Punch (71.1876)

34 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [July 22, 1876.

FAMILY TIES.

{Respectfully dedicated to Mr. Punch's excellent friends at the Egyptian Hall—-M. and C.)
Aunt. " Gracious Goodness! avhat are you doing in my Cupboard, you naughty Boys?"

Jacky. "Oh, Aunt, we're playing 'Masculine and Cook' ! I tie him to the Chair, and when the Door's opened his
Hands are free. Then he does me !!"

WHO IS TO BLAME ?

Or, Roman Tactics and Anglican Strategics.

" As long as certain members of the Church of England are in the habit of
imitating the Roman devotion of celebrating Mass, invoking the Saints, and
Confession, reciting the rosary, and the like, conversions will follow, which,
sudden as they may appear, are but the necessary consequence of such a line
of conduct."—Mr. Bowden's letter to the Times on the 'lTerversion o/Lord
Nelson's son."

Who's to blame for the 'Vert? Well, each rival Divine

May esteem himself clever at " drawing the line."

But Rubicons narrow are apt to be crossed

By adventurous feet, or by spirits doubt-tossed.

If you lead a horse down to the stream's very brink,

You need scarce be surprised should the animal drink.

" /Romeward inclined ? " cries the Anglican Priest.

" 'Tis the slander of bigotry !—Not in the least!

Mimic Mass ? Mariolatry ? Oral Confession ?

Pooh ! pooh! Our own Creed's exoteric expression.

No nibbling at Rome's toasted cheese, oh, dear no !

Butthose ' Protestant' fogies got sleepy and slow;

Their decoys ceased to draw, and, lest worse should befall,

Our Church-trap we've baited afresh—that is all!

They who shout ' stolen garments! ' are spiteful or dull, for

Here's nothing whatever that sniffs of Rome's Sulphur."

And yet still they stray, these young lambs, from your flock,

At the sound of the pastoral pipe you but mock.

Just a soft tootle-tootle, and over they go,

For the slope is so easy, the hedge is so low,

' Tis a jump scarcely felt, and—undreamt-of disaster!—

The little pet lambkins have found a new Pastor.

Whose the fault ? Punch opines that the Anglican priest,
When the blame is apportioned deserves,—not the least '
The descent to Avernus is easy they say,
And you won't make it harder by "paving the way."

Lead your flock three parts down and then bid them halt there ?—

Just as well bid the bullet stop short in mid air;—

Show the needle the magnet, but ask it henceforth

To point just a leetle away from the North ;

Roll the Sisyphus Stone from the brow of the hill,

But request it to halt half way down, if it will,—

And then ask the 'Vert, long rolled Romeward, to stop

In your house of half measures, your second-hand shop,

Where doctrines " conveyed," and " maimed rites " but proclaim

Its provisional nature, and ultimate aim.

" R-oman tactics," forsooth ! It were better to fix

More attention on Anglican strategy's tricks.

Rome-and-water's a tap " some may deem very sweet,

But young sippers may try how the liquor tastes neat.

If perchance they prefer it, pray who is to blame,

But the men who first taught them the taste of the same ?

Small need has shy Rome for unmasking her battery,

While sleek Imitation, the subtlest of flattery,

Sneaks into the garrison, drugs each defender,

And so paves the way for a willing surrender.

Men may turn, and return,—but while Spirit and flesh hold

You '11 find few contented to " dwell on the threshold! "

The Last Servian "Shave."

The Daily Telegraph of the Sth instant published the tidings that
the Servians " had captured three Kouhlas and shaved them." The
original telegram ran in French :—

" Les Serbes ont pris trois Kouhlas et les ont rases."

As " Kouhlah" means a "blockhouse," it is probable that the
rendering "rased to the ground" would have been preferable to
" shaved." The word " rases " certainly has both meanings, and it
may be that, considering the whackers generally telegraphed by
both sides from the Seat of War, " shave " was thought to be a safe
translation.

Printed by Joseph Smith, of No. 30. Loraine Road. Holloway, in the Parish of St. Mary, Islington, in the County of Middlesex, at the Printing Offices of Messrs. Bradbury, Agnew, & Co., Lombard
Street, in the Precinct of Whitefriars, in the City of London, and published by him at No, 88, FJc-et Slreet, in the Parish of St. Bride, City of London.—Situbday, July 22, 1876.