Punch (77.1879)

August 2, 1879.]

PUNCH, OK THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

39

Exchequer, particularly the Treasury Chest Fund and its machinery
of advances. " Mighty pretty! " as Mr. Pepys would say, " to see
with what attention to forms John Bull is Weeded J "

In Supply, a Donnybrook Fair fight over the Irish Constabulary
and Prison Vote, which lasted till four o'clock in the morning.
But the ruction, though long, was not lively. Indeed, it was only
redeemed from dulness by a batch of Irish reminiscences from the
Major. Talking of Ireland, he said, reminded him of South
Africa:—

"There were people sent out there to convert the natives. {An Hon.
Member—Missionaries.) Yes, the missionaries. {Laughter.) They were
sent out to convert those people, who had a very decent religion of their own
if they were left to themselves. {Laughter.) These persons went to South
Africa for no other purpose to his certain knowledge than to plunder.
{Laughter.) One of them rushed into his Colonel's tent one day, and said,
'Sir, I want a commando.' 'What is a commando?' said the Colonel.
' A force of men.' ' For what purpose?' asked the Colonel. 'To punish a
chief.' ' For what reason—a flag of truce is flying ? ' ' Oh !' said the
Missionary, ' a chief has stolen my horse.' ' Indeed !' said the Colonel.
' I shan't give you a commando ; but I will make full inquiries.' He made
full inquiries, and found the Missionary had stolen the chief's horse, and the
chief had only got it back. That was precisely the case in Ireland. {Renewed
laughter.)"

Thank you, Major—very much thank you.

Tuesday {Lords).—Army Discipline Bill passed.

Lord Waveney ventured the bold opinion that the country was
not satisfied with an Army System which was disorganised by a little
war. Shall we say, "Audacious Lord Waveney!" or, "Unrea-
sonable country ? "

{Commons.)—Sir Stafford Northcote moved that Grissell and
Ward, breakers of Privilege, attend at the Bar to-morrow.

Sir W. Fraser asked how if they wouldn't come ?

Sir Stafford said it would be better to wait and see if they came
or not.

Mr. Whftbread thought it was a pity Crissell and Ward had
not been prosecuted in an ordinary court of law for trying to obtain
money on false pretences.

Sir Stafford said there might be something in that, but still
Privilege was Privilege, and a pretty Parliamentary plaything which
Parliament ought not to let out of its own hands.

Then Parliament proceeded to another branch of its Privileges—to
talk out one of the three miserable survivors of the Session, the
Banking Bill.

A great unlimited Scotch Joint-Stock Bank having failed, and all
but dragged Scotland into ruin, a cry was raised for statutory limita-
tion of liability. The Chancellor of the Exchequer thereupon
introduced a Bill which nobody quite liked, seeing that instead of
providing a cheap and easy machinery to enable unlimited banks to be-
come limited, with the consent of shareholders, it mixed itself up with
difficult and disputed questions between English, Scotch, and Irish
bankers. Now, Sir Stafford is fain to drop the clause relating
to Scotch and Irish] Banks, and so leaves Scotland out of the Bill
introduced to meet a Scotch catastrophe. The backs of Scottish
Members hereupon bristled up; Mr. Mackintosh moved the re-
jection of the Bill, and the end of an afternoon's squabble—not
Irish, but Scotch, be it noted, and therefore presumably with reason
on its side—was, that the Bill was talked out, and may find it hard
to get its head above water again this Session, unless ,the Scotch
Members can be squared. Another duck's egg to Sir Stafford's
score.

In the evening sitting, Sir Charles Dilke put " Peace with
Honour " into plain English, showing what the Treaty of Berlin's
stipulations for Turkish Reforms and Rectification of Greek frontier
had come to, and moving an Address to the Queen to use her
influence in procuring execution of the Reforms, and Rectification of
the Frontier.

Irresistible and undeniable truths could not have been better
put.

As all the world knows, Turkey has not taken a step towards re-
form ; has not shown the least disposition to comply with the recom-
mendations of the Treaty of Berlin for giving Greece a tenable
frontier on the side of Epirus and Thessaly. Of all the Governments
represented at Berlin, ours has been the slackest in pressing Turkey
to execution of this latter part of the Treaty.

Mr. Hanbury moved, by way of amendment, our gratification at
what has been carried out of the Berlin Treaty, and our satisfaction
at what is being done towards carrying out the remainder.

Sir H. D. Wolff, in seconding Mr. Hanbury, made a powerful
speech in support of Sir C. Dilke. The only thing to save Turkey
was decentralisation. The best service we could do the Turks was
to put on the screw, to tell her that she had come to the end of her
tether, and must carry out the Treaty.

The voice of a Wolf in sheep's clothing with a vengeance !

Mr. Gladstone spoke words of incontestable wisdom and demon-
strable truth in support of Sir Charles Dilke. The Motion did not
imply censure of the Government: it had reference not to the past

LITERAL.

" Ullo, Brown, how are you?" —"Very well, thanks."
"How are you at Home?" — "My Wife says I'm very
Grumpy."

but to the future, and meant only that England would insist on the
carrying out of the Treaty for the good of the people of Turkey and
Greece. Turkey must be made to do the will of Europe. The more
distinctly she was made to understand that, the better.

Mr. Bourke tried to make a point of the inconsistency of the
Liberal party, after their denunciations of the Berlin Treaty, now
pressing for its execution. He denied, in the teeth of facts, that
England had been lukewarm, or unfriendly to Greece. There was
no Government in Europe ready to force the decisions of the Congress
on Turkey, so the best thing we could do was to mediate between
Turks and Greeks, and get them to agree.

The debate was adjourned.

Of course the Amendment will be carried. That is as certain as
that the facts of the case support the Motion.

Wednesday.—A full House, to receive the Privilege-Breakers at
the Bar.

But first came the news of the Zulu' defeat at Ulundi— about as
good news as could be from this most unhallowed of wars, which
the House has almost as little heart to cheer as the Country.

Then the Bar was pulled out, and one of the Privilege-Breakers—
not the worst—Ward—the Outrageous Grissell's attorney, not
Grissel the Outrageous—was marched in. It is a comfort, for once,
to see an attorney suffering for his client, and the client, out of shot,
" cocking up snicks" at the House, through the telegraph-wire.

Ward, "grasping the Bar with both hands," did penance in an
explanation that explained nothing, and was led away by the Officer
of the House to durance anything but vile, durance extremely snug