Punch (77.1879)

August 9, 1879.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 49

A VOICE FROM THE MOORS.

H! better than Gounod,
oh.! better than Strauss,
Is the musical call of the

bonny cock-grouse,
When he 's startled from
out of Jiis lair in the
ling, _
And flies up the wind
on his swift whirring
wing—
With a cock-a-cook-
cock-kik-kik-kik!

Sing praises of Scbxibekt
or Klopstock who will,
In the notes of Le Coq my

Muse shall sing still;
That clever composer who

has but one bar,
And yet draws men to
hear him by hundreds
from far—
With his cock-a-cock-
cock-kik-kik-kik!

No keyboard he needeth, nor bellows of leather ;
His pipes are the rushes ; his stops in the_ heather.
Like a musical-box he goes off with a whirr,
And staccato, crescendo, can make your heart stir—

With his cock-a-cock-cock-kik-kik-kik!

Then down with your toothpick, away with your crutch;
Leave operas, matinees, concerts, and such ;
And show that you 're blessed with the taste and the nous
To prefer to them all the sweet song of the grouse— _

With his cock-a-cock-cock-kik-kik-kik!

THE PEISONEE OF THE CLOCK TO WEE.

(another.)

By WILLIAM HARRISON BUNSWORTH.
How the Major obtained his Promotion.

11

' I hope he will make no resistance," said the good old Sergeant-
at-Arms, as he loosened his light Court sword in its scabbard. " He
is a soldier, and it nearly breaks my heart to have to arrest him.
But duty is duty."

" You are right, my trusty official," replied a dignified looking
personage, wearing a wig and gown. "We are all slaves to duty.
Duty causes me to sit out the live-long night listening to speeches
that never end, and (excuse the Hibernicism) to reasons that never
begin; duty invites a smile to play upon Sir Stafford's face, when
a frown has settled upon his Right Honourable heart; duty keeps the
Marquis calm when a tempest is raging behind the shirt-front of his
evening dress,—and dutv will give you strength to arrest the Major."

"The Speaker himself! " murmured the Sergeant, sinking upon
one knee.

" Yes, I am the mouthpiece of the House." Here the Speakee
respectfully raised his wig. "Despite our protests, our commands,
nay more, our tearful entreaties, the Major has defied us all. You
know where to take him."

"Yes, Sir," replied the Sergeant, restraining a shudder.

" Be staunch and true. And as a signal token of my esteem, accept
this cartel. And now I go. The Chairman of the Committees has
need of me. Farewell! "

The Sergeant rose to his feet as the Speakee disappeared through
the_ corridor. He looked at the cartel and smiled. It contained an
invitation to a full-dress dinner.

Ten minutes later the Sergeant, attended by half-a-dozen chosen
Messengers, was standing at the door of the Commons Smoking-
Room. The object of his search with hat on head and light overcoat
on back was preparing to quit the scene of his many verbal battles.
There were a few Members present who turned pale as they noticed
the presence of the official and his determined-looking escort.

" Major," said the Sergeant, and his voice trembled, "we are both
old soldiers."

"You are right there," replied the mighty warrior, laughing
heartily. '' Indeed Sergeant, darling, you are right. They call me
a very old soldier, indeed. And now, Sir, I will tell you a story."

"Another time, Major; another time," returned the Sergeant.
" It is my duty now to convey you"to— spare me the pain of telling
yon—to-"

" What! " shouted the Major—and he did not forget to give the
aspirate its proper weight—" take me to that-"

"Nay, nay! " returned the Sergeant, soothingly, " you know you
can leave it when you will. And now, Major, you are a Soldier;
and as you have not (in mufti) a sword hanging by your side, I must
ask from you—your umbrella."

'' Sergeant, darling, it has never been opened in an unworthy cause."

And the portly veteran surrendered his paraphue.

* * * * - * *

" And now, Major, good bye! I think youhave all you want."

" Be easy, Sergeant, darling! Sure, have I not a voice, and do I
not know how to use it ? I shan't notice that-"

And as the captive was left to his solitary confinement, a mighty
volume of sounds shook the old Palace to its very foundation.

It was the Major singing.

******

Three days later the Sergeant paid his Prisoner a visit. The
Major seemed careworn and nervous. His usual vivacity had com-
pletely vanished, and he appeared too exhausted to offer his friend
a chair.

"You are quite comfortable—yon have everything you want?"
asked the new-comer.

" I have everything I want, Sergeant, and more than I want," re-
plied the Major, with a ghastly apology for a smile. " My singing,
I hope, has not disturbed you ? "

" No, no," said the kind-hearted Sergeant, good-naturedly.

" Sergeant, darling, can you do me a favour ? "

"Youhave only to speak, Sir, to command."

" Then might I have such a thing as a barrel-organ ? "

" I regret to say, Major, that it's against the rules."

As the Sergeant disappeared the Major began to sing once more.
Suddenly his voice left him, he uttered a hoarse cry, and glaring at

the wall fiercely, tried to close his ears.

******

The Speakee hastily summoned from his well-earned repose, with
official garments carelessly assumed, stood beside the Major's couch.
In the background were a crowd of officials, all more or less correctly
garbed, bearing a score of 'different lights, from the concentrated
bulls'-eye up to the amply diffusive duplex.

" Then you submit—humbly submit?" asked the mouthpiece of
the House, stealthily attempting to readjust his wig.

The Major, too exhausted to speak, nodded.

" Sergeant, he must sign a document that I have prepared for him
in the morning. You then can set him free." The wig was respect-
fully raised, to be readjusted, with even greater care than before.
" You may remove him hence to-night." The Major lifted his eyes
to the vaulted ceiling, and heaved a deep sigh of relief. '' And now,

Gentlemen, once more—to bed ! "

******

A few years afterwards two individuals were occupying a magni-
ficent saloon in Downing Street. The first was seated. He was a
singularly handsome and dignified man of exceptionally stalwart
proportions. Under his ample white waistcoat he wore the broad
blue riband of the Garter, and the other insignia of the Order were
resting in morocco cases on the desk before him. He smiled as he
gazed upon the many pointed star and the brilliants in the buckle
of the velvet binding. His companion (a fellow-countryman) was
not only his friend, but his Private Secretary.

" Duke," began the younger.

"Don't call me out of my name, Sir," was the good-natured
reproof.

" But sure you are Duke, and well you deserve it, Major, darling.
But as you will—Major be it then. Well, Major, and so you are at
the top of the tree ?

" Yes," returned the Cabinet Minister, " as you know I have been
the First Lord of the Treasury for the last five Parliaments, and this
new mark of my Sovereign's favour is exceedingly gratifying. It is
an elegant jewel entirely."

"And becomes you, too, Major, darling—becomes you mightily.
But tell me, Sir, or, as I should say your Grace (long life to you !),
how is it that you changed your opinions ? "

The noble and gallant Duke slightly blushed, and was silent.

" I know you well enough to know that you would not be bribed."

" Sir ! " thundered the Head of the Administration, mechanically
seeking for the hilt of his sword.

" Be easy, Major, darling ! I knew it was all right. It is clear
enough to me why you gave up Obstruction, and accepted Office."

" They felt I should strengthen their hands, Sir."

"Of course, Major, of course! It is clear enough. Maybe, it
was because you were convinced ? "

" Convinced! Be hanged to you, Sir! " replied the Duke, hotly.
" See here. Sir! It was in this way. I gave up Obstruction, turned
Minister, became Chief Secretary for Ireland, Chancellor of the
Exchequer, Viceroy of India, Governor-General of Canada, Secretary
of State for War; and, lastly, Prime Minister, because I couldn't
stand any longer—the ticking of that confounded Clock.' "

vol. lxxvti.