Punch (74.1878)

January 12, 1878.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 11

SO DEMORALISING!

Benevolent Old Gent {who does not believe in " Charity Organisation" at
Christmas). "Got nowhebe to pct youk Head?—There, go and put it in
a Pint Pot! "

SUITABLE NEW YEAR'S RESOLYES.

To make calls.

To make good resolutions.

To make an effort to get up earlier in the morning.
To make both ends meet.

To make my fortune by that scientific invention, which
it will only require a little exertion on my part to perfect.
To make my own cigarettes.

To make up a match between that irreproachable, but
penniless, Puibbody and Miss Minting.

To make myself thoroughly acquainted with the Eastern
Question in all its bearings, the relations between Capital
and Labour, the principle and construction of the Tele-
phone, and the immense benefits to mankind flowing from
the " liquefaction of oxygen."

To make it up with my old friend Thynneskynne.

To make no more puns.

To make sixpence go as far as a shilling.

To make desirable acquaintances.

To make a handsome present to my poor old Aunt
Betsy on her birthday.

To make out a list of my bills, and—pay them.

To make my great coat last another winter.

To make a better use of my spare time by studying
physiography, or comparative philology, or international
law.

To make out my Income-tax return with the most
inflexible conscientiousness.
To make no more piecrustean promises.
To make a beginning, and save.
To make up my mind.

To make myself universally beloved, esteemed, and
respected by my wife and family, my relations, friends,
and acquaintances, my tradespeople and dependants, my
landlord and laundress, my contemporaries, and my
creditors.

A Promising Plunger.

Mb. Leadoveb, candidate for a commission in the
Cavalry, being required by tbe examiners to paraphrase
11 animated bust," in Gbay's Elegy in a Country Church-
yard, gave as the meaning of the words, " a fast twenty
minutes ;" but added, that he did not justify the expres-
sion as good form.

At Last !—A Going Concern.—Temple-Bar.

A LAW CASE OE THE FUTURE.

{Before Mr. Justice Pabr.)

Smith v. The London and Diddlesex Railway Company.

This was an action for damages sustained in a railway accident.
The Plaintiff (a very old man) was carried iuto Court, and accom-
modated with an easy-chair in the well of the Court.

Mr. Oldbuck appeared for the Plaintiff, and Messrs. "Wigg, Block,
and Box (the eminent Q.C.'s), assisted by Messrs. Bbief, Penn, Wigg
Jun., Block Jun., and Box Jun., for the Railway Companies.

Mr. Oldbuck, in opening the case, said that he had great diffi-
culties with which to contend. This case had been put down for
trial some forty years ago, but, owing to the great pressure of legal
business, the matter had only now come on for settlement. His
client was a young man when the accident happened, but, as the
Jury could see, age had brought infirmity in its train. He was sorry
to say that, although he produced his client as a witness, he feared he
would be able to get very little out of him. Perhaps his learned
friends, with their well-known cleverness "in cross-examination,
might be able to extract more out of him than he could. {Laughter.)
However, he would put in a statement sworn to by his client some
twenty years ago, when he was still in possession of his senses and
faculties, in which the accident was minutely described. He would
also call medical evidence to prove the damage sustained. He
might add that the witnesses collected to support the statement of
the Plaintiff were unhappily all dead. _ There was one living five
years ago, but he emigrated to Australia, and, in spite of a large
expenditure in advertisements, all efforts to discover him'had failed.
It was feared, therefore, that he too must have passed over to the
majority.^ (A laugh.) He was instructed to say in conclusion that
the solicitors of the Plaintiff had experienced great difficulty in
conducting the case. The grandfather of the senior partner of the
present firmhad been originally instructed, and, in the lapse of
time, those instructions had assumed the character of a tradition
rather than a record. {Laughter.) Under these circumstances, he

must claim the indulgence of the Court and the special attention of
the Jury.

The Plaintiff was then called, but, owing to his infirmities, none
of the learned Counsel were able to make him understand. His
examination and cross-examination caused great amusement.

Dr. Dumbledobe, F.R.S., said that after the accident the Plaintiff
was attended by his (the witness's) grandfather. He had himself
examined the Plaintiff, and was of opinion that, in spite of his
advanced age, he must have suffered greatly in his bodily health in
consequence of the accident.

Cross-examined : He derived his knowledge of the case from his
grandfather's book. The accident, and the injuries arising from it,
were therein fully described.

The case-book of the grandfather of the last witness was then
put in.

Mr. Cockletop (senior partner of the firm of Solicitors instructed
by the Plaintiff) was then called, and proved that he witnessed the
statement (produced), signed by the Plaintiff twenty years before, to
which allusion had been made in the opening.

Cross-examined: When the statement was signed he (witness)
was a junior clerk in the firm of which he was now the head.

This was the case for the Plaintiff.

It was urged for the defence that the Plaintiff could have sustained
no srreat injury, as he was still living after a lapse of forty years.

His Lordship here interfered, and suggested the matter might be
settled out of Court. The time of the Court was so precious that he
really considered it an offence against the public to prolong the
proceedings.

The learned Counsel having consulted together, informed his
Lordship that the representatives of the Plaintiff had accepted
£100, on condition that both sides should pay their own costs. A
Juror was then withdrawn.

Mr. Oldbuck intimated that Mr. Smith was exactly one hundred
years old. On learning this, his Lordship offered the Plaintiff his
hearty congratulations; with which pleasing incident the pro-
ceedings were brought to a conclusion.