DOI issue:
October 3, 1874
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16939#0144
136
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[October 3, 1874.
THINGS A LADY WOULD NOT LIKE TO KNOW.”
lease observe that this, the companion
volume to Things a Lady Would Like
to Know, is a repertory of recondite
knowledge, giving information on
many topics like the following :—
1. On whose heads the hair first
grew which is manufactured into her charming
chignons.
2. Of what chemicals are made her perfumes,
essences, hair-dyes, and washes for beautifying the
complexion.
3. What (she being a lovely blonde) Lord Mil-
lion’s eldest son, whom she had almost caught, said about her to the wicked little brunette with whom he waltzed so often the. other night.
4. Why her husband is so willing that she should enjoy herself for a few weeks at Brighton, though he has so much business that he
can only come down on Saturdays.
5. What the children are learning while the governess writes her love-letters.
6. What the servants think of the correspondence which she carelessly leaves about.
7. Why the fascinating Captain Fitz-Pybamtd, who is always bringing opera-boxes and bouquets, will let her husband induce him
to waste so much time on billiards.
From these examples it is clear that the book in question is one which should never be absent from any Lady’s boudoir. Its negative
virtues are great.
“ELIZABETH'S RESIDENCE IN A ERENCH
COUNTRY HOUSE”
FRAGMENT THE SECOND.
Her First Impressions.
“ Why, whatever have those ridiculous horses got bobbing about
over their noses ? ” I said to myself, as I leaned over our front gate,
the first morning after our arrival. Having been trained to truth
from my youth up, I will not conceal from you that I was late for
breakfast, and that, as such, I should not have been at the front
gate. But I reckoned on all our party being dog-tired with their
journey^ and not likely to get up at their usual time. “ Besides,”
I said, ‘ ‘ if they ’re not tired themselves, they are that considerate
that they ’ll think I am, and then they ’ll make every allowance for
a poor suffering young girl, as well they may; so I may as well
1^dulge myself with a good look out. When you have a mistress
that don’t mind being put upon, why, put upon her of course ! You
mayn t always have the chance ! Besides, ain’t we told that virtue
is its own reward ? and who are we that we should go against
that, 1 should like to know ? ”
Well, I leaned out over the front gate and saw a waggon and
horses coming along the road, and I couldn’t think what the horses
had got over their noses. When they got close to me I saw that
each horse had a sheep’s tail hanging from his forelock right down
over his face. The sheep’s tail was set in a nice little socket of
black leather, with a neat fringe of red wool, and looked quite
ornamental. Well, I said, “ think of the vanity of these French
people. I ve always been told that they all like to be decorated as
much as ever they can, and that’s natural; but to go and fig out
their horses like this ! Well, I never! ”
When the horses came up to me, however, I changed my mind;
tor, just then, a swarm of flies began attacking them about the eyes
and nose, and the horses, by tossing their heads and whisking the
sheeps’ tails, brushed away the flies as cleanly as I could with a
duster. “ Ah,” I said, when I saw this, “ there’s a moral in every
tale if you know where to look for it. France is the country for
me ! If there ’s a country anywhere where a young girl may look
to be a happy wife it’s here, where the merciful man is merciful to
his beast! ” But I’ve seen my error since. I’ve seen one, as was
as soft as silk to a dumb brute, turn a deaf ear to a pleading woman.
But at first I thought otherwise, and, as I went in to lay breakfast,
I hugged those deceitful sheeps’ tails to my trusting bosom.
I must own that, when I came to look over the house and know
it well, I didn’t find much to complain of in it. It was very large,
and had a good many rooms; but it hadn’t too many carpets, to
harbour dust, and get me into trouble with mistress about the
corners—the floors being mostly of wood, which had been brought
to a polish with wax and hard rubbing, and so was easy to sweep.
I needn’t say I didn’t trouble myself about the polish. That beau
tiful line of Dr. Watts—
“ How neat she spreads the wax—”
was meant for the little busy bee and not for a hard-working girl,
who had lived in good English places and wasn’t going to give in to
French ways.
On the mantelpiece there were none of those fidgety little knick-
nacks, which are always jumping out of your hands and dashing
themselves into pieces, when you ’re dusting them ; but, instead, in
each sitting room, there was a good solid gilt clock, that wouldn’t
go, and so couldn’t be put out of order by hasty handling when one
was late in the morning. And the furniture was all _ solid and
strong, and wouldn’t break when you moved it about, if you was
ever so much out of temper. Men may swear when they ’re put out,
but a girl, who has been brought up to be a pupil-teacher, must
look elsewhere for comfort, and it is a relief to her to be able to set
a chair down with a slam and not find the top rail come off in her
hands.
The walls of the sitting-room were lined from top to bottom with
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[October 3, 1874.
THINGS A LADY WOULD NOT LIKE TO KNOW.”
lease observe that this, the companion
volume to Things a Lady Would Like
to Know, is a repertory of recondite
knowledge, giving information on
many topics like the following :—
1. On whose heads the hair first
grew which is manufactured into her charming
chignons.
2. Of what chemicals are made her perfumes,
essences, hair-dyes, and washes for beautifying the
complexion.
3. What (she being a lovely blonde) Lord Mil-
lion’s eldest son, whom she had almost caught, said about her to the wicked little brunette with whom he waltzed so often the. other night.
4. Why her husband is so willing that she should enjoy herself for a few weeks at Brighton, though he has so much business that he
can only come down on Saturdays.
5. What the children are learning while the governess writes her love-letters.
6. What the servants think of the correspondence which she carelessly leaves about.
7. Why the fascinating Captain Fitz-Pybamtd, who is always bringing opera-boxes and bouquets, will let her husband induce him
to waste so much time on billiards.
From these examples it is clear that the book in question is one which should never be absent from any Lady’s boudoir. Its negative
virtues are great.
“ELIZABETH'S RESIDENCE IN A ERENCH
COUNTRY HOUSE”
FRAGMENT THE SECOND.
Her First Impressions.
“ Why, whatever have those ridiculous horses got bobbing about
over their noses ? ” I said to myself, as I leaned over our front gate,
the first morning after our arrival. Having been trained to truth
from my youth up, I will not conceal from you that I was late for
breakfast, and that, as such, I should not have been at the front
gate. But I reckoned on all our party being dog-tired with their
journey^ and not likely to get up at their usual time. “ Besides,”
I said, ‘ ‘ if they ’re not tired themselves, they are that considerate
that they ’ll think I am, and then they ’ll make every allowance for
a poor suffering young girl, as well they may; so I may as well
1^dulge myself with a good look out. When you have a mistress
that don’t mind being put upon, why, put upon her of course ! You
mayn t always have the chance ! Besides, ain’t we told that virtue
is its own reward ? and who are we that we should go against
that, 1 should like to know ? ”
Well, I leaned out over the front gate and saw a waggon and
horses coming along the road, and I couldn’t think what the horses
had got over their noses. When they got close to me I saw that
each horse had a sheep’s tail hanging from his forelock right down
over his face. The sheep’s tail was set in a nice little socket of
black leather, with a neat fringe of red wool, and looked quite
ornamental. Well, I said, “ think of the vanity of these French
people. I ve always been told that they all like to be decorated as
much as ever they can, and that’s natural; but to go and fig out
their horses like this ! Well, I never! ”
When the horses came up to me, however, I changed my mind;
tor, just then, a swarm of flies began attacking them about the eyes
and nose, and the horses, by tossing their heads and whisking the
sheeps’ tails, brushed away the flies as cleanly as I could with a
duster. “ Ah,” I said, when I saw this, “ there’s a moral in every
tale if you know where to look for it. France is the country for
me ! If there ’s a country anywhere where a young girl may look
to be a happy wife it’s here, where the merciful man is merciful to
his beast! ” But I’ve seen my error since. I’ve seen one, as was
as soft as silk to a dumb brute, turn a deaf ear to a pleading woman.
But at first I thought otherwise, and, as I went in to lay breakfast,
I hugged those deceitful sheeps’ tails to my trusting bosom.
I must own that, when I came to look over the house and know
it well, I didn’t find much to complain of in it. It was very large,
and had a good many rooms; but it hadn’t too many carpets, to
harbour dust, and get me into trouble with mistress about the
corners—the floors being mostly of wood, which had been brought
to a polish with wax and hard rubbing, and so was easy to sweep.
I needn’t say I didn’t trouble myself about the polish. That beau
tiful line of Dr. Watts—
“ How neat she spreads the wax—”
was meant for the little busy bee and not for a hard-working girl,
who had lived in good English places and wasn’t going to give in to
French ways.
On the mantelpiece there were none of those fidgety little knick-
nacks, which are always jumping out of your hands and dashing
themselves into pieces, when you ’re dusting them ; but, instead, in
each sitting room, there was a good solid gilt clock, that wouldn’t
go, and so couldn’t be put out of order by hasty handling when one
was late in the morning. And the furniture was all _ solid and
strong, and wouldn’t break when you moved it about, if you was
ever so much out of temper. Men may swear when they ’re put out,
but a girl, who has been brought up to be a pupil-teacher, must
look elsewhere for comfort, and it is a relief to her to be able to set
a chair down with a slam and not find the top rail come off in her
hands.
The walls of the sitting-room were lined from top to bottom with