DOI issue:
September 19, 1874
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16939#0132
124-
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [September 19, 1874.
OPTICAL ILLUSION.
Host (to Captain Mango, who has blazed away at nothing). “ Hollo, Mango ! What are you up to ? There was no Bird !”
Captain Mango. “ Wa—wasn’t there? It’s my wetched Liver again, then!—Always seeing Something suddenly
floating before my Eyes ! ! ”
THE SCHOOL-BOARD INSPECTOR'S SOLILOQUY.
Yes, I inspect:
Such is my duty, as the Boards direct.
Real fun it is, on awkward days, to me,
To come into a School, and make a fuss,
And, though I’m ignorant of the Rule of Three,
Question the Master on the Calculus.
How the boys stare
When I talk big of cubic feet of air,
And want to know if he considers birching
Improves the idle urchin!
And I inspect
Also the schools kept by the opposite sect.
I must say Mistresses are rather pert,
And try to set me down—but 0 I frighten ’em!
When they would treat me just as so much dirt,
About my powers I very soon enlighten ’em.
If they ’re too stuck up,
Their occupations soon they ’ll have to chuck up,
And go about after the fellows dangling
Or, if not, take in mangling.
And I inspect
Swell houses : haughty flunkeys don’t protect
These bloated harrystocrats. “Well,” I say,
“ Your son ’s at Heton—tolerable school:
But then your daughters—where, I beg, are they ?
Ladies are inefficient, as a rule.”
When in a rage
They get, I tell them they ’re behind the age:
And, if I meet with any very rum ’uns,
I serve them with a summons.
I don’t inspect
Gutters and cellars, please to recollect.
The little dirty thieving imps are quite
Beneath my notice : let them take their way,
And grow up gaol-birds to their hearts’ delight—
Our clean Board Schools weren’t meant for such as they.
No; my vocation
Is to produce continual irritation:
Call me, and welcome, rude and ill-conditioned—
I mean to be efficient.
TRICKS OF TAILORS.
The complicity of some fashionable tailors with flunkeys in the
practice of robbing their employers by cheating them in livery, may
recal to mind the old ballad concerning the three thieves, of whom
each was in the habit of stealing something special to his ostensible
vocation:—
“ And the little tailor he stole broadcloth
To keep those three rogues warm.”
The “ little tailor ” of the olden time appears to be reproduced, as
to moral character, in too many tailors in a large way of business.
In other days, tailors in general used to be popularly twitted with
an embezzlement of cloth synonymous with a certain vegetable.
Fraudulent dealing in livery may be considered the modern substi-
tute for “ cabbage.”
FASHIONABLE GAMESTERS.
Gambling is prohibited in the country by the Rhine, but the
game of Rouge-et-Noir is still in vogue with certain tourists there
of the fair sex, who, to enhance their faded charms, put rouge upon
their cheeks and noir upon their eyebrows.
“The Last Straw.” — For further particulars apply to the
Gleaners. ■
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [September 19, 1874.
OPTICAL ILLUSION.
Host (to Captain Mango, who has blazed away at nothing). “ Hollo, Mango ! What are you up to ? There was no Bird !”
Captain Mango. “ Wa—wasn’t there? It’s my wetched Liver again, then!—Always seeing Something suddenly
floating before my Eyes ! ! ”
THE SCHOOL-BOARD INSPECTOR'S SOLILOQUY.
Yes, I inspect:
Such is my duty, as the Boards direct.
Real fun it is, on awkward days, to me,
To come into a School, and make a fuss,
And, though I’m ignorant of the Rule of Three,
Question the Master on the Calculus.
How the boys stare
When I talk big of cubic feet of air,
And want to know if he considers birching
Improves the idle urchin!
And I inspect
Also the schools kept by the opposite sect.
I must say Mistresses are rather pert,
And try to set me down—but 0 I frighten ’em!
When they would treat me just as so much dirt,
About my powers I very soon enlighten ’em.
If they ’re too stuck up,
Their occupations soon they ’ll have to chuck up,
And go about after the fellows dangling
Or, if not, take in mangling.
And I inspect
Swell houses : haughty flunkeys don’t protect
These bloated harrystocrats. “Well,” I say,
“ Your son ’s at Heton—tolerable school:
But then your daughters—where, I beg, are they ?
Ladies are inefficient, as a rule.”
When in a rage
They get, I tell them they ’re behind the age:
And, if I meet with any very rum ’uns,
I serve them with a summons.
I don’t inspect
Gutters and cellars, please to recollect.
The little dirty thieving imps are quite
Beneath my notice : let them take their way,
And grow up gaol-birds to their hearts’ delight—
Our clean Board Schools weren’t meant for such as they.
No; my vocation
Is to produce continual irritation:
Call me, and welcome, rude and ill-conditioned—
I mean to be efficient.
TRICKS OF TAILORS.
The complicity of some fashionable tailors with flunkeys in the
practice of robbing their employers by cheating them in livery, may
recal to mind the old ballad concerning the three thieves, of whom
each was in the habit of stealing something special to his ostensible
vocation:—
“ And the little tailor he stole broadcloth
To keep those three rogues warm.”
The “ little tailor ” of the olden time appears to be reproduced, as
to moral character, in too many tailors in a large way of business.
In other days, tailors in general used to be popularly twitted with
an embezzlement of cloth synonymous with a certain vegetable.
Fraudulent dealing in livery may be considered the modern substi-
tute for “ cabbage.”
FASHIONABLE GAMESTERS.
Gambling is prohibited in the country by the Rhine, but the
game of Rouge-et-Noir is still in vogue with certain tourists there
of the fair sex, who, to enhance their faded charms, put rouge upon
their cheeks and noir upon their eyebrows.
“The Last Straw.” — For further particulars apply to the
Gleaners. ■