DOI Heft:
December 26, 1874
DOI Seite / Zitierlink: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16939#0275
268
PUNCH, OK, THE LONDON CHAKIVAKI.
[December 26, 1874.
Pantomimes on Boxing-night;
Princesses in dazzling white ;
Goblins scheming,
Fairies dreaming,
In a wondrous blaze of light.
Children’s parties, where the fun
Knows no end when once begun;
Childish fancies,
Timid glances,
Dainty dances—over-done.
Christmas trees all hung with gold ;
Nuts and oranges untold ;
Fond caresses,
Well combed tresses,
Thin white dresses—deaths of cold.
Joyful bells, that gaily ring,
And the gladsome tidings bring,
‘ ‘ Christmas morning,
Carol-borne in,
Heed the warning ! Pray and sing! ”
CANINE PROCLIVITY.
ne of the gentlemen, of whom,
“Every one,” says Lord
Bacon, generalising rather
widely, “ doth love a dog,” and
one who seems to love a dog
rather overmuch, is Mr. James
Holdon, a pitman, of Kainton,
near Durham. Would not
Holdon, by the way, be a
somewhat apt name for a dog,
particularly a bulldog 1—and
Mr. Holdon appears to have a
good deal in common with the
fiercer bulldogs. Mr. Holdon
so loves his dog that he feeds
him on mutton, which he re-
fuses to his wife and children.
He came home drunk the other
night, and asked for the dog’s
supper. According to the Neiv-
castle Daily Journal, in the report of an assault case, in which Mr.
Holdon was the defendant and the complainant one Robert Stokoe,
heard before the Iloughton-le-Spriug magistrates :—
“ His wife told him that the mutton he had purchased for the dog had been
cooked for the children and herself. Upon hearing this he knocked his wife
down, and commenced kicking her. when the complainant, who was in bed,
got up for the purpose of rescuing the poor woman from further injury, when
the defendant struck at him with a chair, inflicting severe wounds. After-
wards he took the complainant’s silver watch, to which was attached a silver
guard, a half sovereign, and a gold lion, and threw them into the fire, in the
absence of the complainant, and they were, with the exception of the silver,
burnt.”
The foregoing statement was attested by the defendant’s wife ;
and it also appeared in evidence that Mr. Holdon was accustomed
to buy the best of mutton for his dog, never letting his wife and
children have any, but, whenever his wife asked for a piece, knock-
ing her down, whence, then and there, before the Bench, Mrs.
Holdon appeared with a black eye.
In justice to Mr. Holdon, it is fit to say that it further appeared
that, while he gave his dog. the meat he denied to his wife and
family, he ate nothing of it himself except the offal. But perhaps
Holdon prefers paunch to leg of mutton. Then, too, his dog is
described as a “racer.” It may pay him to keep a winning dog in
high condition with prime mutton; so that Mr. Holdon is a gentle-
man whose love for a dog may not be wholly disinterested. The
Magistrates considered his partiality for his dog and his conduct
towards his wife and family and fellow-lodger altogether to consti-
v-vr a moSj disgraceful case.” They fined, him two pounds ten
shillings, and costs, or two months’ imprisonment; and perhaps it is
to be wished, that Mr. Holdon may have been unable to pay the
money, and is now in gaol.
A Wise Prelate.
The genial Bishop who excused himself from coming up to Tox
to vote on the Public Worship Bill, because he had got “ "
party,” should have said “ a 1
have felt the least surprised.
lawn party.” Nobody then woi
“ CHLORAL ” CORRESPONDENCE.
Sir,
I have read in the Times and Fall Mall Gazette the
delightful effect of a dose of Syrup of Chloral on any one about to
take a sea-voyage. Soothing Syrup ! It will be lovely of course at
sea, but, 0! how charming on land! for directly my wife-But
no matter, I shall use it on myself: and I shall hear, see, say
nothing, and feel nothing. How aggravated she will be !
Yours, in high spirits,
A Mean-Spirited Creature.
The Birdcage, Henpeckham Bye.
Welcome, Chloral! with all my heart. Now I can go to a Con-
cert of the highest Art and most classical music, and “ smile and
smile, and be a villain I mean deceive my worthy relative, foi
whose opinion I have a pecuniary respect, into thinking that I am,
what I am not,
An Ardent Admirer oe Bach & Co.
Dear Sir,
My only reason for not going much to Church is on account
of the Sermons to which I am compelled to listen. Now, however,
away I ’ll go with my little bottle of Chloral and sleep snugly all
through it. Aha! Glorious! With my little bottle of Chloral-
sounds like an old-fashioned comic song chorus, doesn’t it ?
With my chloral loral, chloral loral,
Chlorallyloral
Ri tol chlorali do !
Yours ever,
A Lover of Comfortable Doctrine.
Sik,
Let me recommend every householder to take a strong dose
of Chloral on Boxing-Day. I shall, not being
A Tipper.
Sir,
Will the London Chatham and Dover and the Steamboat
Companies generally supply “ Chloral” regularly to the Passengers?
They ought. If so, let ’em advertise at once, “A Full Chloral
Service twice a day ” between England and France. This will catch
the Ritualists.
Yours sincerely,
One of the Surplice Population.
CHRISTMAS HAMPERS.
(By a Growler.)
The Christmas Snow and Rain in the streets.
The Christmas Coals.
The Christmas Rates and Taxes.
The Christmas Boxes.
The Christmas Waits.
The Christmas Annuals.
The Christmas Country Cousins.
The Christmas Amateur Theatricals.
The Christmas Children’s Parties.
The Christmas Turkeys, Mince-pies, and Plum-puddings.
The Christmas Champagne of economic dinner-givers.
The Christmas Nightmare after.
The Christmas Doctor’s visits.
The Christmas Family Quarrels, Buried Friendships, and Mourn-
ful Memories.
A CHALLENGE FOR £1000 BY MR. PUNCH. —Punch Office, Fleet
A. Street, London, E C. Mr. Punch had determined, after the success which
had crowned his exertions during the last quarter of a century and more, to
take a holiday for once and go out of town for a quiet day in the Country, but
the pressing demands for his Pocket Book for 1875 being so enormous as to
preclude all possibility of an idle hour, Mr. Punch has resolved to prove
his gratitude and esteem for his liberal supporters and the public by offering
them the very finest Almanacks and Pocket Books for 1875 ever seen, at the
smallest possible percentage on the original enormous cost. In reality, these
Works of Art and Genius are beyond price, are invaluable. They are adapted
to the pockets of all. Hence the name so happily bestowed upon these Marvels
of Literature. Mr. Punch's prices will appear so startling as compared with
what the public have hitherto paid for works of treble the price and one-
quarter of the intrinsic worth, that, to prevent any doubts as to the genuine-
ness of the character of the goods sold by Mr. Punch, he offers to forfeit
the sum of £1,000 to any person who can prove that any of the Pocket Books
or Almanacks sold at his establishment are otherwise than they are repre-
sented by him to be. A sample Pocket Book, beautifully bound and splendidly
illustrated, will be sent free of charge to any part of the kingdom on receipt
of Two-and-Sevenpence in stamps, at the Office, Fleet Street, E.C.
PUNCH, OK, THE LONDON CHAKIVAKI.
[December 26, 1874.
Pantomimes on Boxing-night;
Princesses in dazzling white ;
Goblins scheming,
Fairies dreaming,
In a wondrous blaze of light.
Children’s parties, where the fun
Knows no end when once begun;
Childish fancies,
Timid glances,
Dainty dances—over-done.
Christmas trees all hung with gold ;
Nuts and oranges untold ;
Fond caresses,
Well combed tresses,
Thin white dresses—deaths of cold.
Joyful bells, that gaily ring,
And the gladsome tidings bring,
‘ ‘ Christmas morning,
Carol-borne in,
Heed the warning ! Pray and sing! ”
CANINE PROCLIVITY.
ne of the gentlemen, of whom,
“Every one,” says Lord
Bacon, generalising rather
widely, “ doth love a dog,” and
one who seems to love a dog
rather overmuch, is Mr. James
Holdon, a pitman, of Kainton,
near Durham. Would not
Holdon, by the way, be a
somewhat apt name for a dog,
particularly a bulldog 1—and
Mr. Holdon appears to have a
good deal in common with the
fiercer bulldogs. Mr. Holdon
so loves his dog that he feeds
him on mutton, which he re-
fuses to his wife and children.
He came home drunk the other
night, and asked for the dog’s
supper. According to the Neiv-
castle Daily Journal, in the report of an assault case, in which Mr.
Holdon was the defendant and the complainant one Robert Stokoe,
heard before the Iloughton-le-Spriug magistrates :—
“ His wife told him that the mutton he had purchased for the dog had been
cooked for the children and herself. Upon hearing this he knocked his wife
down, and commenced kicking her. when the complainant, who was in bed,
got up for the purpose of rescuing the poor woman from further injury, when
the defendant struck at him with a chair, inflicting severe wounds. After-
wards he took the complainant’s silver watch, to which was attached a silver
guard, a half sovereign, and a gold lion, and threw them into the fire, in the
absence of the complainant, and they were, with the exception of the silver,
burnt.”
The foregoing statement was attested by the defendant’s wife ;
and it also appeared in evidence that Mr. Holdon was accustomed
to buy the best of mutton for his dog, never letting his wife and
children have any, but, whenever his wife asked for a piece, knock-
ing her down, whence, then and there, before the Bench, Mrs.
Holdon appeared with a black eye.
In justice to Mr. Holdon, it is fit to say that it further appeared
that, while he gave his dog. the meat he denied to his wife and
family, he ate nothing of it himself except the offal. But perhaps
Holdon prefers paunch to leg of mutton. Then, too, his dog is
described as a “racer.” It may pay him to keep a winning dog in
high condition with prime mutton; so that Mr. Holdon is a gentle-
man whose love for a dog may not be wholly disinterested. The
Magistrates considered his partiality for his dog and his conduct
towards his wife and family and fellow-lodger altogether to consti-
v-vr a moSj disgraceful case.” They fined, him two pounds ten
shillings, and costs, or two months’ imprisonment; and perhaps it is
to be wished, that Mr. Holdon may have been unable to pay the
money, and is now in gaol.
A Wise Prelate.
The genial Bishop who excused himself from coming up to Tox
to vote on the Public Worship Bill, because he had got “ "
party,” should have said “ a 1
have felt the least surprised.
lawn party.” Nobody then woi
“ CHLORAL ” CORRESPONDENCE.
Sir,
I have read in the Times and Fall Mall Gazette the
delightful effect of a dose of Syrup of Chloral on any one about to
take a sea-voyage. Soothing Syrup ! It will be lovely of course at
sea, but, 0! how charming on land! for directly my wife-But
no matter, I shall use it on myself: and I shall hear, see, say
nothing, and feel nothing. How aggravated she will be !
Yours, in high spirits,
A Mean-Spirited Creature.
The Birdcage, Henpeckham Bye.
Welcome, Chloral! with all my heart. Now I can go to a Con-
cert of the highest Art and most classical music, and “ smile and
smile, and be a villain I mean deceive my worthy relative, foi
whose opinion I have a pecuniary respect, into thinking that I am,
what I am not,
An Ardent Admirer oe Bach & Co.
Dear Sir,
My only reason for not going much to Church is on account
of the Sermons to which I am compelled to listen. Now, however,
away I ’ll go with my little bottle of Chloral and sleep snugly all
through it. Aha! Glorious! With my little bottle of Chloral-
sounds like an old-fashioned comic song chorus, doesn’t it ?
With my chloral loral, chloral loral,
Chlorallyloral
Ri tol chlorali do !
Yours ever,
A Lover of Comfortable Doctrine.
Sik,
Let me recommend every householder to take a strong dose
of Chloral on Boxing-Day. I shall, not being
A Tipper.
Sir,
Will the London Chatham and Dover and the Steamboat
Companies generally supply “ Chloral” regularly to the Passengers?
They ought. If so, let ’em advertise at once, “A Full Chloral
Service twice a day ” between England and France. This will catch
the Ritualists.
Yours sincerely,
One of the Surplice Population.
CHRISTMAS HAMPERS.
(By a Growler.)
The Christmas Snow and Rain in the streets.
The Christmas Coals.
The Christmas Rates and Taxes.
The Christmas Boxes.
The Christmas Waits.
The Christmas Annuals.
The Christmas Country Cousins.
The Christmas Amateur Theatricals.
The Christmas Children’s Parties.
The Christmas Turkeys, Mince-pies, and Plum-puddings.
The Christmas Champagne of economic dinner-givers.
The Christmas Nightmare after.
The Christmas Doctor’s visits.
The Christmas Family Quarrels, Buried Friendships, and Mourn-
ful Memories.
A CHALLENGE FOR £1000 BY MR. PUNCH. —Punch Office, Fleet
A. Street, London, E C. Mr. Punch had determined, after the success which
had crowned his exertions during the last quarter of a century and more, to
take a holiday for once and go out of town for a quiet day in the Country, but
the pressing demands for his Pocket Book for 1875 being so enormous as to
preclude all possibility of an idle hour, Mr. Punch has resolved to prove
his gratitude and esteem for his liberal supporters and the public by offering
them the very finest Almanacks and Pocket Books for 1875 ever seen, at the
smallest possible percentage on the original enormous cost. In reality, these
Works of Art and Genius are beyond price, are invaluable. They are adapted
to the pockets of all. Hence the name so happily bestowed upon these Marvels
of Literature. Mr. Punch's prices will appear so startling as compared with
what the public have hitherto paid for works of treble the price and one-
quarter of the intrinsic worth, that, to prevent any doubts as to the genuine-
ness of the character of the goods sold by Mr. Punch, he offers to forfeit
the sum of £1,000 to any person who can prove that any of the Pocket Books
or Almanacks sold at his establishment are otherwise than they are repre-
sented by him to be. A sample Pocket Book, beautifully bound and splendidly
illustrated, will be sent free of charge to any part of the kingdom on receipt
of Two-and-Sevenpence in stamps, at the Office, Fleet Street, E.C.