Punch (67.1874)

October 10, 1874.]

PUNCH, OK THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 163

HAVE I A RIVAL ? ”

Lady. “ Are you the Reverend Mr. Dashleigh’s Bootmaker ? ”
Bootmaker. “Yes, Miss.”

Lady. “I want you to make up these Slippers for Him, and send
THEM TO Me.”

Bootmaker. “With pleasure, Miss. I am just now making a Pair for
Him.”

Lady (with consternation). “ WHAT ! ”

Bootmaker. “Only a Pair of Leather ones, I assure you, Miss.”

EDINBURGH AT LIVERPOOL.

"What shall we say
Of Liverpool on any holiday ?

Is there another city anywhere
With such electric air ?

The ocean-town gave welcome true and thorough
To our young mariner Duke of Edinburgh.

The Mayor’s no Chartist;

He venerates the Throne and loves the Artist;

He generously casts his gold away
For the far future day.

He does not seem a most inveterate talker,

But Liverpool will long remember Walker.

0 ’er the Atlantic

England’s great port looks forth with dream romantic
Of that fair time when ’neath a nobler sun,

All English will be one,

And people will remember in their prayers,

Logical Primates and artistic Mayors.

Fast Liverpool

Is sending other English towns to school:

Why not ? ’Tis closer to our brothers there
In the keen Western air.

Why should not England’s ocean-city he
A nobler Venice by a wider sea ?

BUNG, OR BONIFACE?

Addressing a meeting the other day at Manchester,
on the subject of a Roman Catholic Temperance Society,
formed by the titular Bishop of Salford, Archbishop
Manning is reported to have said “ he hoped no Catholic
who had prospered in the world sufficiently to save
money would ever invest that money either in the
making or selling of intoxicating drinks.” It may be
presumed that Dr. Manning does not consider good wine
as one of those drinks which he calls intoxicating. He
surely cannot mean to say that there is anything at all
wrong in making wine; and what harm is there in
causing it to be made by the natural process of fer-
mentation ? If there is no harm in making wine, what
harm can there be in selling it; and, as to the vocation
of an innkeeper, may it not be so pursued as to be con-
sistent with actual sanctity ? The Typical Publican
may bear the name of Bung, but can Archbishop Man-
ning deny that “ mine host ” used to be commonly called
Boniface ? Why Boniface but because he did good ?

A Lady’s Riddle.—Which is the ugliest of all trees ?
A plane tree.

DISTRESS AT EXETER.

It is likely that the course taken by the reverend gentlemen
referred to in the subjoined extract from a newspaper will be blamed
as at least impolitic by all but the most stupid Conservatives in the
Established Church:—

“The Legality of Dominicals.—The question of the legality of the
tax called dominicals, which the Clergy of Exeter are endeavouring to enforce
by law in the different parishes, is exciting considerable attention. Several
of the persons sued having failed to comply with the order to pay, the Rev.
Mr. Strother yesterday obtained from the Magistrates a distress warrant
against one of them, Mr. Sandford. The opponents of the tax met last
night, and determined to hold a meeting to reimburse Mr. Sandford, if his
goods are sold.”

But, in enforcing a disputed claim to “dominicals,” the “Clergy
of Exeter,” all of them concerned in that movement, have done
what cannot but be very much applauded by all political Dissenters,
advanced Liberals, and everybody else who would like to see them
deprived of all claim to any payment but that of voluntary contri-
butions. The party of “ Disestablishment and Disendowment ” can
only regret that the irritation created by distraining for “domini-
cals ” is merely local. If the Clergy at large were to concur in the
step of so doing with those of Exeter, they would go a very great
way to insure the speedy “liberation of the Church from State
control.” The Nonconforming portion of the “ opponents of the
tax,” who met and determined to reimburse Mr. Sandford if his
goods should be sold, might also have consistently voted the reverend
gentlemen engaged in trying to levy “dominicals” by distraint, a
testimonial.

SOCIAL SCIENCE FOR THE LADIES.

It is said that next year a section of the Social Science Congress
will be entirely devoted to Members of the Fair (or rather unfair)
Sex. Should this excellent idea blossom into a fact, the following
Papers are certain to be read during the course of the Meeting:—

1. Bonnets, how to get them, and when to wear them. With a few
remarks upon the theory of husband-coaxing, and a Dissertation
upon Family Pews in Church.

2. Proposals, Ancient and _ Modern. This Paper will contain
several Hints to guide the choice of a Husband, with a Scale show-
ing that Income should be regarded before Age.

3. The Abuse of Tobacco. With Thoughts about the effect of
Cigars upon Drawing-room Curtains. To this Paper will be added
a short Essay upon “ Husbands’ Promises that (in spite of assertions
to the contrary) always end in Smoke.”

4. Keys and their Uses. Being a Lecture upon the Keys of the
Wine-cellar and Wardrobe, with a few Remarks anent that modern
abomination, the Latch-key.

5. O71 Doctors. With Hints to guide Family Practitioners in the
prescription of visits to the Rhine, Switzerland and Italy, in cases
where the Husband of the Patient is known to be “unfeeling and
miserly.”

6. On Children. With a Dictionary of Terms of Endearment to
be used in familiar converse with a Child of six months’ old.

7. A Few Words about the Very Best of Men. Being a Biography
of “ that dear old creature,” Mr. Punch, of 85, Fleet Street.