Punch (67.1874)

266 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [December 19, 1874.

THE LORD MAYOR IN PARIS.

S the Lord Mayor of London
has been invited to visit
Paris in State, accompanied
by the officers of his Court,
on the occasion of the
opening of the new Opera
House ; it is certain that
the Monarch of the City
will he received with the
respect which every Pari-
sian believes to be so emi-
nently his Lordship’s due.

We understand that
the following programme
(which has been evidently
drawn up by a French-
man with an intimate
knowledge of the manners
and customs of the Eng-
lish) will be found to con-
tain most of the enter-
tainments to he organised
in his Lordship’s honour.

First Great Festival.—
Grand Military Review at
Longchamps in honour of
Son Altesse Municipale le
Lor Maire de Londres.
The troops will he com-
manded as follows during the manoeuvres; Marshal MacMahon
will direct the infantry, the “ Cite-Marshal ” will charge with the
cavalry, and S. A. M. le Lor Maire de Londres will he at the head
of the artillery.

Second Great Festival.—A Grand “ Auction-Sale ” (as in London)
will be held in the Champs Elysees in honour of S. A. M. le Lor
Maire de Londres. Wives will be sold as at “ Smeethfeld.” One of
the “ gentelmans ” of the Court of S. A. M. le Lor Maire—M. le
“ Town Criere ”—will be invited to preside.

Third Great Festival.—A Grand Tournament in honour of S. A.
M. le Lor Maire de Londres will be held on the site of the Hippo-
drome. S. A. M. le Lor Maire de Londres will be invited to wear
his ancient armour, and to take an active part in the combats. The
“ Cite-Marshal ” may also be expected to practise the “ Boxe
Anglaise” with MM. le “ Porteur d’Epee” and le “Commone-
Serjeant.”

Fourth Great Festival.—A Grand Ball will he given at the Elysee
in honour of S. A. M. le Lor Maire de Londres. The programme
will be composed entirely of English dances. The ball will be
opened by S. A. M. le Lor Maire de Londres, who will dance the
celebrated “ Ilan-Fling,” the national dance of the peasants of
“the Province of Putne.” During the evening the “Pas-de-Jig
d’lrelande,” and the “ Reel des Montagnards Eeossais,” will be
danced by M. le “ Cite-Marshal,” assisted by M. le “ Town-Criere.”
The entertainment will be brought to a conclusion by a grand per-
formance of the world-famous “ Englis-Naval-ornpipe ” by the
troupe “ des Watermens du Lor Maire.”

Fifth Great Festival.—State visit to the Grand Opera House. On
this occasion S. A. M. le Lor Maire and MM. le “Town-Criere”
and le “ Commone-Serjeant ” will be invited to wear their cos-
tumes de gala. S. A. M. le Lor Maire de Londres will be seated on
the right of Marshal MacMahon, who will have M. le “Cite
Marshal ” on his left. • The younger members of the Court of le
Lor Maire de Londres will, after the performance, be invited to an
orgie foudroyante_ given by the Committee of the Jockey Club, to
the most distinguished members of the French theatrical profession,
at the Cafe Anglais.

Sixth Great Festival. — Grand departure of S. A. M. le Lor
Maire de Londres and his Court from Paris. The younger members
of the Court (MM. le Town-Criere ” and le “Commone-Serjeant”)
will be accompanied to the Railway Station by the Jockey Club and
their friends. After bidding them farewell, the Jockey Club will
crown M. le “Town-Criere” and his illustrious colleague with
wreaths of flowers. A special Guard of Honour will be mounted in
the Court-yard of the Railway Station to receive M. le “ Cite Mar-
shal’’with salvoes of artillery. S. A. M. le Lor Maire de Londres
will ride to the Railway Station on an unbroken “ steeples-chaser,”
clearing several “fands” erected for the occasion on his line of
Rffite, and will thus have an opportunity of showing his national
skill as a “gentelmans ridere.” Marshal MacMahon will meet
his august guests at the Railway Station, and there will be a grand
distribution of decorations. The President will accompany S. A. M.
le Lor Maire de Londres to Calais. At every station en route the

train will stop (after the English fashion) that the travellers may
partake of vins d’honneur of “ wiskey-gins ” and “ raff-raff.” At.
Calais there will he a grand banquet d VAnglaise. Prominent
among the plats will he the national pieces de resistance, “ roshif,
sirloin,” “ gigots saignants,” and the entrees sucres of “ emince-pie,”
and “ plom-puddin.” After this the President will conduct his
distinguished guests on board the Calais steamboat and bid them
farewell. As the vessel starts for Dover, there will be a grand dis-
play of fireworks, concluding with a set-piece displaying “ Vive le
Lor Maire ! ” in gigantic characters; and not till the steamboat is
quite out of sight will the President, after the three “ips” de
rigueur, retrace his course to Paris.

SEASONABLE ADVERTISEMENTS.

A CERTAIN CURE FOR AGUE may be found in Punch's Almanack;

for the jokes which are contained in it will set the sides so shaking that
the sufferer will not feel the tremors of his ailment.

APPALLING RAILWAY ACCIDENT. — If the Gentleman with
xjl handsome chestnut Whiskers, who was travelling from Wimbledon to
Waterloo on Tuesday morning last, and by a most unlucky accident forgot to
order Punch's Almanack at the bookstall before starting, will Apply for it
Immediately at 85. Fleet Street, he will find himself most Handsomely
Rewarded for his pains.

GO, FORGET ME ! and when sorrow O’er thy brow its shadow flings,
Mind you buy, or beg, or borrow That which is the best of things :
Namely, Punch's Almanack, For 'twill cure you in a crack !—Toujours a toi,
Gretna Green.

TNFORMATION WANTED.—Persons of the Name of Smith, Brown,
i. Jones, Hookey, Walker, Tomkins, Robinson, and others, who are in
Want of Information upon things in general, are recommended forthwith to
apply for Punch's Almanack, which will be found to answer every expecta-
tion, as well as all the most momentous questions of the day.

MISSING.—An Old Gentleman, dressed in sporting costume, and
wearing a bland smile and a gold-rimmed double-eyeglass, Left his
Home, on Monday last (to enjoy a few days’ pheasant shooting), and is
reported by his Friends to have been Missing ever since. If this should
catch his eye, he is earnestly entreated to purchase Punch’s Almanack, which
is one of the best nerve-tonics ever yet invented, and may be thoroughly
relied on to improve defective sight.

NO MORE GAS MONOPOLY. — The best substitute for Gas is
Punch’s brilliant Almanack ; every single page whereof is so intensely
bright, and sparkling, that it will suffice to light up a whole drawing-room,
and illuminate a dinner-table more than half-a-dozen burners of sixteen-
candle gas.

HE BEETLE TO THE BUTTERFLY.—Come and meet me in the
gloaming, while the green is in my eye : When the wild, wild waves are
foaming, And the cows begin to cry ! Rather a dull look-out, eh, darling ?
Then, please bring Punch's Almanack, and that will cheer us up a bit.

WIVES WHO BEAT THEIR HUSBANDS in Kindness and
Indulgence, and all the nameless small attentions that tend to make
home happy, will not forget, of course, to order Punch's Almanack, which,
by promoting wholesome merriment, is certain to contribute to happiness and
health.

JUMPING JEMIMA.—Go to Bath or Jericho, or Jerusalem,if you like.

Only get a Punch's Almanack to amuse you on the way.—Yours, old
girl, affectionately never, Augustus Arthur.

FIVE HUNDRED POUNDS REWARD.—Lost, by a Young Lady,
on Friday evening last, while dressing for a dinner-party, a remarkably
Good Temper, because her maid was slightly clumsy in combing her hack hair.
Whoever will prescribe abetter cure for a lost temper than Punch’s Almanack,
shall receive, on application, the above reward.

THE MODEL INSECTS.

The following information is extracted from the Post .—

“Bees and Ants.-Sir John Lubbock, M.P., who devotes himself a
good deal to Entomology, has been lecturing on Bees and Ants at the Mid-
Kent Natural History Society. His details in regard to Bees, the result of
prolonged watching, are rather unfavourable to the character of the favourite
insects, which he charges especially with selfishness and lack of sympathy
with one another. . . . He found that the warmth or coldness of his body
had much to do with their friendliness towards him. As to Ants, his observa-
tions entirely confirm the common opinion of their steadiness, perseverance,
and industry.”

We are not, then, forced to give up all faith in both of the insect-
models held up for our imitation by moralists. It appears that we
can still believe in our Ants, although the Bee has been discovered
to be all hum.

Motto for Vends in Transitu.—“ The observed of all observers.”