occasion, to save him the fatigue of the climb, and to produce a novel
sensation ’’—rather !
Describing with poetic fervour the view from the summit of Pen-
maenmawr, the guide tells us what is to be seen : “ Bridges, tubes,
towns, plains, and valleys—right around to the moors and moun-
tains of Cumberland. * * * The high grounds of the Isle of Man, and
the Hill of Howth in Ireland, with—last hut not least to the ob-
servant eye ”—evidently the writer’s own is here intended—“ those
vast and varied tracts of sea surface * * * here the waters hushed in
calm, there ruffled by a breeze : one broad belt rejoicing in the sun’s
salute; another, and more distant, lying in deep, inexplicable
shadow: ”—that that part of the sea which was out of the sun’s
salute should be lying in shadow appears to have considerably
puzzled the owner of the observant eye. How he must have triei
to reason it out, and have finally decided upon setting it down as
“inexplicable.” The gifted being of the observant eye must belong
to the Dundreary family, and the phenomenon of any place, which
is not in the sun, being in the shade, is clearly “ one of those things
which no fellow can find out.”
After the above selections, let no tourist in North Wales forget to
purchase a Pennymaenmawr Guide. And so farewell—a long fare-
well—to all the Joneses ; for, alas! the vacation for many of us is
an accomplished fact.
ANOTHER CONGRESS.
nimated and encourag-
ed by the applause
bestowed upon the pro-
ceedings of the Con-
gress at Brussels by an
intelligent European
Public, the Members
of the International
Robbers’ Defence As-
sociation have recently
sent Delegates to a
gathering of their
Society, held at
midnight, near a
fashionable Lon-
don thoroughfare.
The following is a
brief report of the
meeting in ques-
tion :—
On a resolution moved by Mr. William Sikes (Delegate for
England), seconded by Herr Plunder (Germany), and spoken to
by M. Cartouche, of France, M. Popoff (Russia) was unanimouslv
voted to the Chair.
The Chairman said that the holding of the Meeting was a con-
cession to Civilisation. The Attacker and the Attacked had both
rights and duties, and it was those rights and duties they now pro-
posed to discuss. But first, it was most important that the
proceedings of the Association should be kept a profound secret.
He trusted to that honour which was said to exist amongst—well
amongst gentlemen who might he styled “ conveyancers,”—that no
one present would play the spy. It would be most inconvenient if
the Police were to get scent of their doings.
At this point of the proceedings considerable confusion was
created by a report that a foreigner had obtained admission to the
Meeting under false pretences. Mr. Sikes insisted that the
intruder, having no right to he there, should at once he removed.
The Chairman. The question is very easily decided. Now, Sir,
(addressing the person who had created the confusion,) you must
pardon my apparent rudeness, hut are you—in point of faot—a
thief ?
The Person.—Certainly I am. I should not be here if I were not.
The Chairman.—We are obliged to be very careful. Will you
be kind enough to mention the branch of our profession to which
you belong?
The Person.—Certainly. I am the proprietor of the Swindle
Railway Refreshment Rooms.
The Chairman.—Your claims to be present are admitted. You
can remain and take part in the proceedings.
Mr. Sikes wished it to he clearly understood that he could not
discuss any question affecting the steamboat traffic. He contended
that he had a perfect right to search the pockets of every passenger
he might find abaft or before the funnel.
The Chairman explained that naval subjects would be rigidly
excluded from discussion. He had several suggestions to make.
The first matter they had to consider was the right of the Attacked
to call in the aid of the Police. For his part, he had no objection
to making this concession. In England the rights of the Attacker
would scarcely be even threatened, as the Police in that country
were generally obligingly invisible in cases of emergency.
M. Cartouche thought that the permission should certainly be
granted in cases where one thief was attacked by another. He him-
self knew an instance, of recent occurrence, in which a great big
bully had been able to plunder one of the cleverest and most suc-
cessful robbers of his large acquaintance.
The Chairman called M. Cartouche to order. At a Meeting
held to regulate the rules of assault and battery, Civilisation de-
manded that only the most exalted language should be used.
Herr Plunder thought the attacked should be garotted if he
made any sort of defence. It was for the good of society that a
robbery should be accomplished with as little confusion as possible.
He contended that the Attacked should be forced to give plans of
the houses of all his relatives, showing how they (the houses) might
be most easily entered, and their contents put under “ requisition.”
Mr. Van Robberman (Holland) could not agree with the last
speaker in every particular. He saw no reason why the Attacked
should object to giving information involving the ruin of his friends
and neighbours, but it was quite another thing that he should be
bound to offer no personal resistance in defence of his own property.
M. Voleur (Belgium) complained that it would be very hard
indeed if the drawing-room windows of the house of the Attacked
were removed by an Attacker wishing to gain admittance.
Herr Plunder did not see how the proceedings complained of
could be avoided if the Attacked refused to open the doors of his
mansion to the Attacker.
After some further discussion, the provisional sanction of most of
the Delegates present was obtained to a code of rules said to be very
favourable to the Attacked, and a vote of thanks was passed to
M. Popoff for his conciliatory and courteous conduct in the Chair.
The gathering was then about to disperse, when a solitary pas-
senger was seen to be approaching the spot upon which the Meeting
had just been held. He was allowed to advance within a few yards’
distance of the Chairman, when (at a signal from one of the Dele-
gates) he was surrounded, gagged, and robbed.
It has since been ascertained that the rules that had just been
sanctioned relative to the rights and duties of. the Attacker and
Attacked were not strictly observed on this occasion.
Notoriety in New York.
The alleged scandal of gross immorality imputed to a popular
preacher at New York has been decided by a Committee of Inquiry
to have no foundation. The Reverend Gentleman is, of course, to be
congratulated on this result. But, on the other hand, it should be
considered that his income is derived from pew-rents, and that if
the accusation brought against him had been found to be true, and
he had gone on preaching nevertheless, his chapel would have been
crammed to suffocation every Sunday.
Glee for Astonished Sportsmen in the Highlands.—“A
grouse ! a grouse! yea! my merry, merry men ! ”
A Welcome “ Bore ” (when it comes).—The Channel Tunnel.
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
107
Again : “To the tourist who likes to settle for his month where
he can find, though not the excitements of artificial existence, yet a
little social comfort”—not much, you’ll observe—“combined with
every facility for sea-bathing. * * * Liverpool beckons him (the
tourist) to its social wonders ”—(who, or what, is a social wonder ?
However, there seem to he a lot of them in Liverpool, according to
this guide-book)—“ Snowdon beckons him (the tourist again) to its
awful solitudes ”—crowds are making the ascent every day during
the season, and dirty little hoys offering to “ take y’up top o’ Snow-
don, Sir, for one-and-eightpence ”—by the way, a good service
would be done by taking a few of these young rascals up to one of
these “ awful solitudes,” and then and there punching their heads—
“ the sea beckons him to its glad voyaging ”—which depends upon
what sort of a sailor the tourist may be; but, after all, it only
“beckons him,” so he needn’t go unless he likes. Should the
talented writer correct a new edition, I would suggest that it should
he “ the sea ” which “ beckons to its awful solitudes”—for “ awful
solitudes ” would he a beautiful description of the bathing-
machines.
Talking of the .cliffs of Penmaenmawr, the guide-book says:
“ The sea-eagle till lately made them its favourite abode.” The
sea-eagle has probably by this time found it more profitable to let it
out in lodgings. Perhaps Mr. Gladstone has taken it.
Of one mode of ascending to the Penmaenmawr quarries—“ The
empty trucks returning up the mountain may afford the tourist, if
he have a good head, a swinging and giddy seat ”—hut he doesn’t
go up sitting on his head—“ which may serve, on this or some later
occasion, to save him the fatigue of the climb, and to produce a novel
sensation ’’—rather !
Describing with poetic fervour the view from the summit of Pen-
maenmawr, the guide tells us what is to be seen : “ Bridges, tubes,
towns, plains, and valleys—right around to the moors and moun-
tains of Cumberland. * * * The high grounds of the Isle of Man, and
the Hill of Howth in Ireland, with—last hut not least to the ob-
servant eye ”—evidently the writer’s own is here intended—“ those
vast and varied tracts of sea surface * * * here the waters hushed in
calm, there ruffled by a breeze : one broad belt rejoicing in the sun’s
salute; another, and more distant, lying in deep, inexplicable
shadow: ”—that that part of the sea which was out of the sun’s
salute should be lying in shadow appears to have considerably
puzzled the owner of the observant eye. How he must have triei
to reason it out, and have finally decided upon setting it down as
“inexplicable.” The gifted being of the observant eye must belong
to the Dundreary family, and the phenomenon of any place, which
is not in the sun, being in the shade, is clearly “ one of those things
which no fellow can find out.”
After the above selections, let no tourist in North Wales forget to
purchase a Pennymaenmawr Guide. And so farewell—a long fare-
well—to all the Joneses ; for, alas! the vacation for many of us is
an accomplished fact.
ANOTHER CONGRESS.
nimated and encourag-
ed by the applause
bestowed upon the pro-
ceedings of the Con-
gress at Brussels by an
intelligent European
Public, the Members
of the International
Robbers’ Defence As-
sociation have recently
sent Delegates to a
gathering of their
Society, held at
midnight, near a
fashionable Lon-
don thoroughfare.
The following is a
brief report of the
meeting in ques-
tion :—
On a resolution moved by Mr. William Sikes (Delegate for
England), seconded by Herr Plunder (Germany), and spoken to
by M. Cartouche, of France, M. Popoff (Russia) was unanimouslv
voted to the Chair.
The Chairman said that the holding of the Meeting was a con-
cession to Civilisation. The Attacker and the Attacked had both
rights and duties, and it was those rights and duties they now pro-
posed to discuss. But first, it was most important that the
proceedings of the Association should be kept a profound secret.
He trusted to that honour which was said to exist amongst—well
amongst gentlemen who might he styled “ conveyancers,”—that no
one present would play the spy. It would be most inconvenient if
the Police were to get scent of their doings.
At this point of the proceedings considerable confusion was
created by a report that a foreigner had obtained admission to the
Meeting under false pretences. Mr. Sikes insisted that the
intruder, having no right to he there, should at once he removed.
The Chairman. The question is very easily decided. Now, Sir,
(addressing the person who had created the confusion,) you must
pardon my apparent rudeness, hut are you—in point of faot—a
thief ?
The Person.—Certainly I am. I should not be here if I were not.
The Chairman.—We are obliged to be very careful. Will you
be kind enough to mention the branch of our profession to which
you belong?
The Person.—Certainly. I am the proprietor of the Swindle
Railway Refreshment Rooms.
The Chairman.—Your claims to be present are admitted. You
can remain and take part in the proceedings.
Mr. Sikes wished it to he clearly understood that he could not
discuss any question affecting the steamboat traffic. He contended
that he had a perfect right to search the pockets of every passenger
he might find abaft or before the funnel.
The Chairman explained that naval subjects would be rigidly
excluded from discussion. He had several suggestions to make.
The first matter they had to consider was the right of the Attacked
to call in the aid of the Police. For his part, he had no objection
to making this concession. In England the rights of the Attacker
would scarcely be even threatened, as the Police in that country
were generally obligingly invisible in cases of emergency.
M. Cartouche thought that the permission should certainly be
granted in cases where one thief was attacked by another. He him-
self knew an instance, of recent occurrence, in which a great big
bully had been able to plunder one of the cleverest and most suc-
cessful robbers of his large acquaintance.
The Chairman called M. Cartouche to order. At a Meeting
held to regulate the rules of assault and battery, Civilisation de-
manded that only the most exalted language should be used.
Herr Plunder thought the attacked should be garotted if he
made any sort of defence. It was for the good of society that a
robbery should be accomplished with as little confusion as possible.
He contended that the Attacked should be forced to give plans of
the houses of all his relatives, showing how they (the houses) might
be most easily entered, and their contents put under “ requisition.”
Mr. Van Robberman (Holland) could not agree with the last
speaker in every particular. He saw no reason why the Attacked
should object to giving information involving the ruin of his friends
and neighbours, but it was quite another thing that he should be
bound to offer no personal resistance in defence of his own property.
M. Voleur (Belgium) complained that it would be very hard
indeed if the drawing-room windows of the house of the Attacked
were removed by an Attacker wishing to gain admittance.
Herr Plunder did not see how the proceedings complained of
could be avoided if the Attacked refused to open the doors of his
mansion to the Attacker.
After some further discussion, the provisional sanction of most of
the Delegates present was obtained to a code of rules said to be very
favourable to the Attacked, and a vote of thanks was passed to
M. Popoff for his conciliatory and courteous conduct in the Chair.
The gathering was then about to disperse, when a solitary pas-
senger was seen to be approaching the spot upon which the Meeting
had just been held. He was allowed to advance within a few yards’
distance of the Chairman, when (at a signal from one of the Dele-
gates) he was surrounded, gagged, and robbed.
It has since been ascertained that the rules that had just been
sanctioned relative to the rights and duties of. the Attacker and
Attacked were not strictly observed on this occasion.
Notoriety in New York.
The alleged scandal of gross immorality imputed to a popular
preacher at New York has been decided by a Committee of Inquiry
to have no foundation. The Reverend Gentleman is, of course, to be
congratulated on this result. But, on the other hand, it should be
considered that his income is derived from pew-rents, and that if
the accusation brought against him had been found to be true, and
he had gone on preaching nevertheless, his chapel would have been
crammed to suffocation every Sunday.
Glee for Astonished Sportsmen in the Highlands.—“A
grouse ! a grouse! yea! my merry, merry men ! ”
A Welcome “ Bore ” (when it comes).—The Channel Tunnel.