Punch (74.1878)

36 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [January 26, 1878.

WHEN THE WIND IS IN THE EAST.

I dod't buch object to a sdeeze dow a'd tbed,
It wakeds wud up, a'd it clears out the head—
But, whed wud is sdeezi'g frob borli'g to dight,
It's rather bodotolous!—ab I dot right ?
I subtibes quite fadcy by head will cub off
Id wud of these sdeezes—they 're worse thad a cough.
A cough tears your ludgs, but a sdeeze tears you through-
A'd—gooddess !—it's cubbi'g—a—tschoo !—

A—tischoo!

That sdeeze was a bild wud—I thidk subthi'g wedt
Idside of by head—p'raps by braid-pad is redt.
That's dothi'g to what it cad do whed it tries!
It rips through by chest, a'd tears out at by eyes,
By dose a'd by bouth, with a shiveri'g crash,
That shatters by frabe id wud horrible sbash !
Ah ! that is a sdeeze ! Whed it cubs it's a crusher—
A'd—oh ! it is cubbi'g—ar—r—rusehah! —

Ar—r—r—rusch—ah!

NOTICES OF MOTION.

By some accident, the following have been omitted
from the list already published :—

Sir Wilfbid Law son to move that only water ices be
supplied during debates, and that nobody be permitted
to speak with any spirit.

Mr. Lowe to move the imposition of a tax on early
marriages, with a view of carrying out his plan of raising
revenue by means of Matches.

Lord Stbatheben and Campbell to move for the ap-
pointment of a Select Committee to consider the best
means of repairing broken china.

Major O'Gobman, on the First of April, to move for
a 'return of the length of laughter occasioned by his
speeches, that an Estimate be made of his value as a
mirth-giver.

Mr. Foesyth, Q.C., to move for leave to introduce a
Bill to legalise the use of latch-keys by young Ladies.

Lord Elcho to move, in the interests of British Art,
that the number of ll.A.'s be diminished by a score, and
that nine-tenths of " the Line " be allotted to outsiders.

Mr. J. Locke to move a Resolution that, at the finish
of the Session, tbe thanks of the whole House be voted
to all Members who have held their tongues in it.

Mr. Pabnell to move that a Committee be appointed
to provide ways and means for helping Irish patriots to
impede as far as possible the progress of legislation.

Mr. rWhalley to move for an inquiry into a report
which has reached him that Peter's Pence have lately
been collected in St. Paul's School.

Mr. Newdegate to move for leave to introduce French
novels into the library.

Mr. Big gab to move that his speeches be reported in
extra type, and at full length, in Hansard.

Lord John Manners to move for an inquiry of the
Ladies in the gallery, whether they would not like a grand
piano to amuse themselves with during dull debates.

from one wtio hates greece.

If they had Crete, they'd want Stamboul as well.
Give a Greek inch, he '11 take a Dardan-elle.

hansom style? Anyhow it would be a relief to mourning sur-

WHITE ELEPHANTS AND SABLES, i vivors. An important personage being said to have died at Siam

T5 " in the shape " of the King's White Elephant means, I suppose that

xtESPECTED Mr. Punch, _ . - the Siamese believes in the transmigration of souls, and that's why

If so be you was ever to have occasion for the services of a t^ey puts theirselves to what unbelieving economists considers un-

party in. my line, I am sure you would wish everything to be done neCessary expense attending the case of a Christian even in disposing

respectable. Suppose you had the misfortune to be bereaved of 0f bodies. On the contrary, instead of cutting proper respect down

Toby. No doubt but what to_consult your feelings would necessi- ^ nothink, how much better it is for everybody departed this life

tate arrangements for everything that decency requires, regardless to be always as much as possible in regard to funeral honours a
of expense. Which, therefore, permit me, respected Sir, to point, White Elephant to his sorrowing relations, which, especially in the

out a sparrowgraff out of Allen's India Mail to the attention of present days of sanitary improvement and depression of trade,

your readers, some of whom may, perhaps, have been led away by it might bring some little encouragement to the business of your

the wild suggestions of mean and shabby advocates of Funeral sincere and earnest admirer, Mitt™ Frwoou
Economy. Let them read the interesting account as follows of
Siamese obsequious honours paid to

" A White Elephant.—An important personage has lately died at Siam,
in the shape of one of the King's white elephants, and, according to custom,
it was buried with the highest funeral honours. One hundred Buddhist
priests, we are told, assisted at the ceremony, and the body was accompanied
to its last resting-place by a procession of thirty state barges."

ON THE WAY TO ANNIHILATION.

" Now that the epitaph is written over Temple Bar, it seems an oppor-
tune moment once more to call public attention to what may not, perhaps,
equal Temple Bar in obstructiveness, but which certainly excels it in the
truly pitiable and deplorable condition it presents to the public eye. I refer
to Queen Anne's Statue in St. Paul's Churchyard, and as 1 have occasion to

That's how they manages these things in Siam. Let their
liberality of interring a White Elephant be an example to the stingy j Pass it twice almost every day of my life, I have unusual opportunities of
lot that wants to demean JBritisn manners and customs that low as
to introduce the cheese-paring economy of Christian burial. Thirty
state barges accompanying the body of an elephant to its last rest-
ing-place ought to be a shame to them sordid niggers that would
have begrudged half that number of mourning-coaches, and do
away with attendants, and all they calls "mockeries," sich as
upholstery, crape, feathers, and all that, scarves and atbands, and
even gloves inclusive. If they had any feelings at all, they would
feel the Siamese White Elephant's funeral a rebuke to all such
despicable projicts as the pittiful innivation, for instance, of "Earth
to Earth" in a cheap and crazy wicker basket.

While my hand is in, I would say only consider, so far from
"Earth to Earth," and such meanness with our fellow-species,
what an improvement it would be to adopt the practice of some we
calls heathens in regard to decent sepulchre of the animal creation.

Everybody knows the embalmed cats among the Egyptian antiqui- THB ^u^uAViL.

ties in the British Museum. Why not do likewise with domestic Bottling Sounds ? — Well; are we not only too familiar with
pets, and bear favourite cats and dogs to their last resting-places in barrel-organs?

observing the remaining portions of what was once a statue, but is now only
an unsightly and almost undistinguishable heap of ruins.

"The sceptre held in the hand of the central figure has of course, long
since been snapped in half. One of the other figures has both arms broken
off, and two others one arm each. Minor features are wanting on all the
figures. The faces are cracked, noses, fingers, &c, are only conspicuous by
their absence, and, to crown all, the stone steps upon which it stands are
broken and decaying, the iron-work surrounding it is twisted and bent, and
only this morning I observed old pieces of bread, potato, and rubbish lying iu
all directions both on the statue and around it."—Correspondent of the Times,
Friday, Jan. 18.

Otjoth St. Paul's, " If you ask why I 'in black in the face ;
It's my way of blushing for Queen Anne's disgrace."