DOI Heft:
July 6, 1878
DOI Seite / Zitierlink:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17732#0310
July 6, 1878.]
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
309
I
ACROSS THE KEEP-IT-DARK CONTINENT;
OK, HOW I FOUND STANLEY.
(By the Author of " Coomupassie," and " Notamagdollar," "My I
Phillalool" dx.)
Pakt I.
My Mission—The Office—' Yes, Blow it!"—My Plans—Pre-
parations—Thoughtful Friends—More Stanleys in the Field
—Away
was labouring hard at
my great work, called,
Travels Over Untrod-
den Ground, to which I
had vowed to devote my
self, even though it should
occupy my whole time for
three years, without even
once quitting my study,
when happening to stroll
down an old lane in the
heart of the City, one of
the coldest and stoniest
regions I have ever ex
plored, I came suddenly
';f^_______vrf^ii~& — —1 upon a bookstall, where
SSF- ^^^^^^^^^^^S H my eye lighted upon a
j^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ venerable volume, and
Wg^^^^^^g^'^j^^^mi: ", ~ blazed with unwonted fire.
IBfKiBWjl ^ ^^^^^1 ___^-^1 The name of the work
BS: Y^^fe-" "-ilS?sl ~"" B in question was, How to
s^^^iillM^^g ft' ^ took down the
^^ss^^^^^^HS^lg.' _; -. book, and in less than ten
'•'--Want-1 ^^TTfffllli§^1—-"- minutes became so ab-
^Mbu, -^^^^^^^ag^g^ - sorbed in its contents, that
^^^SSj^^^fsj^- _ I had actually traversed
— ■ _ '^^^^^^yby^^- ^e length of the street,
^rialJ-sE^|Sa^^jttP^'~ ' ■ - before I was reminded
^-•-=-_:-•-:" '-• ■ by a rude tap on ray
^T^T^ - shoulder, that the interest-
~^x~L_l__Z ~ - - iQS volume had not as yet
come into [my possession
by right of purchase.
"A most remarkable work!" I said, reassuringly, and affably,
to the shopman, whose appearance betokened a mind ill at ease.
"I have been quite carried away by it."
" Carried away, indeed ! " replied the man, with most unpardon-
able ferocity. " I've half a mind-" he began, threateningly.
My Christian pity was excited for a man with not more than half
a mind; so, as I confessed to being taken with the book, I came to
terms with the stallkeeper for half-a-crown less than he had de-
manded—(he wanted two-and-ninepence, which was absurd)—and
went off much pleased with my treasure, though somewhat shocked
at the want of brotherly trust, and Christian charity, displayed by
one, who bore the outward semblance of a civilised member of the
Great Human Happy Family. I do not envy that man the gain he
acquired by the transaction. He bit my pence to see if they were
good ! He did not appear to relish the flavour. The volume, how-
ever, was mine. Until late hours I sat up reading this book,
inventing and planning, sketching out routes, drawing up maps,
noting everything that my predecessors in the art of Exploration
had done before me, and laying out precisely the ground for my
work.
Before I retired to rest that night, I saw that funds would be
needed. Struck with this big idea, which seemed to create a mo-
mentary difficulty—but what are difficulties except mountains in
the distance that become mere molehills when approached boldly P—
I sat up in bed, and, having lighted a candle, I once more had
recourse to my magic volume for hints. First, it was evident that
there must be a raison d'etre for the journey. What should it be ?
It was not enough to say, " Oh, I '11 go and see what's to be seen,
and tell you all about it." No. Any man in his senses would reply,
" Bless you, go! Treat yourself liberally, and don't spare expense
—out of your own pocket."
Columbus, Maeco Polo (why was Columbus in the nominative,
and Maeco Polo, in the dative? This must be explored), Yasco
de Gaua, Dr. Livingstone, Mr. Stanley ....
Ha! There it was! Stanley had gone to find Livingstone ;—
that was done, and he had had a second commission. Suppose
Stanley should have the misfortune to lose himself P I saw my
road at once. / would go and find Stanley. And then somebody
else could come out to hnd me. Then some one to find him, and so
on. In the course of time one-half the world would be frnding out
the other half. This is the Law of Progress.
The next morning I went to work.
I was at The Office, in Fleet Street, before the shutters were
down, or anybody was up. The Early Milkman, on his Milky Way,
saw me; the Late Cabman eyed me ; the Policeman on duty watched
me. Undaunted, I stood there, till the boy came to remove the first
shutter. I interrogated the boy. The Editor was not up. The
Proprietors were not up. " Would I wait ? "
" Would I! " I exclaimed, enthusiastically. " I am here to wait,
and wait, and wait—until My Mission is accomplished 1 "
The boy seemed staggered; but I invited him to coffee at an early
stall, and, as he had change for sixpence, and I had nothing about
me under a hundred-pound note, the simple, brave, honest youth
subsequently became my sworn ally.
I waited. Then the Clerk arrived. I went in, and discussed jour-
nalistic enterprise in general with him, over the counter. Still
the Editor was not visible; nor were the Proprietors.
One of the staff came in : he was genial, and I talked with him.
I found that we had some sort of relationship in an uncle. We
conversed, and discussed journalistic enterprise. He gave me his
card, and, when he had gone, I sent it in to the Editor. I was
ushered into the sanctum.
That moment I note as an epoch in my eventful career. From
the instant I entered that sanctum, you, Sir—(this I address to
the illustrious gentleman himself) — will bear me witness how
energetically I urged my cause; how I argued, at length, for the
success of my enterprise; how I talked by the hour at a time ;
how I partook of your luncheon, of your salt, of your bottle of
champagne ; howl accepted, at your hands, the choicest of cigars,
smoking, as it were, the calumet of peace ; and how I refused to
leave you, until my indomitable perseverance should be rewarded.
You, Sir, with the love of truth that is your eminent charac-
teristic—you, Sir, will bear witness for how many days I presented
myself before you, invariably sending in somebody else's card, and
by this ruse obtaining the interview, which you, less devoted to
the deed, less interested in its success than I was, would have denied
me. The first three mornings you wore slippers; on the occasion of
my fourth interview you were in boots. My eagle eye detected the
change at once. I have a wonderful eye for change.* Perseverance
was rewarded at last.
At last, one day, in answer to an eager inquiry on my part, as to
your probable possession at that moment of such a curiously uneven
sum as five shillings, with which you might feel inclined to speculate
as a loan, you returned, impulsively, " Will you go to the-P "
And I caught you up before you could complete the sentence, and
supplied the words.
" The Dark Continent ? Yes, I will. Five shillings down, and
for the rest let us consult the Proprietors."
This I added, seeing them enter at that moment.
To them, enlightened and discreet as they are, I explained my
plan, so far as it would interest them, and be intelligible.
They paused.
"Recollect"—I went on with tears of passion in my eyes—
" Recollect what has been done on the other side of the road ! Do
not let it be said that You, Gentlemen of England who live at home
at ease, have refused to send an Emissary in the Great Cause which
your journal advocates, to the interior of that land where there is
yet in store for you The Yery Largest Circulation in the World ! ! "
There was another pause. I was inspired.
" Give me, Gentlemen," I cried, " a paste-pot and brush, as many
sixteen-sheet posters as you can print off, bales of back numbers, a
supply of Punch's Almanacks and Pocket.Boohs for the wives and
children, and, for a small certainty down, and with such powers of
drawing on you, out of sight, as I possess, there will not be a Lake,
or a Yillage, or a Territory, in that vast unexplored region where,
within one year, I shall not have established an Emporium in
direct trade communication with Fleet Street, which shall be the
means of bringing the Lightest of Light Literature within the reach
of the pockets of the unclothed savages of the Darkest of Dark
Lands. Gentlemen, how say you ? "
" Do you think you can settle all this, if we commission you ? "
"While I live," I replied, most earnestly, with my right hand
on my right heart, which, though it is on the left side (for I am but
mortal) is still in the right place—" while I live, there will be always
somebody, and something, to be done. If I survive," I added, solemnly
and touchingly, " all shall be done I "
They were deeply moved, and for some seoonds wept on each
other's shoulders, unable to utter a word.
The matter was for a moment suspended, in order to allow time
for two partners to telegraph to an entire stranger, " Would he
join in giving me a certain sum to go away and remain away for a
year at least P " And within twenty minutes the electric flash came
from the North with this laconic answer,
"Yes; blow it I "
You forgot, amid the multiplicity of your duties, Sir, to announce
the compact, and my departure. But all was compacted, and I,
* "We were perhaps a little rough, but it was very warm weather, and we
didn't know so much of our excellent Fellow-Traveller as we do now.—Ed.
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
309
I
ACROSS THE KEEP-IT-DARK CONTINENT;
OK, HOW I FOUND STANLEY.
(By the Author of " Coomupassie," and " Notamagdollar," "My I
Phillalool" dx.)
Pakt I.
My Mission—The Office—' Yes, Blow it!"—My Plans—Pre-
parations—Thoughtful Friends—More Stanleys in the Field
—Away
was labouring hard at
my great work, called,
Travels Over Untrod-
den Ground, to which I
had vowed to devote my
self, even though it should
occupy my whole time for
three years, without even
once quitting my study,
when happening to stroll
down an old lane in the
heart of the City, one of
the coldest and stoniest
regions I have ever ex
plored, I came suddenly
';f^_______vrf^ii~& — —1 upon a bookstall, where
SSF- ^^^^^^^^^^^S H my eye lighted upon a
j^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ venerable volume, and
Wg^^^^^^g^'^j^^^mi: ", ~ blazed with unwonted fire.
IBfKiBWjl ^ ^^^^^1 ___^-^1 The name of the work
BS: Y^^fe-" "-ilS?sl ~"" B in question was, How to
s^^^iillM^^g ft' ^ took down the
^^ss^^^^^^HS^lg.' _; -. book, and in less than ten
'•'--Want-1 ^^TTfffllli§^1—-"- minutes became so ab-
^Mbu, -^^^^^^^ag^g^ - sorbed in its contents, that
^^^SSj^^^fsj^- _ I had actually traversed
— ■ _ '^^^^^^yby^^- ^e length of the street,
^rialJ-sE^|Sa^^jttP^'~ ' ■ - before I was reminded
^-•-=-_:-•-:" '-• ■ by a rude tap on ray
^T^T^ - shoulder, that the interest-
~^x~L_l__Z ~ - - iQS volume had not as yet
come into [my possession
by right of purchase.
"A most remarkable work!" I said, reassuringly, and affably,
to the shopman, whose appearance betokened a mind ill at ease.
"I have been quite carried away by it."
" Carried away, indeed ! " replied the man, with most unpardon-
able ferocity. " I've half a mind-" he began, threateningly.
My Christian pity was excited for a man with not more than half
a mind; so, as I confessed to being taken with the book, I came to
terms with the stallkeeper for half-a-crown less than he had de-
manded—(he wanted two-and-ninepence, which was absurd)—and
went off much pleased with my treasure, though somewhat shocked
at the want of brotherly trust, and Christian charity, displayed by
one, who bore the outward semblance of a civilised member of the
Great Human Happy Family. I do not envy that man the gain he
acquired by the transaction. He bit my pence to see if they were
good ! He did not appear to relish the flavour. The volume, how-
ever, was mine. Until late hours I sat up reading this book,
inventing and planning, sketching out routes, drawing up maps,
noting everything that my predecessors in the art of Exploration
had done before me, and laying out precisely the ground for my
work.
Before I retired to rest that night, I saw that funds would be
needed. Struck with this big idea, which seemed to create a mo-
mentary difficulty—but what are difficulties except mountains in
the distance that become mere molehills when approached boldly P—
I sat up in bed, and, having lighted a candle, I once more had
recourse to my magic volume for hints. First, it was evident that
there must be a raison d'etre for the journey. What should it be ?
It was not enough to say, " Oh, I '11 go and see what's to be seen,
and tell you all about it." No. Any man in his senses would reply,
" Bless you, go! Treat yourself liberally, and don't spare expense
—out of your own pocket."
Columbus, Maeco Polo (why was Columbus in the nominative,
and Maeco Polo, in the dative? This must be explored), Yasco
de Gaua, Dr. Livingstone, Mr. Stanley ....
Ha! There it was! Stanley had gone to find Livingstone ;—
that was done, and he had had a second commission. Suppose
Stanley should have the misfortune to lose himself P I saw my
road at once. / would go and find Stanley. And then somebody
else could come out to hnd me. Then some one to find him, and so
on. In the course of time one-half the world would be frnding out
the other half. This is the Law of Progress.
The next morning I went to work.
I was at The Office, in Fleet Street, before the shutters were
down, or anybody was up. The Early Milkman, on his Milky Way,
saw me; the Late Cabman eyed me ; the Policeman on duty watched
me. Undaunted, I stood there, till the boy came to remove the first
shutter. I interrogated the boy. The Editor was not up. The
Proprietors were not up. " Would I wait ? "
" Would I! " I exclaimed, enthusiastically. " I am here to wait,
and wait, and wait—until My Mission is accomplished 1 "
The boy seemed staggered; but I invited him to coffee at an early
stall, and, as he had change for sixpence, and I had nothing about
me under a hundred-pound note, the simple, brave, honest youth
subsequently became my sworn ally.
I waited. Then the Clerk arrived. I went in, and discussed jour-
nalistic enterprise in general with him, over the counter. Still
the Editor was not visible; nor were the Proprietors.
One of the staff came in : he was genial, and I talked with him.
I found that we had some sort of relationship in an uncle. We
conversed, and discussed journalistic enterprise. He gave me his
card, and, when he had gone, I sent it in to the Editor. I was
ushered into the sanctum.
That moment I note as an epoch in my eventful career. From
the instant I entered that sanctum, you, Sir—(this I address to
the illustrious gentleman himself) — will bear me witness how
energetically I urged my cause; how I argued, at length, for the
success of my enterprise; how I talked by the hour at a time ;
how I partook of your luncheon, of your salt, of your bottle of
champagne ; howl accepted, at your hands, the choicest of cigars,
smoking, as it were, the calumet of peace ; and how I refused to
leave you, until my indomitable perseverance should be rewarded.
You, Sir, with the love of truth that is your eminent charac-
teristic—you, Sir, will bear witness for how many days I presented
myself before you, invariably sending in somebody else's card, and
by this ruse obtaining the interview, which you, less devoted to
the deed, less interested in its success than I was, would have denied
me. The first three mornings you wore slippers; on the occasion of
my fourth interview you were in boots. My eagle eye detected the
change at once. I have a wonderful eye for change.* Perseverance
was rewarded at last.
At last, one day, in answer to an eager inquiry on my part, as to
your probable possession at that moment of such a curiously uneven
sum as five shillings, with which you might feel inclined to speculate
as a loan, you returned, impulsively, " Will you go to the-P "
And I caught you up before you could complete the sentence, and
supplied the words.
" The Dark Continent ? Yes, I will. Five shillings down, and
for the rest let us consult the Proprietors."
This I added, seeing them enter at that moment.
To them, enlightened and discreet as they are, I explained my
plan, so far as it would interest them, and be intelligible.
They paused.
"Recollect"—I went on with tears of passion in my eyes—
" Recollect what has been done on the other side of the road ! Do
not let it be said that You, Gentlemen of England who live at home
at ease, have refused to send an Emissary in the Great Cause which
your journal advocates, to the interior of that land where there is
yet in store for you The Yery Largest Circulation in the World ! ! "
There was another pause. I was inspired.
" Give me, Gentlemen," I cried, " a paste-pot and brush, as many
sixteen-sheet posters as you can print off, bales of back numbers, a
supply of Punch's Almanacks and Pocket.Boohs for the wives and
children, and, for a small certainty down, and with such powers of
drawing on you, out of sight, as I possess, there will not be a Lake,
or a Yillage, or a Territory, in that vast unexplored region where,
within one year, I shall not have established an Emporium in
direct trade communication with Fleet Street, which shall be the
means of bringing the Lightest of Light Literature within the reach
of the pockets of the unclothed savages of the Darkest of Dark
Lands. Gentlemen, how say you ? "
" Do you think you can settle all this, if we commission you ? "
"While I live," I replied, most earnestly, with my right hand
on my right heart, which, though it is on the left side (for I am but
mortal) is still in the right place—" while I live, there will be always
somebody, and something, to be done. If I survive," I added, solemnly
and touchingly, " all shall be done I "
They were deeply moved, and for some seoonds wept on each
other's shoulders, unable to utter a word.
The matter was for a moment suspended, in order to allow time
for two partners to telegraph to an entire stranger, " Would he
join in giving me a certain sum to go away and remain away for a
year at least P " And within twenty minutes the electric flash came
from the North with this laconic answer,
"Yes; blow it I "
You forgot, amid the multiplicity of your duties, Sir, to announce
the compact, and my departure. But all was compacted, and I,
* "We were perhaps a little rough, but it was very warm weather, and we
didn't know so much of our excellent Fellow-Traveller as we do now.—Ed.