DOI issue:
December 12, 1874
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16939#0260
December 12, 1874.]
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
253
PRECAUTIONS.
Farmer Lavender {starting for London with Mrs. L. for the Cattle-Show Week).
“My Dear ” {solemnly), “I hope you haven’t forgotten the Insecticide ! ! ”
“ IN SUCH A NIGHT.”
{Merchant of Venice, Act V. Scene 1, adapted to the Times.)
Scene—A comfortable Drawing-room: fire burning
frostily.
Lorenzo and Jessica tete.-d-te.te.
Lorenzo. The fire burns bright: in such a night as this,
When the blue flame did gently kiss the coals
And they did crumble slow, in such a night
Gladstone, methinks, took poker in his hand,
And swore, as then he smashed a lump of coal,
To smash the Vatican.
Jessica. In such a night
Did Rosalie, my milliner, invent
That winter bonnet with a plume of flame
Which came home yesterday.
Lorenzo. In such a night
Disraeli, dreaming of the Arctic ice,
Thought: “ for the honour of the English fleet,
We ’ll pierce a passage through.”
Jessica. In such a night
Papa, made generous with his choicest port,
Said you and I might wed.
Lorenzo. In such a night
I, overjoyed, rushed homeward in the snow,
And with the smoke of numberless cigars
Built castles in the air.
Jessica. In such a night
I went to bed, and cried, and said my prayers,
And never, never for a moment, dreamt
That you were smoking, Sir.
Lorenzo. In such a night,
He also smoking, did the giant Punch
Think of his mighty enterprise, and see,
Ruddy and radiant in the caves of flame,
Vistas of wit and wisdom yet to be.
Jessica. I would out-night you ; but I hear the knock
Of Tinto, your eccentric painter-friend,
Who likes to talk of art o’er a cigar,
By a bright fire, in such a night as this.
More Free than Easy.—The Proposed Library at
Bethnal Green.
HAMLET’S RIGHT HAIR.
Some argue that, since Hamlet is a Dane,
And Danes are of the Scandinavian race,
And Scandinavians for the most part fair,
The Player that Hamlet would perform aright
Ought to present him in a flaxen wig.
But race admits exceptions ; there are some
Dark Danes, and Hamlet's sire was one of them,
At least dark-haired, if his hair matched his heard,
Eor that had been pure sable which became
A sable silvered. ’Tis most probable
That Hamlet, in respect of hair, did turn
After his father ; all the more for that
He was, as he avows himself, possest
With melancholy, and his rapt moods bespeak
The melancholic-nervous temperament,
Whereof the chiefest token is dark hair,
To be the very leaven of his mind.
But what the thatch of Hamlet's upper storey,
Whether a raven or a whitey-brown,
Is of less moment than the quality
O’ the furniture within. It is a brain
Fitting the part, that’s asked to play the Dane.
HANDSOME ACKNOWLEDGMENT.
What shall we say of the four magnificent volumes of “National
homage to England,” presented the other day at Windsor, on behalf
of France, by M. d’Agiout and the Comte Serrurier, to the Queen ?
That we are delighted to find ourselves, for once, in the French good
books.
A Baker’s Dozen.—The thirteen rolls made by the Devastation
last week at Portsmouth.— Vide “ Times ” of 1st inst.
VENUS AT HOME.
It is simply a waste of time and a needless expense to go with
costly and elaborate apparatus to Kerguelen Island, Mauritius, and
other out-of-the-way places ten thousand miles or more distant from
the General Post Office, to catch a glimpse of the Transit of Venus.
In the Metropolis alone, the Transit of Venus may be comfortably,
agreeably, and distinctly observed all day long, without the aid of
any optical instrument whatever, except perhaps an ordinary eye-
glass, in the Parks, in Piccadilly, in Oxford Street, in Westbourne
Grove, in St. Paul’s Churchyard, in Cheapside, at the Railway
Stations, and in fifty other places, all easy of access, and within a
radius of five miles from Charing Cross—in fact, wherever our
wives and daughters and sisters are in the daily habit of walking,
riding, and shopping.
Song for Schoolmasters.
Some, by compulsory Education,
Think scholars may be made of fools,
And thus it is that flagellation
Still holds its place in certain schools.
Behold the creature in yon stye,
Ye men of discipline severe.
Can you convert, howe’er you try,
Into a silken purse her ear ?
The European Peace Assurance Society.
President—Prince Bismarck.
Secretary—Right Hon. B. Disraeli.
Offices of the Society—The Treasury, Whitehall.
N.B.—Arbitrations conducted on the most reasonable terms, from
Ten to Four daily. No extra charge for telegraphing to Berlin.
Ring the right-hand bell. No Irish need apply.
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
253
PRECAUTIONS.
Farmer Lavender {starting for London with Mrs. L. for the Cattle-Show Week).
“My Dear ” {solemnly), “I hope you haven’t forgotten the Insecticide ! ! ”
“ IN SUCH A NIGHT.”
{Merchant of Venice, Act V. Scene 1, adapted to the Times.)
Scene—A comfortable Drawing-room: fire burning
frostily.
Lorenzo and Jessica tete.-d-te.te.
Lorenzo. The fire burns bright: in such a night as this,
When the blue flame did gently kiss the coals
And they did crumble slow, in such a night
Gladstone, methinks, took poker in his hand,
And swore, as then he smashed a lump of coal,
To smash the Vatican.
Jessica. In such a night
Did Rosalie, my milliner, invent
That winter bonnet with a plume of flame
Which came home yesterday.
Lorenzo. In such a night
Disraeli, dreaming of the Arctic ice,
Thought: “ for the honour of the English fleet,
We ’ll pierce a passage through.”
Jessica. In such a night
Papa, made generous with his choicest port,
Said you and I might wed.
Lorenzo. In such a night
I, overjoyed, rushed homeward in the snow,
And with the smoke of numberless cigars
Built castles in the air.
Jessica. In such a night
I went to bed, and cried, and said my prayers,
And never, never for a moment, dreamt
That you were smoking, Sir.
Lorenzo. In such a night,
He also smoking, did the giant Punch
Think of his mighty enterprise, and see,
Ruddy and radiant in the caves of flame,
Vistas of wit and wisdom yet to be.
Jessica. I would out-night you ; but I hear the knock
Of Tinto, your eccentric painter-friend,
Who likes to talk of art o’er a cigar,
By a bright fire, in such a night as this.
More Free than Easy.—The Proposed Library at
Bethnal Green.
HAMLET’S RIGHT HAIR.
Some argue that, since Hamlet is a Dane,
And Danes are of the Scandinavian race,
And Scandinavians for the most part fair,
The Player that Hamlet would perform aright
Ought to present him in a flaxen wig.
But race admits exceptions ; there are some
Dark Danes, and Hamlet's sire was one of them,
At least dark-haired, if his hair matched his heard,
Eor that had been pure sable which became
A sable silvered. ’Tis most probable
That Hamlet, in respect of hair, did turn
After his father ; all the more for that
He was, as he avows himself, possest
With melancholy, and his rapt moods bespeak
The melancholic-nervous temperament,
Whereof the chiefest token is dark hair,
To be the very leaven of his mind.
But what the thatch of Hamlet's upper storey,
Whether a raven or a whitey-brown,
Is of less moment than the quality
O’ the furniture within. It is a brain
Fitting the part, that’s asked to play the Dane.
HANDSOME ACKNOWLEDGMENT.
What shall we say of the four magnificent volumes of “National
homage to England,” presented the other day at Windsor, on behalf
of France, by M. d’Agiout and the Comte Serrurier, to the Queen ?
That we are delighted to find ourselves, for once, in the French good
books.
A Baker’s Dozen.—The thirteen rolls made by the Devastation
last week at Portsmouth.— Vide “ Times ” of 1st inst.
VENUS AT HOME.
It is simply a waste of time and a needless expense to go with
costly and elaborate apparatus to Kerguelen Island, Mauritius, and
other out-of-the-way places ten thousand miles or more distant from
the General Post Office, to catch a glimpse of the Transit of Venus.
In the Metropolis alone, the Transit of Venus may be comfortably,
agreeably, and distinctly observed all day long, without the aid of
any optical instrument whatever, except perhaps an ordinary eye-
glass, in the Parks, in Piccadilly, in Oxford Street, in Westbourne
Grove, in St. Paul’s Churchyard, in Cheapside, at the Railway
Stations, and in fifty other places, all easy of access, and within a
radius of five miles from Charing Cross—in fact, wherever our
wives and daughters and sisters are in the daily habit of walking,
riding, and shopping.
Song for Schoolmasters.
Some, by compulsory Education,
Think scholars may be made of fools,
And thus it is that flagellation
Still holds its place in certain schools.
Behold the creature in yon stye,
Ye men of discipline severe.
Can you convert, howe’er you try,
Into a silken purse her ear ?
The European Peace Assurance Society.
President—Prince Bismarck.
Secretary—Right Hon. B. Disraeli.
Offices of the Society—The Treasury, Whitehall.
N.B.—Arbitrations conducted on the most reasonable terms, from
Ten to Four daily. No extra charge for telegraphing to Berlin.
Ring the right-hand bell. No Irish need apply.