Punch (71.1876)

July 22, 1876.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 33

" Stop, my friend," replied Mr. Punch.
" The Volunteers are a very useful body of
men. They have one or two faults that
can be easily corrected, and no one has a
right to show them ill will. They have on
the whole behaved admirably at "Wimbledon
this year."

" And is that all you have to say ? "

"That is all I have to say," repeated
Mr. Punch, "except this," and then the
great man raised a glass of claret cup to his
lips, "May the Volunteers live long and
prosper ! " " And " (as a future historian
will relate in 1976) "they did! "

THE BEBE BONNET.

Fashionable Customer. "But it makes me^Look so I.vxocexi /"
Fashionable Milliner. "Oh no! indeed, Madam! Anything but that!
Fashionable Customer. "Are you sure, now?"
Fashionable Milliner. " Quite sure, Madam ! "
Fashionable Customer. " Then you may send it me ! "

of simplicity and utility. On his way to the cottage, Mr. Punch had occasion to notice that
the tents of the Volunteers (officers and men) were neat and comfortable. A waterproof
sheet, a washhand-stand, a bed, a looking-glass, a lantern, and a tub, generally composed
the inventory. When he reached the quarters of the Staff, the spirit of his dream changed.
Over field-officers' tents he read the names of subalterns who had evidently done their very
best to bring the specialite of London to the common of Wimbledon. These field-officers'
tents (occupied by subalterns) were boarded and carpeted. They looked more like the shops
of cabinet-makers than the canvas homes of warriors used to the discomforts of the tented
field. In front of these field-officers' quarters were flowers in great abundance, and the
whole encampment (with the showy mess-room and the lazy-looking marquee) gave
Mr. Punch the idea that if there were any "feather-bed soldiers" in the enclosure, he
{Mr. Punch) knew where to find them. {Note by Toby.—A very unfair attack.J The
Staff are most excellent persons. They have several things to do—at least, so it is
reported.)

Of the Organisation of the Camp.—In. spite of the luxuriance of the quarters of the
Staff, Mr. Punch begs to bear his testimony to the excellent offices provided for the officials.
Instead of the old tent, which was such an eye-sore last year, a neat wooden building
appears, in which clerks and others are busily engaged the live-long day. It is only fair to
state that the tents of the Camp Commandant, the Camp Adjutant, and the Secretary, do
not belong to the gorgeous division. {Note by Toby.-—This paragraph requires no addition.
Captain Mildmay is to be congratulated upon his good sense and good management.)

Concerning the Shooting.—The small-bore men as usual lounging about in absurd costumes
and giving themselves airs. The regular Wimbledon marksmen much smarter in appearance
than usual. Mr. Punch, however, must call attention to the antics of an acrobat in a wide-
awake, who assumed a ridiculous position whenever he fired a shot.
When Toby had got thus far in his work, Mr. Punch stopped him.

".Master, 1 am not half done," said the sagacious dog, " I have not abused the Volunteers
nearly enough."

THE DANICHETF.

(Newski and Dumas' creation
Put into liquidation
In a rhymed ccnalysation.)

ACT I.

A Buss Noble's habitation ;
Maternal domination;
A young Swell in his vacation ;
A fair Serf above her station ;
Result—concatenation;
Two Old Maids' adulation ;
An astounding declaration;
A Serf's emancipation ;
A promise's violation;
A heart-rending situation,
With forecast of more sensation,
Thanks to which imagination
Can Love's woe'sip.

ACT II.

Moscow-life in lofty station;
A financial operation,
And a baffled calculation ;
A young Light of French Legation;
A snub to male flirtation ;
A Prince's occupation ;
Madame Mere's anticipation,
And her son's repudiation
Of his Mother's extrication
From an awkward complication.
Rather too much conversation.
Though by point and observation
liaised from gossip.

ACT III.

A couple on probation;
Tea in tumblers ; declamation,
And mutual admiration _
Of each other's reprobation
Of mere self-gratification :
A hot lover's irritation ;
A cool hero's provocation ;
Sorrow, strength, self-abnegation,
And a Martyr's consolation
For poor Osip.

ACT IV.

A heroine's iteration,
Strong with power of aggravation;
A Princess's machination
'Gainst J ladimir's preparation
For Anna's change of station.
Madame Mere in perturbation,
Till Osip's consecration
Smooths away all tribulation,
And gives excellent occasion
For Be Toldy's peroration
And Osip's canonisation.

General conclusion.
Piece, without exaggeration,
Rich in powerful situation, _
Helped by good interpretation;
Actors true to their vocation,
Wrho merit their ovation.
A success past expectation,
And no toss-up !