Punch (74.1878)

204

PUNCH, OK THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[May 4, 1378.

ON THE BEST AUTHORITY.

Mr. Hanbtjry, ex-Member for Tamworth, accounting for the
large majority which lately returned Mr. Hamar Bass for that
borough, declares that beer was at the bottom of it, and that had a
donkey been started with the name of Allsop or Bass, the animal
would have been triumphantly elected. Now Hanbury is a brewer's
name as well as Bass or Allsop, and Mr. Hanbury, who lately sat
for Tamworth, ought to know.

THE KEY. SARTOR RESARTUS.

Punch has had sent to him 'the prospectus of a firm of Clerical
tailors—if they ought not rather to be called Clerical milliners—
which shows the high point of progress to which things have been
carried in the great Church-clothing department.

Worth makes the woman in Paris, but we doubt if Paris can
boast a Clerical milliner who could stand up beside this London
firm. Talk of vestments ! Why, here we have eleven kinds of
Surplices alone :—the Pocket Surplice ; the Cathedral Surplice; the
Slightly-Gathered Surplice ; the Plain-Fitting Button-Neck Sur-
plice ; the Short Cotta Surplice ; the new shape Close-Fittiug Sur-
plice ; the Improved Circular Surplice, with sleeves; the Circular
Surplice, without sleeves ; the Transparent Cotta; the Alb Surplice ;
and,

" Last stage of all,
That ends this strange eventful history,"

" The Plain Fitting Surplice, sitting perfectly smooth round the
neck and shoulders ; and so made that it will not fall away in front
to show the trousers."

With all this millinery it is easy to understand how painfully
out of keeping the distinctive masculine garment must be felt to be ;
and how desirable it is that the trousers should be kept out of
sight.

We can imagine the delightful occupation of the ritualistic
curate's or incumbent's morning, in perusing this delicious circular.
Only the pleasure of a petite maitresse over the Follet, or Myra1s
Journal, can be comparable with it. And then, after the feverish
pleasure of reading the programme, the rapturous delight of ex-
amining the articles—a,nd trying them on—and, finally, of appearing
in them at a full service !

For, besides the dozen varieties of surplice—all charmingly de-
scribed, with such tempting little touches as "much improved
by the addition of lace ; " " falling in graceful folds to the bottom,
and allowing free use of the hands; " " sitting low on the shoulders,
and showing much of the cassock ; " " have a very nice appearance ; "
" very much worn in choirs with cassock ; " " acknowledged by all
who have purchased them to be one of the greatest benefits that has for
a long time been conferred on the Clergy and others engaged in
the service of the Church"—we have "albs," and "linen vest-
ments," and altar-linen, "corporals," and "purifieators," "palls"
and "veils;" " birettas," " zuchettas," and "correct Clerical
Hats;" "Hoods, Mossetts, or Tippets," and Greek and Latin cas-
socks ; " Stoles," and " Maniples j " " Burses and Veils ; " " Fron-
tals," and " Antependiums; " " Pampherons," and Banners,
Ddlmatick", and Chasubles-in fact, a perfectemharras des richesses

of Church dresses, decorations, and properties — the millinery
always in its proper place, uppermost.

What a pregnant chapter is here suggested for the Seer of Chelsea !
It is almost worth the while of True Thomas to shake off the torpor
of age, and add another chapter to Sartor Resartus, of " Clothes in
their relation to the Church; " painting with hi3 inimitable pen,
how in the high and happy regions of Ritualism, the "Church
Militant" on earth is gradually transfigured into the higher New
Jerusalem of a " Church Milliner-ant," in a Haberdasher's Heaven ;
peopled with angels in " transparent Cottas, much improved by the
addition of lace."

MUSIC IN THE MASKELYNE STYLE.

Mr. Maskelyne has already produced a mechanical whist-player
who can beat most members of the Arlington, and a mechanical
draughtsman, who could give points to " Ape" or " Spy." He has
now gone several wheels further, and produces a mechanical musi-
cian, Fanfare, the latest rival, or shall we not rather say, com-
panion of Psycho and Zoe—for it is to be hoped that mechanical
artists are not jealous of each other—is, we are informed, the first
automaton that has ever blown its own trumpet. Another distinc-
tion of the mechanical from the human artist. But has Mr. Mas-
kelyne duly weighed the consequence of introducing this seductive
practice into the automatic world ? If all his automata take to
blowing their own trumpets, he will soon find himself more and
more in the predicament of miserable managers of human per-
formers.

All former automata, it seems, have stopped short at lifting the
trumpet to their lips, the sounds being produced by pipes hidden in
the figure, like the trumpet-stop of an organ, or like a Minister
receiving a deputatisn at the Office, or answering a question in the
House, after being crammed by a permanent Secretary.

But Fanfare really blows his own trumpet, and his tone, we are
assured, "is nearly as pure as thatof the best cornet-player," while
he is not liable to sulks, colds, or any of the other ills that orchestral
flesh is heir to.

Like Alexander looking for new worlds to conquer, Maskeeyne
the Great has already conceived the idea of forming a Mechanical
Orchestra. He has even begun, (Mr. Morton, his courteous
manager, informs us in his Fanfare Programme), "upon other in-
strumentalists." There is something awful in this quiet assumption
of creative power. " He hopes " (Mr. Morton says), " some day to
conduct a dozen mechanical musicians through selections of high-
class music."

We are afraid thatY/us feat has been accomplished before, though
the mechanical quality of the musicians may not have been as
triumphantly proclaimed.

Some of our advanced physiologists have maintained that man is
but an automaton.

Mr. Maskeeyne seems bent on reaching the same result from the
opposite direction, and proving that automata may be made to do all
that can be done by even artistic man.

A Contradiction.

These Lancashire Strikes
Are the worst civil war.

And the less that they loom,
The larger they are !

Superfluous.

The new regulations for the prevention of fire in theatres, just
adopted by the Middlesex Magistrates, prescribe, inter alia, that
wet blankets shall be kept at the wings. Surely this is unnecessary,
on first nights, at least, with so many wet blankets already in the
Stalls appropriated to the Critics.

spoken and written.

Mrs. Malaprop writes to ask the pronunciation of " Ignatieee."
The General's name, as spoken, is hardly distinguishable, we believe,
from "Ignite-chief," and if Mrs. M. "should prefer to spell it as
spoken, Punch sees no objection, but would rather admire the new
nomenclature as " neat and appropriate."

Army Reserves,—What John Bull keeps to support the called-
out men's destitute wives and families.

Jingo's Receipt.—How to ir ake men Slaves—Drive them into the

arms of Russia.