Punch (74.1878)

144

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [March 30, 1878.

THE NEWS OF THE WEEK.

Oxbridge,"Monday.

The Eight went
out for practice
this morning,
and took a spin up
to Bolter's Reach.
Number Four
coughed twice, and
it was noticed that
Bow was decidedly
lumpy. Consider-
able excitement was
caused by the report
that Number Five
was to be changed
■—the training was
said to be too much
for him. Later in
the afternoon it was
ascertained that he

had eaten two pounds and a half of rumpsteak, and had walked
eighteen miles in less than the two hours. The rumour was, there-
fore, evidently without solid foundation.

Camford, Tuesday.

The Stroke tried his new crew with gratifying results. Number
Seven is rather short in the wind, and Four scarcely put his back
into it. The coaching was done from the bank on horseback.

Oxbridge, Wednesday.

An important alteration has been made in the boat. Number
Five has changed places with Number Four. This arrangement has
caused a profound sensation, and nothing else is talked about.

Gamfohd, 'Thursday.

Number Three has a slight cold, and, therefore, his place'has been
taken by Brown, of St. Tooting's. The banks were occupied this
afternoon by the whole of the University, who watched the practice
of the crew in the storm from the shelter of umbrellas.

Oxbridge, Friday.

The Stroke having left the University to inspect the various
ships building for trial for the race, the rest of the crew went out in
pair-tubs. Snooks coached from a steam launch, and coniplaiaed
that the style of Numbers Two and Seven was wanting in stamina
and form. It is hoped that the sudden death of the Aunt of Number
Three will not cause the loss of the services of that accomplished
Blue to the 'Varsity on the day of the race.

Camfobd, Saturday.
Number Six has a slight cough, and Number Four a sick headache.
Number Five scarcely pulled his best to-day, owing, it is rumoured,
to a. sore finger. Stroke has returned, and took a spin up to Bunkum
Bridge. The Crew was coached from the towing-path.

A PROBLEM FOR PETTY JURYMEN.

" Strong hereditary predisposition to insanity, epileptic attacks, absence of
motivp, unwillingness to attempt to conceal the guilt, delivering himself up
to justice, and a previous history both in youth and manhood not consistent
with sanity are sufficient to justify an acquittal on the grounds of insanity.
It is not, however, to be expected that a jury of farmers would be able "to
consider in detail the facts elicited in evidence in support of the various
substantial proofs of his mental state."—Dr. L. S. Forbes Win slow on
" Criminal Responsibility'—Times.

Scene,—A Withdrawing-Room at a County Assize Court. Jury
Retired to Consider their Verdict.

Foreman. Well, gen'lm'n, I s'pose there can't be no doubt but
what the priznur done ut ?

First Juryman. Noa. Only queschum fur we to conzidder sims
to be whether or no 'twuzn't what ye med call ixcusabul homyside,
and we oughtn't to 'quit 'un on the ground o' insannuty, cause at
the time 'a done't 'a wuz out o' his mind.

Second Juryman. Out o' his mind? Yaa! No moor out o' his
mind nor out o' his skin. No moor out o' his mind than you be.
He know'd preshus well what 'a was about—he did.

Third Juryman. Praps 'a did. But dissn't mind what the doc-
tors zed ? They all agreed as how 'a cummitted the act under the
inflerence of on accountabul impulse.

Foreman. Not onaccountabul, nibur, oncounterollabul. That wuz
the doctors' word.

Third Juryman. Well, 'tis all one. Oncounterollabul manes
onaccountabul doan't ut ?

Fourth Juryman. Ees ; manes 'a caan't help hisself.

Third Juryman, And the doctors s'ore they belaved the priznur
coodn't.

Second Juryman. The doctors ? Shee ! They med zay what they
likes. What I sez is I belaves he know'd what 'a wuz^about.

Fifth Juryman. Can a feller possabul know what 'a's about, when
'a's lost 'a's wits P

Sixth Juryman. Ees, at laste zo I onderstand the Judge should
say, as long as 'a can tell the differ'nee 'tween right and wrong.

Seventh Juryman. There be some loonatics as can do that. Did
'ee.never hear o' the chap as sed as how 'a wuz only mad narth
west, but when the wind was sutherly 'a know'd a hawk from a
handsaw ?

Eighth Juryman. If 'a didn't know what 'a'd ben and done, what
did 'a goo and gie his self up for ?

Third Juryman. The doctors thinks that there one o' them very
things that shows 'un a madman. If so be 'ad ben in his senses
they sez in coorse he'd a tried to consale the deed. Then what did
'a do't for. Nuthun, simmunly, to spake of.

Second Juryman. Doan't tell me. He know'd what 'a wuz about.

Third Juryman. 'A hadn't got no gridge agin 'un. 'A didn't rob
'un. Then dree or vour of his'uncles and aunts had ben put in a
maddus. It run in the fam'ly. He his self was subject to vits—
apoplepsy or epilexy didn't the doctors call 'um ? as proved disaze o'
the brain. Doan't that show 'a wuz cracked ?

Second Juryman. Half-cracked 'a med 'a ben. But 'a know'd
what 'a was about.

Ninth Juryman. Aivun spose a wuz mad, what then ? Hang 'un
all the same. 'A'll sarve for an ixample as well as are another one
to them that be none the wiser.

Third Juryman. If we hangs a feller when we didn't ought to,
shan't us murder he too ?

Second Juryman. Doan't thee be so partickler and pigheaded.
What I sez, and what I sticks to is—he know'd what 'a wuz about.

Tenth Juryman. So I thinks.

Eleventh Juryman. As far as I could meak out the Judge's sum-
mun-up, 'a sim'd to tell us plaainlee to convict 'un.

Foreman. Gen'l'men, the rool to goo by at all times is most votes
carries the day. Another good rule is gie and take, and split the
'differ'nee, like. Doan't ye think our best waay 'ood be fur to find
un guilty but recommended to massy ?

Jurymen. Ees, ees. That's about it.

Third Juryman. Well, I wun't be obstinate. I gies in.

Forman. Gen'lm'n, Gen'lm'n, be ye 'greed upon yer vardict ?

Jurymen. We be. We be. We finds 'un guilty but recommends
'un to massy.

Third Juryman. I hopes there hain't no fear that they'n hang 'an
for all that.

Second Juryman. What if they dooz? Nuthun wun't never per-
suaad me but that what 'a well know'd what 'a wuz about.

Curtain.

"THE SEA! THE SEA!"
We welcome with delight this announcement—

"New Fast Train for Thanet.—The London Chatham and Dover
Company are about to confer a great boon on the visitors and inhabitants of
the Isle of Thanet. It is their intention, on and after April 1, to start a
special express every afternoon at 3.15, which will perform the journey to
Westgate-on-Sea in one hour and forty minutes. The train will proceed to
Margate and Kamsgate at the same rate of speed. There will be a like fast
train from Kamsgate every morning at ten o'clock, which will call at Margate
and Westgate on its way to London."

As a suggestion of this nature has been offered more than once to
the London Chatham and Dover Company in Mr. Punch's politest
manner, he most willingly inserts the following lyric sentiments—
being a few railway lines, written expressly for this occasion, to be
set to any fresh air on the sea-coast—from the pen of Our Own Out-
6f-Town Traveller: —

A healthier place in this little planet

Cannot be found than the Isle of Thanet.

For Margate, for Kamsgate, for Westgate-on-Sea, j

A daily train, at a quarter past three, >

After April the first, on the L. C. and D,, )

The run in a hundred minutes will make

That used a hundred and sixty to take.

The boon will be great when the weather is fine.

May the L. C. and D. be the L. S. D. Line !

Oar Oat-of-Town Traveller adds a Postscript, which is worth the
Company's attention. He writes briefly, " How about Sunday ?
Couldn't we be got down to the same destinations between nine and
eleven on Sunday mornings ? Just in time for the Church by the
Sea! Another chance for a Boon ! "

Yours, 0i 0> T< Ti

" Trust Investments."—The Ritualists' Motto.