Punch (74.1878)

124

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON

CHARIVARI. [Maech 23, 1878.

"NEVER SAY DIE!"

Ned. "Marnin', Tcjimas I 'Ow be yeou?"

Tummas. " Pooty 'arty, thankee. But I'm a gettin' a ould Man now !'

Ned. " Ye-oo ould ! Look at Methoosalum ! 'Ee wor a ould Man i
ye like, 'ee wor ! "

of aspicy letter to his paper, on which leaders would probahly he founded, even
spicier than the letter.

It is too late for the Ambassador to disclaim responsibility for the natural
consequence of his act within a few days of a motion for a vote of censure
wrapped up in the Parliamentary silver-paper of an expression of regret; and
it is unbecoming for him to insinuate a sneer in the profession of his willing-
ness to express his regret to the statesman whom his indiscretion has exposed
to fierce and unjust attack.

Having thus extracted the Essence of this night's debate (which ended in'a
majority for Government of 20G to 132), Mr. Punch will only express his regret
that Mr. Gladstone is not more discreet in his correspondence, and Mr. Layard
in his diplomacy, and leave them both with an expression of his sincere regard
and respect for both,—in their discreeter moments.

Wednesday.—Kr. Pease moved the Abolition of Capital Punishment.
Mr. Grantham moved its retention.

The Attorney-General promised a Bill to amend the law relating to
Homicide, but opposed the total grubbing up of the Gallows.

The House was impatient of a debate, its mind being made up, and sum-
marily made an end of the Bill by 263 to 64.

The majority represents not unfairly the overwhelming preponderance of
English sense, as at present instructed, in favour of the status quo of the
Hangman. We keep our Gallows for the brute whom no rope weaker than
hempen halter will bind, and no terror less terrible than Tyburn Tree will hold
in awe. There are such ruffians ; and for them the Gallows is, and will be, kept
for the present standing. What other countries do, or leave undone, furnishes
no rule to us. There is nothing however, in the experience of those countries in
which the " waef'u' wuddie " has been cut down, to lead us to follow their
example.

Thursday [Lords).—Their Lordships discussed the interesting subject of
Railway Brakes. '

Lord Delaware, Lord Cowpee, Lord Hennekeb, and Lord Caelingeobd
seemed all of a mind that some kind of effective brake-machinery should
be enforced, but that the Companies should not be compelled to adopt any
particular kind. Up to this time they have found the best way of evading the
difficulties of choice between brakes is to choose none. But the time is Burely

approaching when the Public will be tired of permitting
the Companies' only form of break-power to be the
power to break their own carriages, and their servants'
and passengers' bones.

~ (Commons.)—In answer to questions as to the Con-
ference, the Chancelloe of the Exchequeb said the
Government had agreed in principle to a Congress
(Principle to cover Interests); that it was communi-
cating with other Governments as to the bases (the
question of Capitals having been decided in favour of
Berlin we presume the question of "bases" naturally
comes next on the tapis) ; that it would be inconvenient
to go minutely into conditions (which are at present " all
in the air"); that each Power would preserve its
liberty to retire at any moment (this freedom of move-
ment being involved in the very etymology of a " Con-
gress," which you walk into, and of course can walk
out of, as opposed to a "Conclave" where you are
locked in) ; that the minority would not be bound by
the majority (particularly not in Russia binding); that
the Government would maintain its views— (which were
not dissolving-views)—and that every Article of the
Treaty of San Stefano would be submitted to the Con-
gress_ (these Articles, hitherto indefinite, thanks to
Russian reticence, being laid before the Congress in the
most definite form as Articles de Berlin, seeing that
Articles de Paris are for the moment discredited by the
untoward catastrophe of the Treaties of 1856.) All this
the House cheered very much.

The Chancelloe of the Excheqttee promised Mem-
bers three weeks' Easter holidays—from April 16 to
May 6—if they would be good boys and work hard.

Adjourned debate on Naval Estimates. The Inflexible
was towed out once again, but to-night rather for a, feu de
joie, or salute, from gunnery officers, civilians, admirals,
and amateurs, all bearing testimony in her favour.

After Big Ben's annual funeral chime—-"The Navy
is Gone to the Devil," to the air of " Down among the
Dead 3Ien," Mr. Smith quietly resisted Mr. Seely's
Motion for a Committee, and gave reasons for believing
that the Inflexible, if not absolutely impregnable and
unsinkable, is yet about the impregnablest and un-
sinkablest of Ironclads ever set afloat.

Then Sir Robert Peel rose, and, after the exordium
that we had no reserve, proceeded to show that he had
none, by one of his characteristic outpourings, a Venfant
terrible. .He claimed our own Government as an au-
thority for the admission that " the Foreign Office knew
nothing of what was going on." It follows that England,
whose only official channel of foreign intelligence is its
Foreign Office, knows nothing. Argal, argues Sir Robert,
Lord Derby, as head of this know-nothing department,
is the proper person to represent this know-nothing
England in the Congress ; no doubt on the principle that
two ignorances—John Bull's and his representative's—
may turn out equivalent to a knowledge, as two negatives
are equivalent to an affirmative.

Sir Robert, with all his belief in the One Lion for
whom he aspires to fill the part of private Roarer-Royal,
does not believe in Lyons. Lord Robert Montagu, we
are sorry to learn, does not believe in Lord Derby, but
then he believes in nothing but the Turks and England's
humiliation in the present, and her decline and fall in
the future, if she will not be warned by Lord Robert
Montagu. It is a great comfort to feel that if the worst
come to the worst, England will ;always have at least
two Bobs to bless herself with —Sir Robert Peel and
Lord Robert Montagu; with Sir H. D. Wolee and
Mr. Chaplin as a reserve.

Lord Robert's protest against " accomplished facts "
was grand. But he is inconsistent. He believes in him-
self, we all know; and where is there a more " ac-
complished fact" than Lord Robert Montagu, though
it was not pretty to charge his brother Bob with " spit-
ting his venom " on Lord Lyons ? When Bob meets Bob,
we know now what is like to come of it. But in spite of
this little tiff, it is a joy to think that Peel has
Montagu and Montagu has Peel to keep him in coun-
tenance. They may talk of England coming to the
ground between the two stools of Peace and War, but
Punch feels safe while her war-stool has three such legs
as Peel, Montagu, and Wolef. Let us alter the " Tria
juncta in uno" of her 'scutcheon into the masculine
gender, to fit these " dauntless three " who might have
been seen, on Thursday night, holding "the brazen
bridge of War " against all comers,—