Punch (74.1878)

March 2, 1878.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

95

THE FEBRUARY FLY.

(Feb. 21.—A bright warm clay. One
Fly came out, and made him-
self most objectionable. Happy
Thought—" Address to a Feb-
ruary Fly," after Blake.)

Little Fly, -whence came you ?
Little Fly, whence came you ?

Go away,

Wait till May.

That's too soon,

Make it June.
Little Fly, whence came you ?

Little Fly, I blame you !

Little Fly, I blame you!
Why ? Becwz
'Tis your buzz
Near my hair
Makes me swear,

That,is why I blame you,

Little, Fly, I hate you!
Little Fly, I hate you!

Now—oh dear!

On my ear!

Off he goes

To my nose !
Little Fly, I hate you! !

Little Fly, 11 dash'd' you!
Little Fly, I ( dash'd' you!

' Dash' was strong,

' Dash' was wrong,

I admit.

Ha !-A hit!
Little Fly, I've smash'd you !

{End of the Fly and the Sonnet.)

HINT TO MR. GERARD NOEL.

Punch's patent powerful One-Horse Double-Action Electro-Magnetic Extractor, to remove
old Nails, Iron Scraps, Sea., from the recently levelled portion of Rotten Row.

A Manager calls on him for a piece. When can he have it ? In a
month's time ? In six weeks ? Well, in two months at the most ?
Why this hurry ? Why ? Because his theatre is doing so badly
that he must have something new, and he has nothing to produce.
The Author protests that the time is too short, that he has nothing
ready; and thereupon the Manager directs his attention to some-
thing that is ready to hand, and that has already achieved a success
in Paris. The argumentum ad crumenam comes in. It is a " spec,"
at best, and the result a fluke.

Supposing the piece done, and that it results in a play, which,
like Diplomacy, is more a collaboration than a mere adaptation,—
well, it is rehearsed in what, without going into details, I may call
a haphazard sort of way. The Manager determines that it must
come out at a certain date, not because it is ready for production,
but because he is losing money by his present bill of fare. The
Author, accustomed to this happy-go-lucky style of doing things,
reluctantly consents to allow his piece to be prematurely born, ana
suffers agonies of nervousness on the first night. If it fails, it is
the Author's reputation that suffers. Why it fails is known only
to the initiated. The Manager suffers in his treasury, but it teaches
him no lesson; he will probably call on some other Author immediately,
and point to another Parisian success as being the thing to restore
the fallen fortunes of his house. Another fluke for good or for
evil, and so goes on this theatrical game of chance.

Now, what should the system be ? It is evident. The Author,
being asked for a piece, should stipulate for plenty of time for his
work; then that his piece should be properly cast, and that the
play should not be produced until he, the Author, should pronounce
it ready to be placed before the public. Then, to return to Mr.
Reade's maxim about " the best market," the terms fixed upon
should be such as, in the event of a success, would be remunerative
to Manager and Author in reasonable proportion; the Manager's
expenses being set against the Author's labour, and the latter taking
a share of the profit which his play has brought to the treasury.

Such a system as this would deserve success, and would, in all
probability, achieve it. The result would be mutually beneficial to
Manager and Author. But what Author of reputation can now find
it worth his while to labour for a year on the chance of having to

turn him out !

What would please P. M. G.,
British Lion's Provider ?

Lord Derby to see
A Derby "Outsider."

keep his play in a drawer for another year, or more, while Parisian
successes are being produced on the very boards that his work
might have occupied r

I admit that a Manager, as a tradesman, is bound to do his best
for himself, and if in Germany, in Italy, in Japan, or in China, he
hears of a piece which in his opinion would fill his coffers in London,
I cannot blame him for purchasing that piece and bringing it out
here. I only blame him because he goes to Germany, France, Italy,
Japan, &c, before he " looks at home."

I sincerely wish that Diplomacy had been an English piece, the
work, exclusively, of English authorship.

Collaboration might also work advantageously in some instances.
But this is a detail. Let English Dramatic Authors band together
and strike against all adaptations and translations, except as direct
collaborateurs with the French Authors, and without any " middle-
man." Let the French Author, who thinks that his piece would
suit an English public, deal straight and at first-hand with whom-
soever he may choose for his English fellow-worker, and vice versa.

I am, in earnest, Your Representative.

Raleighs to the Rescue !

" Est in conspectu Tenedos,
• * *

Statio malefida carinis."—Virgil, JEneid. Lib. I.

The Raleigh, Captain Tryon, C.B., has, we are informed, been
aground on the coast of Tenedos for three days, notwithstanding
the endeavours of her Captain to get her afloat. Out of com-
pliment to the Emperor of Russia, he proposes to apply for Her
Majesty's gracious permission to change his name to Tryoff.

But Too Certain.

Pelion is ablaze with war through its twenty villages! The
Turks are massacring, and the Greeks defending themselves, and
giving as good as they get. It will be a case not of Pelion on Ossa,
but of Ossa on Pelion, when the bloody tide of battle ebbs, and
leaves bare the bones and hideous wreck of war.