Punch (74.1878)

172

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[April 20, 1878.

of the Factories and Workshops Act. Mr. Cross has consolidated
forty-five Acts regulating Factories and Workshops into one.
Lord Shaftesbury might well congratulate Mr. Cross—or, to put
the saddle on the right horse, Sir Henry Thring—on this achieve-
ment, and the country on the upshot of the factory legislation, which
his Lordship set going, in spite of such obloquy and in the teeth
of such auguries of evil.

On the Scotch Education Bill, two Scottish Dukes—Buccleuch
and Argyll—bewailed the Scotch School Boards' feeble grip o' the
siller. Wonders will never cease! That Scotch ,School Boards
should be reproached with extravagance! To be sure it is by
Scotchmen.

On the new Bishoprics Bill, Lord Redesdale, with the mysterious
wisdom which makes a quasi-oracle of him in their Lordships' eyes,
introduced a clause to enable worn-out Bishops to resign their
Seats while keeping their Sees ! This was voted rather too strong,
even from Lord Redesdale.

{Commons.)—Colonel Stanley, the new Secretary for War, took
his seat for North Lancashire, amidst loud cheers—partly of good
will to the Colonel, and congratulations on his promotion, partly in
recognition of Lord B.'s clever counter-cheek to Knowsley—on the
principle of " One Stanley down, another come on! "

Mr. E. Jenkins in possession of the House—and the House in
possession of Mr. E. Jenkins.

We are not aware that anything more need be recorded of most of
the other orators of the evening than their names, with the briefest
labelling.

Speeches from Mr. Hanbtjry (who gave Honourable Members a
liberal draught of his Entire, with the justification, however, that
he knows a good deal more about Turkey and Turks in Europe than
most of them) ;—Sir George Bowyer (the muddle-headed view) ;
Messrs. Richard and Jacob Bright (the soft-headed view); Mr.
Chamberlain (the Brummagem " five hundred " headed view) ; Sir
Charles Dilke (the hard-headed view); Mr. Courtney (the
wrong-headed view) ; the Marquis of Hartington (the long-
headed view); the Chancellor of the Exchequer (the puzzle-
headed view); and, finally, Sir Wilfrid Lawson (the pig-headed
view), ushered in the anticipated division of 64 to 319.

Sir _ Wilfrid may congratulate himself on having discharged his
conscience; but we can hardly agree with Lord Hartington that
he is likely to mislead Prince Gortschakoff. To read the debates,
and between their lines, the Prince can command Count Schouva-
loff's spectacles and his own. He knows that England is divided
on every point—Eastern policy past and present, danger to our
Interests and Empire, significance of Vote of Credit and calling
out of Reserves, inevitableness of War, object of War, urgency
of War—on every point, in short, but one, that Russia must not be
allowed to alter European Treaties at her sole will, and that she must
reckon with England in settling the balance of the year's work.

But is there any good to be got by crying Peace when there is no
Peace—with the Quakers ;—or War when there is no War—with the
Jingos ? The one question at the bottom of all men's minds—who
are not for rushing blind bull-fashion at Russia,—is, does Lord. Bea-
consfield seriously mean trying to set Humpty-Dumpty tip again ?
So that great authority, Thomas Gibson Bowles, assures us; and so
even the more veiled Parliamentary oracles of Jingo, with Sir H. D.
Wolff for their prophet, seem to foreshadow. If it be so, the
sooner that issue is set before the country by a Dissolution the
better. For, to that effect, assuredly, the country has not yet
spoken.

Wednesday— Lord Campbell's Act makes fair provision for com-
pensation for inj uries, but the Courts have too narrowly limited its
action in the case of injuries to workmen by other workmen in the
same employment. The fiction of Law, called "common employ-
ment," has ended in practically depriving workmen injured in
course of their occupation, even by culpable neglect of their em-
ployers, of all compensation. On railways, where such injuries are
most frequent, and such neglect most common and most culpable,
this injustice is most crying. A Select Committee has sat on the
point, and has issued a futile report, the result of compromise.

Mr. Macdonald now moved Second Reading of his Bill to kill
" the demon of neglect," of which the Select Committee had not
ventured to recommend so much as the " scotching."

Mr. Tennant moved that amendment of the law should go on
the lines of the Select Committee—which all disinterested and com-
petent judgment condemns as a string of feeble futilities. So said
the hard-headed honesty and legal and practical capacity of the
House, by Mr. Brassey, Mr. Gregory, Sir G. Forster, Mr. Gorst,
Dr. Cameron, Mr. Serjeant Simon, Mr. Shaw-Lefevre, Mr. Burt,
and Mr. Loave.

The Attorney-General promised some amendment of the law,
in a half-hearted, hesitating way, and Mr. Bulwer, aggravated, it
seems, by Mr. Lowe's fierce onslaught on legal fictions, talked out
the Bill, not having so intended—and so thrust on one side for this
Session a really important matter, wherein legislation is much called
for.

Thursday {Lords).—Lord Henniker moved a Bill requiring
Railway Companies to make periodical returns of their brake-
power. To make the returns complete, they should show in one
column the Company's brakes, in another their smashes.

One rejoices to learn that, with all his powers for the destruction
of City Churches, the Bishop of London, while uniting many City
parishes, has not as yet pulled down a single City Church. St. Benet,
Paul's Wharf, is to be given over to Taffy for Church services in
the Welsh tongue; St. George, Botolph Lane, St. Margaret-
Pattens, and St. Mildred, Bread Street,—in which Pepys worshipped,
or at least ogled and observed,—condemned by various schemes of
union, have been saved by their Patrons. One is not sorry to find
that Wren's ghost may still say " Si monumenta quceras, circum-
spice," when he takes a brother-ghost to visit the City.

{Commons.)— Flattering hopes of the holidays.

The Committee on the Budget, after a dissection of Sir Stafford
Northcote's schemes by Mr. Childers (in anything but "flying"
form to-night, long-winded, and with all the solemnity of a Chan-
cellor of the Exchequer in posse sitting on a Chancellor in esse), the
House went to the Dogs with much seeming satisfaction, the age of
canine taxation being altered from two to six months.

One matter to which Mr. Childers directed attention, wants, and
will want, looking to, that is, the rapid growth of Local Indebtedness
as compared with the slow reduction of National Debt. It is such
easy going down-hill to the Avernusof Bankruptcy, and such heavy
pushing the Sisyphus Stone of Debt up the Hill of Repayment!—
if Punch may so far abuse the modesty of metaphor.

Mr. Goschen had a good, hearty, punishing round with Sir Staf-
ford, for what he contended is a demoralising drop-down on the
elastic cushion of Income-Tax. But Mr. Laing, a formidable financial
authority, supports Sir Stafford.

There seems a pretty general regret that when the Chancellor
of the Exchequer was putting his fingers into the tobacco-jar, he
did not clap on sixpence instead of fourpence, which would have
laid no heavier burden on the smoker, though it would have given
the retailer a farthing an ounce less profit; and that when he was
going to the Dogs, he did not go for 10s. instead of 7s. Qd.

Every little help3, and these littles, it is said, would_ not have
been felt. For his part, Mr. Punch can never find it in his heart to
quarrel with the Exchequer for not taking.

Friday {Lords.)—Lord Leitrim's murder suggested much ap-
propriate reflection to Lord Oranmore and other Irish and English
Peers. The Lord Chancellor said the indecencies of the funeral
scene had been exaggerated. Most cosas de Hibernia a.re.

{Commons.)—AMorning Sitting, much grumbled at; in the evening,
besides talk about Dogs and Income-Tax and the rapid growth of
Local Loans, Lord Leitrim's murdered body was dragged on the
tapis by Mr. O'Donnell, who so utterly forgot the decency due to
the dead, that the Galleries had to be cleared, and the House fought
or talked with closed doors from nine till one.

FINISHING FOR FACES.

IN a recent trial for ob-
taining property by
false pretences the
principal witness for the
prosecution was a lady
who had undergone the
process of being made
" beautiful for ever." She
described herself as writ-
ing, whilst undergoing it,
to the prisoner, imploring
its completion for £200,
asking, " Now will you
promise faithfully to finish
me for that sum P" and
adding, "If you consent
to finish me for that sum,
I will give you £100 the
SWi--''yW ^4'^ \ first day I see you, and

y)' * <>' r the other £100 when you

tell me I am finished."
She also said, " The prisoner had told me that £8000 was given for
finishing the Countess of Dudley." One can imagine that the sort
of applications employed in enamelling the skin would, by obstruct-
ing its pores and impeding its function be likely enough to induce
disease which might " finish " a foolish woman ; but it is only lair
to say that the cosmetics which were to confer everlasting beauty
consisted of ingredients which, however fraudulent,_ were little
likely to prove fatal, or likely to do harm more than skin-deep.
The beautified victim stated on cross-examination that—
"The effect of the washes was satisfactory, but I did not notice any
difference."